My 29-year-old cousin, \”Barry,\” is having his first \”midlife\” crisis. By simple math, this would put his entire life span at a scant 58 years, well shy of the actuarial tables\’ prediction. His midlife crisis should be about 10 years hence. It\’s been a slow week over here at my place, so let\’s take a look at his misery, shall we?

Barry falls short of the $1 million he\’d counted on having in the bank by, oh, about $1 million and change. He could live with that, but now his car lease is up and it looks like he\’ll be downsizing out of the go-go \’90s-era \”starter\” Lexus into something more in line with his new budget — something with really great mileage. His sense of entitlement is badly bruised by something called \”reality.\” He checks his cholesterol. He wears sunscreen. He takes Viagra. He\’s a little old man.