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July 17, 2013

Fertility loan fund pays it forward

Alan and Emily Feit tried four times to have a child through in vitro fertilization (IVF), an infertility treatment that can cost well over $10,000 per attempt. On the fifth try, however, they ended up with twins — and now they want to help others in similar situations.

The San Fernando Valley couple has provided $100,000 in seed money to create the Feit 4 Kidz Fertility Loan Fund through the Jewish Free Loan Association (JFLA), which provides interest-free microloans to Southern California residents.

Beginning this past spring, the L.A.-based JFLA has been offering loans of up to $15,000 to Jewish couples who need help paying for an in vitro procedure, which is used when other methods of reproductive technology have failed. It can cost up to $20,000, or an average of $12,400 according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

“It’s very exciting. It kind of allows us to turn something that was such a negative experience for us, heart-wrenching at times, into something really positive,” Emily Feit told the Journal. “Thankfully, we’re on the other side of things, but that connection to our experience and to be able to empathize with those individuals and couples going through that traumatic experience, I think that linkage will always be there for us.”

The Feits’ twins, Kara and Zachary — the “k” in “Kidz” stands for Kara, and the “z” stands for Zachary —turned 1 in June.

Rachel Grose, associate director at JFLA, said the importance of the new loan program cannot be understated.

“It allows JFLA to invest directly in [the] Jewish community, Jewish continuity, new Jewish babies and Jewish families,” she said. 

Previously, JFLA gave out loans for IVF procedures — which includes the remote fertilization of a woman’s eggs into embryos and the transfer of those embryos into the uterus — through its Lerner Family Adoption and Fertility Assistance Loan Fund. That program’s original purpose, however, was to provide financial assistance for couples seeking to adopt. Now with the establishment of the Feit fund, the Lerner fund will return to helping exclusively with adoptions, Grose said.

As of earlier this month, five couples had taken out loans from the Feit fund to help pay for IVF operations — which means about $75,000 has been given out thus far — and up to five additional couples were in the midst of interviewing for a loan, according to the Feits and to Grose. 

While many of the organization’s loan programs are nonsectarian, Feit loans are limited to the Jewish community — at least until the organization raises more money for the fund, Grose said. 

“One day, when we raise millions of dollars, we will open it to everyone,” she said.

On Nov. 16, JFLA and the Feits are partnering on a gala event with the hope of raising at least $250,000 for the fund. Currently, it has more than $200,000, with additional support coming from friends and family of the Feits who gave to the fund in lieu of birthday gifts for their twins’ recent birthday.

The November event, which will be held at the Luxe Sunset Boulevard Hotel, will also honor the Feits’ infertility doctor, Robert Boostanfar, a reproductive endocrinologist based in Encino. 

The Feit 4 Kidz fund became JFLA’s 34th loan fund when it was launched in April. Other JFLA funds include emergency and veteran loans, student loans, home health care loans, small-business loans and more. Currently, there is $11.5 million in loans circulating among JFLA clients, according to Grose. The money given out for loans is recycled, which means that the money repaid by a client is loaned out again to a new client. The organization claims to have a repayment rate of more than 99.5 percent.

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A ritual to honor wisdom

For many women, the transition from actively engaged 50-year-old to septuagenarian retiree is daunting. Not only are there the unpleasant physical changes of menopause, but there is the emotional challenge of watching children move away and begin their own families, while being left with the uneasy task of facing mortality.

Yet at age 60 or 70, women still have many years, if not decades, ahead of them to pursue new careers, hobbies and educational endeavors. What was missing for many was a way to celebrate this Jewishly.

Then, in 1986, the late Savina Teubal, a Los Angeles woman who was 60 at the time, created the simchat chochmah (“joy of wisdom”), a ritual that celebrates wisdom and what lies ahead in a woman’s life. In an article Teubal wrote that was included in the 1992 anthology “Four Centuries of Jewish Women’s Spirituality,” she explained how she created the ritual as a way to celebrate the transition into the next stage of life. 

“I created a ceremony, a rite of passage from adult to elder, to establish my presence in the community as a functional and useful human being,” she wrote. “The ritual also served some personal needs: that of facing my mortality, for instance … I felt that a crone ceremony filled a significant need in our society.”

In the nearly three decades since Teubal created this ritual, women in the Reform, Reconstructionist and Renewal movements of Judaism have chosen to celebrate a simchat chochmah at the beginning of either their seventh or eighth decade of life, reclaiming their importance in society as holders of wisdom and productive members of the community. 

