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June 19, 2008

Soboroff heads effort for ‘Chai’ Maccabiah

While global sports fans are gradually shifting their attention to the Aug. 8 start of the Olympic Games in Beijing, Eyal Tiberger and Steve Soboroff are focused on the July 13, 2009 opening ceremony in Israel of the 18th Maccabiah.

Tiberger is the executive director of next year’s Maccabiah and of the Maccabi World Union, so his preoccupation is understandable.

Soboroff is an influential and politically well-connected Los Angeles real estate developer, who envisions the next Maccabiah as not only a celebration of Jewish sportsmanship and solidarity, but also as a profit-making enterprise.

He was actively involved with the Los Angeles Olympic Organizing Committee in 1984 and watched closely as top organizer Peter Ueberroth transformed the games’ accounting ledger from a predicted sea of red ink into an unbelievable surplus of $225 million.

The Maccabiah is sometimes dubbed the “Jewish Olympics,” and the comparison is not completely out of line. It ranks as the world’s third- or fourth-largest sport event, following the Olympics and Asian Games, and tied with the World University Games.

Tiberger expects some 10,000 athletes, divided into junior, open, master and paralympic categories, at the opening ceremonies at the Ramat Gan stadium, hailing from 60 countries and competing in 35 different sports at some 75 venues.

The quadrennial Maccabiah represents a major boost for the tourist industry, Israel-Diaspora relations and Jewish unity, but it costs a lot of money — $27 million for the host country alone.

Finance is a subject with which Soboroff is thoroughly familiar as chairman and CEO of the extensive Playa Vista multiuse real estate project, a one-time Los Angeles mayoral candidate and former president of the L.A. City Recreation and Parks Commission.

He was also the driving force behind the creation of the Staples Center sports and entertainment stadium in downtown Los Angeles, for which the office supplies chain store paid $120 million to have its name on the venue’s portals.

So when Soboroff learned that the 2005 Maccabiah made only $2.5 million from combined naming, television, sponsorship and merchandise rights, his entrepreneurial instincts were aroused.

“There is no reason why we can’t get greatly expanded TV and radio coverage, get primary sponsors for each separate sport, and others for uniforms and running shoes, just for starters,” he said.

To put concept into action, Soboroff recently formed The Committee of 18 (for the 18th — “Chai” — Maccabiah), with members selected from the vast pool of entertainment, media, marketing, advertising, business and philanthropy talent in Los Angeles.

The know-how and contacts of these experts is priceless, but in addition the 18 members will pay for the privilege of dispensing their free advice and efforts.

The plan calls for each committee member to give or raise $50,000, which would bring in $900,000. The money will provide scholarships for 200 teenage junior athletes from poorer communities in the former Soviet Union, India and Latin America, who otherwise could not afford the trip.

Earlier this month, Tiberger joined Soboroff in Los Angeles for a 10-day visit to pitch the idea to 20 carefully selected prospects.

“No one turned us down, and we have nine definitely signed up,” Soboroff said. “We won’t give out the names until we have all 18 aboard.”

His project is not the first attempt to broaden the public outreach and financial underpinning of the Maccabiah, said Joseph Siegman, the Los Angeles-based founder of the International Jewish Sports Hall of Fame and author of four books on Jewish athletes, from biblical times to the present.

“Back in 1985, ESPN had agreed to do two one-hour shows on the Maccabiah, with Budweiser beer as the underwriter, but we couldn’t quite put it together,” Siegman recalled.

The 1984 Olympic Games, for all their financial success, met with some criticism that excessive commercialization and corporate sponsorships had detracted from the higher ideals of the international sports competition.

Might the Maccabiah be similarly put down if the Committee of 18’s ambitious plans succeed, a reporter asked.

On the contrary, Siegman responded, since most of the foreign athletes must now pay their own way to compete in the Maccabiah, a steady source of outside money would give athletes of limited means a better chance to attend.

Soboroff agreed that, in a perfect world, athletes from wealthy and poor families would have an equal chance to participate. Until that time, though, some commercialization is necessary and would pose no threat if handled “with respect and taste.”

For his part, Tiberger gave assurances that the organizers will strike a balance so that commercial promotions will not overshadow the sport events.

