May 25, 2022

There are four words that have the potential to change the world. They form a well-known saying. They roll off the tongue, are easily understood and even seem obvious. And yet, they have proven to be almost impossible to implement. They are so simple and yet they have eluded us since the beginning of time.

The words are: Live and let live.

Virtually every conflict, in interpersonal relations and on the national and international stages, involves someone or some group attempting to impose their will on others. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “live and let live” as a saying that “a person should live as he or she chooses and let other people do the same.”

Psychologist Leon Seltzer, writing in Psychology Today, notes that our history and our ego work against cooperation: “After all, it’s only natural that our most primitive ancestors would have been predisposed to confront one another in situations where natural resources vital to survival were in short supply.” Even though our more developed brain and different social conditions have made us more adaptable, we still act in “pre-ethical” ways.

Although recent studies show that we are primed at birth to be empathetic, human ego nurtures a need to see ourselves separate from and better than others, which undermines the ideal of “live and let live.” Add to this, suggests Seltzer, feelings of insecurity originating from when we were children, and you have a potent brew of emotions that make “live and let live” much more complex and difficult that it seems. 

The Marginalian’s Maria Popova adds a fascinating point of view. She examines love as the response to the quandary of living in a troubled world and facing the inevitability of death: “To become precious — that is the work of love, the task of love. The recompense of death. The human miracle that makes the transience of life not only bearable but beautiful.”

 She points out the heartbreak of “losing sight of just how precious we are to each other, squandering in less-than-love the chance-miracle of our time alive together, only to recover our vision when entropy has taken its toll, when it is too late.” For Popova, the Persian poet Rumi (1207-1273) expresses perfectly the tragedy of the human condition when hostility and conflict crowd out love:

Let’s cherish each other, my friend,

before we lose each other.

Why adore the dead but battle the living? 

These comments on the obstacles to “live and let live” make me understand better the Jewish emphasis on love. According to the Sefaria online resource, there are 16,334 references to love in Jewish source texts. In Leviticus, we are commanded to “love your fellow as yourself; I am Hashem.” Why does the verse end with the reminder that it issues from God? Perhaps because our internal, personal obstacles to love need to be overcome through an understanding that consideration for others is a divine imperative. 

To emphasize the point, God is described in the Torah as “the Lord, mighty, merciful and gracious, long-suffering and abundant in love and truth.” If God is the embodiment of all those qualities including love, then the message is clear: We are to transcend our grievances and be inspired to emulate the Creator. An exceptional comment in the Talmud draws attention to a profound psychological truth long before the invention of psychology: “Rabbi Akiva said: ‘This is a great principle of the Torah: You shall love your neighbor as yourself, meaning that one should not say, ‘Since I am scorned, I should scorn my fellow as well; since I have been cursed, I will curse my fellow as well.'” Rabbi Akiva understands that what drives most conflict is one’s keenly felt need for revenge for a perceived offence and he strongly discourages this all-too-human weakness. This is an attempt to promote harmony rather than discord, again pointing out that its source is divine.

If God is the embodiment of all those qualities including love, then the message is clear: We are to transcend our grievances and be inspired to emulate the Creator.

Jewish sources begin with the self, move to love of parents, and on to people who are different from us. Leviticus states that “the stranger who resides with you shall be to you as your citizens; you shall love each one as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt; I am Hashem your God.” This breadth starts with the individual and his or her own personal issues and progresses to love of others and even strangers. In fact, the prophet Micah universalizes the concept to include all: “What does God require of you? Only that you do justice and love goodness.” This statement is general and inclusive. It is astonishing and revolutionary in a society that was tribal and where fear of the other and constant wars were the norm. 

 Whether viewed psychologically, poetically or theologically, the problem of implementing the principle of “live and let live” is a matter of overcoming the desires of the self for the good of all, transcending ego for the benefit of everyone, making a conscious decision to seek peace and refuse conflict. The war in Ukraine has sparked a resolve in the free world to confront tyranny. That is a hopeful sign.  

Whether viewed psychologically, poetically or theologically, the problem of implementing the principle of “live and let live” is a matter of overcoming the desires of the self for the good of all, transcending ego for the benefit of everyone, making a conscious decision to seek peace and refuse conflict.  

If we learned from psychology that primal urges play a role in human behavior, if we were inspired by the aspirations and beauty of poetry and prose, and if we renewed our relationship with the concepts of dignity and love found in our religious traditions, perhaps we would progress toward a more humane world. The psychologists, the poets and religious teachings demonstrate that only love can drive out hatred, only light can defeat darkness and only hope can cure despair. This is not idealism. It is a genuine and urgent need to put an end finally to a world sick of suffering and despair. 

