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September 9, 2009

Orthodox, Male and Drunk

When we conjure up the typical profile of a “religious person”, one of the qualities that leaps to mind is temperance.  In some religious traditions – not ours – this quality dictates the severe discouragement or outright prohibition of any alcoholic consumption at all. In many other traditions – including ours – temperance means careful moderation in consumption, as the state of drunkenness that would otherwise result is incompatible with the state of Godliness. Beginning when Aharon and his sons were forbidden to drink while on duty in the Temple, and continuing through Nachmanides’ oft-quoted characterization of drunkenness as the antithesis of holiness (see his commentary on “You Shall be Holy”, Leviticus 19:2), our religious tradition presents us with the assertion that we may enjoy the presence of God, or the buzz of inebriation – but not both. They simply can’t occupy the same mind simultaneously. And since we are told to stand in God’s presence at all times (shiviti Hashem l’negdi tamid), drunkenness at any time is a sacrilege. Ibn Ezra likened habitual drunkenness to heresy (see his commentary to Deuteronomy 21:20). Rabbi Yosef Karo, writing in his Bet Yosef, ruled that drunkenness is prohibited even on Purim, for “drunkenness is an absolute prohibition, and there is no greater sin that it…” (Siman 695)

Tragically though, drinking, well beyond the simple “l’chaim”, has become something of a pastime among many males in the Orthodox community. Contributing to the nature of the tragedy is the fact that much of the drinking is specifically taking place under the guise of religious activity.  The OU’s highly publicized recent campaign against shul-based “Kiddush clubs” provides ample testimony to the wide-spread nature of the phenomenon.  Simchat Torah has somehow become synonymous with excessive alcohol consumption, in willful ignorance of what is allegedly being celebrated. And the drinkers seem to get younger and younger with each passing year.

This is tragic for many reasons. It disfigures and distorts religious life. It introduces the high statistical likelihood that the children of these men will also begin to drink. And it testifies to the troubling reality that many of our community’s men are enjoying little to nothing in the way of authentic religious experience. When davening itself (or learning, or acts of chesed) makes you feel good, it doesn’t occur to you to supplement your experience artificially.

While the Hasidic movement has contributed many great things to mainstream Orthodoxy, the contribution of “religious drinking” – rightly condemned by non-Hasidic scholars as thoroughly foreign to us – has been a disaster.

For the sake of the children, for the sake of the families, for the sake of God and the Torah, don’t smile and pretend that somehow it’s all harmless. Don’t wait till God forbid, something unspeakably terrible happens.
 

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Inmates Celebrate B’not Mitzvah

Two women, identified as Carol and Pamela — not their real names — became b’not mitzvah on Saturday, Sept. 5. Both are inmates at the California Institution for Women (CIW) in Corona, located about 50 miles southeast of Los Angeles. The event is believed to be the first bat mitzvah to take place inside prison walls in the United States.

Carol and Pamela approached the rabbi with the idea of a bat mitzvah six months ago — both are incarcerated for a variety of offenses, including drug-related charges — and their preparation for the day included learning Hebrew and writing a speech. The service took place in the prison chapel, which the Jewish community shares with Muslims, Catholics and Protestants, and was led by Rabbi Moshe Halfon, who has served as Jewish chaplain at the facility for the last three years. Halfon describes himself as a spiritual healer and explorer; he is also a Reconstructionist rabbi and holds a master’s degree in educational psychology and organizational process from Temple University. Halfon is the co-founder of Am Or Olam (People of the Eternal Light), a nonprofit center in Southern California that promotes holistic healing, Jewish spirituality, the arts and, now, prison outreach as well.

Halfon spends Wednesdays through Saturdays at the prison teaching classes, and he conducts services there almost every Friday night and Saturday, as well as additional holiday observances. Halfon’s curriculum includes traditional prayer, but early into his tenure he decided that teaching spirituality, ethics and basic rituals were most important.

Carol, 29, came into the Jewish community not long after arriving at CIW in May 2008. She is of Jewish descent, and was exposed to Judaism as a child through her grandparents, who were Orthodox. Her professional and family life were torn apart as a result of her substance abuse and other dysfunctional behavior, and she no longer is in contact with her family. Carol is scheduled for parole in December and hopes to return to a professional life and to one day be reunited with her children, who currently are in foster care.

