TRIBE: CALENDAR
Tuesday, December 1
“The December Dilemma”
A circle discussion for parents led by Rabbi Gershon Weissman on ways to help children survive and thrive during the winter season. All are welcome. 8 p.m. Temple Beth Haverim, 29900 Ladyface Court, Agoura Hills. (818) 991-7111. ” title=”thousandoaksicerink.com”>thousandoaksicerink.com.
Woodland Hills Ice
Enjoy this inaugural winter wonderland, featuring more than 6,000 square feet of real ice. This outdoor ice rink offers daily recreational ice-skating, skating exhibitions and shows, birthday parties, holiday activities, skating lessons and more throughout the winter. Westfield Promenade. Prices include skate rental. $11 (children), $13 (seniors and students), $15 (adults). Open through February 21 (including holidays). For hours, visit ” title=”jewishla.org/finegood_art_gallery.cfm”>jewishla.org/finegood_art_gallery.cfm.
“The Wedding Singer: The Musical”
Based on the Adam Sandler-Drew Barrymore film, this heartwarming musical comedy follows wannabe rocker Robbie, a hopeless romantic, who meets a waitress named Julia and faces the highs and lows of being in love in the 1980s. The show features a Boy George-style version of the “Shehecheyanu” and the bar mitzvah-inspired “Today You Are a Man.” Runs through December 6. 8 p.m. $41-$52. Bank of America Performing Arts Center, Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza, 2100 Thousand Oaks Blvd, Thousand Oaks. (805) 449-2787. ” title=”judaicworkshops.com”>judaicworkshops.com.
Saturday, December 5
Winter Fantasy Music & Light Show
Enjoy a computer-choreographed music and light show with more than 27,000 lights. 6-10 p.m. (plays every 15 minutes). Through New Year’s Eve. Historic Pagoda, Plaza Park, Fifth and B streets, downtown Oxnard. Free. (805) 385-2705. ” title=”jccatmilken.org”>jccatmilken.org.
Sunday, December 6
Holiday Homes Tour
The self-guided tour, now in its 18th year, is the Valley Wellness Community’s largest fundraiser, with proceeds helping to fund the organization’s free programs of support, education and hope for people fighting cancer and their families. Throughout Westlake Village. $30 (in advance), $35 (at the door). 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Also, Dec. 5, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. To purchase tickets, call (805) 379-4777 or visit ” title=”heritagesquareoxnard.com”>heritagesquareoxnard.com.
“One-Step Web Pages: Hodge Podge of Lesser-Known Gems” and Annual Chanukah Party
This presentation is a sequel to the “Potpourri of Genealogical Search Tools” lecture Steve Morse, creator of the One-Step Web site, gave to JGSCV last December. Learn how to handle problems with genealogical searches, including identity theft and DNA. Light refreshments will be served celebrating Chanukah. Free. 1:30 p.m. Sponsored by the Jewish Genealogical Society of Conejo Valley and Ventura County. Temple Adat Elohim, 2420 E. Hillcrest Drive, Thousand Oaks. (818) 889-6616. ” title=”ncjhs.org”>ncjhs.org
Tuesday, December 8
An Evening With Denise Hamilton
The author of mysteries such as “The Last Embrace,” “Jasmine Trade” and other Eve Diamond books talks about her work. 7:30 p.m. Sponsored by the Brandeis National Committee, Conejo Valley Chapter. Oak Park Community Center, 1000 Kanan Road, Oak Park. $10. (805) 496-1463.
Thursday, December 10
“From Oslo to Jerusalem to Tehran: What the Iranian Nuclear Threat Means to Israel’s Future”
Discussion with Rabbi Daniel Gordis, senior vice president of the Shalem Center in Jerusalem, and Rabbi Edward Feinstein, senior rabbi of Valley Beth Shalom. Co-sponsored by Valley Beth Shalom and AIPAC. 7 p.m. (registration), 7:30 p.m. (program). Valley Beth Shalom, 15739 Ventura Blvd., Encino. RSVP to (323) 937-1184.
Saturday, December 12
Vodka Latke
Includes plenty of latkes, vodka and more. For those 21 and older. 9 p.m. Sponsored by Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara’s Young Adult Division. Private home in Santa Barbara. For more information, contact {encode=”mwitt@sbjf.org” title=”mwitt@sbjf.org”}.
Sunday, December 13
Heschel West Day School Chanukah Open House
Families with pre-kindergarten through first grade children are invited to an open house with Chanukah activities, crafts and a Chanukah play by Heschel West students. Free. 10 a.m.-noon. 27400 Canwood St., Agoura. RSVP to (818) 707-2365 ” title=”venturaharbor.com “>venturaharbor.com
Menorah LightingsSunday, December 13 Community Grand Menorah Lighting Lighting, latkes and music. 2-4:30 p.m. Ventura Pier, Harbor Boulevard, between California and San Pedro streets. Sponsored by Chabads of Ventura, Oxnard and Camarillo and the Jewish Federation of Ventura County. (805) 647-7800. Sunday, December 13 Lighting at The Oaks 6:30 p.m. The Oaks Mall, 350 W. Hillcrest Drive, Thousand Oaks. (805) 497-0839. ” title=”shermanoaksgalleria.com”>shermanoaksgalleria.com. Tuesday, December 15 The Lakes Lighting 6:30 p.m. The Lakes at Thousand Oaks, 2200 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks. (805) 497.9861. ” title=”congregationbnaiemet.org “>congregationbnaiemet.org Wednesday, December 16 Calabasas Lighting Lighting, music and fireworks. 6:30 p.m. Calabasas Commons, 4799 Commons Way, Calabasas (818) 222-3444. ” title=”toaks.org”>toaks.org. Saturday, January 9 “Rent” The award-winning rock musical, loosely based on “La Boheme,” is about a group of friends struggling to survive in Manhattan’s Lower East Side and reach the world through their art. 8 p.m. Runs through February 14. $20 (adults), $16 (seniors and students, recommended for those 14 and older). 3050 Los Angeles Ave., Simi Valley. (805) 583-7900. ” title=”jgscv.org”>jgscv.org. Sunday, January 17 Daylong Mah Jongg Tournament Bring your 2009 Mah Jongg card with your name on it. $30 (includes breakfast, lunch, two sessions and awards). 8:30 a.m. Sponsored by Adat Elohim Sisterhood. Temple Adat Elohim, 2420 E. Hillcrest Drive, Thousand Oaks. RSVP required. (805) 370-1039. ” title=”jccatmilken.org”>jccatmilken.org. Sunday, January 24 New Community Jewish High School Open House Prospective students and families are invited to experience the NCJHS community and get acquainted with faculty representing all academic departments, including Athletics and Experiential Education; a presentation by Bruce Powell, head of school; personal perspectives from students; separate student and parent question-and-answer sessions and panels; and information tables. Refreshments will be served. 10:30 a.m. 7353 Valley Circle Boulevard, West Hills. RSVP to (818) 348-0048. Thursday, January 28 Hillel 818 Dinner Celebration Event honoring outstanding community members and distinguished alumni. Proceeds support innovative student programs at Pierce & Valley Colleges Hillel and CSUN Hillel. 