As Martin Luther King said: “Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war.” And it all starts with each one of us.

Dr. Paul Socken is Distinguished Professor Emeritus and founder of the Jewish Studies program at the University of Waterloo.

In the 1800’s, cast iron pipes were invented.  Then in 1883, a loving God gave John Michael Kohler the foresight to invent the bathtub. Thank you, Mr. Kohler, for making the world a more enjoyable place. 

I love taking baths. I love everything about them. In just minutes, one can turn a rectangular-shaped object filled with water and heated to a nice toasty 95 to 105 degrees into Shangri-La. A good hot bath can turn the rattiest tenement apartment into a luxurious spa.  I know; I lived in one. 

There are many photos of me as a child sitting, smiling happily and splashing in an Alcove porcelain tub with my mother kneeling beside the outer wall. When my wife and I were newly married, my wife was deeply concerned that my mother was still giving me baths and getting me into my pajamas. This was way before we had children. I remember explaining to my wife that until we have children of our own, we should not judge a mother’s love.  

I like water. I like to drink it, gargle it, and walk in the rain getting drenched by it.  But first and foremost, I love sitting in it. Give me a wood backscratcher and a new bar of Olive Oil Oatmeal Soap and hello, happiness.  A bath to me is not a luxury but rather a necessity.  I can’t do without it. A bath can be so pleasurable, it’s hard for me to allow myself that much pleasure.   

Give me a wood backscratcher and a new bar of Olive Oil Oatmeal Soap and hello, happiness.  A bath to me is not a luxury but rather a necessity.  I can’t do without it.  

To prepare a proper bath, one must be part scientist. I add three ingredients. First, two caps of bubble bath are poured directly under the water spigot. Then a healthy squirt of aloe vera gel.  And of course, a handful of MgSO4 that is commonly known as Epson salts. Try the Lavender or Eucalyptus. I’m drooling just thinking about it. 

People have asked me if I equally enjoy dipping in the ocean or a lake. The answer is no. In the ocean, I’m aware that at any moment a shark might scoot by and saw me in half.  And in a lake, it’s the Electrophorus Electricus (better known as an electric eel) that I’m scared might take a bite out of my rump. 

Doctors will tell you a bath is good for depression, sore muscles, lowering blood pressure and relaxation. And of course, if they are not opposed to hopping in with you, it’s an opportunity to get to know your neighbors much better. But that’s for a different sort of newspaper. 

But here now is the difference between the professional and the amateur bathers.  It all comes down to taking a bath outside their bedchamber. There are people for whom the mere mention of taking a bath at a hotel repels them. Many people believe sitting in a hotel tub is akin to eating a piece of cheese found stuffed in a shoe that’s been sitting in a Times Square garbage can.    

Not me. I have been dipping my toes to test the water temperature in and out of hotel tubs for over 40 years and in over 28 countries that might have some of the worst hotels known to man.  When making hotel reservations I always phone the front desk and ask for a tub. Many newer hotels have very few, if any, tubs at all.  And some even charge extra for a tub.  

My opinion is that if you can sit on a toilet seat at Dodger stadium, you can take a bath anywhere in the world.  People react to hotel bathtubs as if you asked them to take a dip into the Yamuna River in India. The Yamuna receives 3.5 billion liters of sewage a day. 

As the rabbis tell us, God wants us to have pleasure. We were not born to just mope and grumble and quickly shower. We are here to enjoy ourselves and help others. So, grab a good book, your iPhone, Bluetooth speaker, a Coala Hola bath pillow and a new bar of scented soap. Then maybe phone a neighbor if that’s the way you roll.  Fill her up, get in, lie back and take a trip to heaven.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and host of the ‘You Don’t Know Schiff’ podcast.

As a long-time baal tshuva, or returnee to Jewish observance, I’ve often thought that what Orthodox Jews do is crazy. No cheeseburgers? But beef and cheese are both great protein sources. Observe Passover for eight days? I thought the holiday was over when the Seder dishes were cleared. Wave the lulav on Sukkot? Are you kidding? 

Early in my journey, I learned that when the Jewish people received the Torah, they said in unison, “Na’aseh v’nishma,” which means “We will do, and we will understand.” Action came first. As we approach Shavuot, the celebration of receiving the Torah, I am reminded that, as much as Jews love to argue and discuss, at its core Judaism is a religion of doing.

