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February 12, 1998

The Panic Retreats

Leave a Comment / Israel, Old Stories, Worldwide /

After being caught up in a wave of initial panic,the Israeli public seems to be calming down a bit over thepossibility of an Iraqi missile attack.

There has been a backlash against panic. Panic isnow “out.” News stories about panic have become redundant, boring andsuspect, what with the overwhelming condemnation of the media forwhipping up the panic in the first place.

And there are just so many times the Israelipublic can get worried when U.S. officials warn Saddam Hussein yetagain that “time is running out.” The Israeli blood pressure issomewhat higher than normal, but lower than it was a week ago, andstable — for now.

A recent Israeli army poll of people lined up atgas-mask distribution centers found that the public is concerned andwants more information, but was reacting “normally,” according toarmy psychologists who interpreted the results. Only one-third ofrespondents said that the Iraqi crisis was Israel’s most pressingproblem; another third named the peace process; the remaining thirdcited the economy. Ninety-one percent said that they would stay homeif Israel were attacked; 7 percent said that they would movetemporarily to another part of the country; and 2 percent said thatthey would wait out the missiles abroad.

One development that clearly calmed people downwas the opening of dozens of additional gas-mask distribution centersaround the country. Israelis no longer had to wait hours in line, nolonger got hot under the collar and started shouting at each other,and, thus, no longer provided such a mediagenic display of frayednerves – i.e. “panic” – for TV cameras and reporters.

The Israeli media are used to getting slammed byright-wing politicians and the common folk, but now they were beingblasted by their own aristocrats — star commentators in the pressand TV — for their performance in the early days of the scare.Israel’s leading print journalist, Nahum Barnea of Yediot Aharonot,noted that TV stations had aired interviews with a woman shriekingthat she was leaving the country, as well as shocking archivalfootage of Saddam’s gas attacks on a Kurdish village.

Barnea concluded: “This was a cynical, twistedattempt to make a big noise and high ratings at the expense of thevital national interest and the public’s nerves…. It turns out thatRabin was right when he said that had television been around duringthe War of Independence, we would have lost the war.”

So the media were chastened. News editors,headline writers, cameramen, reporters and talk-show hosts feltcompelled to restrain themselves. “Calm is the order of the day.We’re supposed to be calm, and we’re supposed to calm the listenersdown. I’m calm; are you calm?” a radio talk-show co-host asked hispartner. “I’m calm,” said the partner. Sarcastic, but calm.

Israeli government, military and healthauthorities repeated their soothing messages relentlessly. They madethree major points: 1) The chance of an Iraqi attack on Israel wasslim and close to none; 2) the home front was as prepared as possiblefor such an attack; and 3) even if anthrax-loaded missiles did landon Israel, people would be safe inside their gas masks and sealedrooms. The first point was credible. The second was, for the mostpart, credible. But the third was an insult to the intelligence. “Thegas mask [and sealed room] provide a satisfactory answer to chemicaland biological weapons,” said Brig. Gen. Dr. Aryeh Eldad, head of theArmy Medical Corps.

If this was so, why was America preparing to go towar to destroy these weapons? Why worry so much about “weapons ofmass destruction” if gas masks and masking tape could neutralizethem?

In the unlikely event that anthrax, botulin orpoison gas did explode on Israel, it would be a catastrophe, andpeople know it, no matter what the “experts” tried to tellthem.

There were also some avoidable gaps in the homefront’s preparedness. Most of the bomb shelters in schools were notsealed against gas or bacterial infiltration. “I’m worried, and Ihope the future doesn’t give me reason to worry even more, ” saidShai Lachman, chairman of the national Parents Association.

Retired Gen. Amram Mitzna, who was in charge ofthe army’s Planning Division during the Gulf War (and is now mayor ofHaifa), said: “The main lesson from the mistakes of the Gulf War –that there must be coordination between all the relevant bodies, thearmy, police, fire department, Magen David Adom [ambulance service]and municipalities — has not been learned to this day. They are allstill working separately.”

Nevertheless, gas masks were being distributedsmoothly, and hundreds of thousands more were en route from Germanyand Holland. The United States was sending Israel large stocks ofantidotes to viruses such as anthrax. Best of all, Israel had a farsuperior arsenal of dirty weaponry than Saddam had, and Saddam knewit. Deterrence was Israel’s best protection.

Yet the public, even without the media’s goading,had been honestly overwrought, at least at first, and this messagehad gone out to hostile countries such as Iraq, Iran, Libya and Syriavia the foreign media.

There was an upside and a downside to this,military commentator Ron Ben-Yishai wrote in Yediot Aharonot. Enemycountries, knowing that the specter of nonconventional weaponry couldrattle the Israeli public, might be encouraged to develop theseweapons with even greater alacrity, Ben-Yishai suggested. But, on theother hand, Ben-Yishai continued, the enemy might be thinking: “It’snot worth tangling with a such a nervous people. Who knows how theIsraeli government might react?”

The panic was now subsiding. Panic can only besustained for a limited time; then it needs to take a rest. But ifthe time comes when Gulf War II is not a possibility in the comingweeks but a certainty in the coming days, the Israeli mood may revertto panic, or it may move to a deeper, more resolute calm. Stay tuned,but don’t believe everything you hear, see, or even read.

All rights reserved by author.


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‘Till Death Do Us Part’ — Enough Already

Leave a Comment / Old Stories /

Many of us who said, “Till death do us part,”never went the distance. Gary and Barbara did. They were a great lovestory. The fact that her parents didn’t approve of their marriage,because he was a saxophone player, made it all the morepowerful.