Organizers of the 18th Maccabiah, headed by Israel Carmi and Jeanne Futeran, chairman and president, respectively, of both the Maccabi World Union and the International Maccabiah Committee, expect a series of tangible and intangible benefits from their efforts.

Israel counts on some 25,000 foreign spectators, who, together with the 10,000 athletes, will pump around $80 million into the national economy.

The athletes range from 15-year-old juniors to master tennis players 75 and older who are expected to consume 450,000 kosher meals, 200,000 meals-to-go, and 1.5 million quarts of mineral water. Some 400 buses will shuttle competitors from and to events and an additional 400 buses will be available for guided tours to all parts of Israel.

About 3,000 police, soldiers and private guards will provide security around the clock.

As is customary, Israel will field the largest team of 2,500 athletes and officials, strengthened by Russian and Ethiopian immigrants. The United States will be second largest with 982 members, followed by Australia, Canada, Great Britain, Brazil and Mexico. Germany will send a 200-member team.

Some 35 percent to 40 percent of participants will be women, and soccer, as always, will have the most participants, with 70 competing teams — men, women, junior, open and master.

Besides the customary Olympic events, there will be Maccabiah competitions in lawn bowling, cricket, 10-pin bowling and futsal (indoor soccer), as well as bridge and chess.

Soboroff heads effort for ‘Chai’ Maccabiah Read More »

New Presbyterian statement irks Jewish groups, sparks divestment fears

NEW YORK (JTA)—Just days before they are due to consider a range of motions on the Middle East at their biennial convention, the Presbyterian Church USA has released a document on combating anti-Jewish ideas. But Jewish organizational leaders say the statement is “infused with the very bias” it purports to condemn.

The document, “Vigilance Against anti-Jewish Bias In the Pursuit of Israeli-Palestinian Peace,” aims to help Presbyterians advance existing church policies opposing Israel’s occupation and the construction of the West Bank separation barrier, while avoiding anti-Semitic and anti-Jewish rhetoric.

“The purpose of this resource is to help Presbyterians guard against anti-Jewish bias, even as they make a strong stand for justice, and work in sustained ways for peace,” the document reads.

But to some Jewish ears, the document lays blame for the conflict squarely with Israel, avoids any substantive treatment of Arab support for terrorism, and is yet another church statement that appears to hold Israel responsible for the violence directed against it.

An unusually large coalition of 13 Jewish organizations—the Anti-Defamation League, the American Jewish Committee, B’nai B’rith International, and the major bodies of the Conservative and Reform movements among them—harshly denounced the document last week.

The document’s release has generated fear that years of Jewish-Presbyterian dialogue following pro-divestment votes in 2004 and 2006 have yielded little fruit.

A feeling of betrayal was evident in a separate protest from the leaders of the Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist synagogue associations, who wrote to the clerk of the Presbyterian Church, the Rev. Cliff Kirkpatrick, warning the document “marks a new low-point” in intercommunal relations.

In the letter, the leaders say the statement, which replaces an earlier one that was welcomed by the Jewish community, has generated “deep suspicion” that the Presbyterians are engaging in a “bait and switch.”

Presbyterian officials did not respond to requests for comment.

But Rev. Charles Henderson, editor of the interfaith publication Cross Currents and a member of Presbyterians Concerned for Jewish and Christian Relations, said the document’s authors were not being deceitful. Henderson shares the concerns of Jewish leaders, but thinks the church’s pro-Palestinian factions were responsible for amendments to the original document.

“I think it was simply the fact that Jay Rock and others who may have been involved in the production of the document in the first place didn’t realize the firestorm they may have been stepping into,” Henderson said. “I know the people who are involved as players and I don’t think it was a deceitful bait-and-switch process at all.”

Rev. Jay Rock is the church’s coordinator for interfaith relations.

“A paper that supposedly is dealing with removing anti-Jewish bias in fact becomes a paper on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. If you read it through, that’s really the major theme,” said Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism. “And it presents that conflict in a terribly one-sided way. Ultimately, the anti-Semitism part seems in many cases like an afterthought.”

