fbpx

February 13, 2003

A Single Problem

Look, I know you’re busy. What with the spouse, the
children, the job, the synagogue, the gym, the board meetings, the dinners —
it’s hard to find a moment in your day, your week, your
month, your life.  But allow me a moment of your time to point your attention
to an issue maybe you haven’t thought about in awhile: Singles.

Specifically, Jewish singles. Jewish communal life is
structured so that you probably don’t associate much with this sector of
society, and therefore, you don’t think about it much; not out of malice, but
hey, there’s only so many issues to which one can devote one’s heart.

Maybe you believe singles are not your problem (something
that you could thankfully stop thinking about once you got married) but if
you’ve ever found yourself asking the following questions —

1) Why is my child moving to the East Coast?

2) What can we do about the intermarriage problem?

3) How can we involve younger people in
philanthropy/community/activism? 

— then you have inadvertently been thinking about one of the
biggest unspoken issues facing the Jewish community today.

Consider this: 30 percent of Jewish households contain one
person, (compared to 26 percent in the general population), according to 2002
National Jewish Population Survey. Singles now represent a significant sector
of the Jewish population. Much like the coveted 18-25-year-old demographic
audience TV advertisers are always seeking, Jewish singles should be should be
the prime target of all Jewish communities. Yet, for some reason it’s not.
We’re not.

You know how it goes: there are certain specific events
devoted to singles (those reviled “singles events”), but for the most part, the
Jewish community is segregated. Synagogues, on both the East and West Coasts,
are either/or: You attend Friday Night Live/B’nai Jeshrun/Lincoln Square until
you get married, and then, you self-segregate, moving yourself off to the
Valley/New Jersey (insert suburb here). Outta sight, outta mind.

It’s no secret that Jewish communal life is geared toward
families. But the world today is comprised more of the nontraditional family,
and it’s time the community caught up. It’s more than just the singles. It’s
the childless couples, the divorced parents, the single-parent families. An
unmarried woman from my synagogue in Brooklyn — the one your parents always
warned you about turning into (“Look at X, such a shame”) — admitted that one
of the reasons she adopted a child was to gain acceptance in the community. She
said that it’s much easier to invite a mother and daughter to Shabbat lunch
than it is to have a 40-something year old woman on her own.

Many people on their own shy away from belonging to
synagogues and organizations because they feel like they don’t fit in. Yes,
there are efforts by rabbis and educators and institutions in this city. But
not enough. Many singles achieve their prime connection to Judaism through the
Internet: JDate, Frumster, Jewish Cafe — you name it — these Web sites are so
popular precisely because they fill a void, creating the community that single
Jews often lack. 

But there’s a problem with these types of communities, and
with these types of events that only serve the singles community. For example,
the outreach organization Aish HaTorah recently debated closing down its
innovative “Speeddating” program — where single Jews meet other at seven-minute
musical chairs-like parties — because some felt it wasn’t modest enough, simply
serving as a matchmaking event. For now, the program is remaining open, but the
debate highlights a problem for so many singles events/young leadership events,
regardless of the religious level of the sponsoring organization: they often
lack content. What good is a party — even if the proceeds go to a good cause —
if you can’t hook attendees into getting involved in something more than
finding a husband? 

Matrimony cannot be the only goal of an event, or even a
community, even one built so strongly on family values.

Today is Valentine’s Day, which although is not at all a
Jewish holiday (see Tu B’Av — this year on Aug. 13 — for our version of a love
fest) it is an extremely hard one to ignore, especially if you’re in the
business of looking for a mate. The Hallmark blitz reminds many people that
they are alone, and in the Jewish community, I’m not sure it has to be that
way: single or not, every Jew should be made to feel welcome in the community.

Perhaps our tradition does not prepare us  for dealing with
non-traditional families, but our future must.

“Making Shabbat dinner, going to synagogue, celebrating the
holidays –they’re not impossible to do alone,” a recent singles’ columnist
wrote in this paper, “but they’re much much easier when you have a partner.” 

Community is a tremendous resource: it provides sustenance,
faith, joy, comfort, companionship, love, connectedness and continuity. Should
it be denied to the people who need it most?  

A Single Problem Read More »

Our Eternal Light

In every generation, there is one special individual whose
life and deeds are a living, shining reflection of the Torah’s commandment to
“bring clear illuminating olive oil to keep the lamp constantly burning.” This
generation’s ner tamid (eternal light) is Col. Ilan Ramon, z”l. My personal
story will tell you why I characterize him as an eternal light.

