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July 1, 2009

Flight from Hell

I’m off to Jerusalem for 10 days to study at the Hartman Institute, and I’ve been asked to “blog my trip.” So, in theory, if you check out this “Postcards from Jerusalem” blog every day for the next 10 days, you should be getting a continuous flow of interesting insights from my trip to the Holy Land. 

In theory.

The problem is that I’m not a blogger. This “continuous flow” thing is new to me. I’ve been writing a weekly column for almost three years, and I’m hooked on the “weekly clock”—a slow buildup of an idea culminating in a carefully crafted 900 words. Bloggers are the mad men of journalism. They don’t craft, they draft. Although I’m not a blogger, I love reading them. I love savoring their spontaneous servings of mental popcorn that keep popping out of their restless minds.

Well, now it’s my turn to blog, and as you can tell from this long-winded opening, I have a long way to go before I become Brad Greenberg (my favorite). So bear with me and let’s get through this together.

Would you believe it? I haven’t landed yet, and I’m itching to blog! Why is that? It’s because I’m stuck in the flight from hell and I need to unload.

Here’s the scene. Young couple—very young couple—with two screaming babies are sitting in the row just in front of me, about ten feet to my right. Sitting to my left is a tough-looking Sephardic Israeli guy who looks like he smokes non-filter Camels and owns a delivery truck in Ashdod.

Now here’s the main story line: Tough Sephardic guy would like to sleep. As tough Sephardic guy settles in with his two pillows (I gave him mine) and his blankie, the two screaming babies are showing no signs of wanting to experiment with another form of expression.

Meanwhile, the very young father and mother of the two screaming babies are showing no genetic connection whatsoever to their offspring. How do I know that? They’re calm. They’re spooky calm. They see passengers wanting to tear their hair out and all they can muster is an occasional baby-rocking gesture.

But back to the main story line—tough Sephardic guy trying to sleep. Have you ever heard those animal grunts on the Discovery channel? I don’t know if TSG was doing it on purpose, but every time Screaming Babies would hit some sort of screaming crescendo, TSG would belt out a Discovery Channel grunt. It was like a combination grunt and moan, similar perhaps to that of the Llama species.

TSG, in his clumsy way, was giving us all a heads-up: “Screaming babies better stop screaming.”

As the screaming continued, the tension increased. An enormous question hung in the air that unified all the passengers in the vicinity of Screaming Babies:

Will it ever stop?

By now, we were almost into a full “Law and Order” episode of screaming, and my concerns were shifting. TSG was starting to move his body when he groaned, and, worse, real words were coming out of his mouth, mostly simple phrases like “what is this?” and “hey”.

The reason my concerns were shifting should be obvious: I didn’t want TSG to sleepwalk towards Spooky Calm Father and re-enact a scene from “Scarface.”

Wild scenarios ran through my mind. TSG lunges towards perp while I heroically get in the way and save the life of self-absorbed young father who doesn’t deserve my heroism. But before I got too carried away, TSG decided to wake up.

And like all good Hollywood thrillers, this one had a surprise ending. 

TSG and I sparked up a conversation about…take a guess. We compared notes. How many kids do we have…what did we do when we travelled with them when they were babies… these young parents are real losers to let their kids scream like that… they should at least walk these rugrats up and down the aisle or cuddle with them or distract them or change their diapers or give them some ice cream or a pacifier… or anything!

Well, it turns out that during my commiserating with TSG, I heated up more than he did. It could be because I recalled the countless flights I took with my own kids and all the things I did to prevent these crying fits. Or it could be that while TSG was trying to sleep, I had a clear view of Spooky Calm Father actually doing crossword puzzles while his bambinos were in meltdown mode.

So guess what happened? The other TSG— that’s right, yours truly—decided to get up and confront Spooky Calm Father while he was concentrating on finding the right words for his puzzle.

I mumbled something like, “Hey man, we’re dying out here. Can’t you do something?”

Now try to visualize an earnest human rights lawyer with eyeglasses who knows the Geneva Convention by heart. That was Spooky Father. It was like he was expecting me. Before I could finish my sentence, he spoke about his rights, his kids’ rights, his wife’s rights, his family’s rights (OK, I’m exaggerating—you get the picture, this guy knew his rights).

I was about to counter with my own shtick on passengers’ rights, but then I saw a Do-You-Want-US Marshalls-At-The-Gate look on one of the flight attendants, and I swiftly returned to my seat to commiserate with TSG #1.

Apparently, my bold intervention impressed TSG #1. He got more talkative. We started sharing more personal stories, and then…just like that, when we least expected it… the Messiah showed up.

