Thanksgiving stresses me out. Besides all the cooking, I have the added pressure of creating showstopping centerpieces and décor — like the time I spray-painted 600 ping pong balls gold and suspended them from the ceiling.
That’s why I’m relieved that, this year, I get to play guest and just show up.
Whether you’re a host or a guest this Thanksgiving, here are some do’s and don’ts for a truly memorable holiday.
HOSTS
Do be specific when guests ask if they can bring anything. Instead of just asking for a side dish, specify if you need a salad, potatoes or cranberry sauce. If you’re asking for wine, say red or white.
Do play with the lighting in your home to create a welcoming environment. Avoid harsh overhead lighting. Turn off lights in rooms and hallways where you don’t want guests to venture. And use candles to create a warm ambience.
Do clean the bathroom. Tuck all your personal toiletries and medications out of sight. Put out some fresh hand towels. And light a candle or two.
Do dress up for the occasion. And dress up the kids and pets too.
Do have a place set aside for coats and purses.
Do offer light appetizers before dinner, especially if there are cocktails. You don’t want guests drinking on an empty stomach.
Do be present for your guests. They want to spend time with you, not see you constantly disappear into the kitchen.
Do have plastic takeout containers ready for guests to take home leftovers.
Don’t expect perfection. Better Homes & Gardens is not coming to photograph or critique your Thanksgiving.
Don’t worry if all your table settings match, or if you’re using paper plates.
Don’t look disheveled and complain about all the work you’ve been doing for the past week to prepare.
Don’t have the football game on TV during dinner. Sorry, guys.
Don’t enforce a no-shoe policy, even if that’s what you require every other day of the year. It’s awkward for guests.
GUESTS
Do arrive about 10 to 15 minutes late. As a host, I am always running behind, and people who arrive early or right on time are usually in the way. But don’t show up more than half an hour late.
Do dress up to show respect for your hosts.
Do bring a small gift, and attach a thank you card to it so your host remembers who gave the gift.
Do let your host know in advance if you have dietary restrictions or food allergies. And don’t make a big deal about it when you’re at dinner.
Do offer to help in the kitchen or wash dishes.
Do compliment your host on the food and décor. But be sincere about it.
Do take photographs and send some to your host the next day. It’s a great way to say thank you.
Don’t bring flowers unless they’re already in a vase. Your host will not have time to stop everything and arrange your flowers.
Don’t bring someone who wasn’t invited. Don’t even ask if you can bring someone, as it puts the host on the spot.
Don’t just pick up a pie at the supermarket if you said you would be bringing a dessert. Put some effort into it.
Don’t bring something you need to heat in the oven. Oven space is precious in the hours and minutes before mealtime.
Don’t check your phone constantly.
Jonathan Fong is the author of “Walls That Wow,” “Flowers That Wow” and “Parties That Wow,” and host of “Style With a Smile” on YouTube. You can see more of his do-it-yourself projects at jonathanfongstyle.com.