6 p.m. Valley Beth Shalom, 15739 Ventura Blvd., Encino. Call for tickets, (818) 887-5901. TRIBE: CALENDAR Read More » The Untold Story of Israeli Exchange StudentsBefore the arrival of Sabra, our 15-year-old Israeli exchange student, I spent a lot of time on the Internet preparing for her visit. I Googled “Israeli politics” so I could have an intelligent conversation about the differences between the American and Israeli political systems. I did research on Los Angeles’ Jewish community in case she had any questions. (For $500: This American city has more Jews than Jerusalem. “What is Los Angeles?” Correct!) And I was even prepared to stun her with my extraordinary knowledge of contemporary Jewish trivia: The country with the highest percentage of Jewish day school attendance is — wait for it, wait for it — Mexico! But, as it turns out, all of my research was for nothing: the only Web site relevant to her visit was LAtourist.com, thanks to its detailed listings of shopping malls. It wasn’t obvious when Sabra got off the bus that she had traveled the 7,563 miles from Tel Aviv to Los Angeles just to shop. Her clothing was bohemian casual, and her Facebook posts — “5 more days to L.A.!” “3 more days to L.A.!” “Echad more day!” — leading up to her arrival said nothing about the shopping paradise she clearly expected. We first met when she stepped off of the school bus walking lockstep with my own 10th-grade daughter, who will be living with Sabra’s family for a few weeks starting in February. Sabra’s warm hug told me I was the American co-mother she had always dreamed of; her smile said my adorable 15-year-old daughter was her Jewish soul sister. When we arrived at home, my daughter did the unthinkable: she ignored three hours of homework and, instead, proudly introduced “her” Israeli to all of her friends on video chat. When they finally broke for dinner, I watched as Sabra took just three bites of the quintessential American dinner I had spent hours preparing — a dinner Martha Stewart swore would appeal to even the most finicky Middle Eastern palate. (I secretly began to suspect that she wasn’t Jewish and considered pulling out a strand of her beautiful dark Israeli mane for DNA analysis. Is there a Jewish kid on the planet who doesn’t know that the proper thing to do with food you dislike is to mush it around your plate and then inconspicuously dispose of it via the family dog or under a sofa cushion?) After dinner, Sabra fell asleep on her bed with her shoes on while my daughter paid the price for her hospitality, staying up until the wee hours doing homework. The following day, the Israeli visitors toured one of Los Angeles’ most spectacular sites: the Getty Museum. If that museum doesn’t shout, “Hey Israelis, we have really old stuff here, too,” I don’t know what does. I anxiously awaited her return knowing that she had to be impressed with this L.A. treasure. “So, Sabra, how did you like the Getty?” “Oh, it was OK,” she said. “What are we doing later?” “Well, the American family who is housing your friend graciously invited us to have dinner in their Sukkah.” Her breakdown occurred the following day. According to the American student-to-student pipeline, Sabra fell apart on the bus after touring Olvera Street, complaining that we don’t let her “do anything” and that she really wants to “go to the Topanga mall” with her Israeli friends. According to sources at the scene, actual tears were shed. I relayed a message back to her that since, unlike Tel Aviv, Los Angeles has a strict anti-walking policy (which makes sense with a liposuction clinic on every corner), I would be happy to pick her up from the mall. Now I was beginning to get concerned for Israel’s future. American Jews currently have a win-win situation where Israel is concerned. For a couple of bucks in donations a year (“Yes, I would like another tree planted in Aunt Goldie’s memory”), we have the luxury of having a home away from home. It is kind of like owning an Aspen timeshare that is cared for by a management company most of the time, but is available in the event you feel like dropping in for the weekend. But Israel’s security is wholly dependent on the toughness of Israeli teenagers, who are drafted upon high school graduation to defend her. If these teens can’t handle being away from a mall for 48 hours, what chance does Israel have for a future? Hamas could take over the entire county in an afternoon by simply attaching Forever 21 gift cards to their rockets. Now that Sabra’s agenda was clear, I made it my mission to make sure that her every L.A. minute was jam-packed with shopping and socializing. My daughter and I took her to The Grove, back to the Topanga mall, to The Commons in Calabasas, to the Israeli-run Aroma Cafe in Encino, back to the Topanga mall, and to a party in Porter Ranch. I drove them to Universal CityWalk, the Hummus Bar & Grill for dinner, to three parties in Hidden Hills and to a go-cart place in what had to be an unincorporated section of Newbury Park. In short, I made it clear to Sabra that her every chauffeuring wish was my command. (My efforts were not entirely altruistic. I expect a little quid pro quo when my daughter visits Israel.) But then a funny thing happened on the way to the mall. Rather than falling in love with Los Angeles, Sabra fell in love with Israel. Near the end of her visit, I could see that what she thought she wanted — to live the life of Paris Hilton for a couple of weeks — turned out not to be what she wanted at all. I noticed that when we had Shabbat dinner with her new American friends and her old Israeli friends, she dressed up and smiled, even though she knew we were not going to leave the house. She finally realized what all of us who live in this expensive, traffic-choked, mall-centric, beautiful city already know: that the best part of Los Angeles is the people who live here. It took two weeks of intensive shopping and sightseeing for her to have her “Wizard of Oz” moment. But she finally learned that the relationships you form in a new and exciting place matter more than the place itself, and sometimes you have to travel far from your home to appreciate everything you had there all along. “Are you feeling homesick?” I asked her a day or two before she left. “I never thought I would say this in my entire life, but I miss Israel,” she said. “I miss Tel Aviv, I miss the streets, I miss the people.” I recently bought another tree in Israel. Because now I know there is a 15-year-old Israeli girl dressed in new clothes from the Topanga mall who will fight tooth and nail to protect it. The Untold Story of Israeli Exchange Students Read More » Chef Jeff Thickman blends Russian and Italian cuisines for a holiday menuWhen we were invited for a Tuscan Chanukah dinner at the home of our friends chef Jeff Thickman and musician Igor Polesitsky, who live in a wonderful villa in the wooded hills of Roveta, just outside Florence, the menu included Italian Potato Latkes, Vegetarian Borshch and Stuffed Cabbage, all made with traditional Italian ingredients. Thickman, a concert pianist, studied at Juilliard and played with the Maggio Musicale Fiorentino under Zubin Mehta until he decided that he loved to cook more than play the piano. This American cook graduated from the Cordon Bleu School in Paris and has been Mehta’s private chef since 1992, cooking for celebrities Luciano Pavarotti, Itzhak Perlman, Shimon Peres, Hillary Clinton and many others. As we sat in their big open kitchen and discussed music, politics and Jewish holiday foods, Thickman performed at the stove and explained why he chose this meal. “These are Igor’s favorite Chanukah dishes that he remembers from his childhood in Russia,” he said. We began with the Vegetarian Borshch (he uses the Russian spelling for his recipe), a delicious thick soup that can be served hot or cold. Then Jeff grated the potatoes by hand into a large bowl, tossed them with eggs, Italian parsley and chives, and gently placed small batches of the mixture into a large frying pan with hot olive oil. He served these very crisp latkes with his melt-in-your-mouth cabbage rolls, stuffed with meat and rice. Thickman, in addition to his catering and private dinners, also teaches Italian cooking in his villa, where he has transformed the kitchen area into a state-of-the-art demonstration classroom. Vegetarian Borshch When serving with a dairy meal, spoon a dollop of sour cream on top of each serving.