Particularly galling to Yoffie was a lengthy quotation lifted from a recent speech in which he urged Jews to avoid alliances with conservative Christian Zionists like Pastor John Hagee. In that speech, he asserted that they don’t have Israel’s true interests at heart. The Presbyterians cited Yoffie to support their opposition to Christian Zionists whose beliefs, the document says, “negatively affect” Israelis and Palestinians.

“What infuriates me here is they quoted that and embedded it in a doctrine that is so hostile to Israel,” Yoffie said. “I’m not uncomfortable on the substance of the matter.”

In 2004, the Presbyterians became the first Protestant church to endorse divestment from companies doing business in Israel. The vote prompted a flurry of Jewish outreach, leading the church to retreat partially in 2006 with its call for engagement with companies engaging in peaceful pursuits.

After working to help defeat several divestment motions at the recent general assembly of the Methodist Church, Jewish leaders were hopeful that the divestment push could be similarly quashed at the Presbyterian conclave, which begins June 21 in San Jose, Calif.

But the release of the new document has darkened the forecast. It updates an earlier statement on the same subject, released in May, that addressed more fully Christian complicity in anti-Semitism and the tendency of Palestinian liberation theology to displace Jews from the biblical story of the Exodus.

In the liberation narrative, Palestinians are also sometimes compared to Jesus on the cross, which implicitly brands Israelis as Christ-killers in an echo of classic anti-Semitic charges.

“It’s a return to 2004,” said Ethan Felson, associate executive director of the Jewish Council for Public Affairs. “Divestment was always in the realm of symbolism. While there’s a calling to have their investments in peace that is understandable, there’s also a strategy that was unfolded at Durban to paint Israel as an apartheid state. We felt that was employed in 2004 and rejected in 2006.”

If the document does reignite the divestment push, it would appear to validate the claims made after the Methodist conference by Jewish Voice for Peace, a left-wing group based in San Francisco that stands virtually alone among Jewish organizations in supporting selective divestment as a means to pressure the Israeli government.

Jewish Voice for Peace saw the Methodist conference, which decided to keep divestment on the table even while rejecting several resolutions specifically targeting Israel, as a victory. The Jewish group also supports the new Presbyterian statement.

“To me, the question is not whether the statement was changed from A to B, but whether B is good,” wrote Sydney Levy, the group’s director of chapters and campaigns, in an email to JTA. “The answer is unequivocal: Yes. The current statement strikes a good balance between the two concerns of the church on this issue.”

New Presbyterian statement irks Jewish groups, sparks divestment fears Read More »

In the summertime

This Friday afternoon is the start of summer, which should make me very happy: BBQ dinners, ice cream trucks, really stupid TV shows that the networks are too embarrassed to run during the regular season. Summer … you can’t say it without smiling.

For most of my life, summer meant vacation. I would go to ” title=”Disneyland College Program”>Disneyland College Program to an internship at a newspaper, with a vacation right before returning to school, sometimes.

When I graduated from college and moved to California, summer meant a job with more sun during my commute.

Now that I am married, summer means two of us in jobs with more sun during our commutes.

Notice a pattern?

As two adults without children, taking a summer vacation is not only difficult – it is expensive. Hotel prices, airline prices, gas prices – everything is higher in the summer, not to mention the crowds.

However, just because we can’t take a summer vacation, doesn’t mean we can’t take a vacation.

Now, instead of June being our favorite month – it is May and October (the two months in which we’ve been taking our vacations). October is perfect – the days are cool and it is after the insanity of the High Holidays. May is perfect – the days are a little warmer and the kids aren’t out of school yet.

My husband and I are fortunate people who can afford to cruise. We know others are not as lucky and, because of high gas prices, can pretty much only enjoy a “” title=”Disney Magic”>Disney Magic for our one-year anniversary. Since it is off-season, we found a great price for the cruise and the hotel at In the summertime Read More »

Will the Democrats cave on telecom immunity?

It looks like Congressional Democrats are going to cave in to the Bush administration, this time on telecom immunity for illegal surveillance of Americans.  Maybe public opposition will stop the roll over.  Maybe this is a drama that will end better than it is going right now.  But I wouldn’t bank on it.

You may recall that we found out a few years ago that several telecom companies had agreed to help the administration illegally wiretap Americans.  Numerous lawsuits have been filed to hold them accountable.

