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April 28, 2010

Brunch at Brent’s

“Hungry People Eat at Brent’s,” the sign that greets us proclaims, and we are among the hungry when we arrive. Outside, it is damply gray and occasionally rainy, and the deli’s bustling interior seems all the cozier for it. Just inside, would-be patrons stand in quiet groups, mostly families, mostly with very young children. More than one set of sons sport matching sweaters; their parents are outfitted in sweats and running shoes, a mild concession to the impropriety of actually wearing your PJs in public. We wait for 10, maybe 12 minutes before being whisked off to a midroom booth; our orders are taken quickly and dispatched with efficiency. Sunday brunch at Brent’s is one-half family affair and one-half well-oiled machine, an experience that is brisk without ever seeming brusque. Owner Ron Peskin prowls the room in a bright yellow short-sleeve button-down shirt, seating customers and chatting with regulars. His name, along with those of his wife and children, are printed at the bottom of each receipt, thanking you for your business.

Brent’s is larger than it seems from its front, tucked into the back of a Northridge strip mall. It is marked by a stained-glass sign that reads, simply, “Welcome to Brent’s.” A green-and-white umbrella that serves as a valet stand when needed bears Brent’s signature color, repeated along with familiar deli brown in the booths and on the walls inside. Accolades and glowing reviews hang, framed, throughout the restaurant.

It has had plenty of time to acquire them: Peskin, 69, purchased a failing deli in 1969 and has been steadily transforming it ever since into one of the best loved and most respected restaurants in the city, a Los Angeles institution. The name is the sole survivor of that first incarnation, kept on because Peskin’s son happened to be a Brent as well.

“I would be sweeping in the kitchen, and people would come in and say, ‘I want to see Brent,’ ” Peskin says, reminiscing about the early days, “so I’d take them to my 4-year-old and say, ‘Here he is!’ And they’d say, ‘Well I want to speak to the owner.’ So I’d tell them, ‘I’m the owner, and now I’m busy! Go away.’ ”

If this seems cantankerous, well, perhaps he’s earned the privilege in years since. When Peskin first took over the deli, he says, there was no Jewish community to speak of in the Valley. He’d sell a whitefish a week — if he was lucky. However, Peskin was as savvy then as he is now: He’d insist on purchasing three of the fish, knowing two would be a loss, because a single one looked too sad to display in a case by itself.

That confidence has served him well in the intervening years, turning him into one of the top names in L.A.’s well-stocked deli scene. And though has opened up a second location in Westlake Village, run by his daughter and son-in-law, he claims never to visit other delis.

“I’m not that curious,” he announces wryly.

He does, however, keep a close eye on the whole of his operation: Upstairs, in the back, is a small office where a computer displays feeds from nearly 20 security cameras, offering glimpses into both locations. It’s a little after noon on a Sunday, and on the monitors we see the Westlake location, where the bar is half full of customers enjoying a beer and watching the Masters golf tournament. A different kind of relaxation than the brunch crowd here in Northridge, sure, but Peskin views it as an equal source of pride. We walk downstairs, through the kitchen, which is itself deceptively huge and surprisingly quiet and clean, especially given the volume of the crowd outside. It has grown since my 11 a.m. arrival; Peskin says it will stay this busy until around 2:30.

By this point I have gone from hungry to starving, and Brent’s does not disappoint. A bagel and lox comes with an ice-cream-size scoop of cream cheese and generous helpings of onions, tomatoes and — obviously — lox over a bed of lettuce. The toppings are so generous, in fact, that the bagel is presented on its own plate. Blintzes are burrito-sized and delicious, soft dough plumped by sweet filling that is neither soggy nor cloying. I had planned on bringing home one of the black-and-white cookies from the display cases up front, but I’m too stuffed to even consider it as I head up to pay the check. Hungry people arrive at Brent’s, sure, but no one ever leaves that way, and if Peskin has his way, no one ever will.

He stops by the table toward the end of the meal to chat briefly and laughs off the idea of retirement: “It’ll never happen,” he says, looking around his cozy kingdom of friends and regulars, before taking off to guide another group to their table. They, too, are hungry, and it is time to get them fed.

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Jews by Choice tackle family tensions

Couples go through a range of emotions after an engagement, from joy and excitement to anxiety and panic. It doesn’t take long for this wonderful time to give way to the strain of wedding planning — dealing with a budget, coping with family expectations, making tough decisions and balancing wedding-day fantasies with reality.

Addressing the wedding issues that come up on an almost daily basis can cause stress on any couple as a whole as well as on each person individually. But the stress can be particularly intense for couples in which one of the partners has converted or is converting to Judaism. Additional challenges for converts can include carving out time for study and spiritual exploration as well as meeting conflicting expectations of both non-Jewish parents and future Jewish in-laws.

For the Jew-by-Choice/Jewish-born couple, finding ways to deal with the stress together will help strengthen the bonds of couplehood and set the tone for their Jewish home.

As a leader of support groups for Jews by Choice, I have found that the majority of people who convert feel they have found a spiritual home within Judaism. And for most converts, this happens during the planning of a wedding.

Even after the hoopla of the wedding has ended, I encourage Jews by Choice to continue their study of Judaism and find their own passions for Jewish rituals. Developing a Jewish identity is important for someone who converts, and it takes time, energy and support from their Jewish-born partner. A person choosing to be Jewish might need to be active in Jewish rituals and Jewish life in a way that is different from the way the Jewish-born partner was raised, which can ultimately challenge that person’s established Jewish identity.