From the moment Barbara was diagnosed with adebilitating illness, Gary never left her side. In the early days,that literally meant that she leaned on him whenever she walked. Butfew of us knew that she took his arm because she was ill. I alwaysthought that he was just being a gentleman.

Now an acclaimed composer, he has writtensymphonies and an award-winning Broadway show. When I visited lastyear, he was playing the piano for Barbara. She was still able toenjoy music and laugh at his jokes. By then, her condition was madeeven more painful with breast cancer and the onset of dementia. Shedied this past December, on his birthday, 15 years after she hadbecome ill.

When I talked to him recently, he said that he wassurprised by how many people, especially women, reacted to his caringfor his wife. “Oh, no,” I said, “this is the behavior of a man-mensch– a rare breed of human. It wasn’t what you did; it was the elegancewith which you did it.” Two weeks after Barbara’s funeral, one ofGary’s songwriter collaborators told him that she would lose 50pounds and kill her dog if he would consider her “relationshipmaterial.”

Thirty years ago, marrying against your parents’wishes was a big deal. While we were blinded by hormones, our parentswere the screeners of unacceptable mates. Musicians were definitelyon the list. Anyone who drank liquor before dusk or had a closerelative whose picture was cut out of the family album wassuspect.

In my family, we never mentioned my grandmother’scousin, known as red-haired Annie, who put her husband’s head in theoven. It was officially ruled a suicide. My grandmother’s brother,Hymie, who was a no-goodnik gambler, also was persona nongrata.

Acceptable mates were the ones who were able tomake a living or had the potential to make a living. When answeringthe phone, my grandmother would hang up if it wasn’t Barry theColumbia Medical School student. Barry, the future pediatrician, wasthe unanimous choice of my family.

I married Sandy, the one who didn’t even own asport jacket and who lived at home with the mother who still cut uphis steak. Fortunately, he returned to law school after taking aleave of absence to try his luck at acting. Returning to law schooland the fact that he was a card player got him past the familyradar.

Barry, on the other hand, played bridge, went tothe symphony, studied opera, and was a ballet aficionado who lovedGershwin. But I wasn’t attracted to Barry the provider, with thesophisticated tastes. I was drawn to Sandy the big spender, whoarranged our first vacation so that we would hit every racetrack onthe Eastern seaboard. Barry eventually married his nurse and is stillwith her.

My second marriage was to someone 20 years olderthan me. He was mature. Stable. Or “integrated,” he likes to say. Heentered my life when I literally had nothing, when I was at my mostvulnerable. He was attracted to a 119-pound woman with three dogs,two college-aged children, no job, and a house in foreclosure. I wasattracted to someone who looked like my father and acted like afriend. Freud lives.

But I was, after all, my mother’s daughter, andmore so — a survivor with advanced graduate degrees. We come from along line of warrior women who not only won’t be vanquished but willstrike back if someone’s trying to exploit our vulnerabilities. Imarried for security and left after 18 months forself-preservation.

The fascinating thing about being single and inyour 50s is that there’s a possible second 50 years more to live –if you’re lucky. I don’t see myself walking down yet another aisleand saying, “Till death do us part.” I would much rather becompletely engaged. “This is my intended,” he’d say. “This is myfriend,” I’d say.

Columnist Linda Feldman is the co-author of”Where To Go From Here: Discovering Your Own Life’s Wisdom” (Simon& Schuster).

All rights reserved by author

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Fine Cut: A Festival of Student Film

Leave a Comment / Film, Old Stories /

Student films from throughout Southern California are currentlybeing featured on the three-part KCET series “Fine Cut: A Festival ofStudent Film,” airing on Sundays at 10 p.m. The series, hosted bydirector Michael Apted, will feature a total of 17 films fromstudents at UCLA, USC, CalArts, Loyola Marymount and the AmericanFilm Institute. Ranging in length from three to 32 minutes, theentries include dramas, documentaries and animation.

Debuting last Sunday, “Fine Cut” continues this week with anotherentertaining lineup. “In the Hole,” the true story of a Queensteen-ager who steals a New York subway train for a joyride, isfeatured; “Hole” debuted at last year’s Telluride Film Festival’sFilmmakers of Tomorrow program. Also this week: Tony Bui’s impressivedebut, “Yellow Lotus,” the first American film shot in Vietnam, whichwowed audiences at Telluride in 1995 and won the Loyola Marymountgraduate a lucrative feature contract; “The Projects,” a satiricallook at California immigration policies; and “INFITD,” a UCLA dramaabout a young boy who wards off evil forces by chanting “INFITD,” anacronym for “I’ll not fall into the Devil.”

Both of this week’s animated shorts are courtesy of CalArts. MarkOsborne’s “Greener” uses a variety of techniques, including thepainstaking stop-motion and hand-coloring processes, and “Stampede”is a three minute piece created with hand-carved rubber stamps.

Next week’s installment includes “Independent Little Cuss,” winnerof the Gold Medal at the 1996 Student Academy Awards, which documentsthe story of disabled-rights activist Carole Patterson as sheprepares to marry a non-disabled man against the wishes of herfamily. Also scheduled is “Unbearable Being,” an animated short abouta personal identity crisis; the computer-generated “Cocoon”; and”Sitting in Limbo,” starring Adam Wylie (“Picket Fences”).

Buñuel in Mexico

Fans of Spanish director Luis Bunuel will want to check out theLos Angeles County Museum of Art’s current series that showcases hisMexican work. “El Bruto,” “Abismos de Pasion” (his surreal “WutheringHeights” remake), and many other works unavailable on video are amongthose featured. At LACMA’s Bing Theater, 5905 Wilshire Blvd., LosAngeles. Call (213) 857-6010 for a complete schedule.