It was Jan. 16, and all day long, my 6-year-old daughter,
Shira, went around school telling her friends that her “brother,” Ilan, had
gone up into space that morning. Shira came to school late that day, because
our family sat around the television watching Jewish history being made. What
was most exciting to Shira was the fact that the astronaut with the Israeli
patch on his shoulder had the same name as her own little brother, Ilan. For
the next two weeks, I would ask Shira, “Where’s Ilan?” and her answer was,
“Daddy, you know he’s up in space right now.”

Three years earlier, Shira met Ilan Ramon. Our family sat
together with him and his wife, Rona, at a brunch honoring Machal veterans from
Israel’s War of Independence. His wife sat with my wife, Peni. At the time,
Peni was pregnant with our son — whom we would eventually name Ilan. After I
introduced Col. Ramon to the gathering as a new hero of Israel, and as a
much-needed positive, inspirational role model for today’s youth, his opening
remarks were, “Rabbi Bouskila, the true heroes of Israel are those seated in
this room today, who came from all over the Diaspora to fight for Israel in
1948. They are the heroes that I only heard about growing up in Israel, and
today they serve as my inspirational role models. I consider my standing in
their presence, as an Israeli pilot and Israel’s first astronaut, to be a
greater miracle than space travel itself.”

Words of humility spoken by a true ambassador of the Jewish
people. He then approached my wheelchair-bound father, also a veteran of the
1948 war, grasped his hand and said, “Thank you very much for helping to
provide a homeland for me. I will be proud to represent you in space.”

Words of respect spoken by a true mensch. His kindness
brought tears to my father’s eyes. On Feb 1, Ramon’s tragic death did the same.

Today, I struggle with my grief for Ramon as the
“international hero” and for Ramon as the man who my family and I were
privileged to meet, break bread with and get to know personally.

But beyond the grief, I see light. I look up into the vast
heavens, and in a world that so often hovers with darkness and evil, I see the
eternal flame of Ramon’s positive message of goodwill, for Israel and for all
of humanity, shining brightly as an inspiration for all of us. I look at
Ramon’s photograph, and I see a living ner tamid.

Why is olive oil the oil of choice to kindle the ner tamid?
Because of its clarity and purity. That is why Ramon was Israel’s pilot of
choice to represent us in space. Every pilot has 20/20 vision, but Ramon’s
clarity and vision went far beyond that which the naked eye can see. He had a
“spiritual 20/20 vision,” which is what made him so different and so unique.
Purity? The personal humility and respect for elders that he demonstrated the
morning I met him are the ultimate expressions of purity — purity of character
and purity of the heart.

Rashi explains that a true ner tamid is created by “kindling
a flame, until the flame rises by itself.” Ramon kindled a flame in every
Jewish heart that will continue to rise by itself every day, year after year,
within the hearts, minds and consciousness of the Jewish people everywhere. A
ner tamid is an eternal symbol of light and inspiration. That is Ilan Ramon.

For my daughter, Shira, the name Ilan had special meaning
because it is the name of her brother. For all of us, the name Ilan — Ilan
Ramon — will always have special meaning, because he is our collective brother.

On Jan. 16, our brother, Ilan, went up into space. Two weeks
later — and forever — his spirit will remain there, as a true ner tamid shining
brightly for all of us to see.

God bless you, Ilan, our brother in space. 

Our Eternal Light Read More »

Giving to the Future

Financial wizard Michael Steinhardt is blunt in assessing
the future of North American Jewry.

The next generation is “mostly Jewish ignoramuses,”
Steinhardt said. “We haven’t convinced the general Jewish population of the
value of a Jewish education.”

Steinhardt’s bleak assessment was aimed not at Jews in
general, but at a select group: those who have donated at least $100,000 — and
as much as several million — to Jewish day schools.

There are only 1,800 such major supporters of the country’s
approximately 700 Jewish day schools, however, and that, Steinhardt said, is
“not enough.”

“We need to double that number,” he said.

Steinhardt was addressing the third annual Donor Assembly of
the Partnership for Excellence in Jewish Education (PEJE) held in Century City
from Feb. 2-4, the day school advocacy group he launched five years ago.

For the first time, those big donors mingled with Jewish
communal and day school professionals in a leadership assembly of more than 600
people, aiming to hammer out a national strategy to promote Jewish day schools.

The gathering comes at a time when many day schools, viewed
as solid foundations for lifelong Jewish identity, are strapped for funds. And
many who want to attend cannot afford the high cost of a Jewish education.

