Have Depression? You’re Not Alone

On December 14, TMZ reported that Stephen “tWitch” Boss, a famous dancer and DJ, had committed suicide. He was talented, he had a beautiful family and amazing career and he was only 40 years old. He left behind a wife and three children.

The news was absolutely heartbreaking. I always enjoyed watching videos of Stephen and his lovely wife, Allison Holker, dancing together. They seemed so happy.

But that’s the thing about depression, which I assume Boss suffered from: it’s typically not visible. We think that just because somebody “has it all,” they aren’t prone to mental health issues. Sometimes, the exact opposite is true. Since they are famous or rich or prominent, there is more pressure on them and they feel more alone.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve battled depression. In my freshman year of high school, it got so bad that I attempted to overdose on Ibuprofen and I was sent to the ER for threatening to kill myself.

I fought my depression, taking antidepressants at certain times of my life, going to therapy and becoming more spiritual. Today, I surround myself with incredible people, do what I love and know what my triggers are and how to avoid them.

It took a lot of hard work and, even though I’m generally a happy person, my depression still pops up every now and again. I’ve used the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 my fair share of times when my therapist wasn’t available and I was in the throes of a very bad panic attack – especially after I had my second child this past year and was experiencing terrible post-partum depression. On the outside, I seemed fine, but I wasn’t at all.

You may not know that people are depressed because they don’t want to feel like they’re burdening their friends and family with it. Everyone seems like they’re always busy, even if that isn’t true. Everyone has something going on. Who has time to talk? Who will listen? Therapy is a huge help, but you can’t go to therapy 24/7.

There is also the expectation to lead a perfectly curated life on social media, to look happy even when you aren’t. On Instagram, Stephen Boss seemed content. Who would have known he was going through depression? That probably made him feel even more isolated.

Unfortunately, antidepressants are not a cure-all, either. I’ve been on antidepressants that made me suicidal. You need the right doctor who actually listens to you and doesn’t just write you a script for any drug. And, of course, you need to know yourself and be able to spot shifts in your mood.

My spirituality is what I often rely on when I’m depressed. I think about what I’m grateful for. If I’m having a bad day, and nothing is going my way, at least I can breathe. At least I woke up that morning. Then, once I’m grateful to be alive, I start to realize there are many other ways in which I’m blessed. It helps to make a list.

In my darkest moments, I ponder what my life will look like the next day or the next week or the next year. What if I don’t feel so bad tomorrow? What if things get better? Looking back at my life, there is plenty of proof that there was always something good on the horizon. All I had to do was survive the tough times.

If you are struggling with depression, I urge you to get professional help. Talk to your loved ones and talk to God. Go to a community dinner at your local Chabad for Shabbat so you aren’t alone. Take a walk outside and enjoy some beautiful nature.

You should not be suffering. Nobody should be suffering or think that suicide is the answer, because it’s not. God did not make a mistake when He created you. There are no extra souls. The world needs you.

I wish that poor Stephen Boss, may he rest in peace, would have realized that. But for others, it’s not too late.

Take a look around, and realize that you are worthy, you are valuable and you are surrounded by love.

Want to talk? Email me at Kylieol@JewishJournal.com.

If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community Editor at the Jewish Journal.