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Jewish Journal

Connect. Inform. Inspire.

May 23, 2023

The Ultimate Self-less Act

Finance /

“A young father from La Brea had a heart attack last night,” “We are looking for 40 women to bake challah for a young mother in our community with a sudden and aggressive form of the machala,” “A Breslov Rav went to dip in the mikvah and suddenly passed away,” “A woman known for her unbelievable acts of kindness in the community has suddenly collapsed in the middle of work and passed away.” These are some of the headlines we have been exposed to in recent months. And with each of these horrific stories comes a cry for help in financially assisting those left behind: another Go Fund Me page, another Chesed fund.

With a broken heart, I am writing about the considerable uptick in the number of young people in our communities dying prematurely. We have been hit with one heartrending story after another of families losing a mother or a father at an incredibly young age to heart attack, cancer, car accidents and other horrific tragedies.

Am Yisrael is an amazing nation, with untold sensitivity to one another’s pain and a selfless desire to assist a fellow Jew in need. We are one people, one family, all interconnected and intertwined, who feel immeasurable anguish to the other’s sorrow and want to assist by opening our pockets and hearts.

In this article, I want to highlight the importance of caring for our loved ones while we are still alive and able to ensure their needs are met. My goal is to lessen the burden on the community and to make readers aware of the necessary preparations and planning every head of household should anticipate in taking care of their families. We have an obligation to ensure that our family doesn’t merely survive in case of such an unfortunate event but continues to live with dignity, and proper resources, and not need to rely on the kindness of others.

I am not, Chas V’shalom, suggesting that we do not donate or help; on the contrary, we are Rachamanim B’nei Rachamanim, and we do take care of our own communities. However, there is a delicate balance between caring for ourselves and caring for others. I am suggesting that we take it upon ourselves to do the biggest chesed we can for our loved ones, prepare accordingly, and hope that these preparations and plans remain just that.

We have a mitzvah to provide for the poor and those in need and yet at the same time the Torah explicitly claims, “There shall be no needy among you.” How do we reconcile this apparent contradiction? How do we give charity while simultaneously making sure there are no needy among us? Our commentators interpret that due to the singular form of the verse, “there shall be no needy among you,” the rabbis understood this statement as a reference to the individual: “There shall not be in you a destitute person.” In other words, the Torah commands us to avoid our own poverty. This can be interpreted in different ways. I want to suggest another interpretation—that we should ensure our own financial security even in death. That we should not rely on tzedakah, but rather that we are duty bound to provide for our spouse and children’s future in a way that leaves them with the resources they need to live in dignity.

After an enlightening conversation with multiple community financial advisors, I would like to share some important steps in preparing accordingly:

    1. Financial Planning

Financial planning is an ongoing process that looks at your entire financial picture to help set goals and build a nest fund. Preparing a monthly cash flow via bookkeeping software or Excel will help you plan for what your family needs to cover their costs. How and what are the monthly and annual expenses? What are the family’s sources of income? How much and how is it collected? Have you loaned out cash that a spouse should be aware of? What bills are on autopay? What are your investment portfolios? Other important factors to discuss include access to important sites and passwords.

It is imperative to be organized and have a designated spot for all important documentation. Each spouse should have at least a minimal involvement at the financial level and have a quarterly discussion to go over key players that are part of the family’s team: accountant, attorney, life insurance broker, bankers and how things operate.

    1. Life Insurance/Term Insurance

We all intuitively know we should have life insurance but it seems taboo, or we cannot possibly fathom our impending demise. Other reasons for delaying coverage is not being able to afford insurance or simply not knowing enough about it. There are many affordable plans and structures to get life insurance. There are insurance brokers that can provide insight and answer questions to help find those proper plans for your family. When planning for proper coverage, it’s important to take into account what it costs per child per year and what it will take to care for their needs until 18 years of age or beyond. Factors such as clothes, tuition, medical expenses, weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs should all be taken into account when planning coverage.

    1. Living Trusts

A living trust allows you to put into place a last will and testament indicating who will care for your kids and get your assets. If you do not have a living trust, assets will pass into the cumbersome and costly court system. A living trust is a way for your assets to pass seamlessly to your heirs and preserve the privacy of your estate.

An Advance Directive is recommended to appoint someone to make medical decisions consistent with your values when you are unable to and to appoint a power of attorney—a person ready to speak to doctors on your behalf to fulfill your wishes. Lastly, a living trust includes appointing a financial power of attorney who will handle your financial obligations if you can’t.

Toward the end of one of my conversations, a friend mentioned that completing these preparations and plans are the ultimate self-less act. This goes to benefit the family and not the individual. This got me thinking about a different interpretation of chesed shel emet, the ultimate true kindness reserved for taking care of the dead. We know that the kindness that is done with those who pass on is the ultimate act of kindness because there is no possibility that the recipient of the favor will repay the kindness. What if the ultimate chesed shel emet, the ultimate selfless act, is when the deceased does an act of kindness in advance of his passing that the survivors cannot repay?