Although there is no standard way to celebrate, many women base their ceremonies on Teubal’s blueprint. One common feature is the presence of the song, “L’chi Lach,” at some point during the festivities, as well as shared personal reflections on life from each of the participants.

Part of the preparation for the ceremony involves religious study. Women celebrating their simchat chochma often choose to focus on the stories of strong, older women in the Torah, and use that as a jumping-off point for reflecting on their own lives as mature women in a Jewish context.

Among those who have had the ritual is Nancy Federman of Westlake Village. On June 8, she and three of her closest friends — Frima Telerant, Patty Kaye and Judy Maller — celebrated their simchat chochmah together at First Neighborhood Community Center in Westlake Village, a venue that comfortably held all 200 guests and had plenty of outdoor space for dining, dancing and shmoozing after the service.

“We wanted to do something special to mark our 70th birthdays with a Jewish ritual, with each of us doing something new that we had never done before, like wearing a kippah or tallit, or reading Torah aloud in public,” Federman said.

After a service that consisted of prayers, blessings, Torah readings and shared personal reflections from each woman, there was a ceremony that involved activities such as tree planting, singing, traditional dancing and, of course, lots of delicious food. The women also gathered six barrels worth of nonperishable food items to donate to Jewish Family Service’s SOVA Community Food and Resource Program. 

The entire planning process, from start to finish, took two years, but it was worth it, according to Federman.

“To me personally,” she said, “the simchat chochmah was an opportunity to celebrate not only a significant birthday, but also to share my strong Jewish identity with family and friends, and reaffirm my faith and the mitzvot I perform. And it did just that.”

The women all met each other between 20 and 40 years ago, through a mix of religious studies courses and well-timed introductions via mutual friends.

“We realized a while ago we were the same age, born in 1943,” said Kaye, also of Westlake Village. “We celebrated our 60th and 65th birthdays with a getaway trip, but wanted to do something very special for our 70th.  We also wanted to do something Jewish. Because we are close friends, we felt that we would enjoy planning and holding this wonderful event together.”

Federman was aware of the ceremony, and shared the idea with the other women. They then watched “Timbrels and Torahs,” a 2000 film about the ritual, and started planning in earnest from there.

During the ceremony, each of the women shared their reflections with family and friends in a different way.

“I used ideas of community, transition and friendship,” Kaye said. “I spoke of my mother, who at 101, was present. I also stressed how extended family and good friends have influenced my life, and how I hopefully will continue to learn from all of them.”

Maller, who lives in Encino, spoke about a specific Shabbat experience that she and her husband had in Lublin, Poland.

“We had Sabbath services in a popular restaurant in the old city. There was a klezmer band that was rocking, and the place was packed with Polish people stamping their feet and clapping to Yiddish and Hebrew music and participating in a Jewish service. I thought of those people struggling to become Jews again in a place like Poland. This celebration was a turning point in my life,” she said.

Telerant of Westwood talked about the women who had the greatest influence on her life — her mother, mother-in-law, friends and daughters — and how they, and Judaism, taught her how to navigate the difficult intricacies of the world and the relationships within it. 

“I hope that the traditions and values of Judaism which have enriched my life are embedded in my children and that they will teach them to theirs. Living Jewishly has given shape and meaning to my life and to theirs,” she said. “Whatever the future brings, I know that I will be able to deal with the challenges ahead because of my faith, my traditions, my family and my friends.” 

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Cantor jazzes up her life with one-woman show

In 2009, Patti Linsky, now cantor emerita of Temple Ahavat Shalom in Northridge, conducted services for the High Holy Days with a low-grade pain in her abdomen that had been throbbing for months. The cause was a small stone in her bile duct that required a simple two-hour laparoscopic procedure. But during the ensuing operation, which took place around the time of Simchat Torah, Linsky’s pancreas was nicked, and she spiraled into a medical nightmare that would end her pulpit career and forever change her life. 

“The pain was off the charts,” said Linsky, 57.

She tells this harrowing true story and others in her new cabaret show, “Altar EGO,” which will play to a sold-out house at Upstairs at Vitello’s Jazz and Supper Club on July 25 and reprise on Oct. 23 and 24. 

Two days after the damaging medical procedure, a different surgeon told Linsky, “You’re a very ill woman, and without another surgery, I cannot guarantee your life.” A day after that she woke up in the ICU. “They had to rebuild my core stomach muscles, which is not great for a singer,” she said. 

After three and a half months of bed rest, Linsky attempted to return to work, but during her first bar mitzvah service she found herself overwhelmed by exhaustion and pain. For the rest of the weekend, she prayed for guidance, and the following week made the difficult decision to retire, leaving her professionally adrift.