Pamela, 25, is Jewish and has been incarcerated since December 2007. She did not grow up with a religious background, but by chance was assigned to work in the kosher kitchen at CIW, where she became interested in the community. She has earned an associate degree while at CIW, and she plans to go to college. Her family is currently caring for her 5-year-old son.

Both women undertook intense and dedicated study in preparation for their b’not mitzvah day. Each studied Hebrew on her own time, during hours not filled with work, classes, 12-step programs and other prison-mandated activities.

The women took Hebrew names — Pamela chose Zohara Binah and Carol chose Chava Shira. During the service, they led prayers, chanted the Parashat Nitzavim, and each delivered a devar Torah — both of them on the theme of choosing life. (Even though it wasn’t the week’s portion, the women chose to study Parashat Nitzavim because of their connection to the text and the particular constraints relating to the timing of the service.)

In her writings, Zohara Binah called the Jewish community “a lifeline of hope and light in an abyss of futility and despair.” She said she experiences the “renewal style of Judaism embracing and encompassing other religious philosophies, adding an air of tolerance which is tantamount to spiritual practice behind prison walls.”

Her speech included teachings of the Baal Shem Tov, while Chava Shira spoke personally and pointedly of the mistakes she had made in the past and her commitment to choosing the path of life; she has also written of how she has been influenced by the teaching of Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav. Both women are hoping upon release to go to Beit T’Shuvah, the Jewish residential addiction recovery center in Culver City.

Numerous volunteers attended the service, including the Rev. Shayna Lester, an interfaith minister who spends two days a week teaching a course in Jewish ethics at the prison, providing spiritual education and guidance to the incarcerated women. During the service, Lester expressed her desire for the two women “to become their truest and most authentic selves.”

In addition, other leaders in the Jewish community flew in from the Bay Area, including Nancy Goldberg, vice president of Jewish Family and Children’s Services of San Francisco and the surrounding areas. Inmates from the institution’s general population also gathered in the chapel to support the women, participating in the service along with the inmates who regularly attend classes and services. One woman, K, who is not Jewish but a regular at services, holds an advanced degree in economics from Stanford and is incarcerated for a white-collar crime. She said she sought out the community after observing that the women who attended services were “leaving with light in their hearts.”

L, a Jewish inmate who has long been active in the prison’s Jewish community, has been incarcerated for 24 years and has tattoos with the Hebrew words from the Song of Solomon, “I am my beloved, my beloved is mine.” At the time of the service, L was scheduled for release in 14 days and hopes to stay connected to the Jewish community.

Traditional Jewish songs along with standards like “Stand by Me” were played. Carol and another inmate performed an a cappella version of Christina Aguilera’s “You Are Beautiful.”

Institutional regulations prevented Pamela’s parents from attending, but they sent an inspirational message that was read aloud by the inmate congregants. Pamela’s father wrote of his love for her, saying, “I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow.” Her mother sent a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”

Ariella Lewis, co-founder with Halfon of Am Or Olam, read words of inspiration to Carol, speaking of two sephirot (emanations) on the kabbalistic tree of life: Netzach, the quality of endurance, and Hod, the quality of integrity and majesty — qualities needed to stand up as individuals.

The horn blew at 4:30 p.m., calling the inmates back to their units, a sudden and stark reminder that some in attendance were convicted felons and others would leave to resume their lives outside. Zohara Binah, Chava Shira and the other inmates returned to their evening institution regimen.

Actress and writer Annabelle Gurwitch hosts the carbon foot printing series “WA$TED” on Planet Green Network. Her new book, “You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up,” a love story co-written with her husband, Jeff Kahn, will be published by Crown Books in February 2010.

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An Aliyah Wedding Ceremony

” title=”Nefesh B’Nefesh”>Nefesh B’Nefesh charter flight to Israel signed the ketubbah (Jewish marriage contract) and got “married” to Israel underneath an imaginary chuppah at the old Ben Gurion airport terminal.

It was a moving, leibadik ceremony, filled with the tears of joy from the new arrivals and their families and friends. For some olim, it was an inter-generational affair, and they’re simply joining sons or daughters who already tied the knot, kids now in tow. I looked for star-struck Zionist lovers kissing the ground, but couldn’t find any. Maybe they were embarrassed. The intense attraction, however, was palpable.

As I got off the buses arriving from the tarmac, trying to live the ceremony through the olim, I immediately heard the roars of all the guests as a Jewish band greeted us with happy Jewish and Israeli music. I admit even I got teary-eyed.