Documentary Days

Laemmle Theatres’ current series of documentaries continues at theGrande 4-Plex in downtown Los Angeles. This week: “Colors StraightUp,” which profiles a year in the life of Colors United, anafter-school drama program for youth in Watts. The Grande is at 345S. Figueroa St. Call (213) 617-0268 for show times.

Go to The Jewish Journal’s 7 Days in theArts

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Foreign Aid as Shell Game

Leave a Comment / Old Stories, Politics /

There was, if you listenedcarefully, an undertone of anxiety beneath the hoopla last month,when Israel laid out plans to wean itself off U.S. economic aid.While politicians and pundits celebrated Israel’s generous offer togive up its $3 billion-a-year entitlement, some Jewish activists werequietly wondering what it would do to Jewish political clout.

“If you’re going to be one of the mostpowerful lobbying forces in Washington, it’s a good idea to havesomething to lobby for,” says one veteran Washington insider,speaking on condition of anonymity. “Right now, it feels like AIPACis the March of Dimes, and they’re about to cure polio.”

For some reason, folks at AIPAC, the AmericanIsrael Public Affairs Committee, don’t seem worried. Neither doleaders of other Jewish organizations, nor Israel’s congressionalsupporters. They’re acting as though nothing much is happening. “Thisis a success story of an aid program that worked,” says AIPACspokeswoman Toby Dershowitz. “We think this is good news.”

At first glance, the facts seem to warrant a tadmore anxiety. More than any other institution, AIPAC embodiesAmerican Jewish clout through its legendary ability to ensure U.S.support for Israel. Nothing symbolizes that U.S. support, and theJewish clout that maintains it, better than that $3 billion. As muchas Jewish power secures aid, aid builds Jewish power.

Consider the numbers. When the Nixonadministration first announced in October 1973 that it was sendingIsrael a staggering $2.2 billion, AIPAC was a shoestring agency witha half dozen staffers and a $400,000 budget. In the years since, U.S.aid has crept up to $3 billion, while AIPAC has ballooned into acolossus with a 150-member staff, a $15 million budget and asuperpower aura.

AIPAC’s aura spreads far, lending stature to otherJewish lobbying efforts. When the Anti-Defamation League lobbiesagainst hate crimes, or when the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society seeksvisas for Russian refugees, or when Hadassah demands funding forbreast cancer research, they benefit from the perception that theyspeak for a $3 billion Jewish juggernaut.

“Pro-Israel activity on Capitol Hill creates aneffective Jewish presence in Washington that makes our work on otherissues more effective,” says Rabbi David Saperstein, head of theWashington Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism.

A Washington political consultant is more blunt:”There is a benefit to looking like Godzilla when you walk into aroom.”

So why isn’t anybody frightened about the aidgoing away? Because the aid isn’t really going away. It’s being, asJewish lobbyists politely phrase it, “reconfigured.”

Briefly put, Israel is suggesting a slow phase-outof its “economic,” or nonmilitary, assistance. That’s only $1.2billion, less than half the $3 billion yearly total. The other $1.8billion is military aid. Israel wants to increase that part.

The economic aid is easy to cut. It doesn’t doIsrael much good anyway. When it started, Israel had a Gross DomesticProduct below $20 billion a year. U.S. aid meant something. Today,Israel’s GDP is well over $80 billion. Economic aid accounts forbarely 2 percent of it.

Most of the aid doesn’t even enter Israel’seconomy. It used to build bridges and schools. Now it repays Israel’sdebt to the United States, which piled up before the aid wasconverted from loans to grants in the mid-1980s. Within 10 years, thedebt will be paid up, according to the plan proposed to Congress lastmonth by Finance Minister Yaakov Neeman (yes, that Neeman). That’swhen Israel wants to end the aid.

Israel could end economic aid right now ifWashington forgave the debt. Congress and the administration wouldprobably agree, sources say. But Jerusalem fears lowering its creditrating.

As for military aid, nobody wants to end it.Congress loves military aid. Nearly all of it comes as credits to buyU.S. arms, creating jobs and tax revenues in America. Besides,Washington recognizes that Israel faces a spiraling arms race that itcan’t afford to lose. Israel actually wants to boost military aid byone-third, to $2.4 billion.

If the plan is accepted, U.S. aid to Israel willdrop, slowly, from $3 billion to $2.4 billion. Israel will still bethe biggest U.S. aid recipient. Bold offer? It’s more like a shellgame.

And, yet, Congress is eating it up. “The financeminister came here of his own accord and said Israel is moving towardeconomic independence, and everyone is pretty happy,” says MarkCorallo, an aide to House Appropriations chairman Bob Livingston,R-La. “We stand firm on our commitment to their defense needs becauseit’s in our vital national interest. I don’t know of anyone aroundhere who is bothered by that. Everyone realizes Israel is ourstrongest ally.”

With so much benefit and so little cost, thewonder is that Israel didn’t suggest it years ago. But Jerusalem hasbeen reluctant to part with its greatest symbol of U.S. support. Evenafter Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu vowed to cut aid in a 1996speech to Congress, just after taking office, nothing happened.Annoyance has been building in Washington ever since, putting intensepressure on Jerusalem to get the ball rolling. Much of the pressurecame from AIPAC.

