Choosing Judaism: A Rabbi’s Reflection on the Ever-Present Question, ‘Is it Worth It?’
In between completing a lesson for my high school students on “Why Jews needed to keep moving around from 1200-1800 CE,” and reading my ever-growing stack of books on Israel for a curriculum I was developing, I decided to check the news.
As I scrolled through headlines, I began to feel a physical pressure on all sides of my body and thought to myself, “Why is it so hard to be Jewish? Is it even worth it?”
I chose Judaism for the first time at the age of 14.
To be clear, I was born into a Jewish family, went to religious school since kindergarten and prepared studiously for my bat mitzvah. But those were all decisions made for me.
Joining a youth group was the first time I chose Judaism for myself. And ever since, I’ve continued to choose Judaism each and every day. When I taught religious school in college and advised the very same youth group that had inspired me, despite earning far less than if I were working anywhere else. When I stood in front of friends and family and classmates and became an ordained rabbi, accepting all the responsibilities that come with it. When I listened to, consoled, joked with, guided, and received wisdom from the children and families I worked with for 14 years. I chose Judaism again and again.
Even from our tradition’s earliest days, being Jewish has been a tough choice — especially at times when not being Jewish may have been both easier and safer. As I think back through the kaleidoscope of Jewishness in my life, I honestly can’t think of a time when I didn’t love being Jewish.
Until right now.
As I think back through the kaleidoscope of Jewishness in my life, I honestly can’t think of a time when I didn’t love being Jewish. Until right now.
While reading through those headlines, I was shocked, horrified and even brought to tears by the notion that I had considered whether being Jewish was worth it. I started to text two colleagues the question we’ve been carefully answering for our children, “Why does it feel like everyone hates us?” but stopped because I was embarrassed. It felt cowardly, which in turn felt defeatist, as a lack of cowardice is what has kept the Jewish faith alive in better and darker times than right now. Because the power of Jewish guilt is real, I ended up triggering an ocular migraine.
I thought about the crushing weight of knowing that so many people — especially young adults, college students, and teens — are seeing and hearing things that make them ask, “Is being Jewish even worth it?” potentially turning them away from Judaism forever despite the incredible efforts their congregations, Hillels and communities are making. That colleagues — people who have committed their lives to creating sacred Jewish spaces for others — are also wondering, “Is being Jewish worth it? Over the course of the afternoon, I realized I was experiencing a version of Jewish deja vu. Because throughout our people’s history, not just here and there but many times over, people have wondered this same thing, and each time my ancestors thankfully decided that it was.
The rabbis tell us that when the Israelites left Egypt they stood before an unparted sea until a man named Nachshon stepped forward. We are told that the only reason Nachshon was able to part the seas and bring the Israelites to freedom is because he was the only one who was unafraid. But I have always thought the opposite, that the waters parted because Nachshon was the only one who was able to be brave in the face of fear, a much more difficult task. Nachshon too must have asked himself, “Is it worth it?” and his first steps forward, with the water rushing around his ankles and soaking through his pants, was his resounding “Yes.”
Right now, it’s a hard time for the Jewish people. Really really hard. Hard to the extent that many of us are literally aching. And despite the ache that fills my soul, I am also filled with love for our story, our traditions, our texts and our people. It’s now our turn to join the chain of tradition, to step forward and proudly affirm that “Yes, being Jewish is absolutely worth it.”
Rabbi Carrie Vogel is the Director of Undergraduate Initiatives at American Jewish University. Her flagship program, the Jewish Learning Experience, provides a framework and materials for high school students to learn with their clergy and Jewish educators while earning undergraduate college credit. Rabbi Vogel is also a board member of the Association of Reform Jewish Educators.
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