October 18, 2018

Roseanne’s Personal Ad

Actress and talk-show queen Roseanne is looking for a few good Jewish men.

Not for herself, but for her three unmarried daughters, the thrice-married and divorced actress says.

Roseanne’s pitch, delivered on her syndicated talk show and later on Howard Stern’s morning radio show, runs verbatim, as follows:

“Are you a normal guy? Are you a single, Jewish, successful, marriage-minded male who is free of any criminal record? Do you have most of your teeth? If you have answered yes to all these questions and you are not some money-sucking leech, then I have the perfect mate for you.

“I am looking for three normal, healthy, Jewish, single men who are psychologically sound and mentally stable and do not smoke. I have three, count ’em, three, beautiful, single daughters who someday I would like to see married and give me some grandchildren. But with the losers they keep bringing home, that doesn’t seem likely.

“If you like girls who never get up, always complain and who are lazy and smoke, I’ve got the girl for you. I require that you have a mother who you think I will get along with, and, since the objective is grandchildren, your mother must understand that I am the alpha-grandmother.

“I am asking you out there if you think you have what it takes to date one of my daughters. Please make a videotape of five minutes or less, telling me why you think I should let you date one of my beauties. Three lucky victims, I mean winners, will be chosen, and we will fly you out here to go on a date with my daughters. Good Luck!”

This talking matrimonial ad may be just a bit unorthodox, but it’s for real, affirms Roseanne’s publicist, Matt Labov. There actually are three single daughters — namely, Brandi, 27; Jessica, 23; and Jennifer, 22.

Applicants from outside the United States are welcome. “‘The Roseanne Show’ runs in 30 countries, so any man can enter, as long as he’s Jewish,” says Labov.

So far, responses have been limited. “I guess a lot of the guys are shy,” says Labov.

Interested nice Jewish boys are invited to mail their videotapes to Date My Daughters, The Roseanne Show, P.O. Box 48558, Los Angeles, CA 90048. — Tom Tugend, Contributing Editor