As we walked down the outside aisle to meet the groom, cute, female Israeli soldiers handed us small Israeli flags with the coy smiles of flower girls dropping rose petals. Guests carrying welcome signs—young and old—cheered from both sides. Near the band, men and women danced in separate circles as if it were a bona-fide religious wedding. Nefesh B’Nefesh (NBN) broadcast the ceremony live on their homepage.

NBN took over the entire hall of the baggage claim area of the old Ben Gurion airport (now replaced by a much larger, more organized, more hi-techy airport). Tables of coffee, fruit, sodas and cakes were set up near the rows of chairs where the olim and their guests got ready for speeches by NBN and Jewish Agency leaders, and the guest of honor, Opposition Leader Tzipi Livni (see below for a video of her speech).

“You belong to us, and we belong to you,” said one of the leaders.

Very inspiring messages, but I could tell the olim were getting impatient. All they wanted was to do was rip off Zion’s clothes. But everyone sat politely as the dignitaries added a formality to the ceremony, like rabbis saying the seven traditional wedding blessings underneath the chuppah. Only the ceremony ended without any real closure. Someone should have broken a glass to commemorate the destruction of the Temple.

In contrast, my aliyah in 1999 was like a cheap Vegas ceremony. I had to stand in the long line at passport control just like everyone else, fight for my luggage like everyone else, and hail a taxi in the sticky heat just like everyone else. It was really unromantic. Then, in Israel, I had to face the glum faces of immigration officials at interior ministry offices to get the marriage finalized.

NBN staffers, using nifty PC tables, filled out all the immigration paperwork in advance on the plane so that we didn’t have to go through passport control. They got their new passports and ID cards presented to them on arrival. We had the entire terminal and baggage carousels to ourselves. The new Israeli citizens got free “just married” taxi rides to their destinations.

For some olim, this was a double “wedding.” The flight carried 81 singles, two of whom came to reunite with their other true loves. Jolene Ilkay, 23, from San Diego, whom I’ll profile as part this blog, reunited with her Israeli boyfriend Dor, and I’ve never seen two people so in love and happy. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other, as if their touch also sublimated their Zionist love.

One of the most tear-jerking parts of the ceremony was the public proposal of Zach Taylor, 23, to his girlfriend, Nechama Dina Simon, 21. He made aliyah two years ago from Valley Glen, California, and she was joining him from St. Louis, Missouri. After Livni herself presented Nechama with her “Oleh Certificate”, Taylor got down on one knee and proposed to a very excited, slightly embarrassed Nechama. How could she say no?

All this leads me to wonder if the success of a marriage is influenced by the success of a wedding. If my wedding to Israel were like this, happier and less haphazard, would I have stuck it out longer, recalling the former, joyous commitment I made in the presence of witnesses? Or did Israel simply not fill its obligations of the ketubbah, taking from me more than it gave? This NBN wedding ceremony made all the new Israelis feel wanted; the love, mutual. So far, according to statistics, NBN’s retention rate is 98 percent.

I still wonder if Israel and I will get back together. And if we do, I want to make my vows in a more formal way, like this. And maybe, what I need to ease my success here is a real marriage or romance—the kind of love I saw in the eyes of Jolene and Nechama. Life here probably would have been so much easier and joyful had I had, on a consistent basis, a real, human shoulder to cry on when Jews got blown up; a broad torso to hug when I landed that job; and lips to kiss when—well—I felt like kissing someone.

Until then, I remain a Zionist divorcee, and I admit, I still have feelings for my ex. But this time, I’ll play hard to get. I want to see how much Israel really wants me back, and what he intends to do to get me into his embrace again, because after nine years living here during Israel’s most trying times, I’ve already proven my love.

Stay tuned for more blogging direct from the Second Annual Jewish Bloggers Convention. Register at An Aliyah Wedding Ceremony Read More »

Army Archerd: January 13, 1922 – September 8, 2009

From Variety.com:

Army Archerd, whose 52-year run as a Daily Variety columnist made him unique among showbiz reporters, died Tuesday in Los Angeles of a rare form of mesothelioma, a lung cancer thought to be the result of his exposure to asbestos in the Navy during WWII. He was 87.

Read the full story at Variety.com (ArmyArcherd.com).

JJ Vault:  An Army of One: American Friends of Hebrew University honors Variety columnist Army Archerd with its Scopus Award.