Some 200,000 children attend Jewish day schools in this
country, 79 percent of them Orthodox or ultra-Orthodox.

Among the top goals of the philanthropists was finding new
sources of money.

To bolster their advocacy effort, PEJE offered the initial
findings of a survey of 177 of those big day school supporters. They also
released the results of interviews with 65 other donors, potential donors and
day school experts.

The survey, conducted in October and November by TDC
Research of Boston, found that among current donors, 49 percent give to day
schools because they see them as vehicles to “ensure Jewish continuity” and 13
percent were motivated to give because they had a personal connection, such as
a child or grandchild in day school.

But among donors, nondonors and experts, the study found
that: 81 percent believe that day schools ensure continuity; 78 percent
supported day schools because of the Jews’ “collective future”; 75 percent
backed day schools because they “foster communities of committed Jews.”

Of those who responded, 97 percent also gave money to their
synagogue; 92 percent aided their local federation; 73 percent helped some kind
of Israel-focused program and 59 percent backed their local Jewish Community
Center.

The donors surveyed hailed from 29 states and Canada; were
usually parents or grandparents of day school students and were sat on day
school boards.

One such donor at the conference was Claire Ellman of La
Jolla, whose three children attended the San Diego Jewish Academy, a
pluralistic, 700-student school with students from kindergarten to 12th grade.

Ellman has just helped the school raise $33 million toward a
new building, the largest single effort to date in the city’s Jewish community.

Born in South Africa, Ellman said her grandfather started Cape
Town’s first Jewish day school and infused her with a love for Jewish
learning.

But she believes not all donors support education for the
same reasons.

“A lot of people are going to give to Jewish education
because they feel so strongly about continuity,” she said, “but also because of
a guilt complex” that they personally failed to teach their children Jewish
values.

The study did not reach that conclusion, though it did find
that 10 percent of donors said the most important reason to back Jewish day
schools was to teach Jewish knowledge.

Ellman, who is also vice chair of the Continental Council
for Jewish Day School Education, a program of the United Jewish Communities and
the Jewish Education Service of North America — works to build ties among the
day schools, Jewish federations, religious institutions and the general
community — welcomed the donor study.

“The study is critical, because for the first time we’ve
asked donors and nondonors why they do or don’t fund Jewish education.”

Many of those who don’t support Jewish schools said they
either were not aware of them or found them too parochial, the study found.

But the study also recommends against trying to win this
group over.

Instead, it recommends spreading the word to “neutral” Jews
who may not have any personal ties to the school, but who believe education
helps ensure a thriving Jewish community.

Meanwhile, Steinhardt pointed to statistics showing that
only 20 percent of philanthropy by North American Jews goes to Jewish causes,
down from 50 percent 50 years ago.

“What we lack is a sense of priority,” he said.

But Michael Rosenzweig, a board member of the New Atlanta
Jewish Community High School, said the fact that there are so few donors to
Jewish day schools is both good and bad news when it comes to doubling their
numbers.

“The good news” is that doubling their numbers is easy to
do, he said. “The bad news is, it’s easy to do because it’s so small.”

Giving to the Future Read More »

Collaborating on Education

“It may be on the smaller side, and we do have a long way to
go, but we definitely have a day school movement,” said Rabbi Josh Elkin,
executive director of Partnership for Excellence in Jewish Education (PEJE).

The audience of 600-plus day school advocates responded with
thunderous applause during the joint luncheon, which brought together attendees
from both the PEJE’s Donor Assembly and the Leadership Assembly at the Park
Hyatt Hotel in Century City on Feb. 3.

Elkin touched on some of the problematic issues facing day
schools: affordability, teacher retention, donor and student recruitment. The
way to overcome these difficulties, he said, is through collaboration.

Like college graduates looking to make career contacts, many
of the professional and lay day school leaders, major philanthropists, Jewish
Federation leaders and Jewish endowment fund representatives attending the PEJE
Leadership Assembly portion, the first of its kind in the United States, took
time out to network.

The cross-denominational Leadership Assembly brought
together people from various aspects of the national day school community to
promote cooperation between religious movements and address universal
challenges. While much of the conference consisted of lectures and workshops,
many participants admitted that networking was a key reason for their
attendance.

“For the most part, the conference has confirmed things I
know,” admitted Carl Mandell, head of school for Solomon Schechter Day School
in West Hartford, Conn., who attended the leadership portion. “The most
valuable components came after the workshops because I had opportunities to
meet people from other schools.”

Dana Gibson, president of the Hyman Brand Hebrew Academy
board of trustees in Overland Park, Kan., said he often feels alone in his
quest to improve and maintain day school education.