A Jew by Choice often has to deal with a more complex set of challenges surrounding his or her non-Jewish family, which further complicates planning for the big day. Even if a Jew-by-Choice fiance is not dealing with the stress of wedding planning, he will likely face emotional grief and disapproval from his family, and possibly even his future in-laws. Converting to another religion can be hard for families to accept.

The parents of a convert might fear that their child will be fundamentally different. This can leave non-Jewish parents feeling sad and disconnected. Jewish parents might also have negative reactions to the partner who is converting. It’s critical for a Jewish-born partner to be supportive of the converting partner, especially if the family is not.

However, acknowledging such feelings and easing the concerns of parents is also important. As someone who converted to Judaism, I know that being inclusive of my parents during my wedding went a long way toward helping them feel comfortable and involved.

Even though it is your wedding day, remember that they are your parents and they likely had dreams about what their child’s wedding day would be like.

What is most challenging for the Jew by Choice and his or her partner is to make sure that they create the wedding they deeply want without forgetting to be gracious and inclusive of others’ feelings.

Be sure to explain ahead of time all the customs of a Jewish wedding ceremony, including traditions like hakafot, when the bride circles the groom seven times, the chuppah, the groom breaking a glass and the chair dance during the reception. And when possible, make sure all non-Jewish family members are included and honored in the same way as the Jewish family members.

Tips for Managing the Stress

Couple Time
Don’t let all your free time be spent on the wedding planning. Make sure you enjoy your down time.

Face Emotions
Make sure you keep communicating with each other. Talk openly about your fears and concerns around the wedding or family issues.

Other People’s Stuff
People will have a range of emotional reactions to your engagement and wedding, including friends, siblings and family. We all have our own baggage around these big events, so recognize that emotions may run high and hot when under stress.

Be Clear
Be focused and clear on what your wishes are for your wedding day. The more clear you and your partner are, the easier it will be to set boundaries with family and friends.

Be Open
Remember to be open to your parents’ feelings about the wedding. This does not mean allowing yourself to be bullied into anything, but to be open to their thoughts and suggestions, especially if they are around issues that don’t mean as much to you. A little give and a lot of love will go a long way for everyone.

For both the Jew by Choice and the Jewish-born partner, creating a wedding filled with spirituality and meaning can be a wonderful way to deepen their love and strengthen the bond that brought both partners to this important milestone. The wedding day will go by in the blink of an eye, so remember that what will remain are the feelings surrounding this time in your couplehood. Make sure your wishes for the big day happen , and manage the worry and stress as a united front with grace and dignity. 

Michelle Golland (drmichellegolland.com) is a relationship expert and has a private practice in Hollywood. She has appeared on “Larry King Live,” HLN, ABC and “Fox News,” and is a contributor to momlogic.com.

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Wearing a Kippah and a Surgical Cap

“What happens in California when you have a baby, if you’re not Jewish? Who does the circumcision? Any idea?”

I am sitting on the couch in Dr. Samuel Kunin’s home office in Tarzana, and I am being quizzed. If there is a more passionate speaker on the subject of circumcision than this retired urologist and full-time mohel, I’ve not met him.

Kunin answers his own question. “Obstetricians,” he says. He barely pauses before moving on. “Who do OBs take care of?”

This one I know: Women.

“Women!” Kunin says, throwing a well-manicured hand up in the air. California’s obstetricians are not, as Kunin deftly puts it, “penis-oriented” — and yet they perform more circumcisions than the state’s urologists. “I’m not knocking them,” Kunin says, “because some obstetricians do good circumcisions.”

That constitutes high praise from Kunin, who, by his own estimate, has done more than 9,000 circumcisions in his career, and it’s a compliment he’s looking to dispense more widely — specifically, by training his medical and mohel colleagues. Kunin has taught circumcision technique to numerous classes of obstetricians at Kaiser Permanente hospital, and, for more than 25 years, he has taught the practical part of a course run by Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in Los Angeles that trains doctors and nurses to become mohels. (He took the course himself back in 1984, the first year it was offered.)

The doctor-mohel-instructor is also quite the kibitzer. Kunin says that back when he was a full-time surgeon, he “enjoyed the office as much as the operating room.”

“You could always tell my charts because I had all sorts of drawings, and I took the time to explain everything.” This is still true today. Kunin is as likely to refer to photos on his iMac as he is to do a quick hand-drawn illustration, but his goal remains the same: “I want my patients to be partners with me in their care,” Kunin says, “and I don’t think that that’s changed from the time I was in an office as a full-time urologist to being a mohel.”

Kunin says he wears “both a kippah and a surgical cap” when he works as a mohel, and that dual identity is most apparent in the work he does with his adult conversion clients.

“Before I do anything,” Kunin says, “I have them sit down, and I explain to them Genesis 17, which is the basis of why we do circumcision.” The lesson isn’t limited to scriptural references, and Kunin points to a copy of a hieroglyphic on display in his office. “That shows a circumcision being done on a man going through puberty in Egypt,” he explains.

“Abraham was 3,700 years ago, and that’s at least 4,400 years ago, so I point out the fact that Jews did not invent circumcision. Circumcision was around long before Judaism.”

The 12th century philosopher and physician Maimonides laid out many of the standards for circumcision still in place today, but modern medicine has made a number of improvements since then — including developing new methods of anesthetizing patients. And though many of his urology colleagues would use general anesthesia, Kunin prefers a method of local anesthetic — for both his infant and adult patients. “I have a lot of nervous people come in,” Kunin says, reading the look on my face perfectly, “and [afterward] they say, ‘Wow, that was easier than going to get my teeth pulled.’ ”

For non-Jewish men who were circumcised at birth, “you can’t re-circumcise them to convert,” Kunin explains. To “make the circumcision covenantal,” Jewish law requires a procedure called hatafat dam brit (drawing the blood of the covenant). Kunin uses a tiny lancet to take a single drop of blood, and he does this in his home, free of charge.