Since taking the plunge, Israelis are suddenlybasking in unaccustomed acclaim. House Republicans see a chance tocut the budget. The Congressional Black Caucus hopes to claim someextra aid for Africa. The only loser is Egypt, which has received$2.1 billion yearly since making peace with Israel, and fearsCongress is just waiting for an excuse to slash.

Everyone else is happy with Israel for a change.That makes Jewish lobbyists very happy.

“I don’t think people will see this as a sign of acommunity that’s losing clout, but of a country that’s doing better,”says Jess Hordes, head of the ADL’s Washington office. “That’s goodfor all of us.”

Maybe the anxiety we heard was Egypt’s.

 

J.J. Goldberg is the author of “Jewish Power:Inside the Amercan Jewish Establishment.” He writes regularly for theJewish Journal.

All rights reserved by author.


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Letters

Leave a Comment / Letters to the Editor, Old Stories /

Congratulations. Ilana Polyak’s hit piece onMonica Lewinsky (“False Values and Prep School Blues,” Feb. 6) outdidanything that might be expected in the gutter press. Any responsibleeditor who read “I never knew Monica Lewinsky” would have killed thearticle right there. What was the point in running it – to show thatanyone who is not an honor student, who does not go to the “right”schools, who does not serve the political purposes of the DemocraticParty is to be treated as garbage in your eyes?

Had this article appeared in, say, the Los AngelesTimes, I do not doubt that the Jewish Federation would be among theloudest voices demanding that the editors involved be relieved oftheir responsibilities. Those at the Jewish Journal should face thesame sanction.

Henry Fetter

Los Angeles

*

Since when has experiencing tenth grade adolescentangst been a criteria for being published in the Jewish Journal? Iwent to a local high school and had a truly miserable tenth grade.And, by coincidence, celebrities number amongst my high school’salumni – one of them was convicted of attempting to assassinate aU.S. president. Unfortunately, this person was not in my graduatingclass. But I suppose, by your standards, having trod on the sameearth as her, I can become an authority on motivations of the humanpsyche. Guess what! I’ve shopped the same shopping malls as MonicaLewinsky! Can I write your next Other Voices piece?

As it says in Psalm 34, which we say on Shabbatand on all holidays, “Guard your tongue from evil and your lips fromspeaking guile.” I believe that the Psalmist would have included evenBel Air Prep amongst those to be protected by this verse. The bottomline is that “False Values and Prep School Blues” is neither Jewishnor journalism.

Fran Grossman

Los Angeles

The Good and the Bad

This is good word-bad word about Marlene AdlerMarks. First the good.

Her column of January 16, “False Alarms,” has themost profoundly insightful and, I think, cogent observation about thecourse of Judaism in America, that I have seen in your paper.Considering that you have featured articles by people with impressivedistinctions, rabbis, professors and such, that would be quite anachievement.

I refer to this statement: “There is anotheralternative to shivering in our corner in a state of geneticmelancholy. We could, for example, begin to enjoy ourselves and ourtraditions, and teach the univeral principles of Judaism to a waitingworld: to be a light among nations, spreading the ideals oftolerance, justice, Sabbath and peace.”

The importance of this statement is what itresponded to: recent statements by Alan Dershowitz decryingintermarriage and assimilation as a threat to Jewish existence andcomplaints by rabbis that Jews are not concered enough about whatkeeps them separate, for example,Rabbi Hammerman who is concernedthat now that Oreo cookies have become Kosher he feels a lack ofsomething that is forbidden, thus keeping him from absorption intothe “vanilla masses.”

I have felt for a long time that the great lack incontemporary institutionalized Judaism is emphasis on ritual andtradition at the expense of spirituality and prinicple. Thus I am aReconstructionist. The quotation from Marlene’s column, to me, pointsin the right direction.

“Shifting now to the bad word, in her most recentcolumn “The Daughter” (Jan. 30) about Monica Lewinsky Ms. Marks saysthat this event causes Jewish women to be “enraged, threatened,isolated and shamed.” Hey, come on! Don’t you think this is laid onpretty heavy? I talked to another Jewish woman I have knownintimately for 52 years. She felt none of the above. Likewise withothers in my informal poll. This I think we could call mediahype.

Herbert Lasky

Fairfield, CA

Regarding Marowitz

Charles Marowitz should step down from hispedestal and get real.

Elia Kazan does not need Mr. Marowitz to beat thedrum for him. Although much of his film work has not stood the testof time, Mr. Kazan has received more than his fair share ofrecognition for his theater and film achivements, with two Oscars,direction of five Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway plays, founder ofthe Actors Studio, Kennedy Center Lifetime Achievement honors,glowing reviews throughout his career, and the esteem of hiscolleagues in the Directors Guild of America.

The other side of the ledger on Mr. Kazan is alsoclear. To save his own career, he became a willing tool of theMcCarthy witchhunt, and betrayed a number of innocents, destroyingtheir lives in the bargain. Kazan’s cowardice and treachery remain onthe record, along with his illustrious career, as defining moments inhis life.

Fred Burnstein

Woodland Hills

*

Reading Charles Marowitz’s reveiw of “Picasso atthe Lapin Agile” (Jan. 30) is somewhat like listening to a spitefuland jealous child tell you why he hates his more popular, funnyclassmate. Not only does his critique seriously miss the mark, it ispersonally insulting to Steve Martin. It is apparent that Marowitz istotally lacking any understanding of and appreciation for lightcomedy. He starts his diatribe by showing how unintelligent Martin isby missing the irony of his premise that the 20th century would beone of great promise while we know it is ending”ruinously.” Marowitz doesn’t get it; that irony is exactly Martin’spoint.