Janet Arzt died Nov. 8 at 101. Survived by daughter Judith (Alan) Rosen; son Ira (Tina) Artz; 3 grandchildren. Mount Sinai
Melvin Benjamin died Nov. 6 at 95. Survived by daughters Cheryl (Mort) Kessler, Susan Spica; son Steven (Janet); 5 grandchildren; 6 great-grandchildren; brother Phillip. Mount Sinai
Aaron Moses Cohen died Nov. 2 at 87. Survived by wife Sandra; daughter Leora (Steve) Bennett; sons Aryell, David; 7 grandchildren; 4 great-grandchildren. Groman Eden
Dorothy Fellner died Nov. 8 at 94. Survived by daughter Patricia (Bob) Brownstein; sons Dennis (Leslie), Michael (Joan); 5 grandchildren; 8 great-grandchildren. Hillside
Marvin Fine died Oct 9 at 92. Survived by son Robert. Chevra Kadisha
Harriette Gail Friedman died Nov. 2 at 66; survived by husband Steven; son Gary Kosman; sister Marcia (Frank) Polumbo; 1 grandchild. Groman Eden
Harvey Freidson died Oct. 31 at 80. Survived by wife Nancy; sons Eric, Marc, Robert (Janice); 2 grandchildren; brother Joe. Mount Sinai
Sylvia Goodman died Nov. 9 at 104. Survived by daughter Eileen. Mount Sinai
Arnold Handelman died Nov. 2 at 93. Survived by wife Marilynn; daughters Debra Kulick, Dayle Ross; son Steven; 7 grandchildren; 1 great-grandchild. Mount Sinai
Lila Hartman died Nov. 7 at 96. Survived by son Brian Lasky; 3 grandchildren. Mount Sinai
Elinor Levine died Oct. 28 at 91. Survived by son Barry; step-daughter Trisha Martinez; sister Janet Mann. Mount Sinai
Marvin R. Levy died Nov. 6 at 72. Survived by wife Laura Altman-Levy; daughter Misty Caster; stepson Bryan Altman; 2 grandchildren; sister Olivia (Will) Wallace; brother Michael (Peggy) Levy. Mount Sinai
Dorothy Lider died Nov. 8 at 97. Hillside
Barbara Lippe died Nov. 2 at 63. Survived by daughter Megan Stokesberry; brother Daniel Lippe. Mount Sinai
Melvin Kerber died Oct. 20 at 96. Survived by wife Charlotte; daughters Diana Hedson, Stephanie (Piero) Casavecchia; sons Misha Seymour; Randy (Ann); 7 grandchildren; 2 great-grandchildren. Mount Sinai
Aaron A. Kleinman died Oct. 29 at 79. Survived by sons Joshua Kleinman, Matthew (Renee). Mount Sinai
Robert Mirman died Oct. 31 at 86. Survived by wife Matlin; daughter Stacy (Kevin) Colton; son Brad; 3 grandchildren. Hillside
Helene Mishlove died Nov. 3 at 85. Survived by stepdaughters Lisa (David) Sorkin, Debbie (Ross) Goldberg; son Bradley; 3 grandchildren. Hillside
Arnold Preiser died Nov. 1 at 76. Survived by wife Sonia; daughters Natalya Hudis, Amy Maoz, Katherine; 3 grandchildren; brother Leonid. Mount Sinai
Florence Robbins died Oct. 30 at 89. Survived by brother Selwyn (Sandra) Ginsburg. Mount Sinai
Karen Lynn Rose died Nov. 2 at 70. Survived by daughters Nicole (Reagan) Rose-Manning, Tara (Jesse) Wales; 7 grandchildren; mother Dorothee Grenrock; sisters Bobbie (Earl) Ritter, Shelly (Dave) Wiseman. Mount Sinai
Bernice Sherry Schnall died Nov. 7 at 94. Survived by son Peter Schnall; 3 grandchildren. Mount Sinai
Harold Isidore Schneider died Nov. 5 at 89. Survived by wife Arlene; sons Michael (Livija), Stewart (Janine); 7 grandchildren; 1 great-grandchild; brother Bernard. Mount Sinai
Madeline Ruth Schwartz died Oct. 30 at 80. Survived by sons Barry (Lynda), Mark (Marilyn); daughter Karen (Jose) Sanchez; 6 grandchildren; brother Alan (Sue) Lipkin. Mount Sinai
Joyce Ellen Shore died Nov. 4 at 85. Survived by daughter Robin (Raymond Kohut); son Michael (Susan); 5 grandchildren; 2 great-grandchildren; sister Toby Lee Lutch. Mackey Funeral Home, Middleton, Mass.