As a general principle, Kunin says, “I don’t want anybody not to be able to afford a bris,” and it’s clear that he believes deeply in the value of circumcision to the Jewish people. “It’s something we’ve been doing for 3,700 years. It’s the one thing that’s persisted even when Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, Spanish inquisitors — and Nazis and Communists in my lifetime — all banned circumcision, and somehow there’s been this common thread that’s kept us going.”

He believes in circumcision from a medical point of view just as deeply — “no study has ever said anything against it” — which is why he finds the prevailing attitude toward the procedure in the medical establishment frustrating.

“Nine out of 10 urologists are not adept at, or trained to, or want to do circumcisions on newborns,” Kunin says. “When I presented a couple of posters at the [annual meeting of the Western Section of the American Urological Association], I had a couple of chiefs of urology walk by and say, ‘I’ve never even done a circumcision.’ ”

“In medicine, circumcision is see-one, do one, teach-one,” Kunin says. “That’s just the way it is.” But he’s working to change that — no matter what hat he’s wearing.

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Celebrate Shavuot with the flavors of spring

Shavuot marks an important religious event — the receiving of the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai.

In ancient times, Shavuot was also celebrated as a spring harvest holiday, featuring foods gathered from the fields. Today, the traditional dishes we serve combine dairy products, fruits, vegetables and grains. The produce available at local farmers’ markets inspires us to celebrate the holiday with a variety of recipes using the freshest ingredients.

For your Shavuot meals, consider dishes like Fried Cheese With Fresh Tomato Sauce, which looks impressive in Italian restaurants and is easy to make at home. My first taste of this dish was in a small town in Italy — an unusual experience and a delicious combination of flavors.

And while shopping at the farmers’ market, stock up on fresh fava beans. Just shell, boil and puree them with sautéed onions for a wonderful soup. Heat, ladle the soup into bowls, and top with grated Parmesan cheese and olive oil.

Stuffed vegetables are another Shavuot tradition, and now is the season to find fresh zucchini squash blossoms, perfect to be filled with a ricotta cheese mixture, baked and served as a main course.

And don’t forget dessert! Although I seldom make cheesecake during the year, my family can count on having this treat during the holiday. For my Two-tone Strawberry Cheesecake, I use a natural, kosher cream cheese made without vegetable gum or other additives often found in the store-bought varieties; it is lighter, smoother and blends more easily with sugar, eggs and other ingredients.

Enjoy mixing and matching these dishes for your Shavuot holiday meal.

TWO-TONE STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE

Almond Crust (recipe follows)
3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon strawberry extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
3 tablespoons strawberry puree (4 to 5 fresh strawberries)
Sour Cream Topping (recipe follows)
Strawberries for garnish

Prepare Almond Crust; bake and set aside.

In the large bowl of an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese, sugar and eggs until blended thoroughly. Blend in the strawberry and almond extracts.

Pour 1 3/4 cups of cream cheese mixture into the baked Almond Crust. Bake at 350 F for 10 minutes, until firm.

Blend the strawberry puree into the remaining cream cheese mixture and mix well. Carefully pour strawberry mixture over the partially baked cheesecake layer. Return to the oven and bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until firm in the center and brown around the edges.

Remove from the oven; spread sour cream topping over cheesecake, return to the oven and bake 5 minutes. Cool, loosen from sides of pan, cover with foil and chill. Garnish with strawberries before serving.

Makes 12 servings.

Almond Crust

1 1/2 cups finely ground almonds
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon almond extract

Place the almonds, sugar, butter and almond extract in a food processor or blender and process until mixture begins to come together. Press almond mixture evenly into the bottom and about 1 inch up the sides of a 9-inch springform pan. Bake at 375 F for 5 to 10 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.

Sour Cream Topping

2 cups sour cream
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon strawberry extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract

In a bowl, combine the sour cream, sugar, and strawberry and almond extracts; mix well. Cover and chill.

FRIED CHEESE WITH FRESH TOMATO SAUCE

It is important to fry the mozzarella cheese cubes just before serving so they will be soft and melted on the inside. The sauce can be prepared in advance; simply spoon onto individual plates when serving.

1 pound mozzarella cheese, finely diced
6 eggs
1 1/4 cups dried bread crumbs
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons salt
2 tablespoons dry vermouth or brandy
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
2 parsley sprigs, stems removed
4 fresh basil leaves
1 cup flour
Vegetable oil for frying
Fresh Tomato Sauce (recipe follows)

In a double boiler, soften the mozzarella over hot water. Transfer the softened cheese to the large bowl of an electric mixer and beat in two of the eggs at medium speed. Add 1/4 cup of the bread crumbs, the oregano, half the garlic and the salt; mix well. Press the cheese mixture into a lightly oiled 5-by-7-inch glass dish. Cover and chill at least 1 hour, or until firm.

In a bowl, lightly beat the remaining four eggs. Blend in the vermouth. Set aside.

In a food processor or blender, blend the remaining 1 cup bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, parsley, basil and remaining garlic. Set aside.

Cut the cheese mixture into 1/2-inch cubes (about 15 pieces). Dip each into the flour, then the egg-vermouth mixture, and finally into the bread crumb mixture to coat evenly. Place on paper towels and chill 30 minutes in the refrigerator.

