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November 2, 2009

New German memorial honors Nazis, ignores Jews

A controversy has erupted in a German town over a new memorial that critics say honors SS soldiers and ignores Jewish Holocaust victims.

The interfaith German-Israel Society says the memorial to be unveiled Nov. 15 in Grossburgwedel, near Hannover, recognizes members of the notorious Blackshirts. But the mayor of Burgwedel, which has jurisdiction over Grossburgwedel, rejects the charge.

“We were accused of honoring SS members, and we are definitely not doing that,” Mayor Hendrik Hoppenstedt told JTA.

While five members of the SS blackshirts are among those named on the memorial, he said, they were never charged with any war crimes and are not receiving any special honor.

The concept of dual remembrance is controversial in Germany.

In 1985, President Ronald Reagan caused a stir by joining then-Chancellor Helmut Kohl for ceremonies at Bitburg Cemetery, where the graves of SS soldiers lie alongside those of regular soldiers. And in 1993, Berlin rededicated the Neue Wache, a central memorial honoring soldiers and victims that has remained controversial.

“It is always a strange aftertaste when you put them together,” said Kay Schweigmann-Greve, head of the Hannover branch of the German-Israel Society.

Towns and cities throughout Germany have war memorials, but Grossburgwedel had nothing for its World War II soldiers. When older residents of Grossburgwedel proposed the idea some years ago, Hoppenstedt said, the town decided to have two memorials: one for civilian victims, the other for military ones.

Local Jewish leaders were consulted, and Michael Fuerst, head of the State Association of Jewish Communities in Lower Saxony, told the mayor that his organization did not want Jewish names included since the other stone might bear the names of SS members.

“There was no problem with simple soldiers, but the Jewish community could not accept there being SS and Gestapo there,” Fuerst told JTA.

Hoppenstedt said professional research was conducted to determine whether any of the soldiers “had any hints of war crimes in their files. We found nothing.”

Clues that a sixth soldier had been in the SD, a so-called security service connected to the Gestapo, could not be confirmed. The decision was made not to excise any of the six names.

Fuerst said the mayor informed him immediately once a decision had been made.

“I told the mayor that I respected him, but that the Jewish community still could not approve of having Jewish victims on one stone and SS people included on the other,” Fuerst said, adding that a main square in Grossburgwedel is named after Jewish doctor Albert David, who took his life in 1941 when the Gestapo came to arrest him.

Schweigmann-Greve in a statement last Friday said it was regrettable that local citizens, “given the choice of including members of Nazi organizations or Jewish citizens of Burgwedel, decided against including the Jews.”

Adding fuel to the fire, a left-wing blogger using the name Lindener Butjer has accused the town’s mayor, a member of the conservative Christian Democratic Union Party, of ignoring Jewish and Gypsy victims while highlighting Nazi soldiers. The blogger called for a protest “against this form of institutionalized falsification of history.”

Grossburgwedel, a town in northwest Germany with a population of about 9,500, reportedly has hired extra security for the ceremony.

Town officials are slated to meet Tuesday with representatives of the German-Israel Society.

Meanwhile, Fuerst said he had no complaint about how the city handled the matter and applauded the involvement of local teens in researching the history.

Conversely, he said he found the tactics of opponents “not good.”

“They say that the town did not speak with me,” Fuerst said. “That is not true.”

Hoppenstedt said he hoped the memorial would “fulfill its purpose both for the families of those named, and for those who have no personal connection to that time, that they will see it as a symbol of what happened and what we have to do to prevent it in the future.”

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Kristallnacht in Munich, then and now

Kristallnacht, the “Night of Shattered Glass” that unmistakably signaled Hitler’s determination to eliminate European Jewry, came early to Munich’s 12,000 Jews.

Munich was singled out for special attention five months before the “real” Kristallnacht on Nov. 9, 1938—when hundreds of synagogues were torched, Jewish businesses pillaged, and angry mobs chased Jews through the streets in Germany and Austria— because it was Hitler’s political home.

The violence in Munich was triggered by the presence of the awe-inspiring synagogue on Herzog-Max Strasse, a sight unbearable to Hitler because he felt it polluted his beloved “capital of the movement.”

In the Munich of 2009, the 71st anniversary of Kristallnacht will be marked on the date commemorated the world over, Nov. 9, by a Jewish community that no longer appears to be living in fear.

Not coincidentally, the date also will mark the third anniversary of the dedication of a magnificent new synagogue and Jewish community center located within a central square in the heart of the city, adjacent to the city’s Jewish museum.

Munich Jewish community leaders, eager to declare that their past won’t ever be forgotten even as they build for the future, deliberately chose the dedication date in 2006.

It is a bold statement: Bavarian Jewry is back and here to stay.

It’s hard not to be skeptical. This is Germany, after all. But spending Shabbat in Munich nearly assuages the doubts.

One Friday in October, fresh from several days in nearby Oberammergau, where I engaged in Christian-Jewish dialogue regarding its infamous Passion Play, I arrived to witness the Munich Jewish community in action.

I sat in on an Ivrit b’Ivrit (only Hebrew spoken) lesson at the day school, complete with Smart Boards and the latest Israeli curricular bells and whistles. German-Jewish children speaking Hebrew!

The Friday evening Shabbat service at the Ohel Jakob synagogue was followed by a festive communal dinner. On Shabbat morning, the congregation celebrated the bar mitzvah of a young man of Russian-Jewish descent who skillfully chanted the maftir and haftarah.

The rabbi has assiduously restored the fabled German-Jewish synagogue traditions, including formal dress—he and the cantor wore black-tie clerical garb and ecclesiastical hats—a choir (also in black tie) singing classic German-Jewish melodies and cantillations, and the legendary decorum. Closing my eyes, I imagined German Jewry in its heyday.

I observed what was taking place around me with admiration and some astonishment, but also with some sadness for what had been lost. Frankly I was a bit spooked by this German-Jewish renaissance and by the elaborate security that is a fact of life for Jewish institutions in Munich.

After World War II, a small group of Munich’s survivors joined forces with displaced Jews, mostly from Poland, to establish the new Jewish community in the city. It was rough going at first, as these Munich Jews wondered whether there was any justification to the attempt to establish a community, but an enormous influx of Russian Jews returned Munich to its pre-World War II Jewish population.

Today this amalgam of Shoah refugees and their descendants, Russian Jews and some Western transplants—including Americans and Israelis—are blessed with enviable institutions. There are four synagogues—three Orthodox and one Liberal—a Chabad presence, a Jewish bookstore better stocked than most in New York and a smattering of kosher food outlets.

The central address of the Jewish community of Munich and Upper Bavaria is the modern, imposing Ohel Jakob synagogue, which resembles the Israelites’ portable Tabernacle described in the Torah. Connected to it through an underground passageway is a state-of-the-art community center, complete with a day school that enrolls 180 children from preschool through fourth grade, a world-class kosher restaurant, a mikvah, a library, and numerous offices and public spaces.

