By Rabbi Mark Borovitz
It is another one of those nights! I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and could not go back to sleep. My mind started racing and I just now figured out why: I am in the middle of my Inventory for Yom Kippur. I have a form that looks at how I take actions that are not from my highest self. I use parts of the Ashamnu Prayer.
One of the confessions is about Betrayal. I have been betrayed. I have betrayed myself as well. Betrayal is a core wound for me. I am defining Betrayal as: having an agreed upon standard, changing the standard without telling the other person/people involved, character assassination on the other person/people involved while asking for/using the other person/people for help. All of us have this place within us.
The only way to mitigate or transform this urge/inclination is to live a life of Spirit and commitment. We still have to be wary and discerning.
It is hard to come from a place of Spirit and wariness at the same time. Yet, really “being Spiritual” as I am coming to redefine, is a place of awareness and spirit; kindness and self/other protection. Israel had to protect itself and be just. We have to be in spirit and engagement with ourselves and others, and be discerning/judging at the same time. We must be open and guarded, listen and filter, have a routine and not do it routinely. This is Spiritual living as I am coming to define it.
As I am writing this, I again realize that I betrayed myself in going against what I “knew in my bones.” This is the place of deep knowing, of soul, of connection to God. The truth is betrayal is always a possibility if you invest, connect and have relationships with others.
All of us are just trying to muddle through life. As I am Addicted to Redemption and this is The Season of Redemption, I herby ask for my own forgiveness for betraying myself and others. I suggest that you search your innermost self (soul) and forgive yourself for your self-betrayals