In a heavy skillet or deep fryer, heat 3 inches of oil until it registers 375 F on a deep-frying thermometer. Fry the cheese cubes, a few at a time, until evenly golden brown on both sides. Drain on paper towels. Serve at once with Fresh Tomato Sauce.

Makes 8 to 10 servings.

Fresh Tomato Sauce

3 tablespoons olive oil
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 onions, finely chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
2 carrots, finely chopped
2 celery stalks, finely chopped
6 to 8 medium tomatoes, peeled and diced (1-inch dice) or 1 can (28 ounces) whole peeled tomatoes
1 cup dry red wine
1 tablespoon fresh oregano or 1 teaspoon dried
1 tablespoon fresh basil or 1 teaspoon dried
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon sugar
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper

In a heavy skillet, heat the oil. Add the garlic, onions, red bell pepper, carrots and celery; sauté until the onions are transparent. Add the tomatoes with their liquid, red wine, oregano, basil, parsley and sugar. Bring to a boil and simmer on medium heat, stirring occasionally until thick, about 30 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Transfer to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and set aside.

Makes 4 to 6 cups.

SIMPLE ZUCCHINI SAUCE

2 zucchini (16 ounces), cut in 1-inch chunks
Water
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper, to taste

In a medium-size saucepan, place zucchini with water to cover.  Bring to a boil and simmer until soft. Reserve 3 to 4 tablespoons of the cooking liquid. Cool.  Place zucchini in food processor with reserved liquid, olive oil, salt and pepper, and blend until smooth.  Transfer to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate until ready to serve. Just before serving, heat the sauce and serve with the squash blossoms.

STUFFED SQUASH BLOSSOMS

20 to 24 squash blossoms with tiny zucchini attached
1 pound fresh ricotta cheese
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 egg yolks or whole eggs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 pound gorgonzola cheese, cut in small cubes
1/2 cup olive oil
Freshly ground black pepper

Simple Zucchini Sauce

Preheat the oven to 375 F.

Carefully open blossoms wide; remove the pistils — the fuzzy yellow floret — from inside the zucchini blossom and discard. Set blossoms aside.

In a large bowl, beat the ricotta, Parmesan, eggs and salt until smooth. Taste for seasoning; the mixture should be highly seasoned. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate.

To fill the blossoms, spoon the filling into a large pastry bag (a small spoon will also work). Fill the clean blossoms about three-quarters full. Push a piece of gorgonzola into the center of the filling and gently squeeze the petals together over the top of the filling.

Brush two 8-by-10-inch baking dishes with olive oil and arrange the stuffed zucchini flowers in the dishes. Sprinkle the blossoms with additional salt, pepper and remaining olive oil. Cover with aluminum foil and bake until the cheese is puffy and the juices that run from the blossoms begin to bubble.

To serve, ladle sauce into each serving plate and arrange two stuffed blossoms on top.

Makes 10 servings.

FAVA BEAN SOUP

5 cups cold water or vegetable stock
3 cups fava beans, shelled
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, peeled and chopped
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Grated Parmesan cheese

Place cold water and fava beans in a large pot; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes. Drain fava beans, reserving liquid.

In a large pot, heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil and sauté onions until soft. In a blender or food processor, combine fava beans, onions and 1/2 of the reserved liquid. Puree until smooth. Add additional liquid as necessary to get desired consistency. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Ladle into serving bowls, and garnish with grated Parmesan cheese and remaining olive oil.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

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Journey to Judaism

I grew up in Valparaiso, a predominantly white, Christian city in northwestern Indiana.  Brought up in a fervently Lutheran family, I attended a Lutheran parish (a church-run school) for eight years, went to church twice a week, and prayed before every meal and every night before bed.  Even with all of the influences around me that should have produced a dedicated young Christian woman, I did not feel like I was in the right place.

It was about a week before my confirmation in the Lutheran church, when I was 13, that I started to question my beliefs.  My doubts about Christianity initially manifested themselves in conclusions like, “Well, I must not believe in God.”  But the minute those thoughts surfaced, I knew they were wrong.  It wasn’t God I didn’t believe in — it was what Christianity was telling me about God. Why would God need an intermediary? Wasn’t God enough? Why would God only let people who thought a certain way into heaven, while everyone else was damned for eternity?  Didn’t God want us all to use the minds He gave to us rather than to have blind faith?  And shouldn’t we be focusing on living a great life this time around rather than centering our lives on being “saved” after we die?

So, in high school, despite having never once set foot in a synagogue and knowing only a couple of Jews — mostly nonpracticing ones — my official answer to questions about my religion became, “My family is Lutheran, but my beliefs are mostly Jewish.”  Honestly, I don’t think I even knew what I meant by that, as I knew close to nothing about the Jewish religion or community.  Here’s what I did know: I had a strong belief in the God of the Old Testament, I craved some type of organized religion, I gravitated toward Jewish friends and, in a trend that has endured over time, I gravitated toward Jewish men.  But most important, I had an unexplainable feeling that I simply was a Jew … without any reason to back it up.

It was in college at USC when I finally had sufficient autonomy to really do something about it. I went to the campus Hillel to meet with the rabbi, Jonathan Klein, and with full conviction told him I wanted to convert.  He smiled at me with a combination of support and acknowledgment of my naivete, and told me I had a lot to learn. 

After I spent months studying Jewish topics and Hebrew, Rabbi Klein became my sponsoring rabbi,  helping me enroll in a conversion program through the American Jewish University; I will be completing the program soon.

