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October 29, 2008

Why I voted no on Prop. 8

I mailed in my absentee ballot today, and, as I hinted I would a few weeks ago, I bubbled in “no” for Proposition 8.

Yes or no I could find a Christian minister to support my vote. But on an issue like same-sex marriage, I don’t think it matters whether I believe God is bothered by homosexuality. Proposition 8 has to do with fundamental rights—limiting them, that is. Marriage, despite what we always hear, is not a religious convention. It is a cultural convention. And the words “sanctity of marriage,” to my mind, have more to do with tax breaks and hospital visitation than ordaining a relationship before God.

As an evangelical Christian—as someone who, uncomfortable as it is to sometimes say this, reads in the Bible that homosexuality is a “perversion”—I don’t believe it is the job of government to legislate based on religion. We’ve seen how that works out.

On this I strongly differ with an evangelical leader who I have much respect for: Rick Warren. In an e-mail last week to his congregation, Warren wrote:

“For 5,000 years, EVERY culture and EVERY religion—not just Christianity—has defined marriage as a contract between men and women,” Warren wrote. “There is no reason to change the universal, historical definition of marriage to appease 2% of our population. This is one issue that both Democrats and Republicans can agree on. Both Barack Obama and John McCain have publicly opposed the redefinition of marriage to include so-called ‘gay marriage.’ Even some gay leaders, like Al Rantel of KABC oppose watering down the definition of marriage.

“Of course, my longtime opposition is well known. This is not a political issue, it is a moral issue that God has spoken clearly about. There is no doubt where we should stand on this issue.”

Warren concluded: “This will be a close contest, maybe even decided by a few thousand votes. I urge you to VOTE YES on Proposition 8—to preserve the biblical definition of marriage. Don’t forget to vote!”

I’m always skeptical when people emphasize their argument by saying “there is no doubt.” Clearly, on this issue there is doubt, even among like-minded believers. Indeed, among Christians there’s debate regarding whether homosexuality is even, in fact, sin. (See: Episcopal Church.) My understanding of the Bible, courtesy of my evangelical tradition, says it is. But I wouldn’t call this an open-and-shut case. How then should we treat our brothers and sisters?

P.S. I discussed this yesterday with a friend and she had a very different take. Though nto sure how she would vote on Prop. 8, she thought I was foolish to think that allowing same-sex marriage would have no impact on practicing my own beliefs. She pointed to a number of cases in the United States where people refused services to gays or lesbians, citing religious beliefs, and lost (i.e. Doctors in California who referred a lesbian patient to another physician for in vitro fertilization).

“In fact, the court ruled that there can be no religious exemption for refusing services to any homosexual ever. So freedom of conscience/religion is out in California,” she said. “You may say that’s no skin off your evangelical back . . .but I think it’s naive.”

Why I voted no on Prop. 8 Read More »

It’s their turn

Before moving to Pico-Robertson, I spent three years in trendy West Hollywood, where I was the lone independent/conservative voice during an early morning

schmoozefest at the Urth Caffé on Melrose Avenue. The term “aggressively liberal” doesn’t begin to describe the political leanings of my cappuccino compadres.

But the conversations were sharp and alive, and they charged you up for the workday ahead. Even though our views often diverged, I enjoyed the company of my leftist mates and became friends with many of them.

The thing that stuck with me about my liberal buddies in those years was their extraordinary venom toward the Bush administration. Every cell in their bodies oozed contempt for the “reckless cowboy” who had become the sad emblem of their country. They craved a change in the White House more than a heroin junkie craves another fix.

Now sweep wipe two years later, and I’m sitting at a Shabbat table in the Pico-Robertson neighborhood with a group of politically savvy Orthodox Jews, and, not surprisingly, I’m getting a whole different take on who should occupy the White House.

Clearly, most of my Orthodox brethren are in the Republican camp. There are significant exceptions, of course, especially at the more liberal B’nai David-Judea Congregation, but it’s fair to say that the majority of Orthodox voters are an ideological world away from my liberal buddies at the Urth Caffé.

