Among the many traits of a best friend is that when you need them, they always show up.
This is how I’m seeing Rosh Hashanah this year – not as another holiday to get through but as a trusted friend I can always count on.
What is more nourishing in life than to have friends who are there for us no matter what?
The Jewish community hasn’t had too many “friends who show up” these past few years. If anything, it’s been the opposite — the Jew-haters have had a coming-out party.
In such vulnerable times, it’s natural to look for things that make us feel safe. Things we can count on. Anchors.
Jewish holidays are anchors. They’re like our best friends.
Year after year, century after century, these best friends have been there for us, on time and ready to serve.
But like anything that always shows up, it’s easy to take them for granted. We expect Rosh Hashanah to show up because it always does!
At no point do we ever consider the possibility that a Jewish holiday will call in sick.
This year, however, I tried doing a thought experiment: What would Jewish life be like without these holidays?
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t do it because it made no sense. It was disconnected from reality. How could you have a year without a Seder or a Yom Kippur or simply Shabbat?
Our holidays are an independent force. They show up whether we like it or not.
But then something occurred to me. In the case of Rosh Hashanah, I realized the thought experiment might work.
Imagining life without something means that when it does come, it feels new, and Rosh Hashanah is all about feeling new.
This is a time when we’re supposed to renew ourselves — engage in introspection, seek forgiveness, shed past mistakes and move forward with a new slate.
But what if in addition to renewing ourselves, we also renew the holiday itself?
What if we could see Rosh Hashanah in a whole new way?
It’s difficult, of course, to see anything Jewish in a new way, even a holiday that touches on that theme. That’s because we carry the weight of memory. Memory defines us. We never forget the past.
If I have decades of memories of Rosh Hashanah swimming in my mind, how am I supposed to see it in a new way– as if I’m seeing it for the first time?
Here’s one way: Associate the holiday with something we all love and value.
And who doesn’t value a best friend?
We can renew Rosh Hashanah, in other words, by seeing it as that trusted best friend who never lets us down.
The better we can imagine this relationship, the better we’ll be ready to meet the holiday’s many demands.
Let’s face it – it’s not easy doing the real work of Rosh Hashanah. It’s not easy to be honest with ourselves, admit mistakes, ask for forgiveness, commit to being a better person.
But if we see these demands as coming from a best friend, from someone we trust who only wants what’s best for us, we’ll be more willing to do the difficult but rewarding work of the holiday.
This column idea came to me while I was visiting with my friend Dennis Prager and we discussed him writing our Rosh Hashanah cover story.
After our conversations, I realized that I couldn’t separate my friendship with Dennis from my feelings toward the holiday itself.
Maybe it was because of the poignancy of his personal story, but it was as if Rosh Hashanah became Dennis and Dennis became Rosh Hashanah.
Just as Rosh Hashanah continues to nourish us with its wisdom, so does Dennis.
Just as Rosh Hashanah is a trusted friend we can always count on, so is Dennis.
When we gather Friday night to begin the Holy Days, we can sit down with something we completely trust— a holiday that has been our friend for millennia.
Imagine if the long, emotional month ahead of us — the good, the joyful and the difficult—will be coming not only from our Creator and our ancestors and our rabbis but from an eternal friend.
A friend who’s always been there for us.
Shana Tova.