I am not affiliated with or promoting any life insurance brokers, attorneys, or companies. If anyone needs assistance with a budgeting worksheet you can email me at Leronzaggyrd@gmail.com.

The Ultimate Self-less Act Read More »

Remembering Jonathan Omer-Man

Obituaries /

Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man, who died this month at 89, was a Renaissance man who walked many paths and deeply influenced all who knew him. His nobility, humility, keen intellect and wisdom will always be remembered. 

Born in England, Omer-Man made Aliyah, and lived and worked the land in Kibbutz Amiad. In his early 20s, he contracted polio. He moved to Jerusalem and began a search for the meaning of life as a Jew and a seeker of Truth. He studyied with Neturei Karta, a hidden ultra-Orthodox sect of Judaism, then worked with well-known figures Adin Steinsaltz and Gershom Scholem, and interpreted the work of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. 

During that time, he earned a distinguished reputation as a scholar, editor and publisher, and was tapped as revision editor of Encyclopedia Judaica. In 1981, the B’nai B’rith Hillel Foundation hired Jonathan to come to Los Angeles and investigate why so many Jews were drawn to practices such as Zen, Buddhism, Gurdjieff and others. Jonathan concluded that “there was nothing wrong with those Jews; there was something wrong with the way Judaism was taught.”

This led him to establish Metivta, a center for contemplative Judaism. Many remember how they first got to know Jonathan — over coffee at McDonald’s. “I never met anyone,” he said to me, “who knows so much and didn’t apply it to her life.” It was the beginning of his becoming my teacher and mentor.

With his gentle charisma, Omer-Man explained that rabbinical Judaism is only a fraction of the Jewish tradition as a whole. Judaism, Da’at/higher knowledge, is not Dat/religion. He created space for people like us in Jewish life. He taught us that meditation does not belong only to the East. He introduced us to Kabbalah, Hasidism and mystical Jewish books we never knew existed. We discovered what Jewish mysticism has to say about the repair of the soul, tikkun hanefesh, as much as the repair of the world, tikkun olam. We discovered the esoteric circle within the exoteric one.

When asked when Jews would stop fighting with each other, Omer-Man answered: “The best fruits in Jewish life are the result of conflicts and disagreements.” In such times, he suggested we raise the level of the conflict, rather than try to resolve it at the level it was created. Space would be created for opposing forces to complement each other and reconcile. 

Jonathan valued questions and sought ways to deepen them rather than focus on the answers. “What is the question that your life is the answer for?” he’d ask. When someone once said, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I disagree with you,” Omer-Man answered, “You cannot hurt my feelings.” True feelings, he believed, cannot be hurt. He also believed that whatever non-Jewish spiritual work we had done was a preparation for returning home to Judaism. “So far, you sat on a three-legged stool. Now you can sit on a chair with four legs.”  

Omer-Man contributed to Jewish Renewal, meant to bring Jews back to their authentic roots. Rabbi Zalman Schachter, founder of Jewish Renewal, ordained him as a rabbi. Rabbi Omer-Man also started The Institute for Jewish Spirituality, which educates rabbis. He attracted the attention of the Dalai Lama, who invited him to India to teach Tibetan Buddhists how to live in the Diaspora. As a result, a delegation of Jewish leaders traveled to Dharamsala, documented in the book “The Jew in the Lotus” by Rodger Kamenetz.

Heartbroken over our loss, we feel deep gratitude for the gifts Jonathan Omer-Man gave us, gifts for life.

“May we, each one of us, open to the Divine Presence, which is shimmering within each encounter, situation, nature, a person, music, poetry, etc. Every moment is an opportunity to experience this Presence if we but open to it and be available to it.”—Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man

Remembering Jonathan Omer-Man Read More »

you-dont-know-schiff

Hiram Kasten – Part 2

You Don’t Know Schiff /

This week we share Part 2 of our fabulous conversation with the great entertainer Hiram Kasten.

Hiram started his stand-up career in 1978, when Jerry Seinfeld passed him on an audition at “The Comic Strip.” He went on to be a regular in the New York and New Jersey area, eventually emceeing at Dangerfields for five years, while continuing to work the circuit. Hiram moved west in the late eighties and has mined a healthy career playing parts in Sit-Coms and film roles. He still does well in Vegas, where, in addition to working the major casinos, he also headlined a two-year stint in the David Cassidy original production of “The Rat Pack is Back.” He also works frequently as a popular roast comedian. His theatrical training in off-Broadway has paid dividends, but he is most at home interpreting comedy, be it live or on film. Larry David has used him consistently over the years, including Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Your hosts:
markschiff.com
Twitter: @markschiff
Instagram: markschiff1
 
Lowell Benjamin
Twitter: @lowellcbenjamin
Instagram: @lowellcbenjamin

 

 

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Toms River, New Jersey Mayor Sends Out Mailer Implying Orthodox Jewish Community “Threatening the Way of Life” in Town

News, United States /

Last week, residents of Toms River, New Jersey, which houses a growing Orthodox Jewish community one hour south of New York City, received a campaign mailer from Mayor Mo Hill that some are describing as antisemitic.