Musi Singer died Oct. 30 at 90. Survived by husband Samuel; daughters Gayle (Joel) Bernstein, Bonnie. Mount Sinai
Garri Sorochinsky died Nov. 9 at 76. Survived by wife Rita; son Michael (Lauren); 3 grandchildren. Mount Sinai
Yael Steingiesser died Nov. 3 at age 83. Survived by husband Miklos; daughter Tamar (Steve) Cohen; son Yigal (Paula); 7 grandchildren; sister Atara; brother-in-law George (Judith) Solymark. Mount Sinai
Mary Toberoff died Nov. 1 at 94. Survived by husband Abraham; daughter Jane (Peter) Behman; 2 grandchildren; brother Ted Rich. Hillside
Karen Weiner died Oct. 28 at 74. Survived by husband Sanford; son David (Marieke); 2 grandchildren; sister Leslie Tarr. Mount Sinai
Samuel Wolfson died Nov. 4 at 93. Survived by son Samuel C. (Tania Rodrigues). Mount Sinai
Daniel Harris Zwitman died Oct. 24 at 74. Survived by wife Julia Weinberg; sister Annamerle (Richard) Belah. Mount Sinai
This acclaimed film is a love story about a precocious 17-year-old boy and his professor father’s graduate student intern who bond over their sexuality, Jewish heritage and the northern Italian landscape. Timothée Chalamet plays the boy, Elio, who spends his days reading, playing piano and flirting with his girlfriend until he meets Oliver, who has come to stay at the family’s villa for the summer while working for Elio’s father. Armie Hammer (“The Social Network”) and Michael Stuhlbarg (“Boardwalk Empire”) co-star in producer Howard Rosenman and Italian director Luca Guadagnino’s adaptation of a 2007 novel of the same name. Various theaters. sonyclassics.com/callmebyyourname.
ERIC SCHWARTZ
Comedian and rapper Eric Schwartz draws on “Weird Al” Yankovic, Eminem and his love of pop culture and Judaism in parodies including “Honika Electronica” and “Crank That Kosha Boy.” The Jewish performer, also known by his hip-hop alter-ego Smooth-E, brings the funny to the intimate Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. 8 and 10 p.m.; 8 and 10 p.m. Saturday; $20. Flappers Comedy Club, 102 E. Magnolia, Burbank. (818) 845-9721. flapperscomedy.com.
SUN NOV 26
“1945”
Hungarian film director Ferenc Torok’s black-and-white film is set in a Hungarian village in 1945 in the aftermath of the Holocaust. Adapted from an acclaimed short story, the film unfolds as an Orthodox man and his adult son show up at the village. The townspeople believe the Jews are the heirs of the village’s deported Jews and expect the worst. The Los Angeles Jewish Film Festival sponsors the screening. A post-screening discussion features Torok in conversation with Holocaust scholar Michael Berenbaum. The film is a production of Menemsha Films. 5:35 p.m. $13 (general), $11 (seniors). Laemmle Royal, 11523 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles. (800) 838-3006. lajfilmfest.org.
OZOMATLI
The socially conscious Los Angeles band that features Latino and Jewish members and blends Latin, hip-hop and rock music performs at The Canyon in Agoura Hills. 6 p.m. (doors open), 7 p.m. (opener), 9 p.m. (headliner). $28, $38, $48. The Canyon, 28912 Roadside Drive, Agoura Hills. (888) 645-5006. wheremusicmeetsthesoul.com.
MON NOV 27
U.N. RESOLUTION 181 ANNIVERSARY
Commemorating the 70th anniversary of U.N. Resolution 181 — also known as the Partition Plan — which called for the partition of Palestine into Arab and Jewish states, the Mensch Foundation presents its Mensch Award to Sinai Temple Rabbi Emeritus Zvi Dershowitz, professor Michael Berenbaum, Zane Buzby and Meir Fenigstein. A panel discussion on the resolution includes Berenbaum, professor Judea Pearl, professor Michael Bazyler, Rabbi Moshe Kushman and professor Stanley Goldman. After the awards presentation, Israeli-American actor Mike Burstyn delivers a dramatic reading of Resolution 181. 7-8:30 p.m. Free. Sinai Temple, 10400 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles. (760) 416-3685. menschfoundation.org.