“Kansas is isolating,” he said. “We need this contact with
other [advocates] because we’re facing the same issues.”

Like those who share his passion in big and small cities
alike, Gibson said that the Reform movement’s lack of interest in developing
day schools is a key challenge. Conference workshops offered suggestions on how
to make a case for day schools, techniques the educator hopes use in his
hometown. Meeting experts like Richard Lewis from the Schusterman Foundation’s
Small Communities Program from Vestal, N.Y., also provided him with a sense of
support.

Marcy Goldberg, the development chair of a new day school
opening in Chicago next fall, came to the conference to learn about the
fundraising her school will need to embrace during its first year and beyond.
Goldberg says that the sessions gave her the opportunity to learn about some
innovative fundraising techniques — and meet others who have found them
successful.

Ilene Reinfeld, principal of Adat Ari El Day School in Valley
Village, sat in the hotel lobby, relaxing after a day of intense workshops
amid the hustle and bustle of cross-country attendees rushing to the airport.

“It’s been a long time coming for an event like this,” said
the educator, commenting that the encouragement for collaboration is greatly
needed.

In addition to hopefully coming up with viable solutions,
Elkin feels the conference sends out a message.

“The way that this meeting is cross-denominational makes a
statement that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts,” he said.
“Working together with their federations and endowment funds, day schools can
have a deep interaction and confront the greater challenges on the day school
agenda.”

Collaborating on Education Read More »

Community Briefs

Prime Minister ToutsMuseum

If there was any doubt that the Polish government is takingseriously plans to build a Museum of Polish Jewish History in Warsaw, they wereput to rest Feb. 5 in Beverly Hills.

That’s when Leszek Miller, prime minister of Poland, metwith about 100 area Jews to reaffirm his commitment to the long-plannedproject. “We want to reach beyond the image of Poland as a place of martyrdomfor the Jews,” said Miller in his brief prepared remarks. “The museum will be agreat educational project, and a symbol of our new approach to the history ofthe Jews.”

Miller’s appearance before the gathering of Jewish religiousand communal leaders, including Holocaust survivors and elected officials, wasorganized by the Consulate General of Poland in cooperation with the AmericanJewish Committee (AJCommittee). It took place during the first visit by aPolish prime minister to the West Coast, according to Consul General KrzysztofW. Kasprzyk.

Miller announced the establishment of the Museum of theHistory of the Polish Jews in Warsaw last January. The multimedia museum, to bedesigned by Frank Gehry, is to be completed in 2006.

Polish officials, who say that as many as 80 percent of Jewsacross the world can trace their roots back to Poland, hope the museum willspur Jewish tourism to their country. They are also hoping that Jewish donorsabroad will help fund some of the museum’s estimated $63 million cost.

Among other exhibits, the museum will recreate the homes andstreets representing 1,000 years of Jewish civilization in Poland. The Naziinvasion and deportation to death camps claimed the lives of the majority of Poland’s3.5 million Jewish population, which had been the largest in Europe.

Miller said the museum is part of an agenda ofreconciliation between Poland and world Jewry that includes the restitution forJewish property, restoration of Jewish cemeteries, commemoration of victims atdeath camps throughout Poland, and increasing ties between young Jews and Poles,and between Polish and Jewish entrepreneurs. The museum itself will demonstrate”how important a place was occupied by Jews in the history of Poland,” saidMiller.

AJCommittee Los Angeles chapter President Peter Weil saidMiller’s appearance, amidst high level visits with high-tech entrepreneurs anda previous state visit with President George W. Bush, was a clear indication ofthe value the Polish government places on its relations with world Jewry.

Along with Miller and the consul general, guests heardremarks from Rabbi Gary Greenebaum, AJCommittee’s West Coast regional director;County Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky; Adrien Brody, star of “The Pianist,” andmuseum director Jerzy Halberstadt. 

For more information the Museum ofPolish Jewish History in Warsaw, go to www.jewishmuseum.org.pl . — Staff Report

 

Media “Blitz”New Israel Fund Cuts Back

The New Israel Fund will centralize and scale back its U.S.offices in the hopes of pumping $1 million more toward peace and social justiceefforts in Israel. The Washington-based group, which promotes peace and civilrights programs in Israel, will close regional offices in Los Angeles, Bostonand Chicago, and expand hubs in New York and San Francisco, the group announcedFeb. 6.

For the three-person Los Angeles staff who will soon faceunemployment as a result of consolidation, the recent news brings mixedreactions.