In a large pot, bring the stock and bay leaf to a boil. Add the leek, onion, carrot, celery, beets, potatoes, cabbage and canned tomatoes. Cover and simmer over low heat for 1 hour. Season to taste with salt, pepper, sour salt and sugar. Cover and continue cooking for another 30 minutes. Allow to cool and refrigerate overnight. Serve hot or cold. Makes 8 servings. Tuscan Potato Latkes
Peel the potatoes and grate them coarsely along with the onions. Place in a strainer over a bowl and squeeze the potatoes well to remove their water. Let the potato water stand for five minutes. Carefully pour off the liquid and keep the starch that settles to the bottom of the bowl. Makes 8 servings. Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
Boil the cabbage in a large pot of water until leaves can be removed easily without breaking. Remove and place the leaves on a dish towel to wait while preparing the filling. Makes 8 servings. For more information about Jeff Thickman’s classes, e-mail {encode=”jig@dada.it” title=”jig@dada.it”} or {encode=”jthick@gmail.com” title=”jthick@gmail.com”}. Chef Jeff Thickman blends Russian and Italian cuisines for a holiday menu Read More » Do Rugelach and Egg Rolls a Chanukah Make?I’ll admit it: Chanukah is a holiday I’ve approached with diminishing enthusiasm over the years. I’m not into latkes; I prefer egg rolls. Dreidel’s not nearly as fun as Scrabble. And as the holiday approaches, so, too, does our loaded debate: Are we giving gifts this year or what? It wasn’t always this way. Growing up in a nonobservant-but-you-have-to-go-to-Sunday-school household, Chanukah was a pretty awesome holiday that was on par with — scratch that, better than — Christmas. I remember the excitement building in the air as my mom hung a “Happy Hanukkah” banner in the window next to the blue “helping hand” sign that signified crazy people do not live within. (Anyone remember those?) We lit the menorah every night. The extended family would have a party at my grandparents’ place. And then there were the presents: 16 blue-wrapped boxes, divided into two piles — eight gifts for me, eight for my sister, Amy. Every night we made an exciting choice: Which gift should we open tonight? Sometimes the boxes contained the practical, like pajamas or slippers, two great passions of my mom. Sometimes they were just pure fun, like games or stuffed animals. As we got older, things changed, of course. Multiple gifts were rolled into a single one. The family Chanukah gathering dissolved. Once I was living on my own, I’d probably find my way to a menorah once or twice over the holiday. Chanukah was more or less uneventful — but it became downright complicated when my husband, Julian, entered the picture. His family didn’t exchange gifts during the holiday; to him, presents weren’t part of the Chanukah equation. But I’d feel slighted because I thought it was meaningful for spouses to exchange a gift or two. He’d be insistent that we light the menorah; I’d feel weird because we rarely, if ever, lit Shabbat candles — and Judaism considers that a much more significant holiday. Over the years, as married couples do, we’ve whittled each other down. I’m pretty certain Julian now knows to buy me a present (or he will after reading this — right, dear?) and I am committed to lighting the menorah. Still, I felt there had to be a better way to connect with Chanukah. And now that we’re parents, the situation seems more pressing, as I’d like our young son, Leon, to look forward to Chanukah the same way I did. Or do I? Am I just teaching him to love Chanukah because, hey, who doesn’t love getting presents? And if we’re strict about the menorah but totally (read: completely) lax about Shabbat candles, are we sending the wrong message? How exactly should we be celebrating Chanukah, anyway? Of course, we’re not the only ones confused. Even the story of Chanukah has its variations: The Book of 1 Maccabees portrays Chanukah as a military victory over an evil king; 2 Maccabees sees it as a victory of pious Jews over the assimilationists. It wasn’t until rabbinic times that the whole miracle-of-oil thing came to light (so to speak). Given that we Jews can’t even agree on a spelling for the holiday — Chanukah? Hanukah? Hanukkah — it’s no wonder that a shroud of mystery surrounds its celebration. I’ve come to realize, however, that my approach is all wrong. “The interesting thing about Chanukah is that it’s had different definitions in different years,” said Rabbi Brad Hirschfield, the president of CLAL, a pluralistic Jewish think tank. “In every generation Chanukah has been a celebration of overcoming whatever was the biggest challenge the Jewish people were facing.” In fact, the rabbi said my questioning was appropriate. “It’s in the spirit of the day,” he told me. “Asking new questions, celebrating new answers, knowing that’s how it’s always been.” Hirschfield pooh-poohed my hang-ups, starting with concerns about lighting candles on Chanukah while often skipping the ritual on Shabbat. “To be able to perform one mitzvah is a tremendously exciting thing,” he told me. So, too, did he wave away the argument that presents have no place in a so-called “minor” holiday. “Ever look at a kid’s face when he or she opens a present?” he asked. “It’s a real problem that we’re taught that gift-giving is unspiritual.” My cousin, Karen Stern, hasn’t done much celebrating of Chanukah since she was a kid. But now that she’s a mom, she’s had a change of heart. “I remember it being a warm memory,” recalled Karen. “It wasn’t about the gifts; it was about the menorah, the song, the gelt.” Karen has somewhat surprised herself by going all out for Chanukah: latkes, a party, Chanukah CDs and dreidels galore. “Now it seems like fun and family-oriented in a way it didn’t before,” she said. “It’s dark and cold outside, and inside is totally warm, and you’ve got music and food and candlelight and family.” She was right, I realized. What’s not to love about that? Meredith Jacobs, the Jewish mama maven and founder of the Web site ModernJewishMom.com, has some excellent ideas, too. In the Jacobs household in Potomac, Md., each night of Chanukah has a different theme. One night is game night; the kids receive board games and the family plays them together. One night is all about homemade presents, another is tzedakah night, when in lieu of receiving gifts, her kids give one to those in need. One night she declares as “old-fashioned Chanukah night,” in which her kids receive the kinds of “little, yucky presents” that Jacobs received when she was growing up, like socks or pajamas. (Perhaps her mom and mine are related?) Jacobs says she also heeds her mother’s advice to “make the house smell like yontif.” For Jacobs, that means latkes and brisket — even though, she concedes, brisket is not considered a “traditional” Chanukah food. “I try and make the house feel and smell a little different,” she told me, “so it feels exciting and like a holiday.” That got me thinking. I typically make rugelach this time of year — they’re fun to make, they’re a perfect party food and, packed into a Chinese takeout container, they make great gifts. Inadvertently, I realized, rugelach had evolved into my family’s Chanukah food. It may not be a canonical choice, but it’s a tradition that’s become as real in my household as a Passover seder and Friday-night pizza. