Your Letters

Lowering the Bar

Gary Wexler is right: B’nai mitzvah celebrations are oftenexcessive and inappropriate (“A Plea to Lower the Bar on Bar Mitzvahs,” Jan.10). But before blaming rabbis for their lack of attentiveness he ought to havedone a little asking around. If he had, he might have discovered that whenchildren are in fourth grade, I meet with their families to discuss the valuesof the Shabbat morning ceremony and how those same values can be carried overinto their evening celebration. We talk about not placing children in an adultparty environment. We talk about alcoholism, overt sexuality, materialism, loudmusic that makes the elderly uncomfortable, and the lack of spirituality. Iencourage them to participate in MAZON. I talk about setting the appropriatetone, from choosing the invitation, to choosing where their child’s tzedakahwill go. I suggest they read Jeffrey Salkin’s book, “Putting God on the GuestList.” I remind parents that they are the parents, and the planning of theparty is an opportunity to teach their kids about their family’s and ourpeople’s best values. I remind them that we as a people are not true to Torahwhen we overindulge. I meet with each family again in sixth grade to redo theentire exercise.

I mention all that I do to confront the problem Wexler hasidentified not to aggrandize myself, but to refute his assertion that rabbisavoid discussing this important issue. I and many rabbis approach the problemof over-the-top b’nai mitzvah celebrations in a forthright and rigorous way.Had Wexler done a little asking around, he would have known as much. Then hemight have fashioned a more productive solution.

Rabbi Steven Z. Leder, Wilshire Boulevard Temple

Principally, I agree with Gary Wexler’s article, but heshouldn’t assume that Jews who throw big parties for their children are solelymotivated by money and public acclaim. How about the religious well-being ofthe family?

Some think a lavish Jewish wedding is OK, but not a child’sbar or bat mitzvah. Unfortunately, this reasoning ignores the obvious passingof time and the diminishing odds that parents will live to see theirgrandchildren and great-grandchildren walk down the aisle.

Our children’s b’nai mitzvah provided wonderfulopportunities for my husband and I to honor our parents and remaininggrandparent with joyous celebrations that marked how their devotion andnurturing values shaped us as individuals and as parents. Who can say when thenext time the intergenerational family will come together to celebrate anotherritual in our children’s lives? As the parents of daughters, and sole payersfor the parties anyway, it was great fun not to have the pressure of anotherfamily to split the guest list with.

Elisa Wayne, Los Angeles

Davis vs. Laemmle

Avi Davis is supportive of Israel as a country, and hissupport is not dependent upon who is in power at the time (Point/Counterpoint,Jan. 10). I wholeheartedly agree with him.

Rabbi Susan Laemmle asks whether Davis’ restraint is reallyso admirable. Well, yes it is. It demonstrates his loyalty and patriotism to aJewish homeland at a time of grave crisis. It demonstrates his ability to seebeyond partisanship when the lives of Jews are at so much risk. She may wellbelieve in a “transnational justice and peace,” but if it endangers the safetyof a secure Jewish homeland, count me out.

Laemmle also asks for an “end of occupation,” as do thePalestinians. On the surface, it appears that if only we would agree with thatposition that common ground has been reached and resolution is possible.There’s just one problem: All of Israel is “occupied Palestine” to thePalestinian Authority.

Faith Schames, Los Angeles

Avi Davis’ touching tale of his Zionist upbringing leadingto his remarkable stoicism — holding his tongue when the Israeli governmentpursued policies that were obviously wrongheaded to him and his comrades –would play better were it the complete truth. A quick perusal of Davis’ recentwritings shows that he has no problem criticizing the Israeli government orlobbying for policies that the Israeli government has discarded, as long asthey are to the right of the government. Davis has argued at different timesagainst recognizing a Palestinian state, for killing the leadership of thePalestinian Authority and for an even more massive incursion and reoccupationof the territory nominally controlled by the Palestinian Authority. Hiscomfortable seat in the Diaspora doesn’t seem to negate his right to critiquefrom the right.

Rabbi Susan Laemmle is to be applauded for articulatelyvoicing the opinion that support for peace and justice does not stand in[conflict with] support and care for Israel. Her respectful rebuttal of Davis’arguments stands in sharp contrast to Davis’ own rhetoric in the recent past.