And since almost everybody is assuming an Obama victory, I’ve been mulling over this crazy question: If you’re a McCain voter, can you still feel OK about an Obama victory?

As someone who is friendly with both sides, and who has witnessed all the partisan hysterics, I think the answer is, possibly, yes.

First, after eight years of being on the hot seat, the Republicans can use a break. Let them be the ones who kvetch and throw the arrows for a change. Sometimes it feels good to say: “Here, big mouth, you think you can do better? Take the wheel.”

And if we conservatives believe in fairness, it’s only fair that Democrats should get their turn at the wheel. We’ve had our turn for eight long years — and we should fess up to the obvious: America has veered off course, and it’s a lot worse off today than it was eight years ago.

Let’s review. Most of the world has stopped fearing us, respecting us or admiring us (let alone listening to us), which can’t be too good for our national security. Israel is now surrounded by terrorist armies and a soon-to-be nuclear enemy, who has mocked and outsmarted the tough-talking hombres in the White House. The Republican president I voted for allowed hundreds of my fellow Americans to perish in New Orleans before waking up and doing something. His administration has been extraordinarily divisive and has alienated large and important segments of America. Surge or no surge, we’ve dropped $600 billion and counting to rebuild Iraq — while our airports, roads, bridges and other infrastructure have become an embarrassment. We are more dependent than ever on oil from terror-sponsoring nations. We’ve racked up record deficits, we owe a trillion to China, consumer confidence is at an all-time low, and to top it off, we’re going through the worst economic crisis in 80 years.

Seriously, if the Republican White House were a corporation, it’d be drowning right now in malpractice suits from angry shareholders.

Instead, in all likelihood, it will suffer the political equivalent: It’ll get voted out, and the opposition party will get voted in. That’s democracy in action.

John McCain’s candidacy — even had he run a better campaign or chosen a different running mate — was doomed from the start by its ideological connection to a failed and unpopular administration, a connection McCain could never credibly shake.

Which brings us to Obama. I’ve met Obama haters who are sure he’s a disaster, and Obama lovers who are sure he’s a savior. I think he’s neither. For me, he’s a decent, intelligent man who needs more experience, who’s had some dubious relationships, and who has some ideas I like and others I don’t. He also has an even-tempered and reflective nature that might have a salutary effect on a nerve-wracked nation. (And regarding Israel, let’s be honest: Having our biggest supporter ever in the White House hasn’t made Israel any safer, or stopped Condi Rice from pestering Israel into making dangerous concessions. So I’m keeping an open mind.)

My key point, though, is this: Regardless of how negatively one may feel about Obama or his policies, after eight years we conservatives deserve our failing grade, and our opponents deserve their turn at the plate. If you’re not happy with that result, at least remember that it comes from something you love: free elections.

These same free elections might also help this country regain some emotional balance. For too long now, half of the voting public has been stewing in the political wilderness — feeling angry and powerless, feeding only on the “red meat of outrage.” This is not healthy. It breeds bitterness and cynicism. A return to a position of leadership would breed enthusiasm and a sense of responsibility among this alienated group, and encourage their renewed emotional investment in the country.

It’d be like a treatment of mood-stabilizing medication for a bipolar nation.

Republicans, if they lose, would get their own therapy: A chance to reflect on how they betrayed many of their own principles and on how they will need to evolve to stay relevant. They would go through the humble and difficult self-examination that only comes with the sobriety of defeat. If, like my Orthodox neighbors, they are God-fearing, they will see all this as part of God’s plan, and they will work to renew themselves for the new century.

That would really be putting “country first.”

As for me, if things get too heavy or lonely in the neighborhood, I might just check out my old buddies at the Urth Caffé and tweak them about how President Obama is messing things up.

David Suissa, an advertising executive, is founder of OLAM magazine and Ads4Israel.com. He can be reached at dsuissa@olam.org.

It’s their turn Read More »

Larry and me

I have been through three presidential election cycles while at The Jewish Journal.

The candidates change. The issues ebb and flow. Administrations come and go. But Larry Greenfield — that dude abides.

On Thursday evening, Oct. 30, I’m going to see Larry. Again.