The capital campaign to pay for all of this raised tens of millions of euros funded by the Munich municipality, the Bavarian state, and donations from Jews and others. Germany wants the Jews to feel at home and was willing to pay a significant share of the cost.

Should Jews be back in Germany? Is there a Jewish future in this tainted land?

Today’s German Jews have learned to live with these questions, but they are too busy rebuilding what has been—at least until Germany changed its immigration laws in 2005—the fastest-growing Jewish community in the Diaspora to allow it to affect them. If Munich is any indication, German Jewry has arrived.

Deep in the eerily peaceful underground passageway between the synagogue and the community center is a haunting memorial to the 4,500 Munich Jews murdered by the Nazis. A few flights above, the voices of Jewish children celebrate the arrival of Shabbat with the weekly Friday Kabbalat Shabbat program.

Kristallnacht was the beginning of what many believed to be the end, but now there is a new beginning. As it has so often in the past in so many different places, a Jewish community has reinvented itself, with allegiance to the past and promise for the future.

Rabbi Noam E. Marans is the American Jewish Committee’s associate director of interreligious and intergroup relations.

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The Leo Frank case isn’t dead

T.R. Knight

From LATimes.com:

On Aug. 17, 1915, Leo Frank, a Cornell-educated Jewish industrialist, was lynched just outside Atlanta. The atrocity marked the culmination of an ugly conflict that began with the 1913 murder of a child laborer named Mary Phagan, who toiled for pennies an hour in Atlanta’s National Pencil Factory. Frank, the plant superintendent, was convicted of the crime and sentenced to death, though he always maintained his innocence. He appealed his case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, losing each time, whereupon Georgia Gov. John Slaton commuted his sentence to life imprisonment. The decision so angered the general populace that a mob organized by a Superior Court judge, the son of a U.S. senator and a former governor abducted Frank from a well-guarded state prison and hanged him from an oak tree.

The lynching of Frank seems like an incident out of another America, one of gray-bearded Civil War veterans and Jim Crow, Model Ts and ragtime. Woodrow Wilson was president. “The Birth of a Nation” was playing in theaters. The story, however, remains very much alive. Throughout the fall, “Parade,” the Alfred Uhry musical inspired by the affair, has been drawing crowds to the Mark Taper Forum. On Nov. 8, KCET will broadcast “The People v. Leo Frank,” the first full-length documentary to explore the topic.

Read the full story at LATimes.com.

Read more about Leo Frank and the historical musical “Parade,” here.

Leo Frank, Revisited

When T.R. Knight chants the Shema blindfolded and with a noose tightening around his neck in the role of Leo Frank, his character’s terror is palpable. The scene takes place as the inevitable tragic dénouement of the historical musical “Parade,” now playing at the Mark Taper Forum, the story of the anti-Semitic trial and lynching in 1915 of a pencil-factory manager accused of brutally murdering a 13-year-old girl. In this production, Frank lives again via this boyish, 36-year-old actor best known for his part in the original cast of “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Read More.

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Los Angeles has the best delis

I’ve heard Jews refer to fellow MOTs as Larry-David-lox-and-bagel Jews—as if that’s a bad thing. Larry David is awesome, and what’s better than smoked salmon on a toasty bagel? Well, one thing: The No. 19 at Langer’s.

Honestly, much as I enjoyed my two years at The Jewish Journal, nothing made me sadder about leaving than separating myself from that artery-clogging, thick-cut pastrami on rye. (Don’t forget the Swiss cheese and Russian dressing.)

Don’t tell me eating isn’t a spiritual experience. And thank God—really, I do—that we’ve got such great food in LA, and Jonathan Gold to sift the wheat from the chaff.

In fact, journalist David Sax says we’ve got the best delis in the country:

Brace yourselves, New York, because what I am about to write is definitely going to piss a lot of you off, but it needs to be said: Los Angeles has become America’s premier deli city.

Wait … Stop … Put the gun down. It’s true.

Across the city’s sprawling acres, there are more delicatessens of a higher quality, on average, than anywhere else in America. Every time I visited one deli, I heard about three more. Despite their healthy image, far more Angelenos than native New Yorkers eat at Jewish delicatessens on a regular basis. Though the occasional tourist swings by, Jewish delicatessens in L.A. are thriving in the present, not trading on fabled pasts.

There has been no grand decline in the Los Angeles deli scene. Most are packed, sometimes around the clock, and not just with older Brooklynites like Larry King (who eats breakfast at Nate’n Al daily). The delis out there are bigger, are more comfortable, and ultimately serve better food than any other city in America, including the best pastrami sandwich on Earth. Los Angeles is both the exception to the rule of deli’s inevitable decline and the example for the rest of the nation of how deli can ultimately stay relevant. If we are to save the deli elsewhere, we can learn a lot from L.A.

OK, I think that’s going a bit far. I mean, Canter’s leaves a lot to be desired. But we’ve got Langer’s and … mmmmm … 4 million pounds of pastrami.

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Hillel groups responding to hate acts by bringing together campus communities

Stanford University’s Jewish community celebrated the first night of Sukkot eating the traditional festive meal inside the sukkah they put up every year.

The next morning, on Oct. 3, a student walked into the sukkah to discover that it had been vandalized: Someone had spray-painted large phalluses on the entrance flaps.

Campus police were called and the graffiti were covered with tapestries. Hillel alerted the entire campus with an e-mail blast.

Although the attack may have been shocking and upsetting, it was not unprecedented.

Sukkahs on college campuses, because they are temporary structures built in the open and typically are unguarded at night, are prime targets for vandalism, whether inspired by drunkenness or anti-Semitism. About two are hit each year on North American campuses, according to Hillel figures.

Along with sukkah vandalism, college campuses in recent years have been hit by a wave of anti-Semitic graffiti, from swastikas painted on dorm walls to anti-Israel slogans scrawled on the sides of buildings.

This is taking place within a growing atmosphere of anti-Israelism and anti-Semitism on North American campuses documented in the revised edition of “The UnCivil University,” a publication of the Institute for Jewish and Community Research in San Francisco.

According to co-author Aryeh Weinberg, while violence against Jewish students has abated somewhat since 2005, when the book’s first edition was published, anti-Israeli and anti-Semitic rhetoric on campus “has risen to a crescendo—the amount of background noise keeps the debate vitriolic.”

Universities don’t always work effectively to defuse dangerous situations, he says, and the Jewish community is often loath to respond, feeling it’s up to national organizations such as the Anti-Defamation League or Hillel to take the lead.

What has happened in the past year or two is that Jewish students themselves, faced with anti-Semitism or vandalism, have come up with some creative responses that involve the entire campus community instead of retreating into fear and isolation.

Responses to recent cases of vandalized sukkahs are a prime example.

In the fall of 2008, the sukkah at the University of Montana in Missoula was so badly vandalized that it had to be taken down two days into the holiday. In 2009, Hillel moved the sukkah to a more secure location and put out a campus-wide call for volunteers to sleep in it overnight to discourage attacks.

Many of the students who showed up were not Jewish, including freshman Robin Richardson. She spent one night in a tent right outside the sukkah, while two other students slept inside.

