As I’m studying our Jewish obligations to our children, one subject is glaringly missing: comparing one sibling to another. We read about giving our children an education, helping them learn a trade, and finding their own ways to survive in the world. But there is very little that discusses a parent’s role in the relationships between their children.
In the book of Beresheet, Jacob convinces his brother, Esau to give him the birthright and later, tricks their father Isaac into giving Jacob his innermost blessing. Esau pleads with Isaac, “Bless me, too, Father!” While we may blame the contention on Jacob himself, where is Rebekah, their mother? She’s intimately involved in the trickery! And is Isaac really so naive to not know the difference between Esau and Jacob? Beginning with Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, siblings’ relationships have suffered due to the mistakes made by their parents.
Is there not enough room for each child? The danger is expecting each child to be a mold of the other. Comparisons may be a natural phenomenon, but comparisons become dangerous when we can’t see the child for who they alone are meant to be.
Often, the Torah guides us with the stories of what not to do. Siblings argue and fight—they are learning how to share space and navigate the strength of their voices, among others. But the struggle should not include parents reserving blessing for one child over another. Let us not compare child to child. God will remind us; there are ample parental blessings for each child to receive.
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