“I never thought I would be anything but a cantor; it had been my identity for so long,” she said while sitting at her piano in her Valley Village living room. “But then I realized that being a cantor was just part of what I do; it’s not all of who I am. It became clear that act two of my life was coming, and I needed to trust God that I would be taken care of.”

“Altar EGO” was born when Linsky, who studied jazz vocal performance at the University of Miami, wrote a “bucket list” during a women’s spirituality workshop in 2010 and realized that her new dream was to write and star in a one-woman show.

Created with Bob Garrett, the show’s director, and performed with a backup band consisting of piano, bass and drums, the piece features songs ranging from ballads to bossa novas — some spiritual, some amusing and edgy, and all based on the various chapters of her life. A lyrical ballad titled “I Am Enough” sets up the theme of her show; there’s also a lullaby to her son as well as a number, sung to the tune of “Maria” from “West Side Story,” which describes Linsky’s hypoglycemic yearnings during Yom Kippur services: “Suddenly I hear the growling in my stomach blast, T’Kiyah!/I’d kill for some chips and sangria.”

Hilariously satirical numbers recount the lousy men she dated before meeting her husband of 21 years, psychologist David Rubin, as well as her devastating hospital stay and the time she visited a fat farm and actually gained weight. 

When Linsky sings the soulful “My Mother’s Daughter,” written by one of her friends, she draws on her own painful relationship with her late mother, who at 17 was accepted as a soprano with the prestigious La Scala opera house but prevented from going by her parents.

“As a result, my mother vicariously lived through my voice,” Linsky said. “Yet everything was a judgment, and nothing was ever enough. But I understand her now, and I have forgiven her. She was a single parent, and she had a very difficult life.”

Linsky found her own voice as the junior cantor of her childhood Reform congregation in Coral Gables, Fla. After moving to Southern California with her first husband, at the age of 21, she became the cantorial soloist at Temple Beth Torah in Ventura before arriving at Ahavat Shalom in 1986. In 1993, the soprano received her cantorial certification from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion. Since becoming cantor emerita at Ahavat Shalom, she continues to teach, to conduct lifecycle events and to substitute for other cantors around town.

Her unabashedly honest show also recounts an especially dark chapter of her life that began after she suffered back and neck injuries during a car crash in 1996, followed by another botched operation, this one for a hernia, in which a doctor accidentally cut a nerve in her leg. Linsky found herself in chronic severe pain: “So I started on Neurontin, Oxycontin and other medicines that made the pain go away — and also made the emotional pain go away,” she said.

What followed was a decade of abusing prescription drugs and, in the later years, a descent into alcoholism. Nevertheless, Linsky, a mother of two, managed to maintain her hectic schedule as the cantor of a thriving congregation, plus duties at home and with the American Conference of Cantors. “I felt this pressure to be Superwoman,” she said. “I did it all until I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Finally, Linsky had what she describes as a nervous breakdown and checked herself into a rehabilitation center in Malibu in 2007. “For the first time, I was experiencing my authentic feelings,” she said. “There was shame and self-judgment: I had been working in this very public arena, and I had been leading a double life. But it was also very liberating.”

Linsky said her relationship with God deepened and she returned to work a month later “a much more deliberate woman with a purposeful intention to really stay on this course. I went into a recovery program, and since that time I have been repaid a million times over with blessings, with love and with God.”

In her show, she recounts her years of drug abuse in an irreverent song, “Addiction!” sung to the tune of “Tradition!” from “Fiddler on the Roof,” that asks, “Who day and night must take an Oxycontin, chase it with Neurontin and a Xanax, too/And who do you know who thinks Vicodin’s a food group/Could it be this Reform Jew?”

How does Linsky — now clean and sober for years — feel about congregants learning about her addictions through “Altar EGO”? “I’m sure the word is going around, but what matters to me is that people leave the show feeling like they are ‘enough,’ and that there’s no shame in being human.

“This piece is teshuvah [repentance] in a lot of ways,” she added. “There are many ways of making amends and forgiving ourselves, and it’s never too late for that.”

For tickets and information about Linsky’s October performances, visit http://www.vitellosjazz.com/event/patti-linsky-altar-ego-4.

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‘Nicky’s Family’ recounts true tale of Britain’s Schindler

In chronicling the dark night of the Holocaust, filmmakers have discovered occasional chinks of light in the deeds of Righteous Gentiles, those who risked much to succor and save Jews.

Many of these men and women, of all nationalities and faiths, risked — and some lost — their lives in the rescue efforts, and they were among the true heroes of that era.