“I volunteered to do it because I don’t want to see anyone’s religious traditions destroyed,” says Richardson, who describes herself as a nondenominational Christian. “Yes, it was freezing out.”

At Stanford—in an unexpected outpouring of love and support that poured in after Hillel sent out its notice—administration, faculty and students inundated the Hillel office with e-mails and phone calls in response to the sukkah vandalism.

Christian, Muslim and Hindu student groups offered their condolences, said the the Palo Alto school’s Hillel rabbi, Mychal Copeland, adding that a Muslim group offered to raise funds from all the campus faith-based organizations to buy another sukkah.

“We were saddened that such an act would be carried out on Stanford’s campus, a place that we generally assume is above such acts of hate and intimidation,” wrote Abdulkareem Agunbiade and Mohammad Ali, presidents of the Islamic Society of Stanford University and the Muslim Student Awareness Network.

Responding to live demonstrations of hatred is another challenge for Jewish students.

The virulently homophobic and anti-Semitic Westboro Baptist Church, a Kansas-based hate group composed mainly of Fred Phelps and his family, since April has been targeting Jewish institutions, traveling from city to city to picket outside Hillel buildings, Jewish community centers, federation offices and synagogues. Their posters denigrate gays, Jews and others the “church” believes contravene God’s laws.

In early September, Westboro announced it was coming to Norman, Okla., on the eve of Rosh Hashanah to picket the University of Oklahoma Hillel before moving on to the Jewish federation and two synagogues in Oklahoma City.

University of Oklahoma Hillel students and staff, after consulting with the Anti-Defamation League, decided not to respond.

“Some of the students were upset, they said we need to do something,” said Keren Ayalon, executive director of OU Hillel. “I said that’s exactly what Westboro wants, a counter-protest to get publicity.”

Instead, several hundred non-Jewish students and faculty members showed up at the Hillel building during Westboro’s protest to show solidarity with the Jewish students.

Inspired by this outpouring of support, juniors Sam Scharff and Misheala Giddings organized a multicultural rally in the student union. Hundreds of students representing 60 campus groups, from the Black Students Association to the Society of Native American Gentlemen to Sooners for Peace in Palestine, showed up to sing, dance, eat and sign a huge banner promoting diversity.

“There was a huge mass of support for us as Jews,” Scharff said. “It evolved into something much more meaningful than one response to Westboro.”

Hillel students at Stanford felt the same way after their sukkah attack.

Overwhelmed by the supportive calls and e-mails, Jewish Student Association president Jeff Gettinger invited the entire campus to join Hillel for Sabbath dinner in the sukkah on Oct. 9, the last night of the holiday. It is traditional, he wrote, to invite ushpizin, or guests, into the sukkah for a meal.

Sixty people crowded into the makeshift structure that night to eat and celebrate together. One was Anand Venkatkrishnan, head of the campus interfaith group Stanford FAITH.

“The vandalism of a holy structure is unacceptable to me as a person of faith,” he wrote Gettinger earlier in the week. “The duty of an interfaith leader is not only to condemn an attack on another, but to prevent it from occurring.”

In his letter thanking the Stanford community, Gettinger noted that a sukkah is not a permanent structure, that it is designed to be temporary, even flimsy.

“This is a reminder that no matter how rooted and permanent we may seem, each individual, each community is dependent on something larger than itself,” he wrote. “What grounds the sukkah is not the canvas and metal that make up the frame. It is the people and community that fill it.”

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The Adventures of Michael Chabon

History and fantasy are the stock-in-trade of Michael Chabon.  The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, which won a Pulitzer, is set in the shadow of the Holocaust and World War II and focuses a pair of Jewish cousins who team up to create a comic-book superhero.  Last year’s The Yiddish Policemen’s Union, yet another of Chabon’s many best-sellers, imagines an alternate world in which the Jewish homeland is established in Alaska rather than Palestine.

Now we have an opportunity to explore the mundane side of Michael Chabon’s life in the newly-published Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father and Son (Harper: $25.99, 306 pps.).  These short pieces, previously published in Details, Vogue, the New York Times Magazine, and other publications, represent the kind of journalism once practiced in the pages of the Los Angeles Times by Jack Smith and Al Martinez and by their fellow columnists in other newspapers across America.

Still, now and then, Chabon brings a certain sly humor to his musings about the life of a modern American male in Manhood for Amateurs.  Where else, after all, will you read the theological rant of a young father on the occasion of his son’s bris?

“The stated reason for this minutely savage custom is that God – the God of Abraham – commanded it,” Chabon writes in an essay titled “The Cut.” “That is not an argument that ought to hold a lot of water with me. I have confused ideas of deity, heavily influenced by mind-altering years of reading science fiction, that do not often trouble me, but one thing I know for certain, and I have known since the age of five or six, is that I really can’t stand the God of Abraham. In fact, I consider Him to constitute the pattern to which every true asshole I have ever known in my life has pretty well conformed.”

Such revelations, as it turns out, are rare in Manhood for Amateurs. More often, Chabon explores the awkward and embarrassing moments in family life —- how he answered his young daughter’s uncomfortable question about what it feels like to get stoned, why he objects in principle to pink Lego blocks, why he carries a purse (or, as he puts it, a “murse”), and the unsettling experience of witnessing his adolescent daughter’s coming of age.

“I don’t care to give sex any more credit than it deserves, nor do I necessarily prefer it at any given moment of the day to drugs, rock and roll, watching The Wire, or the sight of a paper packet filled with well-salted pommes frites still hissing with oil from the fryer,” he declares in “A Textbook Father.” “I don’t begrudge sex or its indisputable pleasures to anyone in any variation that consenting partners can safely attempt or devise – not even to my children, when the times come and they are of age, well informed, and emotionally ready.”

Not every reader of Chabon’s best-sellers will be charmed by these essays, but it’s one of the perks of solild literary success to take a break from the heavy lifting and put together a book like this one.  Aside from the occasional flashes of insight and humor, however, it struck me as an item of nostalgia precisely because the newspapers where these kinds of stories once flourished are dead or dying. In that sense, of course, it’s exactly the kind of exercise that we ought to expect from a master of nostalgia like Michael Chabon.

Remembrance of Things Past:  Not long ago, I blogged about a demonstration at the offices of the Los Angeles Times that featured the dumping of a load of manure.  As I recalled it, the demonstrators were aggrieved poets who objected to the newly-announced policy of not reviewing poetry books in the Los Angeles Times Book Review.  Jack Miles, who was serving as Times book editor at the time of the poet’s demo, remembers it differently: “You have conflated two demonstrations on First Street,” he writes. “The poets did demonstrate, and one sign said ‘Miles to Go.’ But the manure was in response to something else.”  Neither of us, however, can recall what prompted the manure-dumping even after I spent some time online in search of the answer.

Jonathan Kirsch is the book editor of The Jewish Journal.