We’ve been building up to Shavuot for the seven weeks since Passover. As we welcome the holiday, what will our “na’aseh v’nishma” look like? How will we demonstrate our commitment to Judaism? I will take on one Jewish action, such as reading a chapter of Psalms twice a week. 

Many years ago, a convert explained to me why she chose Judaism over Christianity. She had been a Ph.D. student in Medieval European History. One of her professors told her, “In Christianity, you must think a certain way, but you can do mostly what you want to do. In Judaism, you can think what you want as long as you behave according to the laws. For her, mental freedom was key; she chose to become a Jew.

Different Jewish denominations have varying views on what it means to follow Jewish law. However, no matter how liberal someone’s interpretation, they abide by principles of Judaism as they understand them because they are Jewish. For me, that means looking longingly at the prepared salads at Trader Joe’s and not buying them. It means that no matter how curious I am about who’s calling me on Shabbat, I do not pick up the phone. For another person, it might mean foregoing the shrimp scampi at a fancy wedding reception. In a sense, the specific action is not relevant as long as we do it because we understand that it is what God wants from us.

I have a Jewish friend who has no religious practice and is about to intermarry. When I asked her if she would raise the children Jewish, she exclaimed, “I talk about Judaism all the time! There’s no way they won’t know they’re Jewish!” I realized when she said this that I rarely talk about being Jewish unless I’m asking someone whether they still have shmura matzah at Costco or sharing a Torah tidbit with one of my children. 

But I’m doing Jewish actions all day long – davening, saying blessings over food, making sure that my coffee with half and half goes into a dairy mug. As I’ve settled into living an observant life, doing Jewish deeds provides a deep sense of spirituality – even if my brain thinks they make no sense.  I am free to think it’s crazy – as long as I do the action.

We’ve been building up to Shavuot for the seven weeks since Passover. As we welcome the holiday, what will our “na’aseh v’nishma” look like? How will we demonstrate our commitment to Judaism? I am going to make mocha cheesecake, a recipe that I only prepare once a year. But in addition, I will take on one Jewish action, such as reading a chapter of Psalms twice a week. 

Because as much as Jews love to talk about Judaism, what matters in the end is what we do.

Elizabeth Danziger is the author of four books, including Get to the Point, 2nd edition, which was originally published by Random House. She lives in Venice, California.

More and more, I’ve noticed that people aren’t sleeping. I’ll text my friend on the east coast at 2 a.m. her time, and she’ll respond right away. Or, I’ll see people up late on Facebook Messenger or posting on Instagram. Everybody talks about how tired they are these days. 

According to one study, almost half of Americans say they feel tired between three and seven days per week, and 35.2% of all U.S. adults sleep less than seven hours per night. 

In one way, this is comforting, because I’m not alone anymore. I’ve been a night owl ever since I was a kid and stayed up until 1 a.m., dreading the early start to my school day. I’ve had a permanent coffee cup in my hand since I was 14, and I’ve tried Benadryl, melatonin and Unisom. Nothing makes me tired.  

I stay up late not only because it’s how my body is wired, but also because I love the silence. It’s when I can finally think clearly. It’s my “me” time. When I was younger, I’d be awake long after everyone else in my family had gone to sleep. Now, it’s the same with my husband and kids. 

While I’ve learned to accept my night owl status, on the other hand, it’s not the healthiest thing to stay up so late. It can cause weight gain, hurt your immune system and lead to forgetfulness. I often feel out of touch with the rest of the world. We live in a society where going to bed early and getting up early are the ideal, and being on a different kind of schedule means you’re out of the loop. 

The pandemic had a negative impact on my sleep, and I believe it hurt other people’s sleep habits as well. When we weren’t going to work, partaking in our favorite hobbies and gathering with our friends outside of our homes, time seemed amorphous. I stayed up late reading the news for updates about COVID, then the riots, then the election and the slew of other issues we’ve been hit with over the past few years. The anxiety and fearmongering have been relentless. I haven’t fully recovered – and I’m sure others haven’t either.  

The pandemic had a negative impact on my sleep … When we weren’t going to work, partaking in our favorite hobbies and gathering with our friends outside of our homes, time seemed amorphous. 

I have years of practice when it comes to staying up late, though. I’ve been functioning like this nearly my entire life. Going to bed at midnight would be a major win for me. 

We learn in Jewish law that we are commanded to take care of ourselves. If you aren’t sleeping enough or going to bed too late, it could take a toll on your mental and physical health. I’ve certainly had my fair share of struggles due to a lack of sleep. When I’m tired, for instance, I’m much more likely to gravitate towards sugar and caffeine just to stay awake throughout the day. I don’t feel good when I ultimately end up crashing. 