Calling Steve Martin a “jumped-up gag writer”while labeling William Saroyan “something of a genius” furtherillustrates how out of touch Marowitz is with humor in this, theruinous late 20th century. By comparing Martin’s material to thatwhich was funny in the thirties and forties but is now very dated isa clue to how antiquated Marowitz’s sense of humor is. And hisassumption that Martin was trying to make an earth-shatteringconnection between genius, art, science and postmodernism leads me tobelieve Marowitz might be exactly the target Steve Martin intended ashe lightheartedly and wickedly pokes his very funny finger atintellectual posturers and their pretensions. As a “jumped-up gagwriter” Steve Martin has amassed some pretty impressive credits. Whatare Charles Marowitz’s?

This ‘review’ and too many others bring to mindWilliam Goldman’s insights about critics in his outstanding book,”The Season.” I have often taken comfort in his words in my work as aplaywright and former instructor in the University of Miami TheaterDepartment. Goldman said critics are “putrescent”. A critic is, hewrote, “the stage-struck but untalented neurotic who eventuallydrifts into criticism as a means of clinging peripherally to thearts.” Perhaps that is a somewhat harsh condemnation of Mr. Marowitz.I would prefer to say simply, “Lighten up!”

Naomi Z. Feldman

Los Angeles

Thanks, Naomi

I want to thank Naomi Pfefferman for once againreminding us that Jews are not immune to the ills that permeate oursociety. Her excellent article on domestic violence in the homes ofOrthodox Jews details both the problem and sources of help forOrthodox women.

In her article she mentioneda videotape put outby the Center for Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, “ToSave a Life: Ending Domestic Violence in Jewish Families.” Inaddition to Rabbi Aaron Tendler who speaks from a traditional pointof view, two other local rabbis are featured: Elliot Dorf of theUniversity of Judaism and Sandy Ragin of Leo Baek Temple. Three womenshare their horror stories, and the rabbis respond from bothtraditional and contemporary sources.

This is an excellent training film both forprofessionals and lay audiences. It would make a good program for asynagogue, center, sisterhood or other community organization. The 35minute film is accompanied by a facilitator’s manual and a studyguide. Contact the Center for more information at cpsdv@cpsdv.org,http://www.cpsdv.org, by phone at 206-634-1903, fax 206-634-0115, orby mail 936 N. 34th St., Ste. 200, Seattle, WA 98103.

Marcia Cohn Spiegel

Rolling Hills Estates

Discussing Israel

Among the most remarkable of Israel’s manyaccomplishments in its first half-century is the vibrant democracy ithas created in the face of the most profound obstacles. Passionatepolitical debate and self-criticism are the national pastimes, and itwould never occur to any Israeli — right, left, or center — that itwas “inappropriate” to discuss openly and in the frankest of termsthe elemental social issues still confronting their society.

Why, then, do some self-appointed media watchdogsregard such public discussion among dedicated American supporters ofthe Jewish state as off-limits? (Jonathan Tobin, “Distinguishing Factfrom Fiction Isn’t Getting Easier,” Jan. 23). Why, in the context ofcelebrating its miraculous first half-century, is a closer look atthe complex issues confronting Israel in its next half-centuryreflexively branded “blaming Israel first?”

In canceling the lecture series it was planning toco-sponsor with the New Israel Fund, the Smithsonian was bullied by adisinformation campaign led by a group of far-right Jewishultranationalists. Rather than staying the course and presenting whatwas to be both a celebration of Israel’s democratic triumphs and afair and intellectually rigorous examination of the unresolved issueswhich that democracy is wrestling with, the Smithsonian chose to foldat the first hint of controversy. Apparently fearing a repetition ofthe 1995 Enola Gay fiasco, it has unwittingly handed another victoryto those who wish to see the world sanitized and free ofambiguity.

Rooted in the patronizing and misguided beliefthat Israel is too insecure to sustain anything but unconditionaladulation, a tiny unrepresentative band of American zealots set outto suppress free discussion of issues vital to the future of Israelsociety. In the process, they malign in the most vitriolic terms allthose who see the world — including Israel — in threedimensions.

Whether or not one shares the New Israel Fund’sperspective on the socioeconomic and religious issues facing Israeltoday, believers in free speech and free inquiry can only be appalledby this debacle. Let us celebrate Israel’s magnificent achievements.Let us honor her heroes. But let us not insult her integrity,honesty, and resilience by lending credence to the idea that honestdiscussion of difficult issues by her tested friends is “Israelbashing.”

Norman S. Rosenberg

Executive Director

New Israel Fund

Los Angeles

Advice for Jewish Guys

I have read Adam Gilad’s column (“A Jewish Guy”)in recent weeeks with growing interest. Over the past fewinstallments, Gilad’s asservations of Jewish identity, waxing mistilynostalgic about Jewish life and his cultural Jewish ties butdemonstrating little resolve to expand his Jewish horizons, has runga familiar theme. Gilad’s account of his alienated/non-alienatedJewish self brings to mind dozens of confused acquaintances in theirlate thirties and early forties who feel fine about declaringthemselves culturally Jewish but have not time for nor interest ineither religion or in identifying with a Jewish community. Howinteresting then is their anxiety when they find themselvesconfronted with a son or daughter choosing to marry in a church orlearning of their child’s disdain for even the focusing on asynagogue that didn’t admit them during the High Holidays or on anasty experience with a yeshiva in Jerusalem. It often seems thatsuch people believe that Judaism owes them something, as if Judaismis little more than a line of credit that they can keep drawing down,without feeling any obligation to repay. This is a mistake, and avery costly one at that. To build a strong Jewish consciousness,anchored in the spirit and values of Judaism, one needs to plantroots in a community, where one’s contribution is in directproportion to the benefits received.