My reading and studying enabled me to articulate the reasons for so many of the feelings I had when I was younger. “For every three Jews in a room,” I learned, “you’ll hear four different opinions.”  To me, that was comforting: The expanse of this faith and its people, and how it manages to encompass a vast and diverse range of interpretations on pretty much every topic excites and moves me.  I feel free to have my own unique set of beliefs while still being part of a bigger whole.

Even with such passion, though, this conversion has not come easily.  In the beginning, the No. 1 one thing that ate me alive daily was the guilt (yet another sign that I’m a true Jewish woman).  I felt guilty for turning my back on the faith I had known my whole life, guilty for abandoning the God that my parents so deeply love and so badly wanted me to love, and guilty that I felt so guilty in the first place.  After the first Christmas Eve church service I attended with my family during my conversion, I cried. For days I couldn’t stop thinking that I was abandoning someone who had died for me.

Over time, this guilt subsided.  But after the guilt came a series of personal religious jabs — from both sides.  I had Christians asking me with disgusted faces why I would “ever want to be Jewish,” and others openly expressed their “shock” and “disappointment” at my not accepting Jesus.  A relative of mine came up to me once with a huge smile on his face. “I just saved a Jewish guy!”  he said.

And I had Jews tell me that even when my conversion is complete I still won’t be Jewish — that it’s not in my “blood” and never can be, no matter what I do. Upon hearing about our engagement, a relative of my fiance’s told him she was sending him a book — “Why Marry Jewish?” Apparently, to some, marrying a Jewish convert is nowhere near the same thing as marrying a Jew.
But most of my family and friends have been supportive or, at the very least, neutral and non-intrusive about my decision. It feels wonderful when my Lutheran grandmother sends me a “Happy Passover” card, or when my rabbi is always available to give me guidance over coffee, or even when my Jewish boss jokes, “She’s Jewish if I say she’s Jewish.” This support is important, but I’ve actually gotten through most of my conversion difficulty by reminding myself of a question I heard once on a TV show, of all places: “Do you want a safe life or an authentic one?”
It might be comfortable and pleasant to stick to what you know and to avoid controversy and people’s disappointment with you, but I can’t believe that’s how to live a life, including a spiritual one.  Sometimes you have to be a little bit brave just to get to where you’re supposed to be. 

Olivia Gingerich studied theater, law and society at USC. She is currently an actress living in Los Angeles with her fiance and her terrier, Moses.

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Free kids books help families feel at home with Judaism

Kids love getting mail: birthday cards from Bubbe and Zayde, Chanukah presents from the family in New York. It’s exciting for them to open the mailbox and find something with their name on it.

For the past two years, more than 2,000 kids in the San Fernando, Santa Clarita, Conejo, Antelope and Simi valleys have been running to their mailboxes each month to find a new Jewish-themed book or music CD, delivered just for them.

The PJ Library (for Pajama Library) has been a fixture for Jewish families across the country since 2005, when philanthropist Harold Grinspoon figured that one of the best ways to help families incorporate Judaism into their lives was to help them acquire Jewish books for their children. He also realized that offering the books for free would encourage more families to participate. Grinspoon’s dream, which began in his native Massachusetts, has become a happy reality for thousands of families throughout the United States and Canada.

In Los Angeles, the Jewish Federation Valley Alliance administers the program. The two-year pilot program currently serves all of the local valleys and will host a PJ Library Family Fun Day on May 16 at the Skirball Cultural Center’s latest exhibition, “Monsters and Miracles: A Journey Through Jewish Picture Books.”

“Right now, we have 2,100 children enrolled, from 1,800 families,” said Risa Goldstein, program director for the PJ Library of Los Angeles. All children, ages 6 months through 5 1/2 years, are eligible. Most of the participants live in Encino, Tarzana, Studio City and Sherman Oaks; however, Goldstein says they have participants from each of the other valleys. Enrollment is on a rolling basis, so although the program is currently at capacity, a number of children “age out” of the program each month, opening up approximately 20 to 50 slots. “We have not had to turn anyone away yet,” Goldstein said.

One of the major reasons the PJ Library program has been so successful, organizers say, is that it helps bring people into the Jewish community who otherwise may feel disenfranchised. “For the less-affiliated families, or interfaith families, this gives them an opportunity to feel involved and included [in the Jewish community],” said Carol Koransky, executive vice president of The Jewish Federation and executive director of The Jewish Federation Valley Alliance.

One of the major tenets behind the PJ Library since its inception has been to offer families resources and tools by which they can incorporate Judaism into their lives. “It’s a pure gift,” Koransky said.

The program has been so successful that plans are in the works to expand to the city and the Westside. Beginning with the May 16 Skirball Family Fun Day, PJ Library organizers hope to introduce the program to a more diverse group of families. They also plan to announce the details of the new and improved Los Angeles program.

The Skirball exhibition, organizers say, is an example of how the PJ Library wants to bring Jewish literature to life for the community as a whole. “We are looking to give parents the chance to not only have the benefits of the PJ Library at home, but also in the community,” Goldstein said. “It helps us get the word out to parents with little kids about the [Jewish] resources in Los Angeles.”

Another way the PJ Library brings the experience to life is through its Ambassadors program. “The Ambassador committee is a group of parents who are getting together and creating programming for themselves, by themselves,” Goldstein said. “It’s a way to meet other Jewish families in their neighborhoods.”

Jessica Jablon, 33, an Encino mom of three young children, is part of the Ambassador committee. “We are working with a group of PJ Library parents to create programs in local places so that we can connect the Jewish community through the PJ Library program,” she said. “We want to create memorable, enriching experiences for the PJ Library community, which is made up of families of all different levels of observance.”

