The Parent Trap

What makes a good parent? Once, while waiting on line at
Passport Control in Israel, I overheard two American couples talking.

Each was describing how much luggage they had brought.
Finally, one said to the other, “We brought nothing for ourselves. The truth is
we could have done just fine with a carry-on case. All our oversized bags are
filled with items for our children and grandchildren. We took orders for
whatever they wanted and shlepped it here.” Then she added the ultimate Jewish
thing. “Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do?”

The other couple, nodding in agreement, replied, “Yes, and
may you do so for 120 years.”

Suddenly from all over the hall came, “Amen!”

It was heartening to know that Jewish parenting is doing
well. But to be honest, it takes more than shlepping luggage to Israel to
determine what really makes Jewish parenting good. In fact, one look at Parshat
Yitro will indicate how tremendously complex the problem actually is.

At the beginning of the Torah portion we learn how Yitro
arrived at the Jewish camp in the Sinai before Revelation in order to reunite
Moses with his family. Throughout the entire period of time during which the
Jews had escaped from Egypt and marched toward the Sinai Mountain, Zipporah,
the wife of Moses, and their two sons, Gershom and Eliezer, were separated from
him. Moses had left them in Midian with his father-in-law, Yitro. But now that
the Jews were free from bondage and safe in their desert camp, Yitro brought
husband, wife and children together again.

Just imagine the moment. It must have been a beautiful
reunion with great emotion on all sides. Moses had led the Jews out of Egypt,
and now he had to catch up with his family on all that had since transpired.

But oddly enough, that is not the scene the Torah describes.
If one reads the verses carefully, one will be amazed at the awkward situation
depicted in the text:

“Yitro, the father-in-law of Moses, took Zipporah, the wife
of Moses, after she had been sent away; and her two sons: of whom the name of
one was Gershom, for he had said, ‘I was a sojourner in a strange land’; and
the name of the other was Eliezer, ‘for the God of my father came to my aid,
and He saved me from the sword of Pharaoh.’ Yitro, the father-in-law of Moses,
came to Moses with his sons and wife, to the Wilderness where he was encamped,
by the Mountain of God” (Exodus 18:2-5).

A contemporary scholar in Jerusalem, Rabbi Eliyahu
Schlesinger, exclaims that this passage is absolutely amazing. The Torah here
provides totally superfluous information. We already were told the names of the
sons of Moses when they were born, and in that early text we also learned the
explanation of their names. Why, he wonders, does the Torah now bother to
repeat both the names and their explanations?

To resolve this dilemma, Schlesinger notes that in this
passage it is Yitro who is speaking, and he is speaking directly to Moses. As
he reunited Moses with his family on the eve of Revelation, Yitro realized that
Moses soon would become totally preoccupied with the community. Now, even more
than before, Moses was not going to have much time for his family. His children
were going to suffer from this unavoidable lack of a father. Yet, Yitro wanted
Moses to realize that he still had a responsibility to them. He wanted Moses
never to forget that he had given his sons their names when they were born, and
he wanted Moses to remember that each child was a unique person with a destiny
as unique as his name.

Schlesinger suggests that each one of us faces this very
same challenge. Each performs a juggling act in life. Most of us define
ourselves by our work. Business, profession, even communal leadership becomes
all-absorbing. We have no time for our spouses or our children. But each of us,
like Moses, needs to be reminded that our ultimate responsibility, above and
beyond all else, is to our families. Then, like Moses, our Jewish parental role
will remain vital for 120 years and we all will be able to answer, “Amen.”