 

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Elliott Abrams: “US & Israel Had Agreement on Settlements”

Elliott Abrams came to prominence in the Reagan Administration and later served in several national security posts under President George W. Bush. He was Deputy National Security Adviser for Global Democracy Strategy, under President Bush, during which time he also headed the Near East, North Africa desk of the National Security Council. He is currently a Senior Fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. He spoke with Felice Friedson at The Media Line’s Mideast Bureau on October 26, 2009.

The Media Line: They say a day is like an eternity in the Middle East, and your involvement in Mideast peace making dates back a long time. First tell me, when we hear the phrase “Middle East Conflict”, which specific conflict should come to mind?

Abrams: I think people usually mean the Arab-Israeli conflict or if I can put it in a different way, the refusal since 1948. People usually mean the Arab-Israeli conflict. Another way of putting it, I think, is the conflict that results from the fact that since partition in 1948, the Arabs have refused to accept the existence of the state of Israel as a permanent fact. I think that’s really what’s at the root when people usually refer to the Middle East conflict. Other things in the Middle East, like the case of Iran are usually what we mean when we talk about the Middle East conflict. 

The Media Line: Aren’t other conflicts like Sunni-Shia greater? Aren’t they still considered Middle East Conflicts?

Abrams: But the world is less interested in those and more interested in the ones between Arabs and Jews. The conflicts in which Muslim kills Muslim or Arab kills Arab, Sudan as an example, just don’t excite attention.

The Media Line: Media likes to portray Israel as the maverick that’s going to mount a dramatic mission over the Iranian sands, neutralizing Iran’s nuclear threat. Is Israel capable of doing it?  Can it even try without a green light from the Obama White House? 

Abrams: I think Israel can do a great deal of damage to the Iranian nuclear program. You know it’s not on the level with the U.S. Air Force. Nobody’s air force is on the level of the U.S. Air Force, just in terms of size and number of fighters and bombers and tankers and missiles and so forth. I do believe that Israel would set the Iranian program back some years and things can happen in those few years, like the government of Iran is in big trouble internally, it can fall. How long is that government going to last? Ten years? Five years, who knows? I think we should take seriously the fact that both the United States and Israel do have some kind of military option. The Obama administration would like to avoid the use of that option by Israel or the U.S. but so would we all.

Everyone would like to avoid an Iranian nuclear weapon without any turn to violence. 

The Media Line: The concern is that there are so many different plants throughout Iran; it would take massive armies to take them out almost simultaneously. How could Israel handle that?

Abrams: Nobody is talking about armies and nobody is talking about invading Iran. When I hear people sometimes compare Iran with Iraq, or people say ‘you know, if there’s a strike on Iran, it’ll be just like the Iran-Iraq war. No, no, no. Nobody is talking about anything like that. What we would be talking about is a very brief air strike on a very small number of locations. I don’t agree with the view that you hear a lot in Washington and elsewhere that there are so many targets in Iran, it’s now impossible to attack them all. It’s true. It’s impossible to attack them all. But you don’t need to attack them all. There are a few critical targets like Natanz obviously, where they have something like 8,000 centrifuges. I think the Iranian regime understands full well that they could be quite vulnerable and set back for some period of time. 

The Media Line: There are those who say Iran is an existential threat to Israel? Is that hyperbole?

Abrams: Well if you think about the world in 2009, how many cases are there in which one nation is saying it wishes to eradicate, destroy, annihilate or end the existence of another? There is actually only one, which is the case of the government of Iran. Now, it’s a rhetorical device. It’s just a matter of making speeches, unless or until they get a nuclear weapon. At that point, we have this amazing combination of somebody in possession of the ability to annihilate saying I would like to annihilate another country. I think it may sound like hyperbole and rhetoric if you’re sitting in Washington or London or Beijing, but if you’re sitting in a place where the bombs might land, it’s not going to sound quite so relaxing. 

The Media Line: As we sit here, there are think tanks and strategists, many people, trying to figure out if sanctions or other means are going to make a difference in stopping nuclear proliferation. Do you feel that sanctions work and do you feel that there are other angles that have not been addressed?
 
Abrams: I think sanctions can work. They worked in the case of South Africa. They worked in that case because they were global, they were multilateral. It’s a lot tougher for unilateral American sanctions to work. In the case of Iran, I do think sanctions can still work and I would give you the Iranian offer which they may not be serious about, but the offer to remove all of their low-enriched uranium to Russia. Why would they entertain such an offer? Why would they make such an offer? What is that about? I think it’s a sign of weakness on the part of the regime. I think they are desperate to avoid additional economic sanctions. The political situation inside Iran is making them very anxious. In the months since the June election, they have not eliminated opposition to the regime and the regime itself is split. The clerics are split. This is big trouble for the regime and they don’t want additional economic sanctions. They will do a lot to avoid sanctions.  So if we can, we the P5-plus-1, the global community so called, if we can credibly threaten additional economic sanctions against Iran, I think it is still possible to freeze their nuclear program.

The Media Line: What about individual sanctions?

Abrams: Sanctions by individual countries—

The Media Line: And targeting individuals within Iran?

Abrams: You know, we should be doing that because it’s the right thing to do, but it isn’t going to be powerful enough. We, the United States, are pretty much sanctioned out. We can’t alone deprive Iran, for example, of the ability to import gasoline. 40% of the gasoline they use, they need to import. If the world could agree to prevent that, their economy would freeze very quickly. I think in the current political situation, they would actually agree to a freeze on their nuclear program. I believe that. But I think the question is, whether the Russians and Chinese are going to be willing to go along and allow these kinds of sanctions.

The Media Line: Turning to the groundswell on the ground— young people— many were surprised at how they took to the streets during the elections. Do you feel that much needs to be done to reach out to these young people who oppose what’s happening right now in the current government?

Abrams: I think we can try to do things for them. We can try, for example, to get them resources. Most importantly, we should do more broadcasting to make sure they have all the information they need. Fundamentally though, we’re not going to overthrow the government of Iran. If anyone is going to change that regime, it’s going to be Iranians. I think our critical contribution is to speak freely, openly, candidly and make clear to the people of Iran whose side we’re on – namely theirs. My greatest fear about the negotiations that are commencing with Iran is that they legitimize that regime. And that is the thing that we have to avoid above all else— abandoning the people of Iran and giving the government of Iran the chance to say ‘the world doesn’t care about you.’
The Media Line: Ralph Bunche won the first [Nobel] peace prize for his work in the Middle East back in 1950. There have been five more since. So why is the problem still not fixed?

Abrams: Because it’s extremely complicated. I tend to the view that fundamentally problems are not solved at conference tables. They are solved in the real world, and the real world changes are reflected at a conference table, at a negotiation. So what we need to concentrate more on is pragmatic, on-the-ground developments.

The Media Line: You opposed the Oslo accords as being bound to fail. Why did they?

Abrams: You know, my view of Oslo was, they should be seen in the context of a century or century and a half struggle between moderates and extremists on the Palestinian side. Once upon a time it was Haj Amin Al Husseini, the mufti of Jerusalem, later it was Yasser Arafat, willing, happy to kill Jews for their political ends. But there have always been Palestinians who just want to build Palestine, who just wanted a better life for the Palestinian people. That struggle goes on. It seems to me that what was wrong with Oslo was that just at the point when the extremist leadership of Arafat was really collapsing, Oslo brought them back to center stage.