“AND THEN THEY CAME FOR US”
Abby Ginzberg and Ken Schneider’s documentary film about the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II makes its Los Angeles premiere. In the film, actor and LGBT activist George Takei and many others who were incarcerated tell their stories and speak out against the Muslim registry and the travel ban. A reception and a post-screening discussion follows with the filmmakers and Ahilan Arulanantham, legal director at the ACLU of Southern California, moderated by Marya Bangee, CEO of Sila Consulting. 7 p.m. $25. Downtown Independent Theater, 251 S. Main St., Los Angeles. (213) 617-1033. thentheycamedoc.com.
“AMERICAN CONSERVATISM AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IN THE TRUMP ERA”
Bruce Bialosky.
Republican columnist Bruce Bialosky, Republican Jewish Coalition former executive director Larry Greenfield and author and political strategist Arnold Steinberg, a contributing editor to The American Spectator, participate in a panel discussion moderated by Valley Beth Shalom Rabbi Ed Feinstein. 7:30 p.m. Free. Valley Beth Shalom, 15739 Ventura Blvd., Encino. (818) 788-6000. vbs.org.
TUE NOV 28
JNF BREAKAST FOR ISRAEL
The Jewish National Fund’s annual Los Angeles breakfast for Israel explores “Media Bias and Israel.” Guest speakers include author and radio commentator Larry Elder, Haaretz U.S. editor and correspondent Chemi Shalev, and Consul General of Israel in Los Angeles Sam Grundwerg. 7:30-9 a.m. Free (RSVP required). The Beverly Hilton, 9876 Wilshire Blvd., Beverly Hills. (323) 964-1400. jnf.org/labreakfast.
WED NOV 29
“THE DREAM OF 33 VOTES” AND GOLDA MEIR
A community program commemorates the 100-year anniversary of the Balfour Declaration, the 70-year anniversary of the U.N. Partition Resolution and the almost 70-year anniversary of the birth of the Jewish state. The event features historic video clips, music, the Harkham Hillel Hebrew Academy choir and remarks by Rabbi David Wolpe. After the program, author Francine Klagsbrun appears in conversation with Wolpe about her 2017 book, “Lioness: Golda Meir and the Nation of Israel.” A book sale and signing follow. Community program: 6:30-7:30 p.m. Book discussion: 7:30 p.m. Free for Sinai Temple members, others $25. Sinai Temple, 10400 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles. (310) 481-3228. sinaitemple.org.
MIZRAHI COMMEMORATION
Rachel Moreh.
UCLA alumna Rachel Moreh from the Israel Consulate and Manny Dahari, a recent refugee from Yemen and a Yeshiva University student, discuss what happened to the Jewish communities in Arab countries in the wake of the founding of the State of Israel. Organized by JIMENA (Jews Indigenous to the Middle East and North Africa) and Students Supporting Israel. Light snacks and refreshments will be served. 7-9:30 p.m. Free. Hillel at UCLA, 574 Hilgard Ave., Los Angeles. bit.ly/mizrahicommemoration2017.
THU NOV 30
“JEWS AND THE AMERICAN PRESIDENCY”
Los Angeles political scholar Raphael Sonenshein delivers a lecture on “Jews and the American Presidency: The Bushes, Clinton and Obama.” He examines how the respective presidencies have been consequential to Jews in the United States and around the world, and discusses how the relationship between American presidents and Jewish communities have been vital to the American system of government and the conditions under which Jews live. Sponsored by Hillside Memorial Park and Mortuary. 7:30 p.m. $18. American Jewish University, David Alan Shapiro Memorial Synagogue Center, 15600 Mulholland Drive, Los Angeles. (310) 476-9777. wcce.aju.edu.
“NEW MEDIA JEWS”
Yiddish Book Center Academic Director Joshua Lambert examines the rise of Jews and Judaism in today’s media, including on streaming platforms, in his lecture titled, “New Media Jews: ‘Transparent,’ Podcasting and the Place of Jews in 21st Century American Culture.” Lambert proposes that the current wave of Jewish culture is resulting from two key developments: the increasing institutionalization of Jewish culture in America since the late 20th century and the affinity between streaming media technology and demographic minorities. UCLA faculty member Lia Brozgal moderates. 4 p.m. Free. UCLA Faculty Center, 480 Charles E. Young Drive, Los Angeles. (310) 825-5955. csw.ucla.edu.
