September 19, 2019

Howard Stern: Media Prophet

“Once upon a time, there was a rabbi who really liked hookers.

Whenever he heard of a prostitute plying her trade, he’d toss a few shekels into his purse and go pay her a visit. So strong was his commitment to whoring that it was believed there wasn’t a single working girl in all the world he hadn’t patronized. One day his friends told him a new lady of the night had set up shop in a city far away, and that while her gifts came at a considerable cost, they were worth the trouble. Giddy, the rabbi saved up and set out to find this skilled sex worker. He finally did, and, dropping his drawers, took immense pleasure in the carnal delights that followed.

Mid lovemaking, however, the prostitute did something that surprised the rabbi: She passed wind and then following that exclamation launched into a little speech.

“Just as my fart can never return to my butt,” she told the astonished rabbi, “so, too, rabbi, will you never find forgiveness for your sinful ways, even if you tried to repent.”

Devastated, the rabbi ran out of the bedroom and begged the earth itself—the mountains and the hills, the sun and the moon—to forgive him. But the earth refused and the rabbi, despondent, realized he had no choice but to prostrate himself and beg God for mercy. He sat down by the side of the road, put his head between his knees, and sobbed so loudly that his soul soon left his body. And for that genuine act of remorse, he was rewarded with a place in the sweet hereafter.”

Read more

JJ Editor's Picks

"Congratulations, Mr. President. It took an extraordinary effort, but you finally managed to spark a serious global crisis. I know you don’t like to share credit, but don’t worry. The current mess in the Middle East centered around Iran is all..."

"We’re approaching the anniversary of one of the nastiest political battles it has been my misfortune to witness—the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court despite credible accusations of sexual harassment and assault and his..."

"There are few one-offs in life on Earth—rarely can a single species boast a trait or ability that no other possesses. But human language is one such oddity. Our ability to use subtle combinations of sounds produced by our vocal cords to create..."

"He walked through the coffee shop door and scanned the crowd. A familiar smile bloomed as he recognized me, despite how my appearance had changed over the years. I’m bald and bearded now, and heavier. I wear an extra decade on my face, and I’m..."

"The poverty rate in the United States fell to 11.8 percent in 2018, according to data released last week by the Census Bureau — the lowest it’s been since 2001. But this estimate significantly understates the extent of economic deprivation in..."

"Streaming is the future of TV. But for now a big part of the streaming business revolves around old TV shows. Latest case in point: Netflix is paying a lot of money for the rights to show Seinfeld to its 150 million subscribers around the world..."

"On the eve of the second Israeli election of 2019, there is no shortage of apocalyptic rhetoric about the potential consequences of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s re-election. From the New York Times' editorial column to The Forward’s..."

"Is there a backlash toward the technology industry in the culture? I tend to think so, having written about its various twists and turns most weekdays for the past couple years now. But sometimes an obsession with a beat can lead to myopia, and..."