So from one Jewishguy to another, here is my advice to AdamGilad: move out of Jewish-community-barren Topanga Canyon (asbeautiful as I agree it is) and find yourself a community where youand your family, about whom you are obviously concerned, can surroundyourself with other like-minded Jews; a place where you can practiceyour own brand of Jewish life but always in relation to a communitythat is nurturing and accepting. Commit yourself to continued studyabout your history and your religion so that even if you choose notto practice yourself, your knowledge will be imparted to yourchildren who will then have the opportunity to make the choice forthemselves. And more important than all of these don’t confuse thepractice of Judaism with its practitioners. There are of courseplenty of Orthodox, Conservative and Reform Jews who set poorexamples, but that fact should not tarnish your view of the essentialbeauty of Judaism itself and the valuable contribution it can make tostrengthening and ensuring the spiritual well-being of your ownfamily. Ultimately, when the present threats of assimilation andsecularism are existentially more menacing than ever before, thequestions every Jewishly-conscious parent needs to keep askingremains: Are my grandchildren going to be Jewish and do I evencare?

The answers will determine the paths ourdescendants choose to follow many centuries into the future.

Avi Davis

Westwood

Be a Mench

I read the columns by Ms. Anonymous and DavidScher (“Singles: The Debate,” Jan. 30) with interest, and some pique,I might add.

My husband wanted to marry a blond shiksa goddessfor precisely the reason David Scher has rebuked the Jewish women hemet. The B.S.G. has none of the qualities of Ms. Anonymous — a senseof her worth, most notably. David Scher seems to confuse a woman’sdesire to please him with what most women know is a lack ofself-esteem and subsequent low standards. What scares the DavidSchers of the world is a woman asking him to become more of a man,more of a mensch.

Jewish women come from a tradition that values awoman’s abilities, not at the expense of the husband’s, but inbalance with them. WASP culture asks women to concede theircapabilities, ambitions, and expectations to those of theirmate.

My husband did marry his Blond Shiksa Goddess. Andshe in turn became an enlightened Jewish woman who expects a menschfor a mate.

David, grow up, be a mensch, and marry a nice,Jewish woman.

Kristy Scher

(no relation)

Los Angeles

H.O.P.E. for the Mourning

In regard to the H.O.P.E. Unit Foundation articlein Up Front Jan. 16, 1998, the following information was notincluded:

The Family Loss group meets Tuesdays 7-8:30 p.m.at Valley Beth Shalom, the Moving On group meets Thursdays at VBS 7-9p.m.

The Cancer Support group for patients and familymembers meet Thursdays at Encino-Tarzana Regional Medical Center7-8:30 p.m. The Creative Visualization group for cancer patientsmeets Wednesdays 7-8:30 p.m.

The bereavement group for Widows/Widowers meetsThursdays from 7-9 p.m. at Valley Beth Shalom.

For more information call H.O.P.E. at (818)788-HOPE.

Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D.

Executive Director

H.O.P.E. Unit Foundation,Inc.

Corrections

Last Week’s article “Federation Matters: HonoringIsrael’s Partners” was written by Federation President Herbert M.Gelfand.

In last week’s Obituaries, Amanda and Lisa Rudolphwere incorrectly identified as the daughters of Deborah Rudolph. Theyare the daughters of Barbara Rudolph.


THE JEWISH JOURNAL welcomes letters from allreaders. Letters should be no more than 250 words and we reserve theright to edit for space. All letters must include a signature, validaddress and phone number. Pseudonyms and initials will not be used,but names will be withheld on request. Unsolicited manuscripts andother materials should include a self-addressed, stamped envelope inorder to be returned.Publisher, Stanley Hirsh

THE JEWISH JOURNAL welcomes letters from allreaders. Letters should be no more than 250 words and we reserve theright to edit for space. All letters must include a signature, validaddress and phone number. Pseudonyms and initials will not be used,but names will be withheld on request. Unsolicited manuscripts andother materials should include a self-addressed, stamped envelope inorder to be returned.Publisher, Stanley Hirsh

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How Do We Do It?

Leave a Comment / Family, Old Stories /

I was late getting home from mymeeting the other night. Too late to help my daughter prepare for herSpanish quiz. Too late to massage her shoulders after softballpractice. “Do Not Disturb,” read the sign on her door. Hernight-stand light was on, but Samantha was already asleep.

Disregarding her warning sign, I entered, andpulled the covers over her. “Sweet dreams,” I whispered, and I kissedher forehead. I knew from our car-phone talk that she had had a goodday. Still, until I saw Samantha myself, her hair neatly pulled backwith a barrette, I could not rest. At nearly 16, my daughter isaccustomed to making her own meals, putting herself to bed. Thebalance of power has shifted: I need the good-night kiss more thanshe does.

I’ve been a single parent a long time now. I knowa lot about it. When Jewish organizations need a speaker on singleparenting, they often ask me — and I’ll be at the Westside JewishCommunity Center this Sunday for the daylong conference, “CreatingFamily Life as a Single Parent,” sponsored by Jewish Family Service’snew Jewish Single Parent Network (818-762-8800.)

Fifteen percent of all Jewish households withchildren under 16 are single-parent, according to the soon-to-bereleased Los Angeles Jewish community population survey. That’s aboutone in six. We may have fewer teen pregnancies than the surroundingmainstream community, but lots of divorce, lots of widowhood, lots ofsingle parents by choice.