Others, like Oskar Schindler, used their positions and skills to extract potential victims from the Nazi clutches.

One such man was the title character of “Nicky’s Family,” in which “Nicky” stands for Sir Nicholas Winton. His “family” consists of 669 mostly Jewish children (and thousands of their descendants) who, mainly through his personal efforts, were spirited out of German-occupied Czechoslovakia in the months leading up to World War II and placed with families in England.

At 104, Winton is sound of mind and body and stars in his own story. In broad strokes, he, and the movie, recount that he was working as a stockbroker in London and setting off for a ski vacation in Switzerland in early 1939 when his plans were interrupted by a plea from a British friend in Prague to join him in a rescue effort.

The friend correctly anticipated that Adolf Hitler would soon gobble up the rest of Czechoslovakia after the Munich Agreement and then go after Jews, communists and others on his enemies list.

In focusing his efforts on rescuing children, Winton had a ready-made model in the prevailing Kindertransport. Through these transports, the British government allowed 10,000 children from Germany and Austria, between ages 2 and 17, to enter England — but without their parents or elder siblings.

But while the British government arranged for the transport and integration of the refugee children, Winton had to raise the money on his own to bring in the Czechoslovak contingents and then find foster homes for them.

It was a mammoth task for Winton and a handful of friends, all working under the intense time pressure of the impending world war. Even at home, a segment of the British Jewish community objected to the placement of Jewish refugee children with Christian families.

Once the task was completed, Winton quietly closed out this “episode” in his life and went back to his daytime job at the stock exchange. His deeds might have remained unknown, but for his wife Grete, who was rummaging through their home’s attic some 47 years after the rescue operation, of which her husband had never spoken to her. What she came across was a box filled with documents, letters and lists of the names of all the saved children and of the British families who took them in.

Gradually, the story leaked out and became widely known in 1988, when the popular BBC television show “That’s Life!” invited Winton to one program as an audience member. In the middle of the show, the hostess asked all those rescued through Winton’s intercession to rise, and several rows of fellow “spectators” stood up.

Subsequently, he was dubbed “Britain’s Own Schindler” by the media, knighted by Queen Elizabeth, designated a “British Hero of the Holocaust” by his government, and nominated for the Nobel Prize by Czech authorities.

One aspect of the Winton story not mentioned in the film or in the numerous encomiums showered on the man is his own family background.

In all representations, Winton was portrayed as the complete Englishman who sort of stumbled into the refugee situation to help a friend, but once caught up gave his all to help the children.

In fact, Nicky is the son of German-Jewish parents, who immigrated to England two years before he was born in 1909, changed their name from Wertheim to Winton and had their son baptized and confirmed in the Anglican Church.

These facts in no way detract from Winton’s remarkable work, but they do raise the question of whether this family background helped motivate Winton’s immense efforts to rescue the Czech and Slovak children, most of whom were Jewish.

A qualified answer appears to be “no,” based on an e-mail exchange between this reporter and Winton’s daughter, Barbara Winton, who is writing a biography of her father.

 “Everyone considered [my father] a quintessential Englishman,” and “I don’t think Nicky ever considered himself Jewish,” Barbara Winton wrote.

She ascribed his intervention more to his left-wing political views and contacts, as well as the reading of Hitler’s “Mein Kampf,” which led him to recognize the Fuehrer’s intentions earlier than most of the Western world.

“Nicky has always said that he did not set out to rescue Jews in particular, but all those in danger, which of course included a very high proportion of Jews,” Barbara Winton wrote.

The one time Winton’s “Jewishness” became an issue was when it was proposed that Yad Vashem honor him as a Righteous Gentile.

Either through his own intervention or through Yad Vashem’s background investigation, it became clear that the son of two Jewish parents could not be considered a “gentile,” and the honor was quietly withdrawn.

A similar overall picture of Nicky Winton was outlined by Matej Minac, the Slovak producer and director of “Nicky’s Family.”

Minac has made something of a career out of Winton’s life, and the current film is the third in an informal trilogy about the subject, the director said in a phone interview.

The first film, “All My Loved Ones,” was a dramatized version with actors playing Winton and other characters. The second, “The Power of Good: Nicholas Winton,” was a straight documentary.

“Nicky’s Family,” the third production, is somewhat of a hybrid, combining actual interviews with Winton and the rescued children with archival footage and lengthy re-enactments of various episodes.

Some of the latter strain belief, such as the introduction of a voluptuous blonde, employed by the Nazi authorities in Prague to use her wiles to find out what Nicky was actually up to.

Minac, however, testifies that this and all of the film’s re-enacted episodes are based on factual evidence.