The Media Line: Israelis fondly look back on the George W. Bush years; a vast majority of them bestowing the term “Pro-Israel” on the former president. How close did President Bush come to achieving some sort of significant agreement between the Israelis and the Palestinians?

Abrams: President Bush was more optimistic about that than I was. I did not think that we were that close. A lot of people were saying – as they said in 1990 and 2000 – they are an inch apart the Palestinians and the Israelis, we’re almost there. My sense was always that neither side wanted to go that extra inch because what it meant was a compromise that neither side really wanted. I did not think that the institutional development on the Palestinian side, like the development of the Institute of Justice, including courts and jails and a police force, was sufficient for Palestinian statehood at that moment, [or] sufficient to guarantee Israeli and Palestinian security. I didn’t think we were that close. I do think that President Bush deserved the accolade of being very pro-Israel because he was. His speech to the Knesset in 2008 I think demonstrated that. He was also very pro-Palestinian. I don’t think that’s a contradiction. What he wanted was the best for both sides. He wanted peace, he wanted justice, he wanted a better future for both sides.

The Media Line: President Bush allowed Israeli leaders to believe that he signed-off on the idea that there will be some changes from the 1967 borders in any final settlement. Obama came in and said the new administration had reviewed every note, every memo and every transcript from the Bush years and found no such understanding as described by the Israelis. You said you were there. Are the Israelis on firm ground in believing that some of their post-1967 communities will survive any agreement?

Abrams: Yes, there is no question about that, and in every negotiation there has been, the Palestinians have understood in private that these major communities—the major blocs as we call them are going to stay in Israeli hands. I think that is a fact of life. I would say that in 20 years of negotiations, the Palestinian leadership has privately acknowledged that and talked about things like swaps. We did have an agreement with the Israelis with respect to settlements. It was not written down except in people’s private scrawled notes. It was not a treaty. It was not a formal agreement, it was an oral agreement. We had the kind of relationship with Israel that permitted us to do important things on the basis of talking to each other. We didn’t have to have treaties ratified by Congress. So the Obama officials are correct when they say ‘we’ve reviewed all the treaties and so forth and it’s not there,’ but they did not recall what we told them during the transition and they were told about this, as they were told about some other things that they then conveniently forgot later with respect to Afghanistan.

The Media Line: Is it fair to say that when President Bush entered office the focus was on an agreement between Israel and the Palestinians, but that when he left office it was between Israel and the entire Arab world?

Abrams: In our assessment of why President Clinton’s efforts failed – and he made many powerful efforts to get an agreement – the Clinton administration believed, and we agreed, that the lack of broader Arab support for the Palestinians in the compromises they would need to make was important. So we thought, ‘if we ever get around to this, after the Intifada, if there is another round of negotiations, we should try to bring the Arab states in to support the Palestinians.’ And that was Condi Rice’s idea with Annapolis, to bring the Arab states in early so there is a broader agreement that does involve the Arab states. The heart of it remains the negotiations between Israelis and Palestinians and the Arab states can’t substitute for that.

The Media Line: Is the agreement between Israel and all Arab nations a deal Israel can’t refuse—or a deal Israel can’t sign?

Abrams: I would say it depends about what’s in the deal. Israel can refuse if the Arab states make an offer that is simply unreal and I would say the Saudi plan was unreal in the sense that it gave no room for negotiation or compromise over ’67 borders period. Later, when it was adopted by the Arab league, with all the refugees returning, or so-called refugees returning—well that’s not to happen and those have never been the terms discussed in any serious negotiations between the Israelis and Palestinians. So the Israelis can refuse and they did. It would be much better if the Palestinians, in these negotiations, someday accept that they are going to have to make difficult compromises. It would be much better if they had the full support of the Arab states and when we get to that point, we can only hope and try to cajole them into agreeing to provide that support.

The Media Line:  Help us understand the Middle Eastern version of negotiations without conditions. In your role as an American mediator, how do you deal with negotiators who say there are no conditions as longs as Israel stops building; the Palestinians stop firing missiles, and so on?

Abrams: We’ve always tried in the United States to talk to [both] Palestinians and Israelis, Israelis and Arabs. We really do want a solution that benefits Israelis and Palestinians. What has been harder sometimes to convey is that we are not going to jam anything down the throats of the Israelis, partly because that’s not how we treat allies and partly because the things that people have proposed we jam down their throats are not going to produce peace. That’s the other thing. We were able to make an independent assessment of that and also make an Israeli assessment of that. The notion for example, is that the only way for peace is by a square inch by square inch return to the ’67 borders. The ’67 borders produced war after war after war. Why is that a good thing? I think there is a path forward but again it doesn’t start on a table in Geneva or some place. It starts on the ground, particularly in the West Bank.

The Media Line: Prime Minister Netanyahu says an economic foundation for the Palestinians is more important than setting a date for statehood; the Palestinians say he just wants to deflect progress, and Prime Minister Fayyaad set a date for statehood. Who’s right?

Abrams: I can understand the Palestinian desire to have a sense of timing in the sense of ‘no this is going to take another 50 or 100 years.’ I do think that setting a date is not possible [as we saw with] the Road Map. It was called a performance-based road map towards getting a Palestinian state. You can’t tell me the date, sitting here today, when there will be an adequate Palestinian military police force, when there will be a court system that works, when Palestinians will be able to provide law and order fully for their own people, and so forth. So I don’t understand how it’s possible to pick a date out of the sky, and say ‘one year, or four years, or two’ – who knows? I think what we need to do is move in that direction knowing, that as we move in that direction of course, life for Palestinians is getting better, because each of these improvements is a real improvement in the economy, in mobility, in self-government, in the amount of justice available in the West Bank. That’s the direction I would move in. I can understand why Palestinians want to move faster. Anyone in their situation would. I think that the last few decades have proved that efforts to move faster than the real world permits are just going to collapse.

The Media Line: I believe you cautioned against America pushing for Palestinian elections when there was a distinct probability that Hamas would win. Another round of elections is set for January.  What would you counsel your successors in the White House to do?

Abrams: You know, Americans believe in elections. We believed in them in Japan and in Germany after World War II. We believe in them in Iraq and Afghanistan these days. We believe it’s a way to provide a legitimate government for Palestinians as well. I think the mistake we made in the Bush administration was to allow a terrorist group, Hamas, to participate in the elections and to retain all of their weaponry. I think if you go back to Oslo, terrorist groups were not supposed to participate in post-Oslo elections. I think this is a general view in Europe too that armed groups should lay down their arms, and then participate in elections. The mistake we made was that we did not say to Hamas, ‘when you are willing to give up terrorism, and promote political goals by the ballot box, then and just then can you participate in elections in the Palestinian areas.’ I’m not opposed to elections in Palestinian areas. I think that you should have to choose between trying to seize power by guns, and offering your program to the Palestinian people peacefully.