Jablon says her group organizes events in public places, so they are accessible to the largest number of people. “We had an event at the Barnes & Noble in Encino around Rosh Hashanah where parents could bring their children to hear a few PJ Library books read aloud. It was a lot of fun and was very well attended. It became obvious to us that there is a need for this kind of outreach and programming,” she said.

All of the materials provided by the PJ Library are selected by a committee of children’s educators.

“All of the books are very high-quality and age appropriate,” Koransky said. Each book or CD also comes with a resource guide for parents. “They also are learning tools for the parents,” she said.

For Jablon’s three children, the program brings a level of excitement to the entire family. “My kids love getting the books and CDs in the mail every month. As Jewish parents, we think it’s great for them to be exposed to the Jewish content in such a fun, educational way. The books we’ve received have been great. We love to hear [our children] absorb what they read or hear and realize how it connects to them personally. The fact that it is a free program is also nice.” 

PJ Library Day with “Monsters and Miracles: A Journey Through Jewish Picture Books” is May 16 at the Skirball Cultural Center. For more information, visit skirball.org. To enroll in the PJ Library or to learn more about the program, e-mail {encode=”rgoldstein@jewishla.org” title=”rgoldstein@jewishla.org”} or visit pjlibrary.org.

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Heschel West lets go of land, but plans to grow

“Heschel West Day School is continuing to thrive and make good strategic decisions. One of them is to no longer pursue a capital project,” said Head of School Tami Weiser, referring to a campaign launched in 2008.

In March, the 72 acres that Heschel West families purchased in 1997 for a permanent campus were sold at auction to the city of Agoura Hills for nearly one-third of the original purchase price of $1.6 million.

The sale brings a decade-long dispute between Heschel West, Old Agoura residents and the city of Agoura Hills to an end. Weiser says her focus now is to bolster student enrollment, which she hopes will be helped with the addition of a preschool in September.

“We’re going to stay here and continue to grow this site. There is a niche for Jewish education in the Conejo Valley,” she said.

Founded in 1994 with 14 kindergarten students, Heschel West today is a combination of permanent and modular buildings with an enrollment of 118 students and a capacity for 260. The Blue Ribbon school, located off the 101 Freeway at Liberty Canyon in Agoura Hills, had 160 students in fall 2008. Heschel West is nondenominational in its approach, but Weiser prefers to call the day school “pluralistic,” because it includes students at all levels of Jewish observance and serves kosher food.

For the past decade, Heschel West had plans to build a permanent campus nearby that would accommodate up to 750 elementary and middle school students on 72 acres of rural/residential land in unincorporated L.A. County, adjacent to Old Agoura. The site, north of the 101 Freeway and east of Chesebro Road, would have included nine buildings on 21 acres, about 230 parking spaces and sports fields. But the property became the focus of a fierce turf war between the Jewish day school and the Old Agoura Homeowner’s Association (OAHA), which adamantly opposed the project over concerns about traffic and the overall impact on their equestrian way of life.

L.A. County approved the Heschel West project in 2007 and gave the school and opponents a year to work out their differences with OAHA and the city of Agoura Hills. Everything came to a head at a dramatic standing-room-only meeting in November 2008 at Agoura Hills City Hall. That night the city council approved a plan by a vote of 4 to1 that would require the school to help finance the widening of the Chesebro Road freeway overpass to mitigate expected traffic issues.

About 30 residents spoke out publicly against the proposed development at the meeting, with some accusing the city of capitulating to the will of the L.A. County Board of Supervisors, including Zev Yaroslavsky, whose district includes the Agoura Hills area.

Jess Thomas, president of OAHA at the time, accused Yaroslavsky of “abuse,” and “imposing his personal will on the approval process.”

“These are good people; I love Jess Thomas. I think he is a hero of the environment. But we made it clear years ago that the North Area Plan allows for a school on this property, and that if a school could be built that is compatible with the plan, we were going to approve it,” the supervisor said in an interview at the time.

In a 2008 interview with The Jewish Journal, Rick Wentz, then a Heschel West board member, said the school spent more than $2 million on consultants, studies and entitlements. And among the conditions Heschel West faced in its effort to construct the school was a $3.5 million contribution for traffic mitigation.

Heschel West had won the right to build its new school, but the downturn in the economy and a declining enrollment impacted its ability to move forward.

“It was not financially feasible for us to continue developing a property,” Weiser said.

In March, the land was sold at auction to the City of Agoura Hills for $630,000. City Manager Greg Ramirez was the only bidder on the property.

Despite the acrimony, Weiser harbors no resentment toward anyone in the community who opposed Heschel West’s plans, several of whom are Jewish.

“I don’t believe anti-Semitism played a role in this conflict,” she said.

The future of the 72-acre site is still uncertain. While local environmental group Save Open Space is hopeful the city will set aside the land as a wildlife corridor property, the city of Agoura Hills is also considering limited development.

“The city has always maintained that the property is best suited for a residential development in which it is zoned, with roughly a maximum of 15 homes,” Ramirez said.

Weiser says there has been some confusion over the sale of the property versus the continuation of Heschel West as a day school. She says the school, which recently dedicated its high-tech Ellie and Mark Lainer Library, isn’t going anywhere. 

“I didn’t like hearing about the demise of our school,” Weiser said. “It was the site, not our school.”

Looking back on the difficult battle, she said, “It was a challenging time, but we came out of it as a stronger community.”

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Everything you always wanted to know about JEWISH SEX but were afraid to ask your rabbi

I recently read “Rashi’s Daughters, Book III: Rachel,” Maggie Anton’s final novel in her trilogy about the life and times of 11th century talmudic scholar Salomon ben Isaac and his extended family. Most of the members of my book club felt the novel was an interesting glimpse into Jewish European life, containing many thought-provoking talmudic commentaries. But because I tend to dwell on the superficial, I disagreed.