And the questions I’m asked most often are: “Howdo you do it?” “How do you make choices about the child’s welfarewithout someone to bat the ideas around with?” “How do you play goodcop/bad cop by yourself?” “How do you get any time for yourself aftera long day’s work?” “How do you retain a social life that doesn’tleave the child feeling excluded?”

The single answer to all of these issues changeswith time. Raising a child alone is so overwhelming “There’s noschool for parenting,” my mother used to tell me, and single parentsare even more in the dark. Whipped about in the heady winds of achild’s emotions, I’ve had no one else to provide an anchor. Yet,somehow, homework gets done, new Adidas get bought. We get throughthe school semester. We get over our tantrums. We get our hugs. I getby, with a little help from my friends.

I’m not kidding. Some nights I can’t bear theweight of the worry. And some days I have to kvell out loud. Ineither case, I talk: to the pillow, or to Marika, Jane or Willie. Orto God. I hold back nothing. My advice to single parents is: Pickyour friends wisely. Forget the meaning of shame. And learn themeaning of pride.

It’s about pride that I want to make a specialpoint. A single parent’s life is generally deemed to be one of pity,sadness, handicap. The prevailing attitude of our synagogues andorganizations, and of married couples who belong to them, is that wesingle parents are “broken,” while they, of course, are “intact.” Ina series of focus groups sponsored by Jewish Family Service in LosAngeles, single parents reported that they felt “unwelcome” in Jewishlife. There’s a bias toward the nuclear family; anyone who doesn’tconform is a challenge and a threat to community norms.

Perhaps it goes back to the biblical commandmentof caring for the widow and orphan, but single parents carry, inaddition to extraordinary financial and emotional obligations, aweighty psychological burden to prove their wholeness. The Jewishsingle parent is regarded as a war veteran, like the one-legged guywho stands on the highway with a tin cup. Battle-scarred, needinghelp.

Wrong! The aura of handicap that hangs over singlefamilies not only hurts parents, who ache with a sense of their owninadequacy, but it destroys the burgeoning confidence of Jewishchildren.

There are plenty of stumbling blocks in a parent’slife; let’s get rid of the crazy ones. We have to see single parentsfor who they are: strong, tireless, persevering and role models ofselfless love.

The community, rather, could honor us not withpity but with support, including low-cost synagogue membership andb’nai mitzvah fees, and scholarships for summer camp. But the biggestboon to single parents would come when the Jewish world begins toredefine “family” according to the realities of today. After all, theLos Angeles community survey demonstrates that only 23 percent of allJewish households are in the traditional “Leave it to Beaver” mode:Mom, Dad, kids.

Well, my house is part of the new majority. Ididn’t exactly plan to raise my child alone, but, even so, it is arewarding life. I was lucky to do her bat mitzvah alone, without aspouse to argue with over “how Jewish” it would be. I have vacationswith my daughter each year that are the envy of many two-parentfamilies. We have closeness and intimacy and friendship. I love her,and she’s still talking to me, so I can’t be doing too bad ajob.

I’m a single parent, sure. Glad of it.

Marlene Adler Marks is senior columnist of TheJewish Journal. She hosts the Jewish community chat Thursday eveningsat 8 p.m. on American Online. Her e-mail address iswmnsvoice@aol.com.

All rights reserved by author.



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January 30, 1998 —One by One byOne

 

January 30, 1998 —TheDaughter

 

January 23, 1998 —Babysitters NoMore

 

January 16, 1998 —FalseAlarms

 

November 28, 1997 —As AmericanAs…

 

November 21, 1997 —The ThirteenWants

 

November 14, 1997 —Music to MyEars

 

November 7, 1997 —Four Takes on50

 

October 31, 1997 —ChallengingHernandez

 

October 24, 1997 —CommonGround

 

October 17, 1997 —Taking Off theMask

 

October 10, 1997 —Life’s a MixedBag

 

October 3, 1997 —And Now ForSomething Completely Different

 

September 26, 1997— An OpenHeart

 

September 19, 1997— My BronxTale

 

September 12, 1997 — Of Goddesses andSaints

 

August 22, 1997 — Who is Not a Jew

 

August 15, 1997 — A LegendaryFriendship

 

July 25, 1997 — A Perfect Orange

 

July 18, 1997 — News of Our Own

 

July 11, 1997 — Celluloid Heroes

 

July 4, 1997 — Meet theSeekowitzes

 

June 27, 1997 — The Facts of Life

 

June 20, 1997 — Reality Bites

 

 

How Do We Do It? Read More »

Climbing Our Mountain

Leave a Comment / Judaism, Old Stories /

As I, at 16, traveled through Israel for the firsttime, my Jewish nerve endings were hypersensitive. Every stone, face,taste, smell, breeze, star, touch, glimpse — everything — moved me.Somehow, I knew I was close to God, and now I was going to be closer– Moses closer; I was going to climb Mount Sinai.

That night, gathered at the foot of the mountainin the middle of the desert, I began to feel weak. Something waswrong with my head and my gut — not metaphorically wrong, butclinically wrong. I had ignored our Israeli medic’s thickly accentedadvice that morning: “You must all the time drrrchink,” he warned theentire tour group. “You must all the time drrrchink water. This isthe deserrrcht.”

By early morning, I had awakened our group leaderand had been examined by the medic and by the doctor from a nearbyarmy base who was called in to make a decision. Dehydrated beyond thepoint of return without serious intervention, I was given distilledwater through an IV and driven several twisting kilometers throughthe desert to a base camp where I could recover and meet up laterwith my group. I would not get “Moses close” to God. I would notclimb Mount Sinai.

