Recently, many people in my community here in Los Angeles went away for Yeshiva Week vacation. It’s the week at the end of January every year when schools are closed and families take off to travel and spend time together.
People go to places like resorts in Cabo or the tropical islands of Hawaii or the Holy Land of Israel. It’s nice for families to get away; our lifestyle can be very demanding and hectic, and taking time off to relax and reconnect with our families and ourselves is critical.
While I was happy to see people have the opportunity to make these priceless memories together, I admit that it was hard for me, too. I didn’t have the chance to go away; I had to stay at home and work and go about my normal life.
What was key, though, was stopping myself from being jealous or resentful of these people, which I sadly was in the past. I’d think, didn’t I deserve a vacation? I work all the time and have young kids and experience so much stress in my everyday life. Can’t I have the same thing?
This time around I made an effort to flip the script. While I felt a little bit like I was missing out, I quickly realized that it wasn’t healthy to feel this way.
Instead, I thought about all the moms who stay home with their kids and are exhausted and need a break. I thought of the moms who went to work and juggled raising their kids, too. I thought of the fathers who got yelled at by their bosses on a constant basis or had enormous pressure to make profits at their companies. I thought of the kids who were doing hours of homework each night and dealing with social issues at school. These moms and dads and children deserve a break. Even if none of this applies to a family, and they are completely happy people, they should get some time off, too.
When I tried comparing my life to other people’s lives, I ended up feeling bad about myself. And this isn’t healthy or productive.
The truth is that we don’t really know what’s going on in other people’s lives, even if they have a perfectly curated life on social media.
The truth is that we don’t really know what’s going on in other people’s lives, even if they have a perfectly curated life on social media. I’ve seen social media influencers taking pictures of themselves in real life; some obsess about how they look and take pictures over and over again and still filter themselves to seem like they’re flawless. I’ve also been a witness to family photo shoots, where people look like they are content in front of the camera, but once the cameras go off, they’re bickering like crazy.
During Yeshiva Week, I decided not to focus on the fact that I wasn’t going away. I took the chance to think about the fun trips and times I had with my family in the past. I worked a little bit slower that week, including catching up on personal projects. My husband, daughters and I visited our 97-year-old friend and spent a wonderful afternoon with her. We laughed in the car on the way over and I watched my daughters sleep sweetly on the way back home. If I had obsessed over what I wasn’t doing, I never could have experienced those things.
So if you’re having trouble with comparing your lives to other people’s lives, here is what I suggest. First, if you have to, take a break from social media. Unfollow or mute people it’s just too hard to follow. If following them makes you feel worse about your life, then don’t look at their content.
Find hobbies of your own and take time for self-care, whether that means going for a walk, getting a massage (my favorite) or reading a good book.
If you want to go on a vacation but can’t exactly afford it, do a staycation. Explore your own town – I guarantee there is plenty to see.
And know that you will get your time in the sun, literally or figuratively, too. If you wait, if you work hard for it and you focus on little steps you can take to get there, I guarantee it’ll be that much sweeter when you arrive.
Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community Editor of the Jewish Journal.