After mentioning the challenges of the last four years, including “COVID, the presidential election, the woke culture war, the reality and threat of global military conflicts [and] rampant inflation,” the mayor went on to list another problem: “People of different cultures fleeing the cities buying up our real estate; attracted by our location and affordability, they are seemingly threatening the way of life that attracts them.”

“People of different cultures fleeing the cities buying up our real estate; attracted by our location and affordability, they are seemingly threatening the way of life that attracts them.” – Mayor Mo Hill

When Tova Herskovitz, an Orthodox Jewish resident of Toms River as well as a community organizer got the mailer, she sent an open letter to the mayor and posted it on her Twitter.

In the letter, she wrote about how she was worried about her 12-year-old son checking the mail because of the flyer. She pointed out how the Orthodox community is not at fault for the problems facing Toms River, a place that was growing at a rate of 17.5% from 1990 to 2000, and then faced a drop to 1.7% growth from 2000 to 2010 as the local population aged and their children moved away.

“Before you, or your desperate council members, point to the Orthodox community to blame, we only began moving here (in very small numbers) in 2015,” she wrote. “An Orthodox population that you, Mayor Hill, know very well does not endorse large scale housing developments and moved here precisely to enjoy the quieter pace.”

She continued, “You paint a dire picture of an idyllic suburban lifestyle destroyed by outsiders. Actually, it’s the insiders who have been hurting this lovely town that I’m proud to call home. Moving forward, I hope that we can work together to find solutions to the issues facing our city, rather than pointing fingers and spreading harmful messages.”

After seeing Herskovitz’s letter, as well as a callout from Agudas Yisrael, an American Orthodox Jewish organization, Hill put out a statement that attempted to shift the blame to his political opponents.

According to Lakewood Alerts, Hill wrote, “The gap between what was actually written on my campaign flyer, what we intended to convey, and how it was received by you and some other members of the Orthodox Jewish community is astonishingly wide. This is an indication of how far we are from understanding each other and how much work we have to do together to be better neighbors… Here’s my dilemma: How do I address the fears and frustrations of some residents about the growth of the Orthodox Jewish community, without offending some members of the Orthodox Jewish community? So far, my attempts at bridging the gap without upsetting or offending anyone, on all sides, have not been successful … In my defense, I am the only candidate for mayor who is attempting to bridge the gap. Each of my opponents has demonstrated their intention to exploit the bigotry and frustration for their own political gain.”

In an interview with the Journal, Herskovitz said she wrote the letter because, “I didn’t want [Hill] or his campaign to think that he could get away with such dangerous rhetoric. I wanted to send them a message that we see their actions, we’re offended and we’re going to respond accordingly. Both with our voice and our vote.”

She said the mailer was a surprise – especially since members of the Orthodox Jewish community voted for Hill, a Republican who graduated from Lakewood High School and worked as a dentist, in the 2020 election.

“I was horrified to see such blatant hate speech in a mailer and a bit in shock that someone who was once considered a friend and got elected through the community could speak this way,” she said. “Everyone I’ve spoken to has said that it stunned them with it’s outright hate. It’s especially hard when you don’t expect it, whereas the other side in the primary has been problematic for years.”

According to a February 2022 article in the Asbury Park Press, a local paper in New Jersey, the town was facing two lawsuits that said Toms River was “engaged in an orchestrated campaign” to keep the Orthodox Jewish community from expanding. At the time, the cases were active in a federal court.

In a response to the recent mailer, Ocean County Republican Party Chairman George R. Gilmore put out a statement condemning Hill, along with Councilman Dan Rodrick, who is also running for mayor, for “hateful rhetoric.”

“The actions by Mo Hill and Dan Rodrick are disgraceful and have no place in our party,” said Gilmore. “We have seen this before when others have tried to divide the residents of our county using the same hateful rhetoric. Leaders from around the county stood united and condemned those actions. I am calling on every Republican  – Commissioners, Legislators, and local leaders alike – to join me in condemning this abhorrent behavior.”

For her part, Herskovitz is disappointed in Hill’s response as well as his actions. She said that since becoming mayor, he has not followed through with campaign promises.

“His actions since he was elected were not aligned with his words of promoting unity. And actions, like sending that mailer, speak louder than words.”

Toms River, New Jersey Mayor Sends Out Mailer Implying Orthodox Jewish Community “Threatening the Way of Life” in Town Read More »