April 12, 2010

I deliberated, in a state of semi-committed complexity. Jewish? Kind of. When returning from my Birthright trip, and rejoining my relatively non-Jewish community of friends in San Francisco, I wondered how much closer to my people, my religion and my homeland I considered myself. An affinity, bright and enduring, for the state of Israel grew from my experience. But I still felt no personal connection to any Jewish communities, never invited to a Shabbat dinner, no mezuzah hanging from my door way. The weeks and months passed, my Birthright trip amusements and memories nudging slowing down the darkening hallways of my recollection. Then I moved to LA, the California haven for Jews of all variety. My use of Yiddish ceased to be met with awkward looks of confusion. I could get a decent chopped liver sandwich. During Hanukkah, giant menorahs and festive accoutrement bedecked the businesses of my Los Feliz neighborhood. And I joined, by the workings of cosmic destiny, the Birthright Israel NEXT LA community as an administrative assistant. I went to their events initially out of professional obligation, and then perpetually, unable to sever myself from the major feeling of missing out that would happen if I couldn’t make Queen Esther’s Old Sschool Skate Party, the cooking classes at Sur la Table, or Sweatin’ to the Oldies with Richard Simmons. The awesomeness of the events paired with a sense of inclusivity and diversity of the community hooked me.

I joined the Birthright Israel NEXT team and partners at its annual national conference in New Orleans. The 4 day extravaganza, highlighted by the sweet and nostalgic Havdalah in the park (arms interlocked and singing together), felt more like my days at Jewish sleep away camp in the hills of Malibu, than a work related event.  Our discussion ventured to ask what the future of Judaism looked like, our role in Judaism’s evolution, and its role in our lives. I left feeling more connected to the Jewish community, seeing my place in Jewish culture, and understanding the breadth of my relationship to it as a religion, a community and a way of living.

There is a quote from The Talmud that says, “Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, Grow, Grow.” I take from Judaism the insight and wisdom offered and I apply it to my own small life. In this way, my development as a human is enriched by self-knowledge and world awareness. We are all composed of pieces, like the colorful constituents that create light. At this point, I’d say, being Jewish contributes to my wholeness like a sliver of luminosity.

Dear Yenta,

My heart is full. I am completely in love with someone, but for some
reason, I can’t let myself love him. I look for something, anything
that I can find wrong with him. So far the list includes: hairy back,
small penis, and his weight. These are all very vain issues, which
don’t really matter to me because his personality is above and beyond
perfect. I am searching high and low for something to be wrong with
this man so I have an excuse not to love him. Help.

-Lost in Love

Dear Lost in Love,

I don’t know about you, but I first learned about love from seventh grade sleepover parties. That’s where a group of young women would discuss what their limits were with men, how to give a hand job, and when the relationship went from making out to real steady dating. I think, for many women, it is hard to transition from this holy grail of sleepover party advice to adult relationships.

For one, it is always important to look at our definitions of “love.” If you are “in love” and you can’t “love him,” then there is something fundamentally wrong with this picture. Where is this relationship at in its progression? Are you in lust, soon to be in love? In like? Infatuated? Click here for Seventeen ’s help figuring that one out.

One middle school crutch worth leaving behind might be how much the physical lay the grounds for the emotional. As adults I think people often forget that as ok as it is to have sex and get dirty, it is also so ok to wait, go slow, and let your heart lead rather than your genitals. This slowing down makes space and time for real intimacy, real safety, and real depth.

One thing we did do well in seventh grade, despite the hype, was set limits and go slow, enjoying the intricacies of kissing faces. It sounds to me like this guy might be awesome, but you might not be ready to be serious now. This is why you are finding reasons to push him away, because you might not, on a deeper level, be sure you trust this dude yet. Key word = yet.

This is not to say he might not be the one, it just might mean you need to rip a hole in the relationship for some personal breathing room. Whenever we invent phantom issues it is because something else is troubling us subconsciously. His small penis and hairy back might really be a metaphor for your own fears and issues; your own broken heart and a need for some time to re-open it fully.