The Media Line: How could any process move forward without Hamas and Fatah coming together unified in some way?

Abrams: Well I don’t think that unity between a terrorist group and Fatah is a way forward. I think all that does is it destroys efforts to create a new, more moderate, more progressive Palestinian government. You’re going to get the lowest common denominator there, which is going to be a Palestinian government that contains terrorists. I don’t see how that helps the Palestinian people and in this, I think the Egyptian, and other nations’ efforts to force a unity government are an advantage to the Palestinian people. I think terrorism needs to be left behind, and political, economic and social reform – institution building – is the way forward. I am not in favor of anybody doing a coalition government with a terrorist group.

The Media Line: President Abbas is not the most powerful person in the Palestinian areas today, so what can happen if there were elections and Hamas does not come into play and you’re left without leadership.

Abrams: Well, somebody is going to win the election and people have a raw memory of the legislative election. Of course, President Abbas easily won the presidential election. The Parliamentary Legislative election was quite close. It was 44% to 41%, Hamas over Fatah. Who knows why or how much of it was religious versus secular or how much of it was a rejection of the corruption of Fatah over Arafat. Some of it may have been that the leadership of Hamas had better politicians. I think it is possible for Fatah to win the elections by saying to the Palestinian people, ‘look at what we are doing in the West Bank and how we are doing in the West Bank, and look at Gaza, which is not only living in poverty but is increasingly a kind of Taliban, a Wahabi-type state where Hamas is telling people what clothing to wear, not to mention what they are doing in the schools.’ I don’t think Palestinians, who I think have the highest literacy rate in the Arab world – I think over 90% – are going to choose to go live in a kind of Taliban-like republic. I think that if Fatah and the PA can perform for Palestinians living in the West Bank, all Palestinians are going to look at that and say, ‘you know, that’s the way forward.’

The Media Line: A lot has been written about the deterioration in relations between the U.S. and Israel under the Obama administration. What’s your take?

Abrams: We achieved a level of trust and confidence and intimacy in the Bush administration, achieved partly during the Intifada, when we gave such strong support to Israel to resist and fight back against terrorism, which in the early years of the Bush administration, was suffering terribly, if you look back at some of the suicide bombings that killed over 1,000 Israelis in total. So we achieved something as yet that I think the Obama administration has not yet achieved. But I think the alliance between Israel and the United States is quite strong. I see it in Congress and I see it in the American people. I don’t think people realize, for example, that the majority of American tourists who visit Israel are Christians. The support among tens of millions of Christian-Americans for Israel is really quite overwhelming and tremendous. So I think the relationship between the United States and Israel as countries is as strong as ever. I do think there has been some trouble with the Obama administration and they need to fix it.

The Media Line: Finally, your prediction: where will the Mideast be, peace-wise, when the Obama term in office is over?

Abrams: Well now, I’m a Republican and this raises the question of when the Obama term [will be] over. Is it a one-term presidency or a two-term presidency? Sitting here today, we don’t know. It’s of course very early on, too hard to judge. I am hopeful. I think that if I can put it in a non-partisan way, and say where will we be ten years from now, I think there is quite a decent chance the people of Iran will have risen up and replaced this regime which they clearly loathe with a different regime. That’ll change the Middle East because a lot of the problems of the Middle East are really owed to the regime in Iran. It is plausible to think of real progress toward a Palestinian state. I don’t know whether there will be a Palestinian state but I know we will be a lot closer to it because what is happening now in the West Bank seems to me to show the practical way forward. So I know there are a lot of people who say the Middle East is only on the verge of blowing up. I actually think things are going to look better five or ten years down the road than they do today.

The Media Line: Elliot Abrams thank you very much. 

Elliott Abrams: “US & Israel Had Agreement on Settlements” Read More »

Whither the Peace Process Without Abbas?

Rumors abound that Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas may step down from his position and will not run in the presidential elections next year.

Though he has not publicly expressed any intention to resign, associates have not ruled the possibility that he will drop out of the presidential election.

Should this occur, it will impact both the Israeli-Palestinian peace track and reconciliation attempts between Abbas’ Fatah movement and their main rival, Hamas.

Dr. Samir Awwad, a professor of international politics at Birzeit University in Ramallah, said he did not think Abbas was likely to step down.

“Abbas is not likely to resign now, but if he does resign, it will be a major blow to the peace process,” Awwad told The Media Line. “I think that Mr. Abbas remains among the very few who believe that there still exists such a process, and I think that Abu Mazen, as we like to call him, is somebody who is totally committed to the peace process.”

Awwad acknowledged, however, that Abbas is “running out of options.” Israel, he argued, is impeding the potential for peace by not showing genuine commitment to the process.

“Even the things we agreed upon, the Israelis do not feel obliged to deliver,” he said. “So Abbas is considered a weak leader by his own people and by the Israelis, because he hasn’t achieved anything.”

Awwad said that a major factor in talks of Abbas’ resignation was frustration with American involvement in the region.

“Maybe it’s the belief that the American effort in the region is not that serious and is not being followed by the Israelis,” he said, referring to the U.S. role as a “media stunt.”

The challenges facing Abbas’ were highlighted over the weekend when visiting U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton praised Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, referring to what she termed “unprecedented” Israeli concessions. The statement came in contrast to the Obama administration’s previously stated position that all Israeli construction in the territories it occupied in the 1967 war must be frozen. 

The Palestinians were openly angered by the American flip-flop, all but killing their hopes that Obama would pressure Netanyahu into an Israeli freeze on settlement building. Responding to Clinton’s statement, a spokesman for Abbas said there was “no hope of negotiations on the horizon.”

If Abbas does choose to resign many analysts believe his likely successor to be Marwan Barghouthi, 50, currently serving five consecutive life terms for terrorism in an Israeli jail.

Barghouthi was recently elected into Fatah’s powerful Central Committee. This could help pave his way to the presidency of the Palestinian Authority and polls suggest he enjoys significant popularity among Palestinians.

But Awwad said Barghouthi could only become the leader of Fatah if Israel released him from jail.

“I don’t think that Marwan Barghouthi will be released from Israeli jail unless the Israelis are forced to, which means an exchange of prisoners,” he said. “If that’s the case, then wouldn’t the Israelis be teaching the Palestinians that force can yield results with the Israelis, but diplomacy and talks do not?”

Moshe Maoz, a professor of Islam and Middle East Studies at The Hebrew University in Jerusalem agreed that Abbas’ resignation would likely foil the peace process and embolden extremism.

“People will say ‘the moderates didn’t succeed in the negotiations with Israel’,” Maoz told The Media Line. “So this won’t be an award to peace, it will be an award to extremism.”

Maoz argued that while an Abbas’ resignation could open the way for a new and stronger leadership, this would have to take place through orderly and time-consuming elections.

“I think that Barghouthi could be a good leader,” he said. “He has an interesting combination of pragmatism and charisma, he’s a man who can link between Hamas and the PLO.”