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He’s not John Bobbitt but …

You may have heard the story recently of a man whose wife and the two other women he was sleeping with, who happened to be sisters, tied him to a bed and then glued his penis to his stomach. If not, he’s a story from the opening of the women’s assault and false imprisonment trial yesterday:

The man said he agreed to be tied to the bed because he and Ziemann had talked about bondage and he had agreed to pay for some nice fabric she would buy to tie him.

He said he was startled by a knock at the door, and worried it might be Ziemann’s husband. He realized the “fun had stopped” after his wife and the other women entered the room.

“The rest came in and the hurting trip began,” said the man, who testified in shackles because he is jailed in an unrelated case on theft and child abuse charges. “It got chaotic real quick, real fast. … I was asking everybody in the room to cut me loose.”

The man testified that his wife was the first to leave, and that the others left “in a panic” when he began to struggle free of his bonds. It took him another 2-3 minutes to get free and run naked outside and seek help, he said.

Jay sent me this and asked me to find something Jewish in it. My response: Was he circumcized?

If not, he very well may be now.

He’s not John Bobbitt but … Read More »

A City in Need of Leaders

I was on vacation for several weeks in August and have spent the past few days catching up on the local news that the International Herald Tribune didn’t cover.  It was in that process that I discovered the sad news that the Autry National Center, one of this city’s jewels, has decided to shelve its plans for a renovation and expansion of its facilities.

The $175 million dollar project would have nearly doubled the size of the facility and continued the trajectory of the Autry into being a world class site for the viewing and study of Native American art and artifacts. Besides the cultural and artistic implications of the renovation, the renovation would have created in excess of 1,000 jobs in an economy where every single job matters.

This seemed as close to a “no brainer” as there is in the world of municipal politics—artifacts that can’t be displayed at the Autry’s Southwest Museum would be preserved and displayed in the newly renovated and expanded facility, the neighbors, the Native American community leadership and Griffith Park advocates all agreed. Unfortunately, in the byzantine world of Los Angeles politics there are no “no brainers.”

City Councilman Jose Huizar, utilizing the perks of power and the ability of a councilman to erect roadblocks to progress without ever having to himself lead and create, derailed the project.

In a blatant attempt to extract concessions for the Southwest Museum located in his district, a museum now run by the Autry but long ignored and neglected by its neighbors, he placed excessive demands on the Autry—itself a non-profit that has been buffeted by the economy. He insisted on its pledge to support the Southwest in perpetuity as a museum—a commitment few responsible corporate boards, let alone non-profits, would, could, or should ever make.

When the Autry finally said that enough was enough and it was shelving the project, Huizar—in Casablanca-like innocence—-said the decision caught him “by surprise.” One wonders how far he thought he could push before it would be too much for the Autry to bear. Now, he and his colleagues have no one to squeeze to gain the revenues they hunger to disburse.

This sad tale makes transparently clear what many have seen developing, a troubling vacuum in leadership that speaks for the benefit of the city as a whole. Each of the council members have fiefdoms over which they rule, but strikingly absent is a voice speaking out for what is good for the larger city beyond the narrow confines of a single district.

It takes leadership with guts to assert itself and simply state the obvious and the necessary—-renovating a well run facility that will give hundreds of thousands of people the opportunity to view unique artifacts trumps the complaints of neighbors of an ignored and run down 100 year old building which has not garnered much attention or concern for decades.

Would that we had that kind of leadership in this city—-instead, we have bad decisions, bad policy and as a result everyone loses.

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Not a Groupie

Recently, my friends have been joining mommy groups.  Groups where moms and their kids get together for weekly outings and activities.  (How is that different from the play dates and activities I already have with my son and friends?  I don’t know…but I’m guessing that it just is.)  I don’t belong to a mommy group.  Maybe I needed to.  I, too, want to swap recipes, host Tupperware parties and join multi-tiered marketing schemes. I began to feel left out.  Something had to be done.

So, I did what any good mother would do, and researched the best of mommy groups out there on the internet, of course.

And there it was: www.meetup.com.

Meetup.com is a group heaven.  There are hundreds of groups to choose from anywhere in the country, and not just for mommies.  I was overwhelmed.  How do you choose the perfect one?  Then, I found one in my area.  “Star Trek and Space Exploration Group,” but thought that maybe I was getting off topic a little bit.  (How fun would it be to explore space, though?  Do they teleport themselves?)  So, I continued my search and found one that seemed to fit a little better.  I signed up for “San Fernando Valley Moms.”  (Because I just knew that we already were going to have a lot in common.  We were from the same geographic region, how could we not?)