On this trip from hell, the Messiah was anyone who could stop these babies from screaming. And guess who revealed himself? None other than Spooky Calm Father himself, who decided to put his crossword puzzle down and take one of the screaming babies for a walk, which ended up killing two birds with one stone by calming down both babies.

The crying was over, but I wondered: Is all this drama an omen of my coming week at Hartman? We will see.

For now, shocked by the calm and still wound tight from the ordeal, I turned to TSG #1 and told him I had to work on my computer.

It was time for me to vent and blog—if you can call this blogging.

See you in Jerusalem.

Flight from Hell Read More »

Former pastor allegedly stole millions from churchgoers

It seems like the fad of committing financial fraud is waning and the consequences are starting to pile up. Just ask Bernie Madoff.

Now Indiana authorities are looking for a former pastor and his two sons, who allegedly bilked millions of dollars from church members. The money supposedly was to help build churches, but authorities claim the men used the funds to buy planes and sports cars.

The tragic thing about this case is the way authorities say it mixed faith with fraud. More from the AP:

The secretary of state’s office said arrest warrants issued for Vaughn Reeves, 65, and three of his sons charged each with 10 felony counts. Each man could face two to eight years in prison on each count if convicted. Bond for each was set at $1.5 million cash.

None of the men was in custody as of Tuesday afternoon. The charges were filed in western Indiana’s Sullivan County, where Reeves formerly lived, but the men also have last known addresses in Ohio, Iowa and Kentucky. U.S. marshals were tracing their whereabouts, said Jim Gavin, a spokesman for Secretary of State Todd Rokita.

The men are accused of duping about 11,000 church members into buying bonds worth $120 million by urging them to fulfill their “Christian responsibility” to support church construction projects, according to a probable cause affidavit. The men said the bonds would be handled by their brokerage firm, Alanar Inc.

Prosecutors said the men pocketed about $6 million, bought two airplanes, sports cars and vacations. Reeves also bought Porsches for family members, Gavin said. Most of the men’s victims lived in Indiana.

Gavin said he didn’t know whether Reeves and his sons – Chip, 44; Chris, 40; and Josh, 32 – had defense attorneys, and telephone numbers for the men’s previous addresses in all four states were unlisted or disconnected. The men represented themselves in a related federal civil case filed in Indianapolis, according to court documents.

“This case goes far beyond simple theft,” Rokita said in a statement. “The Reeveses allegedly targeted their victims through their faith, and then exploited their religious convictions in order to hide their elaborate Ponzi scheme from potential investors.”

You can read the rest here. Thanks for the link, Holy Weblog!

Former pastor allegedly stole millions from churchgoers Read More »

American Apparel, big on immigration reform, gets fingered for suspect workers

The hits just keep coming for American Apparel and its founder, Jewish bad boy Dov Charney.

In May, American Apparel agreed to pay Woody Allen $5 million to settle a lawsuit the famously neurotic actor brought against Charney and Co. for misappropriating his image in this billboard ad. I think a handful of sexual harassment lawsuits are still pending against Charney, who infamously told aJewish Journal reporter in 2005, “I could pull my penis out right now, and I guarantee you no one would be offended.“

And then today America Apparel, which has been a prominent advocate for immigration reform, even using “Legalize L.A.” as a t-shirt and ad slogan, was fingered by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement for employing some 1,600 workers at its Los Angeles factories whose eligibility documentation is “suspect and not valid.” Another 200 workers had documentation that could not be verified. That spells trouble for about a third of American Apparel’s employees:

American Apparel said it could not accurately assess the impact on its operations from losing the employees, but said it did not believe any such loss would have a materially adverse impact on financial results.

“The company believes that its current surplus levels of inventory and manufacturing capacity would mitigate the adverse impact of any disruption to its manufacturing activities that may potentially result from the loss of these employees,” American Apparel said in the filing.

“ICE’s notification provided no indication that the company knowingly or intentionally hired unauthorized aliens and no criminal charges have been filed against the Company or any current employees,” it added.

More from Reuters here. A Legalize LA commercial is after the jump:

American Apparel, big on immigration reform, gets fingered for suspect workers Read More »

“A”

The show is on vacation this week, so they’re playing a radio documentary Stern and his team did on his life and career, “The History of Howard Stern, Part 2.”  It may not be compelling to anyone but diehard fans, but it should be. 

There’s a lot of universal insight and lessons there.  One aspect that comes through over and over is how driven Stern is. Today the show went into how important it was to Howard to crush his competition when he expanded his show to Philadelphia.  They had been on in New York, and going to Philly was their chance to prove they had a show that could be syndicated around the country. 

But beyond that Howard could not abide the idea that anyone who could listen to him wouldn’t. 