The alternation of cinematic styles leads to occasional confusion, but Minac clearly emphasizes a primary theme that in paying Winton’s good deeds forward, his “children” and children’s children have contributed much in skills and humanitarian endeavors to the country that gave them shelter and to the world at large.

“Nicky’s Family” opens July 19 at Laemmle’s Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles, Town Center in Encino and Playhouse in Pasadena.

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Poles ban kosher slaughter

In their Krakow home, Anna Makowka Kwapisiewicz and her husband, Piotr, skim through an online article about Poland’s recent ban on kosher slaughter.

What they find even more disturbing than the actual news are the comments posted by other readers.

Hundreds of comments calling on Jews to leave Poland have appeared beneath news articles in the days since the country’s parliament defeated a bill that would have reversed a ban on kosher slaughter, or shechitah, first imposed in January.

“The ban is bad enough because it’s the result of disinformation, but it opened the door to anti-Semitism that’s very evident in these comments,” said Piotr, who with his wife is a founding member of Czulent, an association of young Krakow Jews.

The shechitah ban and ensuing anti-Semitic outbursts come as painful reminders that despite years of government-led projects celebrating Jewish tradition, Poland still has a long way to go to become a place “where minorities feel at home and not just guests,” as Anna put it.

“There’s a view that Poland is a paradise for Jews,” Anna said. “But now everyone sees there’s no paradise and Poland is a country like all others. It needs to work on tolerance during difficult times, when populism and nationalism flourish throughout Europe.”

In January, a constitutional court, responding to a petition filed by animal welfare activists, outlawed religious slaughter in Poland. A law that would have reinstated shechitah was rejected by the Sjem, the Polish parliament, on July 12 by a vote of 222-178.

On July 16, Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk said he had no plans to reintroduce legislation to lift the ban.

The Polish ban is not the first time a European country has put animal welfare concerns above the religious freedom of its Jewish and Muslim minorities.

In 2011, a large majority of the lower house of the Dutch parliament passed a bill banning the practice, but it was scrapped by the Dutch Senate. Laws banning kosher slaughter also are on the books in Norway, Switzerland, Latvia, Sweden and Iceland.

The view of Poland as something of a Jewish paradise has been bolstered by initiatives such as Warsaw’s ambitious $100 million Museum of the History of Polish Jews and Krakow’s Jewish Culture Festival, a weeklong affair that attracts tens of thousands of participants — projects carried out with significant government support. Poland also is seen as a robust Israeli ally.

But the government has lagged on other issues of Jewish concern, like Holocaust restitution. It is the sole European country that does not offer private property restitution to survivors and their heirs.

Poland also has shown a worrying indifference to instances of anti-Semitism.

Last month, a prosecutor in the northern city of Bialystok called swastikas “symbols of prosperity” in explaining the refusal to investigate the painting of Nazi symbols on municipal property. Earlier that month, a Polish official said the courts were “powerless” to stop a declaredly anti-Semitic political party from running in elections.

In April, a survey found that 44 percent of 1,250 Warsaw teenagers polled said they would rather not have Jewish neighbors. More than 60 percent said they did not want Jewish spouses.

A year ago, Jonathan Orenstein, director of the Krakow Jewish Community Center, said in an interview that “there’s no better place to be Jewish” than Poland. Interviewed again this week, the New York-born Orenstein sounded less upbeat.

“For the first time in my 11 years in Poland, I feel that things are going backward,” he said.

Poland is home to some 25,000 Muslims, according to a 2010 U.S. government estimate, and a Jewish population of approximately 40,000, according to Rabbi Michael Schudrich, the country’s American-born chief rabbi.

But Jews and Muslims are not the only ones affected by the ban, which has shut down the country’s robust export industry of kosher and halal meat. Estimates place the value of the ritual slaughter industry at more than $500 million.

“Yet the talk in media and online was about how the Jews should not be allowed to make money off the misery of animals,” said Piotr Kadlcik, president of the Union of Jewish Religious Communities in Poland. “This kind of talk created a very uncomfortable feeling.”

The ban has created a rift as well within the Jewish community. In the wake of the parliamentary vote last week, the director of the Brussels-based European Jewish Association, Rabbi Menachem Margolin, called on Schudrich to resign. Representatives of two other European Jewish groups also said in interviews that they were dissatisfied with Schudrich’s performance in connection with the July 12 vote.

Schudrich said that Margolin’s words constituted “unwarranted hate,” adding that he had been in contact with the European Jewish Congress and the Conference of European Rabbis about the issue. Schudrich has said he would resign if the bill is not reversed.