I couldn’t wait to join.  I began imagining hosting Tupperware parties, buying scrapbooking supplies and earning my Gold Star sales executive pin in my new marketing group.  I couldn’t wait…but I had to. 

I filled out the questionnaire and clicked “join.”  A message appeared instantly: “awaiting reply from leader.”  So, I waited and waited and waited.  No reply. 

I double checked that my application was complete.  Yup.  Three pages all about me, my hobbies, my likes, my dislikes, my background, my opinions, my ideas, my life story and what I ate this morning for breakfast (I thought the last one was a little much, but answered it anyway -Lucky Charms.)

I couldn’t wait to hear from the leader.  I couldn’t wait to be led.
Two days later, it came…the email I had been waiting for. 

It read:

Your request to join The San Fernando Valley Moms Meetup Group
was declined.

The person who declined your request said:

Feel free to post your pic and re-
apply. 

A second chance?  Gold Star Executive of the month?  I decided to pass.  I’m actually glad I got rejected.  I know…that’s what everyone says when they get rejected.  But I REALLY mean it.  I’m just not cut out to fit into a certain group, and besides, I have way too many plastic storage containers already. 

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Army Archerd’s power of the pen

Army Archerd, a longtime columnist for Variety who wrote glowingly of Hollywood, died yesterday at 87. The many obituaries pouring out indicate he was a beloved figure in the entertainment industry, widely respected for his 50-year tenure in a business where longevity is rare. Archerd died at UCLA Medical Center of mesothelioma, a lung cancer related to asbestos exposure that occurred during his WWII Navy service.

Archerd was widely envied for his illustrious list of contacts. Over the course of his career, he interviewed Hollywood legends from moguls Louis B. Mayer, Samuel Goldwyn, Harry Cohn and the Warner brothers to Oscar-winning actors Michael Douglas and Denzel Washington. He wrote well of movie stars during Hollywood’s “golden age,” a time before TMZ and entertainment tabloids stripped much of the glamour from celebrity.

But Archerd wasn’t always a soft-peddler. He knew when to use his outrage and assert his influence. Raised in what he called a “very Jewish home,” his values were deeply set and unshakable. “I have an antenna for any indications of prejudice in the industry, including, but not only, anti-Semitism,” he told The Journal’s Tom Tugend in 2003. Indeed, according to Variety, when Michael Jackson released his 1995 album “HIStory,” Archerd criticized the King of Pop for the anti-Semitic lyrics “Jew me/Sue me” and “Kike me.” Jackson recanted and promised Archerd he would re-record the song. Another time, Archerd called Marlon Brando out for using an anti-Semitic slur in an interview.

After he wrote about the suicide bombing at Hebrew University’s cafeteria, he was honored by American Friends of Hebrew University, who noticed Archerd’s increasingly pro-Israel message.

Archerd’s career chronicled the rise of Hollywood in American culture and as such, he became an integral part of its society. Archerd hosted lavish parties at his home for the likes of Gregory Peck, Jack Lemmon, Kirk Douglas and Elizabeth Taylor and was one of only a few journalists who earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

More Army Archerd at JewishJournal.com:

An Army of One

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Israel’s brilliant PR stunt: Spoil Madonna

And you thought Madonna liked visiting Israel for Kabbalah classes. But really, the entitled Material Queen just wants to be pampered like the English royalty she isn’t—and Israel, desperate for positive PR, is willing to spoil her, no expense spared.

Cindy Adams reports for Page Six:

Madonna traveled light to Israel. Just took 11 suites plus 25 rooms plus her own Royal Suite plus her own Italian chef plus her own exercise equipment, which came in on a private plane, plus her five children. The fifth being that nice underemployed Brazilian young boy Jesus she schleps around. Unclear exactly what line of work he’s out of, but it’s definitely clear what kind of work he’s into.

Adjacent to her suite, the Dan Tel Aviv set up a private kitchen on the fifth floor where all her meals were served, including a traditional Shabat dinner presided over by the Kabbalah’s Rabbi Berg. And for those daily pilates and stretches, the hotel also turned their King Solomon Ballroom—often the site of bar mitzvahs and weddings—into her personal gymnasium. Nobody carried on this way even when Sadat came for a visit.

In return, she told her audience: “I shouldn’t have stayed away this long” and paraded around the stage wrapped in an Israeli flag.

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