Dr. Aryeh Cohen, University of Judaism

Corrections

To contact Roe Gruber regarding her Cuba project (“CubanJews’ Plight Sparks Drive to Help,” Jan. 3), please call (800) 243-7227.

In “It’s a Full Plate in Nourishing the Sick” (Jan. 10),Project Chicken Soup is a 100 percent volunteer nonprofit organization and allfunding comes from individual donations and grants. Additionally, the presidentof the organization is Rod Bran.

From L.A. to Tel Aviv

In David Margolis’ story about The Federation’s Tel Aviv-LosAngeles Partnership (“From L.A. to Tel Aviv — A Partnership That Works,” Jan.3) he did not distinguish between projects, which are conceived, developed andexecuted by the Partnership’s staff and lay committees, and those in which thePartnership is a partial source of funding for implementing projects ofindependent institutions with goals that complement and reinforce those of thePartnership. The Center for Jewish Culture and Creativity is one suchindependent institution.

One example of the center’s recent work is “The Dybbuk”project, a two-year-old, ongoing three-way collaborative effort among the TelAviv University and UCLA theater departments and the Center, with each institutionproviding the talents of its respective artists in the creation of a pioneeringworld-class contemporary dramatic musical work based on a Jewish classic.

Despite the article’s unfortunate omission of the Center, welook forward to continue sharing the Center’s accumulated experience andexpertise in developing and strengthening Israeli-Diaspora relations throughJewish culture in the communities of Tel Aviv and Los Angeles, and to involvingthe Partnership in future Center initiatives directed toward shared goals.

John H. Rauch, President Center for Jewish Culture andCreativity

David Margolis’ otherwise comprehensive article missed oneof the more ambitious projects which is currently being explored by the TelAviv-Los Angeles Partnership of The Jewish Federation. That is, the attempt tocreate in Tel Aviv a legal services agency modeled after Bet Tzedek LegalServices. Bet Tzedek is the only Jewish organization in the country that isdedicated to providing free legal services to the poor, elderly, and disabledmembers of the community, covering a wide variety of legal areas. Further, itis the only organization to provide free assistance to, and representation of,Holocaust survivors in applying for reparations and other available programs.

Tel Aviv has a significant indigent population who havevirtually no access to the legal system and is very much in need of anorganization like Bet Tzedek. We hope this project will take root and come tofruition during the coming year.

Stanley Kandel , President  Board of Directors Bet TzedekLegal Services

Second Generation

I would like to thank Rachel Brand for the thoughtful andcomprehensive article about the Second Generation (“Support Group Helps SecondGeneration,” Dec. 27). In addition, I would like to clarify a few minor points.Many Second Generation individuals have achieved fully actualized lives,successfully incorporating the lessons learned at home to become some of themost productive members of our community. You will find them among the leadersof congregations, Jewish communal service organizations, and overrepresented inprofessional vocations.

The goals of our organization now are to provide asupportive environment where those who share our legacy can exchange ideas andfeelings about their heritage. We promote Holocaust education and memorialization,foster an understanding of the implications of the lessons of the Holocaust onsociety and support both the State of Israel and the Los Angeles Museum of theHolocaust.

Dr. Morry Waskberg, Vice President Second Generation

I wanted to thank you for writing such a sensitive andcaring article about the noble organization Second Generation and survivors ofthe Holocaust, especially now when so many people that I know and work with tryand say that the Holocaust never existed and that it’s only a big lie createdby Jews.

Some day, people like the doctor you interviewed won’t bearound to tell their story or their parents’ story. And the people who say theHolocaust was a lie and that Jews were never singled out and murdered will winthe public over with their lies.

Name Withheld by Request, Los Angeles

Thank you Gary Wexler for openly saying what too many of usdo not have the courage to say when it comes to extravagant, vulgar, inappropriate,hedonistic, tasteless parties that have come to define the terms bar mitzvahand bat mitzvah all too often.

Wexler’s article should be required reading for every Jewishparent of children 10 and older. It should be sent by synagogues and rabbis toparents and children. It should be given to every parent when the bar mitzvahdate is given. I hate to use the term “silent majority,” but I hope there isone, and that more parents develop the character to do the right thing and notsuccumb to peer pressure, social pressure or their children’s whiney demands.

Howard M. Fields, Hidden Hills