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that we were forging a family Chanukah, after all. I started thinking about all the moments of triumph this year — from watching Leon take his first steps to Barack Obama’s inspiring victory — and how they were worthy of celebration. “There are more ways of celebrating Chanukah than people who want to [celebrate it],” Hirschfield told me. “The only wrong way to celebrate this holiday is effectively not to celebrate it at all.” And so, my rocky relationship with Chanukah is on the mend. We’re still not sure exactly how we’ll celebrate this year, but I can tell you this: There will be love and gifts and rugelach. We’ll light the menorah, we’ll eat some egg rolls and we’ll take it from there. Lisa Keys is the family living columnist for JTA. Do Rugelach and Egg Rolls a Chanukah Make? Read More » Diego Rivera, Landsman?To most of the world, Diego Rivera is seen as one of the greats of Mexican art, the creator of legendary murals that adorn the walls of national monuments in Mexico City and elsewhere. But for a small cadre of Mexican Jewish writers and intellectuals, Rivera was something of a landsman, a descendant of Spanish conversos who shared their left-wing politics. Though Rivera never practiced Judaism or affiliated with Mexico’s tiny Jewish community, he nonetheless developed close friendships with a number of prominent Jews and even illustrated a book of Yiddish poetry, “City of Palaces,” by Isaac Berliner. A first-edition copy of the book, along with articles from the Yiddish press describing Rivera’s exchanges with Jewish intellectuals, is held in Centro de Documentación e Investigación de la Comunidad Ashkenazí de México, an archive of historical documents of the city’s Ashkenazi community. The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) recognized the archive last month as part of its Memory of the World program, which aims to preserve valuable archival collections. “Diego always said that he felt close to the Jews because he had Jewish blood,” said Alicia Gojman, the archive’s director. The archive was started 20 years ago and is now housed in a multi-story building in Mexico City’s Condesa neighborhood, a major locus of Jewish life in the middle decades of the 20th century and where a handful of Jewish institutions still reside. Its roots, however, go back to World War II, when the Allies were searching for places to send the cultural legacy of European Jewry that had been confiscated by the Nazis. Among the archive’s materials, some of which are more than 400 years old, are Jewish books stamped with the Nazi emblem—volumes that were intended for a museum the Nazis were planning to show the history of an eradicated race. Mexico’s Jewish community, which was made up of many refugees from Nazi Germany, agreed to take 1,000 volumes. Over the years the archive expanded, as Jewish Mexicans began contributing volumes from their private collections. But the Rivera material is arguably among the most unique parts of the collection, helping to fill in aspects of Mexico’s Jewish history that aren’t widely known. Rivera used his influence with Mexican authorities to help another Jew fleeing persecution abroad, according to Gojman. When Leon Trotsky arrived in Mexico, he lived in Rivera’s home for a time, and his secretary was a Mexican Jewish woman who spoke fluent Russian. Among Rivera’s famous murals is one from 1947 that begins with an image of a young girl from the Carvajal family, a group of Spanish conversos accused of heresy by the Inquisition and burned at the stake in the last years of the 16th century. To Gojman, it is telling that Rivera began his pictorial history of Mexico with an image evoking the plight of Jews under the Inquisition. “I think, when I read his sayings and his works, that he was acquainted with the story of the Carvajal,” Gojman said. “He was touched about what the Inquisition did to the Jews of Spain.” Ben Harris is a national staff writer for JTA. His writing has appeared in the Boston Globe, New York Newsday and the Jerusalem Post. Diego Rivera, Landsman? Read More » Mexico City’s Jews gain – and lose- as they move beyond their insular communityIn the final days of September, Alan Grabinsky and Paul Feldman moved into an apartment on a quiet circle in Mexico City’s Condesa neighborhood, establishing only the second Latin American outpost of the global network of Jewish residences known as Moishe Houses. In their new home, Grabinsky and Feldman will organize social gatherings for Jews in their 20s and 30s while creating an inclusive hub for post-collegiates in a country where Jews typically marry young and settle in the heavily Jewish suburbs in the western part of the city. Grabinsky and Feldman say their project is, in part, a reaction to the insularity of the Mexican Jewish community, which they see as overly cut off from the wider society, cloistered behind high walls and too intent on warding off the crime and violence that remains an ever-present part of life in this city of 25 million. “Before, you could live your whole life inside the [Jewish community] institutions,” Feldman said. “People are looking for .” While some have touted the project as a bold anti-establishment gesture, the Mexico City Moishe House is in keeping with a gradual yet undeniable movement by local Jewish groups to interact more with non-Jewish Mexico and to breach, if gently, the walls that surround a community most often described as “closed.” The community is concentrated in affluent, leafy suburbs at the city’s edge, areas where even non-Jewish institutions are typically surrounded by razor-topped walls and protected by armed security. Some 40,000 Jews are estimated to reside in Mexico City, most of them European and Syrian immigrants, and they have constructed an impressive network comprising more than a dozen schools, nearly twice as many synagogues and a gleaming sports center. Depending on who’s talking, the area is described either as a protective bubble, an enveloping shtetl or a stifling ghetto. In recent years, Mexican Jews have made a noticeable effort to reach beyond the walls and develop closer ties with their non-Jewish countrymen. The community has long enjoyed close relations with the government — each year the president attends a luncheon at the sports center, and Jewish leaders are given choice seats at the annual state of the union address — but various initiatives have sought to broaden the community’s ties. The Mexico International Jewish Film Festival, now in its seventh year, attracts a mostly non-Jewish audience and has been expanded beyond Mexico City to Guadalajara, Monterrey and Cancun. A 4-year-old radio show on Jewish topics, “El Aleph,” also has a predominantly non-Jewish following. Tribuna Israelita, the community’s public relations and anti-defamation arm, has been organizing programs at various private universities to increase public understanding of Israel and Judaism. And the worldwide Jewish Salons project, in which Grabinsky and Feldman are active, recently organized a concert downtown, nearly an hour’s drive from the Jewish neighborhoods. “I think that what we’re seeing is the reassessment of what it means to be Jewish, what it means to belong to a community,” said Emilio Betech, the co-host of “El Aleph.” “Does affiliation equal Jewish identity? I think that many different congregations are asking themselves what is the role of Judaism, what is the role of community, of congregation, in the new millennium.” But alongside these developments, which community leaders say are both positive and unavoidable, come quietly expressed concerns about an erosion in Jewish values that may threaten Mexican Jewry’s enviable affiliation and intermarriage rates. Upwards of 90 percent of Mexican Jews attend Jewish schools and marry within the faith. “I’m sure it has a risk, but it also has a positive side, for me,” said Renee Dayan, the director of Tribuna Israelita. “If you compare the life of my grandmother or mother to the life of my daughter, it’s a world apart.” Yael Rubinstein, a teacher in a local Jewish school, said that when she was younger, it was easy to distinguish Jews and non-Jews based on their behavior. Now Jewish kids are drinking and smoking more and getting into fights. Last year, she said, a Jewish boy was killed in a car crash that likely involved alcohol. “That never happened before,” Rubinstein said. “Jews are children of the times, and that’s what’s happening in modern times. We’re no different.” In many Jewish