Greenfield is the regional director of the Republican Jewish Coalition. Over the past few months, as the race narrowed to Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain and the polls tightened and the rhetoric and tactics grew nastier, Greenfield has manned the front lines, appearing at dozens of debates, lectures, parlor meetings and rallies to promote McCain and oppose Obama.

Thursday evening at Valley Beth Shalom he’ll appear at his last one, facing off against Rep. Howard Berman, with me moderating. Frankly, I find it inconceivable that there is a Jew south of Fairbanks who hasn’t made up his or her mind about this election, but I suppose many people still feel the need for reassurance, the same way you can’t help but read the ads for the car you just bought.

I’ve attended or moderated too many debates with Greenfield to count. He is always the most eager, least jaded person in the room. He shows up with his jet-black hair, his dark suit, a ready smile bursting across his ruddy cheeks, and immediately he’s working the crowd, shaking hands. He’s a Mormon missionary crossed with a shtetl tummler — and I mean that as a compliment.

Republican Jews are small in number. They set themselves apart from that great majority of their co-religionists — the most consistent Democrat voting bloc in the nation, perhaps in the nation’s history. They feel persecuted. They work hard to leverage their passion, money, talents and time in order to have an impact disproportionate to their numbers. In doing so, they risk unpopularity, they overstep boundaries, they make some friends and many enemies. They are the Jews among Jews.

Greenfield and I can disagree on many candidates and issues. And I cringe when, at these debates, his temper flares or he stoops to some of the tactics he accuses his political enemies of employing. But I have a soft spot for anyone who tilts at windmills. Kol koreh b’midbar, the prophet Isaiah says, “a voice cries in the wilderness.” For many years, in Los Angeles at least, this voice has been Greenfield’s.

And the voice is relentlessly optimistic. A Democrat in his student days at UC Berkeley, Greenfield, like so many Jewish Republicans, was inspired by Ronald Reagan. The Gipper’s there-must-be-a-pony-in-a-room-full-of-manure philosophy is Greenfield’s own. Early in this election, Greenfield and I compared notes on the Republican field. He was giddy from the embarrassment of riches.

“Rudy is great, he’s one of us,” he said of one-time candidate Rudy Giuliani. “But I think you really ought to watch Mitt Romney.”

When McCain won the nomination, I ran into Greenfield again. He predicted a big chunk of the Jewish vote going the Arizona senator’s way.

He ran down the list of Obama’s “negatives” from the Jewish perspective: limited track record on Israel, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, unsavory past affiliations.

For a while I believed him. McCain was the moderate, pro-Israel Republican who could sweep up many independently minded Jewish voters. Early polls showed McCain getting more of the Jewish vote than Bush.

But all that momentum stalled when McCain picked Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate.

“Homerun!” Greenfield e-mailed me within five hours of the announcement.

In fact, it was close to a third strike. Independents, and independently minded Jews, bailed.

If the polls and pundits are right as of today, next week Greenfield and his fellow Republicans are going to be standing on the beach when a Democratic tsunami hits. The House, Senate and White House may go to Democratic majority. Some favorites are most at risk. A New York Jewish Democrat, Al Franken, may actually defeat a New York Jewish Republican, Norm Coleman, for a Senate seat in Minnesota.

I am anxious to hear on Thursday if Greenfield still sees a pony. And if not, I’m going to ask him to explain what happened.

I have my own theory: given a choice between playing to the center-picking Sen. Joe Lieberman, for instance, or playing to the base of Christian evangelical conservatives, McCain chose the latter. Instead of inspiring potential Jewish Republicans, like Reagan, he turned them off, like Bush.

The Lee Atwater-Karl Rove strategy that welds culture to religion for use as a political club never seemed to hold much appeal to McCain, a fact that endeared him to more socially liberal Jews. But Palin turned out to be that club.

Four years ago Greenfield stood amid admirers at a victory party for George W. Bush at the Level One club in Beverly Hills and proclaimed that half the country’s Jewish vote would go Republican within a decade. But the needle, which might have jumped in this go-round, doesn’t look like it will budge.