The entire plot could be summed up like this: analyze Torah, shtup a little, discuss Torah some more, shtup some more, don’t shtup during niddah but think about shtupping the entire time, discuss the Jewish laws governing shtupping with your father, get upset that your randy husband is shtupping someone else during his lengthy business trips, read a little more Torah just for fun, get over your husband’s “indiscretion” and shtup like it never happened. I was also surprised to learn that Jews who lived in Troyes, France, nearly 1,000 years ago were doing certain things in bed (or, more accurately, “in mattress”) that are still illegal in a couple of states.

But the book got me thinking: If sex is a central tenet of Jewish life, why isn’t that fact on the cover of the Judaism brochure? With our numbers hovering just around 0.2 percent worldwide, isn’t marketing our God-commanded sexuality to potential converts a no-brainer? Let’s face it; the no-cheeseburger rule doesn’t exactly have people knocking down our door.

The benefits of marketing the Jewish rules governing sex would extend beyond increasing our numbers. In fact, I see it as a great way to increase synagogue attendance among indifferent Jews. Wouldn’t we all pay a little more attention in synagogue if “Adon Olam” were preceded by a sermon on a husband’s obligation to pleasure his wife? And if a few explanatory drawings on various ways to be fruitful and multiply were added to the prayer book, the rabbi would no longer have to spend precious bimah time instructing the congregation to turn to the next page. (Rabbi: “Congregation, please turn to the drawing on page 145.” Congregant: “Hey, Reb, I’m way ahead of you … turned to that page 20 minutes ago.”)

And to really bring the crowds in, why not work Jewish sexuality into every sermon? “So Moses received the Ten Commandments, and later that night Moses and Zipporah went back to their tent and …” A typical Shabbat would suddenly resemble a standing-room-only Rosh Hashanah service.

I realized that if I were going to devote an entire column to Jewish mores concerning sexuality, I should expand my knowledge beyond what I learned in “Rashi’s Daughters.” So, as I typically do when I am unfamiliar with an issue of Jewish law, I consulted my rabbi brother-in-law. He did a nice job of summarizing the basics — something about a mitzvah and an important part of marriage — but I had to cut him off when he started to offer personal examples.

Fortunately, I found another great resource. I stumbled upon a short video titled “Sexuality and Judaism” featuring Rabbi Jonathan Ginsburg at 5Min.com. The video looked promising. Before viewing it, I had to attest that I was over 18 as it had been flagged as “suitable for mature audiences only.” I also loved the fact that a rabbi had to give what amounted to a sermon in less than five minutes — proof that miracles still do occur.

Ginsburg explains: “In terms of marriage, the basic principles are these: It is not just for procreation … it is for the pleasure of the couple, and both people have to work hard to be sensitive and try to pleasure the other. The Torah even obligates the man, especially, to please his wife, and gives minimums [daily for a man of independent means, once a month for camel drivers] of how often you should have intercourse. …

“And Maimonides, who was quite conservative on most sexual matters, is very explicitly liberal here about the kind of sexual relations the couple can enjoy.”

(Curious, I looked up Maimonides’ view. But because his commentary reads like a medieval letter to The Playboy Advisor, I can’t re-print it here.)

Ginsburg adds: “The reason for the idea of having [only] ‘nighttime’ [sex] is that you shouldn’t be repulsed by your spouse’s blemishes. But, really, if that is not a concern, then whatever the couple enjoys is permissible.”

Is this prohibition on Jewish daytime sex an urban legend, similar to the one that says Orthodox Jews are required to have intercourse through a hole in a sheet? Unfortunately, it is not.

Rabbi Paul Yedwab at MyJewishLearning writes: “Rav Hisda ruled: A man is forbidden to perform his marital duty in the daytime, for it is said, ‘And thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself’ [Leviticus 19:18]. But what is the proof? Abaye replied: He might observe something repulsive in her, and she would thereby become loathsome to him” (Talmud, Niddah 17a). 

Clearly, this isn’t a major issue for Jews in Los Angeles, many of whom go to great lengths to be blemish-free. But what about Jews in other cities who aren’t blessed with a plastic surgeon’s office in every mini-mall?

After a great deal of thought, I concluded that the daytime prohibition isn’t a modern day predicament for two reasons. First, the vast majority of people who are having daytime sex are young and childless — therefore inherently “blemish-free.” Second, for the tiny minority of Jews who do have children, don’t have a plastic surgeon on retainer and still insist on having daytime sex, they have access to black-out curtains and The Clapper which, when combined, create a wonderful nighttime effect on even the brightest of Southern California days. I’m certain if anti-daytime sex scholar Rav Hisda could have predicted the advent of liposuction, dimmers, drapes and master bedroom locks to keep wandering children out, he would have been OK with 9-to-5 sex.

I could write more, but I can tell my male readers are already attempting to figure out whether their job is more akin to a camel driver or a man of independent means. And I know my female readers are already drafting e-mails to their husbands pointing out that the Torah says they have an obligation to please their wife sexually. Me? I’m going to get a start on my marketing campaign. I already have a slogan: “Judaism: Just One God, But a Whole Lotta Sex.” 

Wendy Jaffe welcomes comments at wjaffewrite@aol.com.

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Letters to the Editor: Prager, UC Irvine, Shalhevet

Rx for What Ails Health Care

Dr. Jerome P. Helman assures that [within the] pending California SB810, expected to hit the desk this fall for the governor’s signature, stands the prescription to arrest and cure prohibitive California medical costs (“Healing Prager,” April 16).