A wise friend in Seattle once said, “You can’t rush God.” I would say the same goes for love.

” title=”www.send-email.org”>www.send-email.org to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com.

Love Lusting Read More » Easy to forget, Sharansky tells March Leave a Comment / Holidays, Worldwide / Jewish Journal Former Soviet dissident Natan Sharansky, who now heads the Jewish Agency for Israel, led more than 10,000 people in the March of the Living in Poland on Yom Hashoah. “We have come here today to remember. But it is easy to forget,” Sharansky said at the beginning of the march at the Auschwitz concentration camp on Monday, Holocaust Remembrance Day. “It is easy to say that the lessons of Auschwitz have been learned. It is easy to say those two magic words: Never again. The hard part is giving those words meaning. That is our challenge. That is your challenge.” Participants from 45 countries, not all Jewish, took part in the march. Black ribbons were attached to Israeli flags carried during the march as a demonstration of sympathy to the Polish people on the loss of their president and many of the country’s leaders in a plane crash on Saturday. Israel’s top-ranked tennis star, Shahar Pe’er, was scheduled to join the march accompanied by her grandmother, who is a survivor of Auschwitz. A siren sounded throughout Israel for two minutes on Monday morning in honor of the victims of the Holocaust. Following the siren, memorial ceremonies began at Yad Vashem, where wreaths were laid, and at the Knesset, which held a ceremony during which the names of Holocaust survivors were read. Easy to forget, Sharansky tells March Read More » Poland’s tragedy is our tragedy Leave a Comment / Opinion, Worldwide / Jewish Journal When the plane carrying Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife, and dozens of other officials crashed in the Katyn Forest near Smolensk, Russia on Saturday, this immense disaster was also a personal tragedy. I lost friends in the crash that killed key leaders from the Polish government, economy, and military. These friends represented democratic Poland, the country that emerged after a decade of struggle led by Solidarity and KOR activists. And of all places for Polish leaders to meet their maker, why did it have to be Katyn, Poles ask, the site of the 1940 Soviet massacre of more than 20,000 Polish officers? Let me share brief recollections of three of them. I first met Kaczynski when he was Warsaw’s mayor. Kaczynski was eager for the renewal of Jewish life in Poland. He felt a kinship to Jews, whom he saw as an integral part of Poland’s fabric. He said it was impossible to understand Poland without comprehending the Jewish role in its life. That’s why he was supportive of the Museum of the History of Polish Jews, and why he was instrumental in launching it. I later met him many times as president, most recently in February. A man of passion and principle, he seldom minced words. He knew where he stood and he didn’t try to mask his views from others. Kaczynski was a friend of the United States. He wasn’t always so certain, however, that the friendship was reciprocated. Indeed, he feared that at times Poland’s loyalty was taken for granted. But he saw the United States as the only real guarantor of global security—if, he said, Washington wouldn’t succumb to Russia’s siren song or Europe’s equivocation. The president was a friend of Israel. He liked and understood it. He instinctively grasped its security predicaments because he could personally relate to a vulnerable country in a tough neighborhood. And he chastised those quick to judge Israel in order to curry favor with others, again seeing a parallel with Poland, whose own interests were sacrificed more than once on the altar of global power politics. Rejecting Iran’s nuclear ambitions was a no-brainer for Kaczynski. Like many Poles, he and his family had witnessed man’s capacity for evil. In our meetings, he’d get right to the point: Isn’t it obvious what Iran is doing? Iran’s leaders can’t be trusted with a bomb. The world needs to get tougher with Tehran. Mariusz Handzlik was another friend on the plane. A diplomat whom I first met in Washington years ago, he was serving as undersecretary of state in the office of Poland’s president. Mariusz and I shared a deep admiration for Jan Karski, the Polish wartime hero who later joined the faculty of Georgetown University. While serving in the United States, Mariusz befriended Karski, becoming his regular chess partner. They were playing chess when Karski suddenly felt ill and died shortly