The telecoms, big campaign donors, joined with the administration to try to bully Congress into granting them retroactive immunity for actions that they have never fully disclosed.  And media reports now suggest that the Democratic leadership in the House and Senate are going to pass the bill the White House wants.  It will have a fig leaf to hide how pathetic the Congressional resistance was.  If the companies can show a written document that the president or his representatives said it was all legal, then the lawsuits will be dismissed.  I can’t wait until another illegal action by somebody else is justified by such a letter.

It is not impossible that the media reports themselves are part of a White House strategy to build momentum for a legislative victory.  But I am not optimistic.

It was embarrassing watching the Lakers roll over for the Celtics in Game 6 of the NBA finals.  But at least the Celtics were a much better team.  I think one needs to explore the outer realms of psychology to understand how, in an election year that greatly favors the Democrats, with Republicans demoralized, the Democratic party would give in to a president whose latest approval rating is 24%.  All I can imagine is that this party has been beaten down so much on national security for so many years, that they simply have lost the capacity to resist.  I would also not underestimate the impact of telecom campaign donations.

If anybody on Capital Hill were watching the presidential race, they might notice that John McCain is closely tied to the telecoms, and that Barack Obama opposes this deal.  By caving in now, they are doing McCain’s work for him, taking a potentially embarrassing issue off the election table.

It’s particularly disheartening that in a week that saw clear evidence that the administration guided and inspired the program of torture that may well constitute war crimes, the Democrats in Congress may see fit to cave in.  I wonder how the White House will see this.  Democrats love to imagine that Republicans will not attack them on national security if only they get everything they want.  More likely, the White House will feel contemptuous and even more emboldened to do whatever it wants in its waning days.

The thing about courage is that it has great consequences all over the map.  Obama is attacking McCain on terrorism and war issues, rather than quivering in fear of Republican attacks.  If Congress has any hope of keeping the White House from using its final days for dangerous excursions into the further reaches of global warfare, a little courage would go a long way.

Will the Democrats cave on telecom immunity? Read More »

Ali Eteraz — Islamophobic Muslim?

No, he’s not. But Ali Eteraz expects some of his co-religionists will accuse him of being a self-loathing Muslim because he doesn’t want to make a big deal about volunteers for Barack Obama telling two Muslim women they couldn’t appear in photos with the presidential candidate trying so hard to convince the world he is not a Muslim. (A litmus that should not be applied. Period.) Here is Eteraz’s argument:

Muslims (and Democrats) — like yours truly — who don’t get all frothing at the mouth about this, who don’t sit around and say “That Obama needs to do something about Islamophobia!!!”, who call this a non-story, are going to be accused of being anti-Muslim just for the simple fact that we treat anti-hijab bigotry as any other kind of bigotry — condemnable, deserving of an apology, but not the end of the world. This is still America; the best place in the world for a Muslim to exercise her faith, way better than Muslim countries).

In fact, I suspect very seriously that most of the pro-hijab crowd are going to end up politicizing hijab even more than it already is. I tell you what ladies: that’s not good for hijab.

Ali Eteraz — Islamophobic Muslim? Read More »

‘Hoops’ harder than rocket science

Caltech has more Nobel laureates than any other university and is considered among the top five academic institutions in the world. The Pasadena campus’ contributions to science and technology are vast.

And then there’s their basketball team, the Beavers.

It figures that athletics at such a prestigious technical university would take a back seat to rocket science and particle physics. But as of the 2005-06 season profiled in the documentary “Quantum Hoops,” the NCAA Division III Beavers had yet to win a single Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference game in 21 years. The team’s last conference title was in 1954.

The history-heavy film narrated by actor David Duchovny, which comes to DVD June 24, follows the Beavers as they attempt to win their first conference game since the 1980s.

Focused on the last nail-biting game of the season against Whittier College, the film took the Top 10 Audience Choice Award at the 2007 Santa Barbara International Film Festival. However, it’s probably the only award the team is likely to see, if tangentially, for a while.

Rick Greenwald says the win-less Beavers appealed to him on his first time out as a director. The 36-year-old documentary filmmaker from Chino grew up watching the college’s pranks, which inspired the 1985 comedy “Real Genius.”

But for all the opportunities to poke fun at the team, Greenwald says he resisted the urge to cut in scenes like Charlie Brown failing to kick a football.