“He’s like a Palestinian Mandela because he’s been in jail for a while,” Maoz added. “But again, you can’t just lift him out. It’s a matter of institutions and procedures and that will take time.”

Maoz made a distinction between a snap resignation, which he said would leave a vacuum and prop up extremist Palestinian groups, and an Abbas decision not to run in the elections, which would buy time for a stronger leader such as Barghouthi to vie for power.

The issue of Barghouthi’s release has encountered fierce opposition in Israel, with those opposed arguing that Barghouthi has blood on his hands and should not be rewarded.

Maoz said this was a narrow outlook.

“We need leadership with vision and we don’t have that on their side or on our side,” he said.

Neither Maoz nor Awwad believe Abbas will resign in the near future, both viewing it more as a tactic to pressure the Americans.

“Suddenly the Americans are accepting the Israeli position so it’s a tactic and perhaps also a sign of despair,” Maoz explained.

Whither the Peace Process Without Abbas? Read More »

Hebrew, Arabic Letters to Feature in Web Addresses

Hebrew and Arabic letters will now feature in domain names following a decision allowing non-Latin characters in Internet addresses.

Hebrew and Arabic lettering will soon feature in website addresses in Israel and the Arab world, following a decision by the body governing domain names to allow non-Latin letters in Internet addresses.

The process of bringing new characters into domain names will begin on November 16, according to the decision by the International Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) and could be in use by the beginning of 2010.

The approval, reached Friday after a week of meetings in the South Korean capital Seoul, is set to change Internet usage habits throughout the Middle East.

Marwan Radwan, General Manager of the Independent Palestinian National Internet Naming Authority (PNINA) said introducing International Domain Names (IDN) would increase Internet penetration and usage in the Arab world.

“Using the local characters will benefit all Internet users and especially those who can’t write in Latin letters,” he told The Media Line. “We at PNINA have been ready technically to support the IDNs for a long time.”

PNINA is also pushing for the Arabic “dot Filistin” to be recognized by ICANN as a Palestinian top-level domain. 

A country code top level domain (ccTLD) designates a country, territory or region. These domains are designated by two letters such as .uk, for the United Kingdom or .ca for Canada. As of April 2005, .ps has officially become available to the public as the Palestinian suffix in cyberspace.

“We have about 300 million Arabic speakers and the penetration of the Internet is between 20% and 27%,” Radwan said. “This will make a difference for certain groups within the Arab communities, especially for younger generations who can’t access the Internet due to language barriers.”

“Introducing a complete Arabic system in the Internet will give the opportunity to surf the Internet and increase the content in the Arabic language on the Internet and also increase the educational level of the new technological inventions in Internet applications and make them available to many sectors in the Arab world,” he added.

Omer Kabir, the Technology and Internet Correspondent for the Israeli financial daily Calcalist, said the ability to use Hebrew letters will also prove beneficial.

“The obvious advantage is that it will help people who are not technologically savvy to access the web,” Kabir told The Media Line.

“Israel is one of the countries where there are already local solutions that allow you to write a domain name in Hebrew. However, this only works in Israel, and if you try to apply it in the U.S. it won’t work.”

“What’s new with the ICANN decision,” he said, “is that it’s the same technology that allows you to use non-Latin letters, but it can be accessed globally. In developed countries such as Israel, this may apply to people who do not have good English skills, such as older people or immigrants who didn’t learn English.”

Kabir said this was less relevant in Israel than in other countries, as Israelis generally have a good knowledge of English, but it could still benefit certain sectors of society.

“A good example of this is the ultra-orthodox sector where Internet usage has increased over the past year,” he said. “This is a sector that consumes a lot, but on the other hand they have poor English skills. If a commercial company can provide them with a domain name in Hebrew, it will be much easier for this population.”

Both Kabir and Radwan agreed that the first type of websites likely to take advantage of the new technology will be commercial companies.

“One type of registration is to protect trademarks of large companies in their local languages such as PalTel, or others who have trademarks around the world and they want to reserve these trademarks under the “dot filistin” in Arabic,” Radwan said.

Kabir said the technology would first be used by commercial companies who want their prospective clients to reach them quickly with minimal complications.

“Companies such as [Israeli cellphone operator] Cellcom want clients and they will do everything to attract them, so if by using Hebrew they can get to people who otherwise wouldn’t be accessible, it will make things easier for them.”

Critics of the new system say the technology will create sub-webs, alienating Internet users who do not speak certain languages. If companies purchase only non-English domain names, large numbers of Internet users could be systematically excluded.

“I think this concern is logical but isn’t justified,” Kabir said. “Domains are so cheap, and English has become so deeply rooted in them that no company will give up on a Latin domain name.”

“Domain names in other languages will be for the most part to enhance the marketing for many companies, but I don’t think large websites will be using non-Latin domains only.”

To date, domain names have been limited to the 26 characters of the Latin alphabet, as well as 10 numerals and the hyphen. The new decision will allow up to 100,000 new characters and will significantly lower the reliance of Internet usage on knowledge of the Latin alphabet. This will include 28 characters in the Arabic alphabet and 22 in the Hebrew alphabet.

ICANN hopes the new policy will make the world wide web more accessible to billions of people worldwide.

The move will be the first to stop Latin-letter dominance of the Internet since it was invented 40 years ago.

Analysts believe it will make the Internet accessible to Internet users with lower incomes and education, and make it more localized.

Countries can request a suffix in their local language, such as .ps, which is used for Palestinian websites, but non-Latin versions of .com and .org will still be limited to Latin letters for the near future.

Hebrew, Arabic Letters to Feature in Web Addresses Read More »

DANCES WITH WOLVES… AND OTHER BEASTS

Dating is just like the movies.

I used to study screen writing, and it seems to me that every one of my dates follows the template of a grade B script.

Like any writer, the date knows he has about 5 minutes to grip (not physically) his audience and leave her begging for more. If he’s successful, she’ll be riveted (not physically) to her seat and for the next couple of hours he’ll get the applause he deserves.  If he’s boring, too talkative, spaced out, or takes himself too seriously, then he’ll lose his audience and any chance to really touch (sometimes-but-rarely physically) me. In short, like any movie-goer, if I paid for a ticket (or even if my date paid for it) and the movie’s lousy I’ll force myself to stay until the end—but you can bet your bottom dollar wild horses (flowers, candy, even an apology) won’t get me back for the sequel. 

But I’m moving ahead of myself. Let’s analyze for a moment the dating script.

Mr. (wannabe) Right starts with his introduction (the story of his life), moving on to the main characters and supporting roles, (his friends and family) who reappear (disjointedly) throughout the plot. Then there is the first turning point, where I will be (sometimes) pleasantly surprised to learn there is more to him than meets the eye (ears, nose and…). If I’m lucky, I find he has personality, maybe even aims, ambitions, goals, and (rarely) a method for reaching his objective. It looks like clear sailing. 

At this point, as with any basic no-brainer movie plot, I let myself relax, realizing that this could be enjoyable. There’s even moments when I think “He’s sweet, a real gentleman (so far) and actually listening to me almost as much as he is to himself.” But then the next sequence begins:

The Revelation, (or second turning point).