THE 7TH ANNUAL PROFESSOR GERALD B. BUBIS LECTURE
Israeli journalist and author Amir Tibon discusses “An Israeli Reporter in Trump’s Washington.” Tibon, Washington, D.C., correspondent for Haaretz and co-author of the 2017 book “The Last Palestinian: The Rise and Reign of Mahmoud Abbas,” appears at Valley Beth Shalom as part of Americans for Peace Now’s annual Gerald B. Bubis lecture. A conversation with Valley Beth Shalom Rabbi Ed Feinstein follows the talk. 7 p.m. Free (RSVP requested). Valley Beth Shalom, 15739 Ventura Blvd., Encino. (323) 934-3480. vbs.org.
ANAT COHEN TENTET
Israel’s hottest clarinet virtuoso and her ensemble perform. Anat Cohen’s sounds capture many genres, including modern and traditional jazz, classical music, klezmer, Brazilian choro and Argentine tango. 8 p.m. $33-$78. Valley Performing Arts Center, 18111 Nordhoff St., Northridge. (818) 677-8800. valleyperformingartscenter.org.
MICHAEL CHABON AND ZADIE SMITH
The two literary heavyweights participate in a conversation. Chabon is a Jewish author known for the Pulitzer Prize-winning “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay,” and Smith is a Brit of Jamaican descent whose debut novel, “White Teeth,” garnered critical acclaim. Chabon’s and Smith’s latest works — “Moonglow” and “Swing Time,” respectively — explore the influence of family, cultural heritage and politics in shaping identity. 8 p.m. $29-$59. Royce Hall, UCLA, 340 Royce Drive, Los Angeles. (310) 825-4401. cap.ucla.edu.
Jacob’s destiny was set from birth and would come at a price. As his mother Rebekah’s troubled twin pregnancy came to an end and the babies were born, Jacob holding Esau’s heel suggested a strong pre-natal desire to be born first and become the future leader of the tribe. In a clever commentary, Rashi (11th century, France) says that the scene reflects a primogeniture truth, that Jacob was actually conceived first, though he came out second, much as a pebble dropped into a tube first will come out second when the tube is inverted.
Despite being second-born, Jewish tradition asserts that Jacob’s spiritual potential merited his assuming first-born rights, and it also suggests that Rebecca knew that her other son Esau, a hunter, lacked the requisite sensitivity, gentility, vision, and prophetic capacity to lead the tribe, whereas Jacob possessed all those virtues.
Jacob’s dream event that opens this week’s portion Vayetze (Genesis 28:10-22) signals the beginning of a new stage in Jacob’s life. He had just fled in fear from an enraged Esau, was alone in the mountains, unsure of himself and exhausted. He fell asleep and dreamed of ladders and angels.
This dream sequence is filled with powerful religious imagery, suggestion and mythic archetypes. The stones Jacob placed under his head are symbolic of what Carl Jung called the Ego, the limited “I” of Jacob, a man still unaware of the implicate order in the universe that links the material and metaphysical worlds.
The top of the ladder represents what Jung called the integrated Self which unifies the conscious and unconscious into a non-dualistic cosmos.
When Jacob went to sleep using stones as a pillow, we suspect that something unusual is about to happen, that he’s on the cusp of new self-consciousness. Lo and behold, he sees angels ascending (representing his yearning for something greater than himself) and angels descending (representing God’s outreach towards him), Rabbi Heschel’s idea of prophetic empathy and God’s pathos.
When Jacob awoke from the dream and opened his eyes, he was astonished: “Surely God is in this place, va’anochi lo yadati, and I did not know it! … How awesome is this place! This is none other than the abode of God, and this is the gateway to heaven.” (28:16-17)
The beginning of any religious experience requires us to understand that we know nothing at all. In Hebrew “I” is ani (anochi is a variant form), and when we rearrange the letters – aleph, nun, yod – we spell ain, which means “nothing”). The religious person must transform the “I” of the ego into a great Self in which we become part of God’s Oneness. Jacob’s sudden awareness results in his newfound humility and is a prerequisite to the development of his faith.