Rabbi Shalom Ber Stambler, the Chabad movement’s emissary to Warsaw, said he believes this will happen because “there is enormous interest and good will toward Jews in Poland.”

Back in Krakow, Anna and Piotr are less certain.

“We are certainly working to make this happen through education and the struggle against intolerance, but there are no guarantees,” Anna said. “Not in Poland or anywhere else.”

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Firefighters’ families share the language of loss

Bat-Sheva and Hofit Hayat, mother and wife of deceased Israeli firefighter Danny Hayat, shared their story and grief with the families of the 19 Hotshot firefighters who died on June 30 in the Yarnell, Ariz., wildfire. The two women relayed their experience in Arizona when visiting Los Angeles as a last stop before returning to Israel. As native Hebrew speakers, Hofit and Bat-Sheva struggled to express themselves in English as tears streamed down their faces and sorrow filled their voices when talking about Danny in Los Angeles. They said a similar scene took place in Arizona, however, the Hayats were speaking a universal language families in Arizona understood: the language of loss.

The Hayats lost Danny to the Mount Carmel forest fire in Israel in December 2010, as the 44th and final victim. He died rescuing Israeli Prison Service and police officers from a bus near the fire. Bat-Sheva initially reached out in writing to the 19 families of the firefighters in Arizona to send her condolences and share her personal and very similar tragedy.

After the letter, Keren Hayesod, an Israeli nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the priorities of the State of Israel, paid for the Hayats to travel to Arizona. According to Bat-Sheva, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu also blessed the trip.

The Hayats said they felt they had to support the families of the fallen firefighters in Arizona. In sharing their pain and suffering, they hoped to bring power and solidarity to the community.

“I came here to strengthen the families and the American people, but they strengthened me,” Bat-Sheva said.

With this newfound strength came uncommon emotion. In Israel, Bat-Sheva said, she tried not to cry to avoid looking weak. In Arizona however, it was a different story. 

“I look at the families and I see myself. I cry for them and I cry for myself,” Bat-Sheva said with tears in her eyes.

Bat-Sheva mourned with the community in Prescott, Ariz., at the memorial service for the firefighters and was joined by Hofit at a commemoration organized by the Jewish Community Association on July 9. 

Hofit, Danny’s wife of nine years and significant other for 13, said she uses Judaism to deal with her loss. She tells her three children that “everything happens for a reason.” 

“I think this is the destiny of Danny. I think God brought him to that road because that was his mission in life,” Hofit said. 

Bat-Sheva remembers her son as a dedicated, loving and selfless individual. She and her daughter-in-law still marvel at his constant choice, in his career and in life, to serve others before himself. 

“Danny was the hero of the fire, a firefighter hero. But for us, Danny was a hero every day, every hour,” Bat-Sheva said. “He was our hero.”

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Shabbat kits keep Cedars patients connected

Marie Kaufman’s life has been an ongoing struggle to remain connected to Judaism.

A child survivor of the Holocaust, she was hidden by neighborhood children in France from 1942 through 1944. Kaufman’s family was broken up for its own safety — her mother lived with important townspeople, her father took refuge in a cave, and she stayed with non-Jewish families — before being reunited after the war and coming to the United States when Marie was 10.

Now a different challenge threatens to isolate Kaufman, 72, from the Jewish community she cherishes. Amyloidosis, a rare condition in which the buildup of proteins damages the nervous system and internal organs, has kept Kaufman in and out of the hospital for several months, and away from Jewish celebrations and life events, as well as from her work as president of Child Survivors of the Holocaust, Los Angeles.

Luckily, the Jewish community comes to her every Friday morning when she’s at Cedars-Sinai. As part of the program Shabbat Kits (shabbatkits.com), a challah roll, small bottle of grape juice, two battery-operated candles and a bracha (literally, “blessing”) card are delivered to her hospital room at no cost.

“That is so beautiful,” Kaufman exclaimed from her wheelchair on a recent Friday as Jeremie Braun, founder of the program, delivered her weekly kit. “Throughout health, unhealth, it doesn’t stop … you’re still connected to the community.”

Shabbat Kits got its start about six months ago after Braun, 35, began spending a lot of time at Cedars-Sinai to support a close family member suffering from medical problems. During one Shabbat at the hospital, he realized that there must be many other Jewish patients there who wanted to have their own Shabbat but lacked the means to celebrate in a hospital setting. 

“A lot of patients there have little or no family who visit during their stay,” he said.