“I still strongly believe in the importance of theorganization and the value of its work in Israel, and I understand that theinternational board that made the decision took a lot of issues intoconsideration in reaching its conclusions,” said Los Angeles New Israel FundDirector David Moses. “At the same time, I’m deeply disappointed in the closingof this office. We’ve had 4 years of continuous growth and increased visibilityin the Los Angeles Jewish community and I’m very proud of what we’veaccomplished here.”

The move was aimed at lowering the group’s overhead andconsolidating operations, and should largely fund the additional $1 million for Israel, officials said. The fund said it has awarded $120 million to 700Israeli groups since 1979. — Rachel Brand, Staff Writer

Community Briefs Read More »

Ethical Considerations

“We will study death, but in the service of the Jewishfuture,” said Dr. Michael Berenbaum, explaining the primary mission of a newlycreated institute at the University of Judaism.

The mission is also implicit in the name of the Sigi ZieringInstitute for the Study of Ethics and the Holocaust, for it is Berenbaum’sbelief that many of the cutting-edge ethical issues facing Jewry and societytoday grow out of the seeds sown during the Shoah.

Berenbaum, one of the world’s leading Holocaust scholars,has been named director of the Ziering Institute. He says that by placing itwithin a university focused on the Jewish future and outreach to otherdisciplines, the institute can transmute the lessons of the bitter past intoguideposts for present and future generations.

As one example, Berenbaum cites the field of medical ethics.”The notion of informed consent by a patient, and his right to stop treatmentat any time, was derived directly from the postwar trials of Nazi doctors,” hesaid.

Another frontier issue is rooted in the Nazi experiments ineugenics. “Now that we are nearing the capacity to ‘perfect’ human beings bygenetic manipulation, we must ask whether something should be done, justbecause we know how to do it,” Berenbaum noted.

Turning to business ethics, Berenbaum recalled thesubstantial financial investments by Germany’s I.G. Farben to assure it asteady supply of slave laborers.

“The Nazis perfected the use of humans as consumable rawmaterial,” said Berenbaum, and applies the observation to such contemporaryissues as child labor and sweatshops.

“We must ask ourselves, what is the borderline between anappropriate investment, and a morally compromised one,” he said.

Questions arising from the role of laws and the judiciaryduring the Holocaust are now being studied at dozens of American universitiesand in military academies, Berenbaum said.

One can argue that the Nazis committed no crimes, becausetheir actions were legal under their own laws, he said. However, the Nurembergwar crime trials found that blind obedience to immoral laws, or therationalization, “I just followed orders,” are no longer a valid defense inthemselves.

“Without Nuremberg as a precedent, [former YugoslavPresident] Slobodan Milosevic would never have been put on trial by the U.N.Tribunal in The Hague,” Berenbaum argued. Another thorny legal question is theresponsibility of the bystander who witnesses a crime or a genocide withouttaking any action.

Berenbaum is also convinced that, for example, the UnitedStates would not have interfered in the “ethnic cleansing” campaigns in theformer Yugoslavia by bombing Kosovo, but for the guilt felt by the Americanmilitary for its failure to bomb Auschwitz during World War II.

“I used to think that the Nuremberg trials were a failurebecause they were not far-reaching enough, but now I believe that they setimportant precedents,” he said.

Some of Berenbaum’s conclusions may be startling, but hedoes not arrive at them lightly.

At 57, he has been studying and analyzing the Holocaustsince his graduate student days, and he is the author of 14 books on the tragicera.

Berenbaum was one of the key figures in the creation of theU.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum, served as president and CEO of StevenSpielberg’s Shoah Foundation, has held teaching posts at leading universitiesand is currently adjunct professor of theology at the University of Judaism(UJ).

The institute which he now directs, funded through $3million in donations, honors the life and memory of Sigi Ziering, a Holocaustsurvivor, successful American industrialist and author of a searing play on theHolocaust, “The Judgment of Herbert Bierhoff.”

The institute, which is to become part of a planned UJCenter for Jewish Ethics, will sponsor a range of scholarly and popularconferences, seminars and lectures.

Its initial offering is a three-part roundtable discussionamong Jewish and Christian theologians, philosophers and historians on “The Vatican,the Pope and the Holocaust.”

In keeping with its outreach mission, the first session wasat the Jewish University of Judaism, the second at Catholic Loyola Marymountand the third will be held on Feb. 18 at the traditional Protestant ClaremontMcKenna College in Claremont.

For information, phone the University of Judaism at (310)476- 9777, ext. 445.

Ethical Considerations Read More »