Despite the spiritual potency of this experience, Jacob remains unaware (i.e. he lacks access to his full unconscious) and his faith is conditional. He says, “If God remains with me, if God protects me…, and gives me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and if I return safe … the Eternal shall be my God.” (28:20-21)
One of the consistent themes throughout the Genesis narrative is that in order for the Biblical figures to grow in faith they had to suffer trials. As a protected child of his mother, Jacob had been pampered. However, in being forced to flee for his life from the brother he wronged, Jacob became aware of the shadow (Jung’s term denoting that part of the unconscious consisting of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings and instincts) in which he lived and which would envelop him for the next twenty years. Then he met a being divine and human at the river Jabbok and emerged with a new name, Yisrael – the one who perseveres with God.
From Jacob’s birth to next week’s encounter at the river we witness the patriarch’s evolution from the unconsciousness of his childhood to greater awareness, from a self-centered trickster to the bearer of the covenant. As he progressed he learned to view the world through the eyes of faith as he stood at heaven’s gate.
You’re certainly familiar with this feeling: you’re at work, it’s a quarter to 5 and you simply can’t wait to get home and loosen up. In the fast-paced era, we live in, having a cozy home is an essential ingredient of keeping a sane mind. However, we all know we cannot relax in every environment. If you’re looking to create a more comfortable ambient within your home, here’s a few things you can take in mind.
Upgrade Your Windows
Windows provide our homes with natural light and isolation, so that the air quality is optimal, as well as the temperature. In addition to comfort, proper windows contribute to the wholesome energy efficiency of the household. While it might seem like an expensive venture, upgrading your windows does not have to cripple your budget. You can turn to weather stripping or caulking to reduce air leakage. Glazing is a cost-efficient technique that reduces noise levels, so you can enjoy the peace and quiet of your home. If you don’t know how to fight the dullness of a room that creates an unpleasant, heavy feeling – putting a large window will surely transform it.
Opt for Comfortable and Warm Floors
Picking the right type of floor can mean a lot to the overall feel your interior gives away. From color to type of wood and even print designs – flooring industry has come a long way. Hardwood is a long-lasting flooring solution that’s a frequent choice, specifically because of its luxurious appearance. However, it’s not that comfortable as it doesn’t provide that barefoot soothing feel. Fluffy, soft rugs can be of help here, especially in personal rooms where you tend to rest or be creative. If you’re looking for the ultimate coziness, think about installing floor heating. The heat rises from the floor to the higher levels, creating a lovely, comfy atmosphere you can relax in.
Make the Bed Warmer With Pillows and Blankets
Your bed is probably the center of your relaxation zone, so you should try to make it as warm and soft as possible. Goose feather pillows and cushions are very comfortable and made of cotton, which will certainly soothe your skin. Other cozy options include memory duck feather and foam pillows, as well as those filled with cluster puff fiber. Warm blankets are a must for a heaven-like feeling of being tucked in. Choose different designs to make the room merrier. For the super comfort and a good night’s sleep, ensure your mattress provides the optimal support to your back such as Tuft & Needle mattress that also has a cooling system, so you never toss and turn ever again. A good mattress can mean a difference between a well rest and the constant feeling of discomfort due to fatigue.
Make Your Home Greener With Plants
In addition to cheering up your place and making it warmer, plants are also healthy to have around, especially because of the air quality. Aloe plant is known as one of the best air purifiers and it can also signal if the indoor air is too polluted by showing brown spots. Rubber trees are also beautiful and they manage to survive even with little sunlight, which makes them low-maintenance. Snake plants release oxygen during the night, so you may want to put one in the corner of your bedroom to get more of that nice, fresh air. Philodendron, spider plants, and dracaena are some of other common home plants. Having a private little jungle of your own will make your personal space healthier and cozier.
Our personal spaces serve us as sanctuaries that help us destress and disconnect from the world. A little effort and your home will become an irreplaceable fortress of coziness.
