fbpx

After Losing 1400 Family Members, It’s OK if I Suffer a Little

It’s as if all the victims of the October 7 massacres have lodged themselves in my brain.
[additional-authors]
October 20, 2023
Israeli singer Avraham Tal sings at the funeral for Yitzhak Seitan, 76, his wife, Hannah Seitan, 73, their son, Tal Seitan, 49, and his aunt Pesi Cohen, 68, at the Hod Ha’sharon cemetery, on October 18, 2023 in Hod HaSharon, Israel. (Photo by Alexi J. Rosenfeld/Getty Images)

Like many others, I haven’t slept much since October 7. I don’t just mean because of my work; that’s only one reason.

I mean the nightmares.

I can’t unsee the images. Not that I haven’t tried.

They’re too stark. They’re too shocking.

The babies. The dancers in the desert. The families in safe rooms. The toys in the bedrooms. The child crying for his mother. That elderly woman in a wheelchair. Of course, the hostages.

It’s as if all the victims of the October 7 massacres have lodged themselves in my brain, even those I haven’t seen on social media.

And it hurts, not in a physical way, more in a psychic way.

At times, my brain will just freeze and it’s hard to function or think straight.

It’s the images. I can’t unsee them. Even when I sleep.

I read articles about “how to cope” but I really don’t feel like coping. It’s true that keeping busy “in the fight” helps us cope to a certain extent. Gathering articles, covering the story hour to hour, writing and editing– all that activity helps me forget the darkness.

But I can’t forget the images. I can’t unsee them. Even when I sleep.

I know that if I do stuff like practice mindfulness, intentional breathing, go on long walks, etc., I will be stronger for the fight. Stronger for my work. It’s a good argument: Take care of yourself, and you’ll better help Israel.

And yet, part of me prefers the pain. The insomnia. The brain freezes. The debilitating moments of darkness.

The truth is, even if that part of me didn’t prefer the pain, I’m not sure I have a choice. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do.

It’s the images. I can’t unsee them. Even when I sleep.

Maybe grieving over these images is the only way I have of connecting to my “Jewish family” in Israel.

Maybe I just need to suffer a little.

Am Yisrael Chai.

Shabbat shalom.

Did you enjoy this article?
You'll love our roundtable.

‘NAZA’ Proves Nada

“Naza” is not successful on any level as a documentary, but if judged on awards, and getting people who were already angry angrier, it very well may be.

The Virtues of Fresh Salads

After weeks of holiday feasting and heavy meals, the new Jewish year is a perfect time to reset, to nourish our bodies with food that is wholesome and still tastes delicious.

On Oct. 7, Reflections on Remembrance

Even as we mourn everything we’ve lost, let us also remember the moments of hope and healing — moments that restore our faith in humanity’s promise.

The Other Shoe

I stood there in awe, my eyes blurring with tears, listening to the hush and experiencing the unnamed. I couldn’t tell which was stranger: feeling the rainforest in me, or me in the rainforest. And then my phone rang.

A New Graphic Novel Re-Presents the Bible

Following on the heels of his earlier presentations of the Passover Haggadah and the books of Esther and Jonah, Gorfinkel, known to his friends as “Gorf,” along with Israeli illustrator Yael Nathan and a team of specialized artists, have produced “The Koren Magerman Tanakh Graphic Novel: Bereshit Vol. 1,” which renders the first two Torah portions in Genesis, Bereshit and Noah, in dynamically engaging visual narrative form.

Flydubai Flight FZ1073 and the Indomitability of the Jews

FZ1073 has a message for the world. For the terrorists striving to take innumerable Israeli lives and make the survivors’ lives unbearable, the message is that your love of death will never diminish our love of life nor make us any less determined to defend it.

Achievement, Relationship, Purpose

A career becomes more rewarding when it supports rather than consumes the rest of life. Wealth becomes more meaningful when it creates security and enables generosity.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.