November 19, 2019

Four Lies They Told Me About Being a Mom

“Ialways said I’d never get married and absolutely would never have children. Lots of people say that as kids, of course, but I graduated college having never gone on a single date, and as 30 approached, I detected no ticking of any biological clock. Yet here I am married and with 4-month-old twins, one of whom is presently wailing for no discernable reason.

Any new parent gets lots of unsolicited advice, but I suspect having both twins and a known history of inexperience with babies got me an extra dose. And while much of what people have told me has been helpful — sometimes clichés are clichés for a reason — plenty more has proven patently untrue. So for other expectant parents, let me offer a counterpoint to what you’re likely hearing. If these expectation-setters don’t pan out for you either, know you’re not alone.

1. “You’ll feel a love you never thought possible.”

I took a few childbirth classes while I was pregnant, and there and elsewhere I was given the impression that I’d have an intense bonding experience with my children right after birth. You hear a lot about a “golden hour,” which is supposed to be a “magical time” when “a new mother gets her first chance to hold her baby in her arms, to count the tiny fingers and toes and gaze into the eyes of her newborn.””

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