communities, that wouldn’t amount to a particularly profound sociological insight. But in Mexico, the barriers between the Jews and everyone else are, literally and figuratively, quite high. Signs of the mounting concern are apparent at one of the community’s most admired institutions, El Centro Deportivo Israelita, the shimmering modern sports facility that boasts 19,000 members, down from 30,000 just six years ago. Posters on the walls encourage honesty, part of a wider campaign to promote positive social values. A separate effort gathered the community’s teenagers in the center not long ago for discussions about gambling, drug abuse and sex, among other topics. “I think there’s a very legitimate worry in the community about what’s happening to the young people,” said Jessica Kreimerman Lew, a Mexico City native who runs CasaLuna Conscious Community, a Jewish Renewal-inspired center outside the communal framework. “Because what’s happening is there’s an apathy going. They don’t know what to do — forget the ones that have left, the ones that are there.” Oskar Gorodzinsky, the president of the community’s umbrella group, Comite Central de la Comunidad Judia de Mexico, expresses cautious support for the more outward-looking young people even as he cites the values issue as a top communal concern — second only to the economic downturn that is making it ever harder to support Jewish infrastructure. He wants Mexican Jews to feel like they are Jewish first, not “liberal” or a “citizen of the world.” Yet along with other community leaders, Gorodzinsky also worries about a seemingly opposite trend: the growing ranks of Mexican ba’alei teshuvah, those who have returned to Orthodox Jewish practice. While those promoting greater religious practice voice the same concerns about values — the founder of the recently opened Mexico branch of the outreach organization Aish HaTorah said he wants to promote Jewish identity, not necessarily Orthodoxy — Gorodzinsky worries that increasing piety will make it harder to maintain communal unity. “It’s getting bigger,” he said of the movement toward Orthodoxy, “and we have to pressure in order to keep them inside the community.” The fear is underscored by the experience of the tiny Jewish community of Guadalajara, which six years ago split in two after a successful push to make the city’s only synagogue Orthodox after decades in which it adhered to Conservative standards. The initiative was motivated in part by the community’s sagging fortunes, which some thought could be turned around by a more robust religious commitment, said Fanny Mizrahi de Sades, the president of the Orthodox synagogue. The result was just the opposite. In Mexico City, the community has remained unified and closely knit despite its manifold divisions. Comite Central encompasses six constituent communities, including Ashkenazi and Sephardic communities, two groups of Syrian Jews and two Conservative congregations. The capital’s high affiliation rates stem in part from the fear of what lies beyond the community walls in a country where public education is poor and vast disparities of wealth separate the affluent few from the impoverished masses. Community membership provides a layer of insulation against the perils of life in a third world country. “You get a lot, in every way,” Gorodzinsky said. “You get the sports center, you get the school, you get the society, you get the belonging. It’s very important in Mexico because the Jewish community has always been very small but very cohesive.” Comite Central estimates that to pay tuition at Jewish schools and enable residence in the upscale Jewish areas, the typical family must take home $4,000 monthly, a sizable sum by Mexican standards. No child is denied admittance to a Jewish school because of cost, a commitment that represents an enormous financial burden that is becoming ever harder to bear. The comforts afforded by affiliation are not lost on the younger generation, many of whom recognize that they lead lives of comparative privilege inside the communal bubble and don’t appear eager to strike out on their own. Besides, several Jewish teenagers said, the Jewish community isn’t as closed as the stereotype suggests. Many have non-Jewish friends and neighbors, and participate in non-Jewish activities after school. “The Jewish community is closed,” said Yael Rubinstein’s daughter Ilana, 17. “But it has a door.” But for a minority of young Jews who, like Grabinsky and Feldman, choose to live a substantial portion of their lives beyond the community gates, the door isn’t nearly wide enough. And while many predict that even the outliers will marry at some point and follow the well-trodden Mexican Jewish road, Grabinsky himself isn’t so sure. “I don’t know if I will integrate into this community,” he said. “I would like to have one foot in, one foot out.” Ben Harris is a national staff writer for JTA. His writing has appeared in the Boston Globe, New York Newsday and the Jerusalem Post. Mexico City’s Jews gain – and lose- as they move beyond their insular community Read More » Living the dreamWhat you first notice about Santa Barbara’s Cuban-born Presser brothers, Leon and Abe, is a directness, warmth and sincerity. Abe is the voluble one, the storyteller, while older brother Leon is a bit more reserved. But by any yardstick, one would be hard-pressed to find two men, two families — twin pillars of the Santa Barbara Jewish community — prouder of their Latino heritage and more devoted to the ideals of family, Judaism, education and community. Both are retired, but along with their wives they remain active across the spectrum of Jewish institutions in Santa Barbara and have built a reputation for generously giving their time and resources — whether the cause is their synagogue or Hadassah, the Federation or the Anti-Defamation League, Hillel or Moishe House. Together they have had a quiet but profound impact on their adopted home by the sea. When it comes to expressing their gratitude to the United States for the opportunities it offers, the brothers are not shy. “I really feel like I’m living the American dream,” Leon says. Yet their journey to Southern California was anything but smooth. In fact, the families’ personal modesty belies a history of losing everything and then rebuilding. Both brothers fondly remember their lives in pre-Castro Cuba where, despite their small and cohesive Jewish community, they were also well integrated into the non-Jewish world. “Our father, who was 12 when he arrived [from Ukraine in 1921], really understood Cuba and got along very well with everyone,” Leon says. “His Spanish was perfect. It wasn’t a life completely free of anti-Semitism, but before Castro it was a wonderful country.” Their father, Nuña, and their uncle were strong supporters of Israel, collecting money from the local Jewish community and sending it abroad. And Nuña made himself available with financial assistance as well as personal and emotional support, Abe says. Their father “was like the Hebrew Free Loan in Matanzas,” Abe says, referring to a thriving provincial capital east of Havana where the family lived. Leon left Cuba for the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign in 1957 to study computer science after reading a magazine article about computers in high school. However, he had no idea what he would do with his education once he returned to Cuba; he was simply looking for the best possible education. “Emigration was the furthest thing from my mind,” he says. Abe had no interest in leaving Cuba for his education, but within a few years the revolution had driven many universities to strike. Castro was confiscating local businesses as well as imprisoning and killing “counterrevolutionaries.” “Not a lot of Jews were rich, but a lot of the rich were Jews,” Abe says. In January 1961, months before Castro declared Cuba a socialist state, 16-year-old Abe left Matanzas with his parents, who opted for life