Going forward, I’m going to try my best to get to sleep at a more reasonable time. I want to switch off the screens and relax with a good book before bed instead. I’m hoping my new exercise routine will wear me out and help me feel at ease. Getting seven hours of sleep per night would, excuse the pun, be a dream. It’s a healthy way of taking back control over my life. 

If you’re staying up too late – especially if this is a new, pandemic-related habit – look at the reasons why. If you’re feeling anxious during the day or eating poorly or generally not functioning well, it could be tied to your sleep. From one night owl to another: it can be fun to stay up until the wee hours of the morning, but up to a certain point. 

I encourage you to turn off your screens at night; there will always be more news and social media notifications and email messages to keep you occupied. Don’t let the grind of everyday life make you unhealthy. Instead, give yourself a break … and get some sleep already.

Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community and Arts Editor for the Jewish Journal. 

Throughout the Cold War, a succession of U.S. presidents were criticized for the alliances they formed with countries notorious for their abuses of basic human rights. Leaders in both parties usually defended these partnerships by arguing that the global challenges created by our country’s adversarial relationship with the Soviet Union necessitated friendships with some very bad actors. 

After the Berlin Wall fell and the international landscape became less balkanized, human rights became a higher priority in U.S. foreign policy. Tensions with China, Iran and North Korea, to name a few of America’s most menacing geopolitical irritants, still pressure American decisionmakers to team up with noted abusers, but these considerations have not been as major a determinant in our country’s diplomacy as was the case for the second half of the twentieth century. 

But when Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine, the world began to look a lot like it did during the heyday of the USSR. When it was reported last week that President Joe Biden is considering a meeting with Saudi Arabia’s de facto leader Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS) sometime this summer, it became clear that Biden’s own concerns about MBS’ human rights record were taking a back seat to other more pressing matters stemming from the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

During his presidential campaign, Biden vowed to turn Saudi Arabia into a “pariah” on the world stage. Shortly after taking office, Biden’s administration released a previously classified document blaming the crown prince for the gruesome murder of columnist Jamal Khashoggi. Since then, Biden has refused to communicate with MBS, speaking only with his father, King Salman bin Abdulaziz, the country’s ailing and titular head of state. The Saudis are also angry at the U.S. for reducing involvement in Yemen, where Saudi forces are facing increased attacks from Iranian-backed rebels and for Biden’s State Department’s ongoing pursuit of a new nuclear agreement with Iran.

It’s not clear if the U.S. still has the luxury of basing its foreign policy on high-minded considerations. There’s a war to win now, not to mention a midterm election just around the corner.

These extremely tense relationships between U.S. and Saudi leaders were a relatively low-level concern until the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Given Europe’s dependence on Russian oil, and the skyrocketing cost of gasoline in this country, Saudi Arabia’s massive energy resources have suddenly become much more important to Biden. But when he reached out to Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates earlier this spring to request that the two countries increase the amount of oil they would sell on world markets to decrease the impact of the potential loss of Russian energy exports, he was not only rejected but ignored altogether. As successful as Biden has been at uniting NATO behind Ukraine, the leader of the free world could not even get his calls returned.

As the midterm elections draw closer, it’s become clear that Biden’s greatest domestic political obstacle is voter concern about ongoing inflation. While prices for food, rent and other goods are extremely high as well, the cost of gasoline is advertised very prominently on street corners throughout the country. So the psychological impact of gas prices on the American consumer is disproportionately harsh. Biden needs the price of gasoline to come down as quickly as possible, and the person best positioned to make that happen is Mohammed bin Salman.

In addition to Khashoggi’s murder, Biden has harshly criticized the Saudi record on other human rights issues such as their treatment of domestic dissidents. He had promised a more confrontational approach with that country than the amicable relations that his predecessor maintained. So White House leaks that Biden and MBS might be meeting in person in the near future suggest that the U.S. president has decided that a helping of humble pie might be on the White House menu before too long.

Saudi Arabia’s human rights shortcomings have not improved over the last few months, nor are they any more excusable. But just as was the case when Putin’s Soviet ancestors were in power, it’s not clear if the U.S. still has the luxury of basing its foreign policy on such high-minded considerations. There’s a war to win now, not to mention a midterm election just around the corner.

Dan Schnur is a Professor at the University of California – Berkeley, USC and Pepperdine. Join Dan for his weekly webinar “Politics in the Time of Coronavirus” (www/lawac.org) on Tuesdays at 5 PM.