afterward. Together, Mariusz and I cried for this man who, at repeated risk to his own life, had tried to alert a largely deaf world to the Nazi’s Final Solution. And when Mariusz was assigned to the Polish Mission to the United Nations, he proudly told me that now he would be in a position, together with his colleagues, to help Israel in the world body. He wanted the Israelis to know they had friends at the United Nations, which largely was seen as hostile territory for Israel. Andrzej Przewoźnik was secretary-general of the Council for the Protection of Struggle and Martyrdom Sites. I first met him when the Polish government and the American Jewish Committee joined together to demarcate, protect, and memorialize the site of the Nazi death camp in Belzec, located in southeastern Poland. In less than a year, more than 500,000 Jews were killed in an area barely the size of a few football fields. Only two Jews survived. In June 2004, after years of planning and construction, the site was inaugurated. As the late Miles Lerman said at that solemn ceremony, “No place of martyrdom anywhere is today as well protected and memorialized as Belzec.” That could not have occurred without Andrzej’s pivotal role. He helped make it happen, overcoming the multiple hurdles along the way. By doing so, he ensured that what took place at Belzec, long neglected by the Communists, would never be forgotten. May the memories of Lech Kaczynski, Mariusz Handzlik, Andrzej Przewoźnik – and their fellow passengers – forever be for a blessing, as those of us privileged to have known them were ourselves blessed. (David Harris is executive director of the American Jewish Committee.) Poland’s tragedy is our tragedy Read More » Rightward swing in Hungarian elections Leave a Comment / Worldwide / Jewish Journal A far right party, Jobbik, won 26 seats in Hungarian parliamentary elections Sunday, to the dismany of Hungarian and European Jewish leaders. The winner in Sunday’s election was the conservative Fidesz party and its ally the Christian People’s Party, which together took 206 seats in the 386-seat Parliament. Fidesz now has until June to form a government. The ruling Socialists suffered a humiliating defeat, with only 28 seats left in Parliament. Jobbik’s success shows that “acceptable” anti-Semitism, xenophobia and racism are still alive and well in parts of Europe, a statement issued by the European Jewish Congress said. Moshe Kantor, president of the EJC, called the results a real blow for tolerance in Europe. “This is an example of the political fragility of certain societies in Europe,” Kantor said. “As a result of the economic crisis, certain extreme parties are able to deliver a scapegoat upon which to blame all their ills. “This growing popularity of racist, xenophobic and anti-Semitic parties in Europe pose a grave danger to the fabric of Europe and could drag us back to the dark days of the past. We must act now,” Kantor said. Rightward swing in Hungarian elections Read More » Eugene Ribakoff, former JDC head, dies Leave a Comment / Obituaries / Jewish Journal Eugene Ribakoff, a philanthropist and businessman who headed the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee for eight years, died last Friday at the age of 84. Ribakoff served as chairman and president of the JDC from 2000 to 2008, during a period of rapid growth and change. He also served as chairman of the JDC’s Eastern Europe Committee, JDC’s Israel Committee, and the JDC Trans-Migrant Program. He was awarded the Polish government’s highest presidential honor, the Star Order of Merit of the Republic of Poland, in recognition of the JDC’s major contribution to Polish Jewry since World War I. Ribakoff called his JDC tenure “the best job in the Jewish world,” according to the Palm Beach Post. Ribakoff died in Palm Beach, Fla. He also served as deputy president of World ORT; president of the United Way of Palm Beach County; founder and president of Temple Sinai; chairman of the Florida-Israel Chamber of Commerce; and president of the Jewish Federations of both Palm Beach County and Worcester, Mass. Ribakoff was an active board member of several organizations nationwide, including the Boston Museum of Science, the Combined Jewish Philanthropies of Greater Boston, Massachusetts General Hospital and Brandeis University. A noted philanthropist, Ribakoff was also a successful businessman in the automotive business, serving for 55 years as chairman of Automotive Management Inc., a Worcester corporation that operates car and truck dealerships. Eugene Ribakoff, former JDC head, dies Read More » Search Search ×