in Los Angeles after a brief stint in New York. Abe wound up joining his brother at the University of Illinois. Leon graduated several months after Abe’s arrival, leaving him alone for the first time in his life. Abe recalls it as a time of bruising loneliness at first, remembering one bitter experience in particular: being invited home for Thanksgiving by a non-Jewish friend, only to have the invitation rescinded when the parents discovered he was both Cuban and Jewish. But he also remembers, just as vividly, the kindness shown to him: a Hillel rabbi who created a job for him and the few local Jewish families who competed for his presence in their homes during Shabbat and at the holidays. Abe promised himself then that he would pay back the kindness the Jewish community extended to him; the outreach and warmth of those experiences still inspire his support of Hillel today. “Believe it or not, one of these people was a Cuban Jewish doctor and his American wife. To this day — they’re in their 80s now — I still call them once a week, or they call me. We’re very close,” he said. After the Pressers reunited with their parents in Los Angeles, the young men took what jobs they could while the family lived together in a one-bedroom apartment where sleeping arrangements involved taking turns on a Murphy bed. At one point the family even took in a high school friend of Leon’s. “It was very sad for me to see my parents in those circumstances and the uncertainty they faced,” Leon remembers. “But I was still optimistic about my future.” Leon earned a master’s degree at USC in 1964 and a doctorate at UCLA in 1968, working with a group that went on to do groundbreaking work in computer science and the formation of the Internet. Abe, meanwhile, got his MBA at USC. Both brothers married highly educated women from the close-knit Jewish community in Mexico City within weeks of each other in 1969, and Leon soon moved to Santa Barbara with his wife Blanca to begin a computer science program in the Engineering School at UC Santa Barbara (UCSB), where he led a research group that worked on software development methodologies and tools. Abe’s business ambitions were derailed two years later when he was stricken with a malignant lymphoma and given eight months to live. Leon traveled between Santa Barbara and Los Angeles on weekends to be with his parents and his brother until Abe beat his cancer. Leon remembers those days as if “living like you were driving in a fog — not knowing what was out there beyond what you could see.” He left UCSB in 1976 to follow his entrepreneurial instincts, and in 1977 formed Softool, a computer company dedicated to the creation and marketing of software tools. Abe, who had prospered in his own Asian food import business, joined Leon at Softool in 1985 as vice president of sales and marketing. It was the same year Leon was named by Software Magazine as one of the 100 people who had the greatest impact on the software industry, and in 1992 he was honored at the White House by President George H. W. Bush as one of a group of outstanding Hispanic leaders in the United States. Together, the brothers grew the company into a major success and sold it to Platinum Technologies in 1995. Today, Leon in his semi-retirement continues to invest in startups in different industries, and in January 2010 he will release his book, “What It Takes to Be an Entrepreneur.” Unfortunately, the move to Santa Barbara was not the end of cataclysmic events for the family. At the end of June 1990, the Painted Cave Fire swallowed up nearly 700 homes — one of which belonged to Abe’s family. “We lost everything, all the photos and souvenirs from Cuba,” Abe says. “But we survived.” What impressed him most was how the entire town came to everyone’s aid. “That’s when I knew we had a community,” Abe says. He rebuilt, and six years after the fire, noticing there was no Hebrew Free Loan in Santa Barbara, Abe gathered some friends and created the Santa Barbara Jewish Community Foundation/Hebrew Free Loan, setting up a $250,000 fund to help with college grants and no-interest loans to assist with medical care, unemployment or down payments. Abe is still the group’s president, and they have since become a donor-directed fund of the Jewish Community Foundation of Los Angeles. The Pressers have always held education — at home and in the community — as an important value, one passed on by their father. The first memory Rabbi Steve Cohen has of the Presser brothers is of Abe bringing his two young sons, David and Eric, to Rosh Hashanah services at UCSB Hillel, the rabbi’s first posting after his ordination. “In a discussion of the binding of Isaac, these two kids, not even bar mitzvahed yet, had brilliant insights in the conversation,” says Cohen, who is now rabbi at Congregation B’nai B’rith, where both families are members. Leon and Blanca’s daughters, Liza and Anita, spent their preschool and early elementary years in an Orthodox Jewish day school before switching to public school Both Presser brothers have taken an interest supporting the UCSB Hillel. When Hillel began a capital campaign for a new center in 1993, Leon was among the first donors “to step up and say I’m going to be part of this, establishing credibility,” Cohen says. The effort eventually raised $4.5 million for the Milton Roisman Jewish Student Center that opened on campus in 2001. Abe, who came to rely on Hillel as a support system at University of Illinois, and his wife, Molly, a local kindergarten teacher, have hosted UC students in their home for Shabbat, Jewish holidays or just a home-cooked meal. And Abe has mentored many students through school and into professions. One of those students, David Cygielman, became co-founder and executive director of Moishe House, a nonprofit with 29 houses in 10 countries dedicated to keeping Judaism alive in the lives of young college grads. “There was always room for one more,” says Cygielman, fondly recalling the dinners at Abe and Molly’s home, as well as the organizing help he received from Abe in getting his enterprise off the ground. In 2007, Abe was inducted into the UCSB Hillel Hall of Fame. Moishe House, Abe says, is an example of “paying it forward,” an idea he tries to instill in the students he mentors. Today, as a substitute teacher in schools that are overwhelmingly Latino, Abe is proud to present a role model of the success education can bring. Although the Presser children — most of whom are fluent in three languages, including Hebrew — are spread across the country, Leon’s daughters and Abe’s son David are raising the grandchildren in Spanish-speaking homes, and now the next generation is off to Camp Ramah, taking Hebrew classes, studying Torah, and bringing black beans, rice and tamales for lunch “We never thought the American government would allow Castro to last more than a few months,” both brothers agreed. “We all thought we’d be going right back.” Instead, they made a life in their new home far beyond what they might have imagined. Their grandfather, Zeilik, had fled the Bolsheviks in 1921; 40 years later the family again was forced to leave everything behind. But the Presser brothers can continue to take pride in having lived and instilled in their children and grandchildren their father Nuña’s wisdom: “Money and material things can be taken by government overnight, but education, they can never take that away from you.” Mitch Paradise is a writer and teacher in Los Angeles who blogs at Huffington Post and The Wrap. Chanting con PasiónIs there something about Buenos Aires that breeds chazzanim? Some cantorial organism lurking in the bulrushes of Rio de la Plata, the river that borders the city? Something in the rhythm of the city — all those taxis and cars and buses, all that street life — that resonates with Jewish liturgical rhythms? The land that gave us the tango is also responsible for training at least three Southland cantors, who bring a passion and