He spoke with the hospital’s senior rabbi and manager of the spiritual care department, Jason Weiner, who helped him find interested patients, and began the Shabbat Kits program. Michal Braun designed the kits and now coordinates volunteers. Jeremie Braun used $1,800 in donations from family and friends to fund the project and, in the beginning, put the kits together himself. Now he delivers about 50 kits to Jewish patients at Cedars-Sinai every Friday, and puts the kits together on Thursdays with the help of volunteers at his shul, Chabad of South La Cienega.

His budget is $100 per week to make the 50 packages. Braun has a deal with Schwartz Bakery to supply the challah rolls, and Emek Hebrew Academy Teichman Family Torah Center donated the bracha cards. Braun is still searching out more donors and volunteers to expand the program to other hospitals.

The kits do more than help patients, it turns out; they help patients’ families, too. Sherrie Kramer, 66, has been supporting her husband Philip, 81, while he recovers from a subdural hematoma. Since Philip suffered a fall in February, they have spent two long stints in the hospital, first nine weeks and then another four. Sherrie has almost never left her husband’s side and has been staying with him in his hospital room.

Sherrie, who says she usually lights Shabbat candles at home, lit candles in the parking lot during her first Sabbath in the hospital, because she did not know where else it would be safe. She mentioned the experience to an acquaintance, who told her to contact the hospital staff to see what they could do. Now Braun comes to visit every week.

“Such a simple thing makes a big difference,” Sherrie said.

Despite her husband’s brain injury, she said he reached immediately for a candle in the kit. With his wife’s help, Philip turned on the candle and held it against his chest while he rested in his hospital bed.

Kaufman, who said the volunteers who deliver the Shabbat Kits make her feel like she is not lost to the medical system, hopes to recover and return to visit the now-elderly people in France who saved her life. She has visited them five times since 1996. 

Until then, she said, the Shabbat Kits bring her “inspiration and hope.”

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A Shabbat meal left for those in need

On a recent Thursday evening, instead of reading a book or watching a movie at home with her children, Stacy Kent brought her daughter, Rayna, 9, and son, Ami, 7, to a warehouse on the corner of Pico Boulevard and Wetherly Drive.

Their mission: Help make Shabbat, well, Shabbat for local families in need of assistance by packing boxes full of food.

That’s what the volunteers of Tomchei Shabbos of Los Angeles (tomcheishabbos.org) have been doing for 36 years. Every Thursday at 6 p.m. sharp, dozens of people rush around the group’s small warehouse at 9041 W. Pico Blvd. Some are packing food, some are making boxes, and some are coordinating where filled boxes go. In the hustle and bustle of the Pico-Robertson warehouse, kosher Shabbat staples — challah, grape juice, chicken, rice, fruits, vegetables — are placed into boxes, which are given to families that apply and meet Tomchei Shabbos’ income qualifications to receive Shabbat assistance. Because there are no other organizations that can meet the needs of families that only eat kosher food, Tomchei Shabbos restricts its clientele to families that are strictly kosher, said Steve Berger, who runs the group.

Tomchei Shabbos, literally “supporters of the Sabbath,” was formed in 1977 by three local rabbis. The nonprofit staffed entirely by volunteers now has a $2 million annual budget provided completely through donations and delivers food to about 120 families every week. In a span of 60 to 90 minutes, thanks to an operation fine-tuned over three decades, volunteers pack about 400 chickens, 350 bags of challah and 200 bottles of grape juice.

The group has another location, which operates out of the parking lot of Adat Yeshurun Valley Sephardic Congregation in North Hollywood, to serve families in the San Fernando Valley. 

And there are other offerings, too: Brides worried about breaking the bank can contact Tomchei Shabbos about the dozens of elegant gowns in its warehouse. Families struggling to raise children can purchase diapers at a reduced cost. And the organization provides used furniture and household appliances, among other things, to those in need.

For the weekly Shabbat operation, just who receives the goods is unknown to most involved in the process, as the organization is adamant that the identity of its recipients remains undisclosed. On every box is a sticker with a route number and a family identification number. Only a handful of people involved in the administration of the food know who receives assistance. The volunteers who pack the food have no clue who will benefit from their assistance.

“We leave the food at the front door and we do not introduce ourselves or deal with the recipients,” said Kent, who has been a volunteer for 10 years.

Anyone can come by on a Thursday evening, and Tomchei Shabbos’ staff will immediately put them to work. Stick around long enough and regulars may eventually be coordinating which boxes go where. 

Case in point: Gabriel Sasson, who will be a freshman at UC Irvine this fall. He started with Tomchei Shabbos two years ago packing boxes to the brim with food. He quickly rose through the ranks and now coordinates the section of the warehouse where families (or their friends) come to pick up filled boxes — good managerial experience for a 17-year-old.