“I abandoned that plan,” he said. “I was very sensitive to making fun. I don’t use the term nerd once.”

Still wanting to score points with Caltech’s geek factor, Greenwald hoped to secure Duchovny as narrator based on his “X-Files” credentials. The actor, a college basketball player for Princeton, agreed to voice the film a few weeks before its theatrical release.

“I still can’t believe it happened, to be honest,” Greenwald said.

The documentary profiles many of the team’s quirky student players, but the camera lingers primarily on Roy Dow, a veteran college coach who has helped the team close its average losing margin from the high 50s to roughly 20 points.

While Dow doesn’t have the pressures of an NCAA Division I coach, Greenwald says the doc certainly evokes a strong reaction from more sensitive viewers, especially when the coach shouts at players for performing at a level below that displayed in practice.

“You’re playing like dumb smart kids!” Dow yells.

Rather than alienating the players, Dow’s passion for the game inspires them.

“They respect him, they believe in him,” Greenwald said.

The reasons why players join a team as underwhelming as the Beavers varies, the director says, from bragging rites that they played in the NCAA to blowing off steam from the intense academic pressure.

“Once these guys get going, they really want that win,” Greenwald said. “They’ve never failed, statistically, on a level like this in anything they’ve ever done in their entire life. And I think a lot of them like the challenge of that part.”


Caltech basketball on ESPN’s College Gameday 1/20/07

‘Hoops’ harder than rocket science Read More »

Obituaries

Cappy Capsuto died June 5 at 93. He is survived by his daughters, Holly Hawk and Kathy (David); and four grandchildren. Mount Sinai

Dorothy Coblens died May 19 at 88. She is survived by her husband, Dr. Robert; daughters, Carrie Ann (Marvin) and Nancy Beth; six grandchildren; six great-grandchildren; and sister, Vivian. Chevra Kadisha

Robert Gross died June 6 at 85. He is survived by his wife, Lorrayne; daughter, Sherrie Stevens; four grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren. Mount Sinai

Malvern Kaplan died April 17 at 86. He is survived by his daughter, Patrice. Hillside

Myron Mandel died June 3 at 64. He is survived by his wife, Adrienne Zin-Mandel; daughter, Brooke (Michael) Lefevre; grandchildren, Samantha and Christopher; and sister, Bonnie MacDonald. Mount Sinai

Shirley Mendelsohn died June 5 at 75. She is survived by her daughters, Mindy Card and Cheryl; son, Victory; three grandchildren; sister, Ruth Wise; niece, Linda (Bernie) Reed; and nephew, Barry Wise. Mount Sinai

Betty Meyers died June 3 at 99. She is survived by her daughters, Robin (Mitch) Freed and Linda; and sister, Helen Steinfeld. Mount Sinai

David Shalomi died June 5 at 75. He is survived by his wife; Jenny; daughters, Roxanne and Sharon; six grandchildren; brothers, Belfor, Sedik, Fraim and Menashe; and sister, Rima. Groman

Janet Silverstein died June 3 at 78. She is survived by her sons, Jai Pal Singh (Seva) Khalsa, Dr. Robert (Susan Kamman) and James (Deborah); daughter, Carole (Julio Sims); five grandchildren; and sister, Marilyn Horwitz. Mount Sinai

Glenda Tusher died June 1 at 88. She is survived by her sister, Edith Mortvedt; nephew, Alvin; niece, Audrey Workman; and great-nephew, Randy Workman. Mount Sinai

Elaine Udoff died May 31 at 92. She is survived by her daughter, Carol; two grandchildren; and three great-grandchildren. Groman

Suzanne Alter Wolf died June 4 at 78. She is survived by her husband, Bennett; daughter, Teresa; and sons, Brian and David. Hillside



John Friedkin, Veteran Publicity Executive, Dies at 81

John Friedkin, veteran publicist and studio executive, died of respiratory failure May 11 at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He was 81.

Born Dec. 9, 1926 in New York City, he graduated from Horace Mann High School and went on to earn a bachelor’s degree at Columbia University. He started out as an adman with the prestigious Young & Rubicam agency but, in partnership with his friend Gabe Sumner, opted to open a public relations firm specializing in the entertainment business; their first client was Tony Bennett.