In a movie, this is the part where, after following the cop who’s hot on the trail of a serial murderer and seems to be ready to crack the case wide open, we’re suddenly confronted with “the revelation” that the killer is actually his partner, and now the stakes have just gone up, and everyone has a lot more to lose.

Well, on a date “the revelation” itself can often murder any chance you have of finding out if Mr. (wannabe) Right is the “one”.  On a date, those “surprises” that bring you to the edge of your seat in the movies, are rarely exciting and never fun. Because on a first date (even the first couple of dates) who wants to know what “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” you’re date has suffered or if he’s just plain weird?!

Take the really great date I had with this guy who was “a few” years older than me. I’m just coasting along as he glibly checks off the successes he’s had in his life. I’m so enjoying his clever banter that I almost miss “the revelation.”

“I was only twenty-one when my uncle sent me a ticket to the Academy Awards. Don’t ask how he got it, but he knew that Kevin Costner was my favorite actor. He even sent a plane ticket. Do you know how many Oscars his movie won?”

“Seven,” I answered nonchalantly. You can’t be a serious actress and not know the Oscar Winners.

My date was impressed. I was appalled by “the revelation”. Dances With Wolves won the Oscars in 1990. I was no math whiz but if he was twenty-one in 1990 (when I was turning seven) then he was FORTY years old!

Kudos to his plastic surgeon.

Of course, not every revelation is so dramatic. Take my knight in shining armor – great body, full head of hair, piercing blue eyes, and a Jewish background that mirrored my own – who just had to admit that he’s very into me… but that he’s also very into men.

How about cutie who took me to dinner and while ordering the main, informed me that he had an enviable track-record of three failed suicide attempts after being dumped by previous girlfriends (I left before dessert).

Or Mr. nice-guy who “forgot” to mention he has a girlfriend who he’s currently living with and would I mind if he checked in with her – she gets lonely without him.

And my personal favorite – the 30 year old datemeister who suddenly excuses himself as he answers an “emergency” call from his mother. Emergencies are emergencies, but then I actually get to “hear” the revelation as his speaker-phone turns on in the middle of his conversation.

“And sweetheart,” his mother says, with a wonderful Hungarian accent, “don’t be shy. If you need an advance on your allowance, just ask. I know how pricey these restaurants can be. Is she worth it? Oh and did you take the key? Should I wait up? Don’t eat dessert. I baked your favorite cookies. I’ll leave you a few to munch on before you go to sleep.”

As all eyes focused on the both of us, I sheepishly smiled, wanting to shout out “I WAS FIXED UP! THIS IS A BLIND DATE! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!”

Just once I would like “the revelation” to be “Oh, and besides being head over heels in love with you, I’m a millionaire and my plane is even now being warmed up to take us to Paris.”

Or how about, “Yes, Tiferet, I’m bald, but that’s because I donated my long, blond hair to Locks of Life.

So, last Friday, when I met my blind date I was glad I had experienced the above scenarios.  I thought I was prepared for anything.

But Murphy’s Law saw fit to trip me again.

After a lovely dinner, with a wonderful bottle of wine, just as we were having our dessert and I truly believed everything would be at least okay, “the revelation” arrives. 

“And this is my dog, and this is my nephew,” he moves closer to show me the pictures on his cell phone. “And… oh man, I must have forgot it. I was sure I brought a picture of my baby.” He shrugs and places the phone on the table.

Baby?

“Who’s your baby?” I ask warily. “A sports car? Harley Davidson?”

He looks at me, confused.

“My son.”

I cringe, choking on my ice-cream dessert. He gets up to gives me the Heimlich Maneuver. I cringe again. “No thanks,” I say under my breath, “I’d rather die.”

“Pardon?” he says.

“I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say you have a kid,” I answer out-loud.

“I do,” he looks at me, as though I had said something strange. “Didn’t Liza tell you that when she set us up?”

“No. She told me that she had a great guy for me… who was everything I was looking for – and more…” I smirk. “I don’t suppose More is the name of your son?”

“Well, didn’t you catch my hints along the way?”

“If by hints you mean when I told you I babysit in my spare time, and you said that was good to know – No. I didn’t realize I was being interviewed for an actual position.”

“What about when I said that I was sure you could teach me a few things?” The image of me teaching him how to use Wipe n’ Dipes honestly never crossed my mind.

“Sorry to catch you off-guard,” he tells me as I desperately try to catch the waiter’s attention for the check. “This must have come as a total shock to you.”

“Oh no, me?” I reply a little too quickly, in a shrill voice that projects anything but calm. “Nah, I’m used to this sort of stuff…. Guys I date have kids, kids I watch have dates…and then there are those kids who eat dates and the dates who eat kids….” I suddenly stop when I realize he isn’t blinking. “But I digress. Enough about me, let’s talk more about your dynasty. Is it one boy or a gaggle of guys? ”

“I’m sorry,” he says gently. “This must have come as a total surprise.”

“Don’t worry,” I reply in a far-away voice I don’t recognize. “I live for surprises… In fact, nothing would make me happier than to learn that you haven’t even finalized the divorce yet.”

Where is that waiter?

“No divorce.”

I hold back the tears and the screaming person inside me. “See, I love this stuff. Is your son in the car?”

“No, I mean. I never got married. It was… um…. Unexpected.”

“Do you mean you didn’t know whether it would be a boy or girl?” I ask naively.

“No…uhh….. we just went on a few dates…. We didn’t mean to make a kid. It was uh…. An accident.”

There is a strange silence as I finally understand what he’s saying. “Well… I’m sure you learned your lesson….” I say, waving my finger at him. “You’re a naughty boy,” I add, wondering if I could make him sit in the corner (until I make my getaway).

He collects the pieces of cloth napkin that I have apparently torn apart, into his outstretched palms. But in my mind I see him holding a bottle and squirting drops of milk onto his wrist. Then, looking up at me, I think I hear him say,

“Uh…I’m not sure, let’s test it on you” as he squeezes milk onto my wrist.

“Too hot!” I cry suddenly.

“What?”

“I mean… too much.” Then I quietly add, “I think this is too much for me.” I get up and leave.

But dates, like movies, sometimes have unexpected endings. Later that night, he sends me an email with pictures of his baby. I grab my microwave popcorn, and sit down to read his email. What could he possibly have to write? I thought I had made it pretty clear we were over.

But again, endings have a funny way about them.  Sometimes the movie finishes an hour after it should have. And sometimes you find the credits are rolling up the screen way before you were ready for them.

I scroll down the pictures to the text, and read:

“At least let me tell you what I WOULD have wanted to hear—I promise it’s not yours!   😉

You aren’t gonna’ let a small thing – 7 pounds, 2 ounces—stop us, are you?”

As I crunch down on a kernel of popcorn, I grin. Because the truth is, as much as I love movies, I have to admit that sometimes, even after viewing a good one, I come out of the theater a little confused, wondering… could it be I missed the point entirely?

DANCES WITH WOLVES… AND OTHER BEASTS Read More »