After 7 p.m., the warehouse emptied out and the volunteer drivers were on their delivery runs. That’s when Berger, who like an air traffic controller helps direct Tomchei Shabbos’ many moving parts — people and boxes — reflected on the obligation for Jews to help other Jews in need. 

“The world stands, according to Pirkei Avot, on three pillars — study of Torah, worship and acts of kindness.”

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Calif. board votes in student leader of BDS movement as regent

A student leader in the anti-Israel divestment campaign at the University of California, Berkeley, was elected to serve on the University of California system’s Board of Regents.

Sadia Saifuddin, a student senator at Berkeley, was voted in by the board on Wednesday as a regent for 2014-15. She was up against two other students for the post.

Roz Rothstein, CEO of the pro-Israel group StandWithUs, in a statement criticized the selection.

“The choice of Sadia Saifuddin as student regent sends the wrong message and in fact, defeats the Regents own goal of being more inclusive,” she said.

The Berkeley student senate’s Israel divestment resolution co-sponsored by Saifuddin called  for divesting $14 million in university and Associated Students funds from Caterpillar, Hewlett-Packard and Cement Roadstone Holdings because they profit from Israel’s occupation of the West Bank and Jewish settlements. The nonbinding resolution passed in April by a vote of 11-9.

Saifuddin, Rothstein said, “instigated a bigoted campaign that purposely marginalized one group of students on campus. How can she be expected to represent all students when she has an extremist point of view against those who do not agree with her?”

The daughter of immigrants from Pakistan, Saifuddin told the campus newspaper following the resolution vote, “I don’t want one cent of my money to go toward fueling the occupation of my brothers and sisters,”

A former UC student regent, Jonathan Stein, praised Saifuddin.

“Sadia is what kept UC Berkeley from cracking apart through that experience,” he said.

The Simon Wiesenthal Center had launched a petition against Saifuddin’s nomination.

Saifuddin graduated from the Council on American Islamic Relations’ Youth Leadership Program in public speaking, media relations and governmental activism in 2008 and has maintained close ties to the organization, which has been accused of promoting radical Islam.

The Board of Regents sets educational policy for the 10 universities in the UC system and appoints their senior officers.

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Weddings: Fabric of your (future) life

Weddings are unquestionably high-pressure situations, with budgets, guest lists and locations being hot-button issues. However, as real life and reality television attests (Exhibit A: “Say Yes to the Dress” on TLC network), there is nothing that can bring out a bridezilla quite like the quest for the perfect dress. 

And while every bride-to-be must consider her body type, personality and vision of the big day, some Jewish brides have several additional things to address, including acceptable standards established by their denomination. 

So, what’s a nice Jewish girl to do these days?

Alison Friedman, Thousand Oaks-based owner and editor-in-chief of The Wedding Yentas (
Wtoo’s Shiloh gown features an illusion bateau neckline and detachable tulle train.

“We will take care of helping the bride get her dress back to L.A., whether it is packing it in a suitcase for her, shipping it, or even traveling first class and taking the dress home that way, with some even buying a separate seat for the dress!” said Rochel Leah Katz, a fitting specialist there who works specifically with religious brides to reconcile tradition and fashion.

She said that most of her designers who offer adaptable dresses for Orthodox Jewish brides include Edgardo Bonilla, Judd Waddell and Augusta Jones, with prices ranging from $4,000 to $13,000.  

“There are only a certain number of designers willing to modify a dress from scratch so it looks like it was made that way,” Katz said. “Among them, only a small number of their dresses can be adapted.”

Like Litt, Katz said that lace is an adaptable fabric for shoring up necklines and sleeves. 

“Depending on their degree of religiosity, some brides line their lace and others don’t,” she explained. “Some brides line parts of the dress, and others line the whole thing down to the 3/4 sleeves. Some brides like the beaded lace, as opposed to plain lace.”

In terms of general advice and observations, Katz said the enduring “Jackie O” look (covered up, but curve-revealing) from the late 1960s is readily updatable through beautiful fabric, clean lines, smooth seams and an elegant shaped skirt. And while she’s seen younger brides opt for the Cinderella-style ballroom skirt over the A-line, mermaid or “fit-and-flare” styles, she recommends more streamlined fits for brides over 35, as the frilly and voluminous look of the Cinderella dress may not be considered “age appropriate.”

In the end, perhaps the most important thing for brides, as well as for the tailors and designers they work with, is that they be wholly committed — not just to the groom but to the dress.

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