Father’s Day: I Love My Tie

God opens with the phrase, “Be fruitful and multiply.” However, Adam may have thought he heard “Eat fruit and multiply,” and it cost him dearly. It is a commandment from God for fathers (and mothers) to have children and spend time teaching them values by setting an example of exemplary behavior. If not you, then who?

The core of Abraham Joshua Heschel’s book, “The Sabbath,” is that the divine can never be found in space, but only in time.  Time is our most precious commodity, and as you know, it’s limited. But if you want to enjoy your Father’s Day tie, it’s important to use a big chunk of your allotted time with your kids. 

I didn’t always want to go everywhere, but who gives a hoot about what I wanted? You know who? Nobody. When one of my children asked me to take them somewhere, if I could say yes but instead said no, it would be like turning them down for a raise. Spending time with them is my God-given currency. Spend it all while you are here. What’s more pitiful than a grown man whining about not wanting to go to Disneyland because of the long lines? Yes, I did that. It’s painful when your child says, “Why don’t you want to go with us?” and you have no good answer. 

A rabbi once said to me, “Spend time with them now, or they will make you spend time with them later on.” He was talking about the potentiality of sitting in the courtroom. I saw firsthand what happened to kids with dads that didn’t care. When I lived in Manhattan, I would occasionally go to the main courthouse at 100 Centre Street and sit and watch cases. I found it riveting, as every possible human emotion is playing out before your eyes. It’s impossible not to see fractured families in marble hallways crying their eyes out as their children or one or both parents are being led away to serve time. Yes, it’s called serving time. We master time, or it masters us. 

I know many people whose dads were physically there but emotionally vacant. When my kids were little, and I had to go on the road to work, when they saw me heading out, they’d lock their arms around my ankles, chain gang style, begging me to stay. They were saying, “Dad, don’t go, spend time with us.” Spending time with them doesn’t guarantee anything, but it certainly can’t hurt.

Not everyone wants children. But if you decide to have them and if you are blessed and do have them, you just hit Powerball. To cash the ticket, you need to spend time with them. Having children is the gift that keeps on giving. Ask anyone who earns very little money and struggles to pay their bills if they would sell you one of their kids for a few million or billion dollars, then watch them laugh.

If your kids are still living at home and are over 28, you may have spent too much time with them.  But if you have little ones, when they’re sleeping, peek in on them. Stare at them for a good three minutes. If they’ve moved out, grab a photo and stare at that. If that doesn’t fill you with gratitude, I’m not sure anything ever will.

In a world where most things are overrated (including chocolate cake), the one thing that never thins out and perpetually catches you off guard and keeps you on your tippy toes is spending time with your children. It’s always something new. 

In a world where most things are overrated (including chocolate cake), the one thing that never thins out and perpetually catches you off guard and keeps you on your tippy toes is spending time with your children. It’s always something new. 

I recently chatted with the co-host of my podcast, Lowell Benjamin, about fatherhood, and we both agree that when we look back on the time we spent with our kids, never for a second did we wish we had done something else.  If your kids are anything like mine, they’re perfectly designed to bring you both the greatest happiness and to shrink your testes from worry. We all want more time. Make sure to use yours wisely. 

Happy Father’s Day. Enjoy your tie.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and host of the ‘You Don’t Know Schiff’ podcast. His new book is “Why Not? Lessons on Comedy, Courage and Chutzpah.”