playfulness to Shabbat services. Marcelo and Mariana Gindlin and Pablo Duek are among those who are also bringing full circle an important lesson taught by an influential American rabbi in Argentina: that music — chanted prayer — is the vehicle by which the sacred is transmitted in a direct and profound way. Argentine cantors have “spirituality, talent and a bond with congregants, which is really important when they first arrive in this country since they may not yet have the capacity to communicate in English,” said Rabbi Daniel Mehlman of Studio City’s Congregation Beth Meier, himself born in Argentina. “But the language they speak is music.” Duek, 39, has been cantor at Temple Etz Chaim in Thousand Oaks for more than eight years, where he encourages congregants to sing with him. “I want the congregation to feel there’s space for them. Yes, they could enjoy the chazzan’s voice in a passive manner, but that would be less of a living experience,” he said. As a child in Buenos Aires, Duek went to public school in the morning. Then every afternoon he went to Salomon Schechter School, where he received an intensive Jewish education. Duek had voice teachers to help him develop his singing. “But everything that had to do with cantorial skills,” he said, “I learned on my own. I never went to cantorial school.” His childhood and adolescent Jewish studies in Buenos Aires were so substantial that even before finishing high school, when he was 16, Duek started his career as chazzan. “It was at a small synagogue,” Duek said, “where I went on Friday nights, as well as bar mitzvahs on Saturday morning. There was no rabbi there, just a rabbinical student, and it was a wonderful time. I learned how to be a cantor.” Duek would later spend nine years in the attractive neighborhood of Palermo as chazzan at a much larger comunidad, or community, as Argentines refer to a synagogue. Among his influences, Duek cites his summers at Argentina’s Camp Ramah, founded by American-born Rabbi Marshall Meyer, an important figure in the Argentine Jewish community who was called “Marshall” by congregants and students. “Marshall was the rabbi at Bet El,” Duek said. “He was the person who generated and shaped the Conservative movement in Argentina. He brought an energy which many of us adored, his love of music and Judaism.” Marshall Meyer was born in New York in 1930. When he was a student at Dartmouth, he came in contact with Abraham Joshua Heschel, who convinced Meyer to go to rabbinical school. After ordination in 1959, Meyer went to Argentina and stayed for 25 years. Besides Comunidad Bet El, Meyer founded a publishing house, which printed Jewish religious texts that had prayers and songs translated into Spanish, a rabbinical seminary that trained rabbis and cantors now leading congregations throughout the world, and Camp Ramah. “I remember Marshall as a person of enormous vitality,” Duek said. “It didn’t matter to him if you sang well or poorly. The important thing was to sing. What mattered to him was to express joy, to get involved, whether it’s song or dance or your studies.” Meyer infused his Argentine students and disciples with the idea that Jewish prayer and song, chanted by a totally committed rabbi, chazzan and congregation, could have enormous power. In recent years, some of those influenced by Meyer, directly or indirectly, have come full circle, bringing Meyer’s spirit back to the United States. Marcelo Gindlin, 41, is cantor at Malibu Jewish Center, and his sister Mariana, 42, is cantor at Glendale’s Temple Sinai. The siblings have a close family bond and shared history. When together, they tend to finish each other’s sentences. Both Marcelo and Mariana did cantorial studies at the Buenos Aires rabbinical seminary founded by Meyer, but they cite other factors that influenced them. They have deep, early memories of being with their parents at Argentina’s oldest synagogue, Templo Libertad, where their father sang in the choir. Later, they attended Sholem Aleichem School, morning and afternoon, studying Hebrew, Yiddish, bible and other Jewish subjects. Mariana studied opera singing at a conservatory, then left it to pursue a career in psychology. She started formal cantorial studies at the rabbinical seminary in her 30s. “At the seminary I breathed in Judaism,” Mariana said, “the Judaism associated with music. It was my re-encounter with my earliest images of Judaism, with what music, family and life mean to me.” It was there that she found her “musical passion.” Marcelo pointed out that “passion” characterizes Argentine cantors. Mariana agreed. “A passion that you can feel in every song we sing, every class we teach, in everything we do. It’s a different way of being, and it’s part of Latin American culture,” she said. Marcelo added that something else that distinguishes Argentine cantors is “playfulness.” That playful attitude was on display recently at an Etz Chaim Friday night service, during which Pablo Duek paid homage to his Latin roots by singing “Adon Olam” to the tune of “Carnavalito,” a song often played on pan-pipes by the indigenous people of northern Argentina. The congregation loved it, tapping on their prayer books and singing along. Playfulness was also on display at Glendale’s Temple Sinai when Mariana Gindlin sang “Adon Olam” to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, a melody so viscerally involving that the congregation instinctively sang or hummed. At the Malibu Jewish Center, Marcelo Gindlin’s service was warm and friendly, punctuated by niggunim that allowed the congregation to become an integral part of the service. “After World War II,” Mariana said, “what people wanted to hear from a chazzan was tragic, because that represented people’s feelings. The culture has changed, and so has the role of the chazzan. Nowadays a chazzan is more approachable, not the distant figure up on the bimah but someone who has close contact with the congregation.” “We’re not using the model of the traditional cantor, whose voice rings out,” Marcelo said. “What we do is try to heal with our voices. We come from a place of healing and comfort. We want people to feel that shul is a place where they’re safe and happy.” Chanting con Pasión Read More » Some Southland Israeli men look To Latinas as the perfect partnerWith actresses like Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria and Eva Mendez setting a standard for sexiness, it’s not surprising that some local Latinas are capturing the hearts of Israeli American men. But it’s not only because of the women’s appearance — their Jewish suitors are also finding that a Latina’s inner spiritual qualities help them to see past a non-Jewish background. “Latinas are the eighth wonder of the world,” says Asaf Raz, who flashes an endearing look to his wife, Sara, as they sit together on a couch in their West Valley home. With olive skin and long brown hair, Sara could pass for a Sephardic Israeli. “So nice, so calm,” he says, “respectful.” The pair met at a salsa club, where Asaf, a professional salsa teacher and self-professed ladies man at the time, displayed mastery on the dance floor. Sara asked him to dance — although they playfully debate who actually made the first move. Born in El Salvador to a Christian family, Sara moved to Los Angeles when she was 3 years old and describes living a sheltered childhood. She had never met, let alone befriended, an Israeli up to that point, but with Asaf she felt an instant attraction. They have been married for three years. Asaf, a 30-year-old salesman and project manager for construction companies, knew upon arriving in Southern California from Haifa four years ago that he’d likely date non-Israelis. He dismisses Israeli women — in his homeland and in America — as not for him. Since arriving from Israel in 2000, David Leiderman, 32, says he also preferred dating Latina women, in part because he has Latin roots. Born in Argentina, Spanish is his mother tongue. Leiderman