Dear Tabby: Purim Edition

In this edition of my mostly-useful advice column, I asked readers to send me Purim-related questions, expecting at least half of the inquiries to relate to hamantaschen. But I will remind readers that I hail from Iran, not Germany, and that each time I attempt to bake hamantaschen cookies, I inevitably end up with saffron-infused Persian halva. If you would like to send me a question to be answered anonymously in “Dear Tabby,” please email deartabby@jewishjournal.com

Dear Tabby,

My husband and I are both Persian, but our daughters act like the only thing Jews are allowed to eat on Purim are hamantaschen. It’s a little frustrating. How can I at least get them to try other Purim foods?

Thank you,

Westwood Mom

Dear Westwood Mom,

I love hamantaschen, especially the ones filled with raspberry jam, but this time of year, these cookies can also be the bane of my existence. I don’t recommend trying to replace them, unless it’s with candy. If you make your own hamantaschen at home, be creative and experiment with more Persian flavors. Try adding ground cardamom to the flour and pistachios in the filling. Local Persian kosher stores in Los Angeles offer wonderful jam flavors such as orange blossom or quince, which can also be found online. As long ash amantaschen contain enough sugar to create cavities overnight, kids will generally put up with alternate flavors. I’m still experimenting with my patented kabob-flavored hamantaschen. I am happy to send you a few in advance of Purim. 

Dear Tabby,

I’m sorry if this isn’t a question about advice, but I’m wondering how you celebrated Purim in Iran. 

Thank you, 

Natalie

Dear Natalie,

Growing up in post-revolutionary Iran, Purim was a complex holiday. Our community embraces Purim as “our holiday,” given that the story took place in ancient Persia. Some Jews make pilgrimages to the tombs of Esther and Mordechai in the city of Hamadan, though the safety of the shrine was (and remains) a sensitive issue once a fanatic, Islamist regime took control of the country in 1979. 

Like other Jews worldwide, Jews in Iran read Megillat Esther in synagogues. Before the revolution, mixed-gender public parties for young Jewish professionals, sponsored by local Jewish organizations, were all the rage. 

But there was something indescribably strange in celebrating Purim in Iran. Other Jewish holidays, such as Passover, celebrate miraculous Jewish survival culminating in our eventual departure from the land of our oppression. But on Purim, Jews in Iran celebrated our ancient survival in a land that we never left. 

And then, there was the issue of celebrating our well-armed defeat of ancient non-Jewish Persians. While Iran had been a Muslim-majority country for over 1,000 years and its modern population had little in common with their ancient, non-Muslim descendants, it was also slightly strange to celebrate our wide-scale defeat of over 75,000 ancient non-Jewish Persians, even if they were antisemitic loyalists to Haman. 

It was only within the private walls of our own homes that we felt slightly free to curse Haman (or various ayatollahs), dance, sing and enjoy Purim. I will never forget sitting at the “sofreh” (table setting) on the floor of my grandparents’ house and eating heaping platefuls of my paternal grandmother’s luscious Persian halva, which, unlike its Turkish counterpart, does not contain a single sesame seed. I hope that one day, Purim in Iran may return to the wonder and revelry of its pre-revolutionary days. 

Dear Tabby,

Which personality in the Megillah do you relate to the most, and why?

Best, 

Liora

Dear Liora,

I wish I could say I aspire to be Queen Esther, but at the moment, I feel I have more in common with Haman’s horse than with anyone else in the Megillah. I hope to secure a work-life-family balance by next Purim. 

Dear Tabby,

How can I gently ask my friends to not put so much candy in the Mishloach Manot they send us every year?

Best,

Jewish Dad on a Diet

Dear Dieting,

Go ahead and add a photocopy of your kids’ last dental bill, as well as a copy of your latest bloodwork, as part of each Mishloach Manot you deliver this year. Let me know what happens. 

Purim Sameach.

Tabby Refael is an award-winning writer, speaker and weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. Follow her on X/Twitter and Instagram @TabbyRefael