I recently returned from the ” title=”The Trojan Horse”>The Trojan Horse. The night had been a beautiful one so far and I was just letting myself quietly take it all on.
We had an incredible view, outside on the roof of the art car, of this massive Trojan Horse that was visible for miles. We were near enough that at midnight when the horse began to burn we could feel the heat on our faces. It began slowly with fireworks and soon sparklers were shooting light from the horse’s mane. Then with a huge burst of a fire cloud, the entire horse was engulfed in one massive large flaming fire-ball. The flame cloud receded and left the entire horse on fire –she looked like she was galloping away into the smoke. It was one of the most spectacular things I had ever seen in my entire life. I stared at it and in just a matter of moments, I swear I saw a unicorn looking back at me.
Now, I know how crazy this sounds, but here’s the thing. For the last couple years of my life whenever I talk about relationships or even write about it for that matter, when I try to explain what I’m looking for, I always use the same metaphor. I start out by explaining that I believe that I will find a true love that lasts forever, that we stay married to each other forever, and that we stay faithful to each other forever. But then, I acknowledge how naive and childish this must all sound by saying although sometimes I wonder if I might as well be saying I believe in unicorns. I’m a realist and I really do struggle with the question of am I holding on to a fairy-tale notion that doesn’t really exist anywhere out there. So over and over I’ve used this analogy of the unicorn to explain my internal dilemma – it’s like how I end my shtick on relationships.
So that night when I swear, a unicorn appeared to me out of that smoke, it felt like a sign. I hadn’t been thinking about it beforehand at all. I was thinking about Mr. Dreamboat and then the longer I watched the horse burn, the more clearly I saw a unicorn running away from me into the flames. I felt like the universe was shouting at me it does exist. Wake up already and stop analyzing everything to death! You might have even found it already so stop questioning it! Tears were falling down my face fast. I’ve never cried so much out of joy, but the longer I watched, the more beautiful it was and the more beauty I saw, the more the tears flowed.
Soon the image that I knew only I was seeing began to dissipate. A thin rail skeleton of a horse remained on fire and I watched transfixed as tears still soaked my cheeks. I hardly moved or spoke for the hour we watched that horse burn. I was changed. I felt heeled from heartbreaks in the past and from wounds I suffered as casualties of relationships. I felt sure again about believing that someone would love me the way I’ve always wanted to be loved. I felt sure again that someone would be faithful to me. I didn’t even realize how much I had been doubting it all this time. The world somehow seemed restored to me. Happy life-long marriages suddenly seemed more than just possible. For the first moment, in the longest time, I believed wholeheartedly that I would find what I have been looking for. If unicorns do exist, lasting love suddenly seemed probable to me.
Tamara Shayne Kagel is a writer living in Santa Monica, CA. To find out more about her, visit” title=”@tamaraskagel.” target=”_blank”>@tamaraskagel. © Copyright 2011.