has a wife, Rosie, of Mexican descent, and two children, ages 3 and 4. Both Leiderman and Asaf noticed similarities between Israeli and Latin culture that made them feel at home with their mate. “They love to have fun a lot,” says Leiderman, whose wife converted through American Jewish University (AJU) and studied with a cousin who was also dating an Israeli. “There’s something happy.” Asaf finds that Latinas display an openness, simplicity and warm hospitality common among Israelis. “We’re very much like an open book. What you see is what you get,” he says. According to the National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01, Jews who have married since 1996 have an intermarriage rate of 47 percent, but specific statistics for Israelis Americans who intermarry are unavailable. Even population figures for Israelis living in Southern California fluctuate wildly depending on the source — a 1997 Jewish Federation of Los Angeles Jewish population study puts the number at 14,000, while the Israeli consulate claims 150,000 to 250,000. But anecdotally, many sabras living in Southern California can often think of at least one Israeli American — a friend or the friend of a friend — who is dating or married to someone non-Jewish. While not all Israeli men meet a Latina spouse in salsa clubs, Yoav Stein met his wife while working at one as a bartender. Yoav says when he and Sonia first met she gave him a hard time when he flirted with her. But after several more encounters she relented to his persistent charms. Born in Tel Aviv but raised in Toronto since age 4, Yoav wouldn’t categorize himself as a typical Israeli, although his dark skin and thick black hair give away his roots. Yoav, who moved to Los Angeles about nine years ago to study chiropractic medicine and now runs his own pain clinic in Beverly Hills, says he preferred dating Latinas because of their “look” as well as their nurturing quality. “They’re very affectionate, and Israeli men in general like to be pampered and taken care of,” Yoav says, sitting with his wife, Sonia, in the living room of their West Hollywood home. The owner of an event planning and design firm, Sonia was always attracted to Middle Eastern men and dated several Iranians before meeting Yoav. “I realized that Israelis have a lot in common with Latin men, from my experience,” says Sonia, who emigrated from Costa Rica with her family at age 13. “We have the man of the house and the woman. Israelis have that but it’s not as extreme. We are also taken into consideration. It’s not the macho power you might get. They’re a little more liberal.” And like any Jewish household, food plays an important role. The men interviewed describe their wives catering — without any complaints — to their needs and desires for a good meal. “It’s not that we have to,” Sonia says. “I’m very independent. It’s in our nature to ask a man if he wants to eat and to make sure he’s taken care of after a long day of work.” However, Sonia says she still feels like an outsider among Yoav’s Israeli friends, especially the women. She says there’s a sense among Israeli women that Latinas are stealing their men. Both Asaf and Yoav say they met some early resistance from members of their family, which dissipated when they got to know the women. Nevertheless, Sara’s conversion to Judaism was never a condition for their marriage. “In the beginning when I was with Sara, I didn’t care about her religion,” Asaf says. “I only cared about being with her. When the time comes and you’re in a foreign country, you start to change, whether you like it or not. You find you have to get a little tighter with your beliefs — not that you go to an extreme — because you’re living among goyim. So if you want to stay unique, you need to try a little harder than in Israel.” Asaf’s father, an immigrant to Israel who served in the Israel Defense Forces for 27 years, instilled within his son the importance of maintaining Jewish identity, especially after suffering anti-Semitism as a child in Columbia. Asaf knows some Spanish from home but doesn’t count his father’s Columbian roots as playing a significant role in his attraction to a Latina. Since his father took ill about two years ago, Asaf started donning tefillin every morning. Sara has begun to fast on Yom Kippur on her father-in-law’s behalf, and she is about to begin a conversion through AJU. “Now that he’s been able to be completely open to me to tell me that it’s important to him, I understand that and I don’t mind raising Jewish children,” Sara says. From the outset, Yoav felt strongly, as his parents did, about marrying a Jewish woman. But as they dated more seriously, Sonia’s transition to Judaism stemmed from her own growing independent interest in the faith. Sonia grew up in a devout Catholic family; her uncle and cousins are priests and her aunt is a nun. She never felt satisfied with answers offered by the Catholic clergy to her questions about her faith, while Judaism’s reasoning appealed to her. “My uncle [the priest] said when I had converted that he knew I would go somewhere else,” she said. She completed her conversion through AJU, and today Yoav and Sonia are members of Temple Beth Am, which she attends on Friday nights and holidays more often than her husband. “I think when the woman or guy converts on their own, it’s better over all,” Yoav says. “She’s a better Jew than me and most of my friends combined.” While Asaf has helped Sara become more “Jewish,” he credits Sara for “Americanizing” him and tempering his classically Israeli characteristics, like aggressiveness and impatience. “I also saw the softer side of him that was very admiring and sweet, aside from that tough, macho image he portrays a lot of the time,” Sara says. “He’s actually a very sensitive creature.” Her interest in Jewish tradition has grown since their marriage, and she’s looking forward to her conversion as a chance to get answers about Jewish tradition that her husband can’t always provide. “I did find that his traditions were very interesting, and I enjoy the fact that it brought the family and friends together, the closeness among one another. I think it comes from being Israeli and also Jewish,” Sara says. Some Southland Israeli men look To Latinas as the perfect partner Read More » Exes, Pervs. & Estranged Relatives, Oh My!Where can you find your exes, pervs. and estranged family members in one place? Facebook. It is not all that bad, or is it? I don’t know how often I get a request from someone who is simply single and looking for someone to date. Ok, no problem, right? I just politely reject the person because I am married. But what about the times that these people try to “add me” as a friend with comments about the size of one of my body parts (two parts actually) (that you could not possibly guess from a profile picture) or where they would like to go on a date (not describing a date at Starbucks anyway). Now, even if I were single, I have to let these guys know…this strategy just does NOT work. Am I supposed to be impressed? Not really. Then there are the six-degrees-of-separation-suggested-friends that usually include an ex or estranged family member. I am not saying there is anything wrong with “suggested friends” that you can simply choose to reject, nor is there anything wrong with befriending an ex on facebook, but what about the ones you just do not want to see and have long since forgotten until now…thank you facebook. Maybe there should be a “seek therapy” button, in place of “block” or a “block anyone in this category, ie. estranged relatives or pervs” button. Facebook has been both a blessing and a curse. Reconnecting with people from my past and keeping up with family as well as old and new friends (the ones I care to keep up with), but when it brings up people that just remind us of what we choose to forget I just want to click “the end” on my facebooking. Exes, Pervs. & Estranged Relatives, Oh My! Read More » |