Mount Sinai — or at least what might have beennear the real Mount Sinai, where, according to this week’s portion,our ancestors received the Torah — was right there in front of me,and I couldn’t hack it. At 16, that kind of impotence sticks with youfor a long time.

Of course, a lot has happened since then. Likeothers, my heart has been broken and healed by love. My wife beatcancer; others I love didn’t. Being a rabbi has meant helping peoplecelebrate and mourn, suffer and heal. I’ve watched my children beingborn and bursting into life, my parents age, my marriage mellow, amission to Mars, the cloning of life, and the simple beauty of afamily morning at home in our pajamas — savoring the kind of nothingthat’s everything.

I used to regret not making it up Sinai until Irealized that Sinai was only one place God spoke — a place, not ThePlace. The Place, The One, The Eternal, The All Mighty is larger,better, deeper, higher, older, younger, closer, farther, simpler,more complex and more present than any one place, even a place asfamous as Mount Sinai.

The Midrash states that the Torah was originallygiven in 70 languages so that every nation could understand itswisdom and no people could claim it solely as its own. Long ago, therabbis understood that God speaks in many ways — in nature, silence,music, love and anguish. Our job is to listen in many ways.

Twenty years ago, the 16-year-old boy in me didn’tunderstand how to listen in many ways; he was just sorry not to makeit up Sinai. With time, I learned — we all learn — there is nosingle Sinai. Sinai is everywhere. Having never made the climb, weare always making the climb — then, now and forever.

Rabbi Steven Z. Leder is a rabbi at WilshireBoulevard Temple.

All rights reserved by author.


Climbing Our Mountain Read More »

Kissing A Lot of Frogs

Leave a Comment / Old Stories, Singles /


I am standing in the doorway looking at my first blind date, I’mthinking: somebody could have said something about — how do I saythis tactfully — his face.

Over drinks, I try to decide which eye to look at.A choice must be made, as his eyes occupy slightly different planeson his face. He explains – in vivid detail – about the accident hejust had while traveling abroad and the miraculous series of plasticsurgeries he has only begun. I feel for him, but his lengthy storymakes me queasy. I nod genially, but this only encourages him to tellme more. The face I can get used to, but the three-hour monologuetries my patience.

This was no Love Connection. Granted, you don’tusually open the door to find an oversharing Phantom of the Opera,but blind dates and first dates with those you barely know involve alot of variables. You’re stepping into the vast valley of weirdnessthat is other people, and you never know what craggy rocks you mightfind there..

To be sure, there are sometimes pleasantsurprises, but in honor of Valentine’s Day, I consider some of mystranger little first encounters. I know this is a time to be warmand fuzzy about love, but in the tradition of smashing a glass at awedding to remember suffering at a moment of great joy, I recall someof my less stellar dating moments as those around me break out theroses and champagne.

In college, I met a law student at the library andgave him my number. The night we were supposed to meet was a rainyone, but he insisted I walk several miles through my slummy New Yorkneighborhood to meet him at his door. This was not an auspiciousbeginning, but I was still game. Just before hanging up, he alsorequested I stop by his favorite deli to pick up some groceries forhim. That was it. I walk through rain, but I don’t deliver.

Although, someone has to, I suppose.

Once, I stepped into a first date’s car andcouldn’t help but notice the distinct scent of chicken chow meinwafting through the vehicle. It seems his shift delivering food for aChinese restaurant hadn’t quite ended. At least he showed up on timeand gainfully employed. And he split the tip.

And I can’t forget my odd intersection withCompulsive Chapstick Man, who seemed normal enough when we met at aparty. On our first date, however, he was in constant contact withhis Carmex, whipping it out of his pocket like a parched-mouthgunslinger.

At the end of the night, he ramped up hischapsticking efforts to epic proportions, probably in anticipation ofa goodnight kiss. I had to get away. He looked like a man who hadjust eaten a pork chop with his hands.

John, and I doubt that’s his real name, contactedme online. Normally, I would dismiss such advances, but at the time,I was working a boring temp job and hungry for any distraction. Johnwas charming enough in his e-mails, and even offered to send me aphoto file. What he didn’t tell me was that the photo was circa1976.

When I met John for lunch, he was not only yearsolder and inches shorter than he lead me to believe, he was alsowearing a wedding ring, which in his haste he had forgotten toremove. “Oh this thing? Yeah, you know. It’s kind of an openmarriage. We have an understanding. Just don’t ever call me at home.Ever.” Don’t worry.

And the fun continues.

A few months ago, a friend of a friend took me outfor a drink. As he was sidling up to the bar, I noticed him ferretingthrough his wallet and finding just two lonely dollar bills.

Hoping to spare him an embarrassing moment, Iquickly insisted on paying. Half an hour later, Mr. I Forgot To Go ToThe ATM was ready for another round. Four drinks later, I was broke,he was drunk, and we were both ready to leave. He borrowed my lastfew bucks to pay the valet and I never heard from him again. Maybehe’s still trying to borrow a quarter for the phone call.

These experiences, and most of us have had them,don’t sting for long. In fact, they generally morph into good partystories, and ultimately accentuate the unexpectedly great firstencounters that do come along. For every time I’ve arrived home, shutmy door and looked like I just drank sour milk, there are those timesI’ve closed the door sighing and grinning like an idiot.

My mother always told me you have to kiss a lot offrogs to find a prince. She just didn’t tell me they might be coveredin chapstick.


 

Kissing A Lot of Frogs Read More »