Sumner + Friedkin Associates represented many of the talented young writers producer Fred Coe had discovered for the landmark “Playhouse 90” live drama series on CBS: Paddy Chayefsky, Horton Foote, J. P. Miller and Reginald Rose. They also handled public relations for the show itself as well as Studio One, the Purex Specials and Johnny Carson’s debut, “Who Do You Trust?”

Broadway clients included Rodgers and Hammerstein, and legendary producers David Merrick and Manny Azenberg. In addition to Bennett, their music slate featured Benny Goodman and others. Comedians Buddy Hackett and Joey Bishop shared representation with authors John D. MacDonald and Budd Schulberg.

Among the many films Sumner + Friedkin handled during their 10-year partnership were Chayefsky’s “The Goddess” and “Middle of the Night.”

In the mid-1960s, Friedkin accepted an offer to run the New York office of Rogers and Cowan but left in 1967 to become vice president of advertising, publicity and promotion for 20th Century Fox Film Corp.

Friedkin joined Fox at a time when all of the major film companies were in the process of consolidating their operations in Hollywood rather than separating administration and distribution in New York from creative development and production at their Los Angeles studios. This quintessential New Yorker was transferred to LaLa Land in 1972 but managed to survive and thrive, working on such notable films as “Star Wars” and “Alien”; the cult phenomenon “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”; award-winners “Julia” and “The Turning Point”; and all of Mel Brooks’ films beginning with “Young Frankenstein.”

In 1979, he moved from Fox to Warner Bros. to become vice president of international advertising and publicity. Among the films he was involved with there were “Blade Runner,” “Altered States,” “The Right Stuff,” and the Academy-Award winning “Chariots of Fire.” The surprise hit “Mad Max” led to a lasting relationship with director George Miller and his Kennedy/Miller Productions.

Friedkin became an independent consultant in 1987 with clients including New Line Cinema, Sony Pictures Classics and Miramax. He was reunited with George Miller in 1992 on “Lorenzo’s Oil,” and earned an associate producer credit on the film.

Then came the pig movie — “Babe” — and a stint in Australia as unit publicist, returning home to advise Universal on its campaign for, of all things, Academy Award nominations. “Babe” received an unprecedented seven nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director for George Miller and Best Film Editing for John’s son, Jay Friedkin. John also served as publicity consultant on the sequel, “Babe: Pig in the City.”

John Friedkin was a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and volunteered annually for the Foreign Language Film Selection Committee.

He is survived by his wife, Tatiana; son, Jay; brother, Donald; and sister, Renee.

Obituaries Read More »

AIPAC, Persian tragedy, Christian support for Israel

AIPAC

Do You think it is fair and balanced news to print only Sen. John McCain’s comments to AIPAC [the American Israel Public Affairs Committee]?

I listened to Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. Hilary Clinton’s comments and feel they deserve the same coverage in The Jewish Journal (“McCain Raps Obama on Iran and Iraq at AIPAC“).

How do you justify not printing their comments? Not everyone has access to a Web site.

Charlotte Novatt
Los Angeles

Editor's Note: The Journal went to press before Clinton and Obama gave their speeches at the AIPAC conference. Sen. Obama's prepared remarks are online here, and Sen. Clinton's speech is online here.

Persian Tragedy

I think I speak for the entire Jewish community when I say that we are all saddened and in disbelief at the tragedy surrounding the death of Bianca Khalili (“Persian Tragedy,” June 13).

However, the horror is further exacerbated by the fact that we have not been able to stop the labeling of Jews. There are Russian, Moroccan, Mexican, Israeli, Sephardic, Ashkenazi and, yes, Persian Jews in our midst. Some of us are more or less observant; and, some of us are more or less accepted. Why? Persian Jews have been here since the late 1970s ,and I think that they have earned the right to be part of the entire community. Not Persian Jews, not separated from the rest of the Jewish community, but an integral, accepted and loved part of the Jewish community. Isn’t it time for all Jews to finally unite and stop putting up a mechitzah between us? This was not a Persian tragedy.

This was a Jewish tragedy.