This nondefined “single-payer system,” the good doctor assures, is guaranteed to cover the 37 million-plus residents of the Golden State, at the same time returning “$25 billion in savings and surpluses the first year alone.” And all this “without raising new taxes.” Dr. Helman appears well acquainted with kindred spirit Maimonides, but in his zeal appears entirely unfamiliar with the sovereign State of Massachusetts. Suggest a prolonged evening’s read and call me in the morning.

Stuart Weiss
Beverly Hills


Where the Real Threat to UC Lies

Rob Eshman commits the classic mistake that so many other Jewish liberals are guilty of in his piece “Ill-Legitimate” (April 23). The entire piece focuses on the divestment campaign at UC Berkeley pushed forward by liberals against the State of Israel. Even though it is clear the movement is solely a left-wing creation, Eshman quotes a study that also includes “the far right” as a threat to Israel. Herein lies the problem with this position.

I agree with Eshman’s fear of the “far right,” but that is not the main threat facing Israel today. The primary threat comes from the mainstream left. As the article shows, liberalism as practiced at mainstream universities like UC Berkeley and UC Irvine pose a far greater threat to Israel than any “far right” group or persons. Interestingly, Mr. Eshman left out any examples of “far right” threats that prompted his concern.

Every day, new examples of left-wing anti-Semitism are front and center in the world news. Whether Jewish yeshiva students are being beaten up in Europe or divestment campaigns [take place] on college campuses, the biggest threat facing Israel is modern-day liberalism. Jewish liberals are more concerned with their liberalism than with their Jewishness. It is time for Jews to stand athwart history [and] to yell stop to the anti-Semitism emanating from the left.

Gillee Sherman
via e-mail


Could the Outcome Have Been Different?

In a letter to The Jewish Journal (Bombing Auschwitz Rail Lines Was Not a Viable Option, April 23), Myron Kayton states that it is a “canard” that the Allies should have bombed the rail lines leading to Auschwitz, that such bombing posed insurmountable technical challenges, that each such raid would have killed “hundreds” and would have made life “even more miserable for the survivors.”  He goes on to characterize Peter Bergson’s relentless wartime attempts to make the massacre of the Jews of Europe a priority concern in the U.S. as merely “fanciful.”  He concludes, unsurprisingly, by asserting the cliché that “nothing” could have been done to impede the Holocaust except to win the war.

Isn’t it about time that we started letting go of the false and self-serving notions that we didn’t know — and couldn’t have done anything even if we had known?

Whatever the technical difficulty of precision bombing then, isn’t the most relevant point that the Roosevelt administration dismissed out of hand all the proposals to bomb the death camp at Auschwitz or the nearby railway lines, making no attempt whatever to ascertain the feasibility of such bombing?  As for the concern expressed for the “hundreds” who might have died in such raids and the possibility of life becoming “even more miserable” for the inmates of the camp (how?), many Auschwitz survivors have in fact testified how they had hoped and prayed that the Allied planes flying over their heads — on their way to the synthetic oil refineries that were successfully bombed within a few miles from the crematoria — were at last going to take aim at the death factory, no matter what their fate might have been in the process.

As for Peter Bergson, the record of the Bergson Group’s provocative efforts and remarkable accomplishments speaks for itself, and compares favorably to the relative inaction and silence of the mainstream Jewish leadership then. In my new documentary short “Not Idly By: Peter Bergson, America and the Holocaust,” Bergson summarizes our responsibility in the tragedy: “You couldn’t have stopped the massacre, you could have slowed the massacre, you could have made it an inefficient massacre. The people who made it efficient were the Allies who didn’t interfere.  And the people who didn’t urge them to interfere were the [American] Jews.”  The only real question still facing us is: Why?

Pierre Sauvage
Director, “Not Idly By: Peter Bergson, America and the Holocaust”


Holier Than Thou?

Rabbi Muskin’s got it all wrong (“Holiness vs. Spirituality,” April 23). Holiness is when you think you’re better than the next guy. Spirituality is when you believe a lot of weird things.

Irwin Spector
Toluca Lake


Shalhavet in the Rear-view Mirror

Perhaps I am beating a dead horse. But when I was studying in Shalhevet in 2006, we used our town hall forum to discuss Shalhevet’s expansion. In typical Shalhevet manner, students generally expressed dissent and disapproval, while a couple of administrators dutifully reminded us that the opening of the lower schools was not really a matter of debate. Now, about four years down the road, it seems appropriate that the shutdown was a unilateral decision (“Shalhevet to Close 3 Schools Because of Financial Woes,” March 26).

Alex Melamed
Los Angeles


Liberal vs. Conservative

Isn’t it amazing that Mark Aronson says “all” writers to The Journal are conservative (“Where’s the Balance?” April 23)? And liberals like him think that conservatives are paranoid. You probably have about 50 percent of your letters to The Journal nonpartisan, about 30 to 35 percent left of center and about 15 to 20 percent right of center. And while he can’t stand the fact that there are opposing viewpoints to The Journal, he, being a liberal, has to tarnish them with false and extremist labels. The left has always and will always do this until the “whole world” is permanently docked on the left coast. By then, of course, we would all be oppressed. I am thankful that there are some letter writers to The Journal who have an occasional conservative view once in a while, and they are “lunatics.” Perhaps the writer from West Hollywood is?

Richard Levine
via e-mail


Correction

In Community News, “Walk to End Genocide Raises $175,000” (April 23), the name of the pastor at the African Christian Community Church of Southern California was incorrect. His name is Kasomo Kasereka.

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