In the course of a segment, Howard talks about how he went up against the Number 1 deejay in the Philly market, John de Bella, and pulled out all the stops to crush him—insulting him, mocking him, railing against him. 

Describing his motivation, Howard says something almost in passing that to me is so telling. 

“I couldn’t accept not being number one,” he says. “I couldn’t accept failure.”

To most of humanity, not being Number 1 means you can be Number 2.  After an “A” comes a “B.”  But in Howard’s mind, after an “A” comes an “F.”  The fact that this brilliant man can say that with no sense of irony shows his complete and utter drive—turning his career into a zero sum game where he can never settle for anything less than the top.

That’s a very demanding lens through which to see your world, your life, but it worked for him.  It took 3 years, but Howard became the Number 1 deejay in Philly.

“A” Read More »

‘Who is Shmuley Boteach?’

That’s a question you may be asking after seeing his name on this blog and far bigger news outlets in the wake of Michael Jackson’s death last week. Shmuley Boteach, the author of “Kosher Sex” who has said he wants to streamline Judaism into “the next Buddhism,” may be a rockstar rabbi but he’s not universally known.

Fortunately, Slate answer that question with a profile of the iconoclastic rabbi eight years ago. The article opens by showing just how important the King of Pop was to Boteach’s rise in that kingdom and finishes with his vision for God’s Kingdom.

In explaining where Boteach came from and how he fell out of favor with Chabad, Benjamin Soskis wrote:

Though he had been brought up in a modern Orthodox home in Miami and Los Angeles, as a teen-ager he became increasingly involved in the ultra-Orthodox Lubavitch, or Chabad, movement. Founded in 18th-century Russia as an offshoot of Hasidic Judaism, the Lubavitch are dedicated to making Jewish ritual accessible to even unlearned Jews. When Chabad moved its base to Crown Heights, Brooklyn, after World War II, its emphasis on outreach to secular Jews intensified; the group founded schools throughout the country and outposts around the world, all in the belief that when all Jews embraced their religion, the Messiah would arrive. (The guys with the beards and dark suits who stop you on the street and ask, “Are you Jewish?” and then hand you a pair of phylacteries are Lubavitchers.)

When Shmuley was 13, he met the movement’s charismatic leader, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, whom some considered then to be the Messiah and still do today, even after his death seven years ago. The Rebbe, as Schneerson was called, bestowed upon Shmuley a generous blessing—friends joked that perhaps Shmuley was the Messiah—and later dispatched him, at age 22, to Oxford to serve as a religious emissary. There Shmuley founded the L’Chaim Society, which he quickly turned into the university’s second largest club by recruiting high-profile speakers to address topics often only tangentially related to Judaism. Boy George spoke about redemption after drug addiction, and Argentinian soccer star Diego Maradona told of praying at the Western Wall in preparation for the World Cup.

As Shmuley’s stature on campus grew, his relations with the Lubavitch leadership began to fray. The L’Chaim Society attracted as many non-Jews as Jews—its president one year was an African-American Baptist—and his peers felt Shmuley was spending too much time courting gentiles, thereby diluting outreach efforts and possibly even encouraging intermarriage. Shmuley replied with what would become his signature defense: that broadening the visibility of Judaism to the general public would inevitably, if circuitously, attract Jews. “To get Jews interested in the Jewish world,” he later said, “you have to get the non-Jews interested. The Jews will follow what the non-Jews are doing.”

You can read the entire article here. As you can imagine, not everyone agrees with Boteach—I’ve heard more than a few Jews call him a phony, though I guess some have said worse things about me.

‘Who is Shmuley Boteach?’ Read More »

Ethiopia to keep the Ark secret

Last week I reported on some building anticipation that the Ethiopian Orthodox church was going to reveal the Ark of the Covenant, which it church claims they have kept in hiding since the ark holding God’s law disappeared from Jerusalem around 700 BC.

Today we learn that the Ark is not going to be moved to a museum for public viewing. It will remain in its secret shrine, accessible to only a few of the highest priests.

“I am deeply disappointed that the Italian media misquoted me and disseminated false information about me unveiling the Ark of the Covenant to the world,” Patriarch Abune Paulos said at a news conference. “It is a fabrication, disinformation.”

Abune added: “I would like to confirm once again that the Ark of the Covenant and the sacred tablets containing the Ten Commandments that God delivered to Moses are in Ethiopia.”

Shocking development, I know.

This, obviously, only contributes to the mystery—myth?—surrounding Ethiopia’s claims to the Ark. But it’s probably for the best. We don’t need any scenes that those in the video above.

Ethiopia to keep the Ark secret Read More »

The Jewish Journal’s B’nai Mitzvah Expo [VIDEO]

The Jewish Journal’s B’nai Mitzvah Expo [VIDEO] Read More »