Tamar Andrews
Los Angeles

I learned many huge lessons from the tragic events that recently occurred:
I will not allow myself the audacity to stand in judgment of another: will never “assume” anything about a person’s state of mind. No one knows who a person really is, what they are feeling or thinking at any given moment, what goes on in their homes, their hearts, their wallets…. I will not assign meanings to anyone’s behavior, or judge them to be anything, other than “an imperfect human being” just like me.

People talk, and that’s all it is: “talk.” You want facts? Good luck. I hear of lashon hara, I hear of police reports, of the “Jewish Way,” and you are one of the first to mention the human way.

I do not hear about “judgment,” or the law where you are innocent until proven guilty. I used to go to Beverly Hills High School; I have two teenagers, and I see what goes on … it can be brutal. However, I believe the real tragedy here is living within us, today.

There were two people there that night. One cannot ever talk again, and the other talks but no one wants to listen. The bottom line is none of us were there. None of us know what really happened, so for anyone to pass such cruel and dignified judgments is an utter tragedy of epic proportions, and a disgrace to logic and common sense.

I have spent three weeks at parties and gatherings listening to such ugly, baseless gossip, all of which was hearsay, illogical nonsense and just pure fantasy. People talked and talked, spewing words from their mouths so easily, as if they were reciting a poem, or reading street signs, without a moment’s hesitation to consider what they were saying, where it all came from, whether it was fact or hearsay … living their “C.S.I.” fantasy moment … well, because they just know everything and that makes it automatically a fact, of course; right?

The deceased is gone. Yet the living is left sinning, hurting, reeling, and lost. I only hope and pray that our people can find ourselves again, and learn from this.

It is time to stop, and put an end to this vicious cycle. Let the police and the courts take care of their business. Let us allow some breathing room for the families involved to grieve in peace and, God willing, someday heal.

Tannaz Rahbar
via e-mail

AIDS/HIV Supplement

I seldom miss an issue of The Jewish Journal, and I’m so glad I found the June 6 issue. Thanks so much for the supplement “AIDS and HIV” — it is fantastic and so important.

I have donated to AIDS Project Los Angeles and Project Angel Food but just learned of Project Chicken Soup.

GLSEN [Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network] is a fine group helping students and schools become inclusive for gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender students. They all need the same safe environments to study, learn and become productive, useful citizens, unharmed.

For me to realize (thru this supplement) that the Jewish community is open to helping is so rewarding and welcome. Please accept my sincere appreciation.

Dorothy L. Linder
Culver City

Christian Support for Israel

Thank you for finally publishing a positive article about Christian support for Israel in the May 30 article, “Interfaith Pep Rally For Israel Rocks the Forum.”

Instead of constantly looking for fault in Christian support for Israel we need to embrace their support, which is genuine and based on a shared belief in a common Bible and common God not just on a “common enemy in Islamic extremism.”

I have personally witnessed Christian pilgrimages to Israel on the Jewish holidays and seen their genuine love and devotion to the State of Israel and the Jewish people and we must never forget to appreciate their support.

Amanda Gelman
Los Angeles

Correction

Due to editing errors in "Orthodox Schools Share Concern For Greener World" (June 6), Master Solar and Madam Geothermal were erroneously attributed to David Chameides. Chameides is not associated with those characters or with the Big Mountain program at Camp Max Strauss. Chameides has not spoken at Yavneh, nor did he speak with Shalhevet parents, though he was invited to attend Shalhevet's trip to the landfill.

AIPAC, Persian tragedy, Christian support for Israel Read More »

The emotional landmines of family caregiving

Most families squabble. After a short cooling-off period, relatives tend to resolve spats and go on with their individual lives. But there are situations that make it difficult to restore harmony. For example, when an elderly loved one breaks a hip, suffers from dementia, a stroke or other disabling illness, spouses and adult children can become unglued. The frailty and dependence of a loved one often ignites emotional landmines, stirs up old family issues and uncovers personality traits best left buried.

Sibling Rivalry

A common situation goes like this: Sis worries that increasing forgetfulness threatens her mother’s safety. Her brother, on the other hand, argues that a few Post-It note reminders placed around mom’s home will remedy any “senior moments” she may have.

Sis replies, “You haven’t seen the burnt pots and pans left unattended on the stove.”

He comes back with “You are overreacting.”

Both want the best for their mother, but their competitiveness gets in the way of their ability to execute a plan. Each one is trying to prove that they are the smartest, most reasonable and the supreme problem-solver. Sibling rivalry never dies.

The siblings’ time would be better spent asking their mother what she prefers. Does mom want to remain in her home in the face of growing difficulties? Most seniors do. An assessment by a professional geriatric care manager (who is not a relative) would lay the groundwork for a plan to keep mom safe in her own home or, if that’s not wise, help the family find a more suitable living arrangement. For an explanation of what a geriatric care manager does and the location of one near you, visit www.caremanager.org.

The Golden-Haired Child

A painful situation for the primary caregiver occurs when another close relative does little or nothing to help, but they are adored and praised by the senior anyway. This frequently triggers resentment in the mentally and physically exhausted primary caregiver.

Keeping uninvolved relatives in the loop about medical conditions, treatments and finances increases the likelihood of their involvement. At the very least, it prevents later complaints that “nobody told me” or “I’d have never agreed to that had I’d known.”

It’s infuriating when others don’t do their share, but ultimately you can’t force people to do anything they don’t want to do. In the long run, you are better off not spending time stewing, a practice that results in more anger, bitterness and family feuds.

Before throwing in the towel, get together a family conference where the topic for discussion is “sharing the caring.” Generally, people are more willing to participate when they can contribute in a way that’s comfortable for them. Not everyone is willing or able to do hands-on care. Some relatives might have the know-how to help with figuring out and managing health benefits or home repairs or be willing to accompany the elder to doctor appointments.

The Scrooge

The Scrooge is the family member who skimps on or neglects care. I recall a daughter who petitioned the court and was granted the conservatorship of her severely demented mother. The siblings welcomed the newfound kindness of their previously self-centered sister. Then the daughter moved their mother to an unlicensed, below-standard “cheap” facility far away from other family members. Soon, she began to mishandle her mother’s finances.

Most Scrooges simply want to preserve their inheritance or “get it early.”

If the older woman (when she was still well) had executed a living will or designated an ethical person to be her durable power of attorney for health care and for financial decisions, the Scrooge may never have been able to take over her mother’s care for her own gain.

These documents can be downloaded and are explained online at www.caringinfo.org.

The Long-Distance Denier

Some relatives are well-meaning, but distance is an obstacle. In this group there are also a large number of deniers who insist that nothing is wrong with mom or pop. Almost as bad are the bossy long-distance relatives who issue inappropriate and unsolicited “advice.”

Two solutions come to mind. First, discover what the distant person is willing to do from their own home. For example, research medications, health conditions, locate resources online, or provide emotional support via telephone or even financial support. Second, invite a denier to eldersit so the caregiver can take a break. A few days of duty may open their eyes to the “true picture.”

The Sandwiched Caregiver

Some caregivers are squeezed between caring for an elderly parent and parenting a teenager. Every hour spent on eldercare represents an hour unavailable for children. The bane of the sandwiched caregiver is guilt. No matter how much they have done, they always feel they could have done more. Even worse is the guilt experienced when their frustration and exhaustion result in angry words directed at their spouse, teenager or even the older family member.

One solution is to include the entire family in eldercare. For instance, children usually love assisting with grandpa’s exercise. They can count the repetitions and cheer grandpa on. Teenage girls may get a kick out of doing grandma’s nails. Such activities lighten the caregiving load and help young people develop compassion.

Joining a support group is an ideal way to cope. To find a support group near you, start with the Alzheimer’s Association at (800) 272-3900 or www.alz.org.

The Overburdened

The overburdened are easily identified because the people they are caring for look better than they do. Overburdened caregivers are more inclined to have depressive illness, flare-ups of their own medical conditions and a higher mortality rate than those who are not caregivers.

The good news is that caregivers who choose their battles wisely, recognize that eldercare does not have to be perfect, and tend to their own health needs are able to provide better and longer care of their loved ones. While eldercare is often a thankless job, many caregivers report tremendous satisfaction when they reflect on the care they provided during the last years or months of their loved one’s life.

The Super Caregiver

The classic “Super Caregiver” is an adult child or spouse who refuses offers of help, saying, “No one can do it better than I can.”

The emotional landmines of family caregiving Read More »