So Larry Greenfield may just go back to being, if not the only Republican Jewish voice, one of the relative few.

Except, you know, for Joe Lieberman.

Larry and me Read More »

McCain campaign joins chorus demanding Obama tape from LA Times

During the past few days, there has been a growing push from a number of blogs to get the Los Angeles Times to release a videotape of Barack Obama honoring Rashid Khalidi, the Mideast scholar, critic of Israel and alleged former mouthpiece of the PLO.

The tape, which contained footage of Obama and others bidding Khalidi farewell when he left Chicago for New York, had been referenced in an April article titled “Allies of Palestinians See a Friend in Obama,” and on it the Times reported, were the goings-on of an evening railing against Israel:

At Khalidi’s 2003 farewell party, for example, a young Palestinian American recited a poem accusing the Israeli government of terrorism in its treatment of Palestinians and sharply criticizing U.S. support of Israel. If Palestinians cannot secure their own land, she said, “then you will never see a day of peace.”

One speaker likened “Zionist settlers on the West Bank” to Osama bin Laden, saying both had been “blinded by ideology.”

Obama adopted a different tone in his comments and called for finding common ground. But his presence at such events, as he worked to build a political base in Chicago, has led some Palestinian leaders to believe that he might deal differently with the Middle East than either of his opponents for the White House.

Bloggers have wanted to see the tape, to know what else Obama said that evening and to what he sat idly by as others said. Was he silent when and if a pro-Palestinian voice, like Khalidi’s, attacked Israel?

“Barack Obama wouldn’t possibly let something like that pass without a spirited defense of the Israel he tells us he so staunchly supports … would he?” Andrew McCarthy asked in a column for NRO. “I guess to answer that question, we’d have to know what was on the tape.”

I considered blogging about this yesterday but I decided that the reason the tape hadn’t been released was likely because the Times had acquired it from a confidential source who didn’t want to be identified, and knew they would if the tape got out. Today, when John McCain’s campaign piled on and demanded the tape be released to the public, I was proven correct.

“The Los Angeles Times did not publish the videotape because it was provided to us by a confidential source who did so on the condition that we not release it,” the Time’s editor, Russ Stanton, said in a statement. “The Times keeps its promises to sources.”

That may seem like a cop out, but it’s not. It’s a legally binding contract. And we know more information because it was entered into than we would if it hadn’t been. This story, indeed, is one the rest of the media missed, and for that the Times shouldn’t be given the same old song and dance.

McCain campaign joins chorus demanding Obama tape from LA Times Read More »

Comedy icons back Obama with ‘Ain’t Funny’ TV spots [VIDEOS]

To emphasize that there’s nothing amusing about next Tuesday’s presidential election, the Jewish Alliance for Change has launched a series of “Ain’t Funny” television and online commercials in support of Democratic candidate Barack Obama.

The spots feature some of America’s most iconic older comedians and comedy writers — Carl Reiner, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, Valerie Harper, Garry Marshall and Larry Gelbart. Their observations, tightly edited and interwoven in three 30-second spots titled, “Vice President,” “Fear Tactics” and “Grandchildren,” are both humorous and serious.

For instance, in “Vice President,” Reiner, while winking, says of Republican John McCain’s running mate Sarah Palin: “And he wants to put that girl who winks in the second position?”

“Unqualified,” is Harper’s serious retort.

All speak in support of Obama’s plans for health care, Social Security, the economy and other issues. And they argue in favor of change in the White House after eight years of a Republican administration.

The specific goal of “Ain’t Funny” is to help dispel fears and suspicions that voters — especially older Jews in the swing states of Florida and Ohio — might have about Obama. Most, but not all, of the on-screen participants are Jewish. The rationale behind the choice of spokespeople, said comedy writer Gelbart (the “M*A*S*H” TV series, the movie “Tootsie”), who is Jewish, is: “They’ve given me so much pleasure, why would they give me a bum steer now after a lifetime of enjoyment?”

Those contacted by The Journal said they were eager to participate.

“It’s absolutely essential to me we hose out the building of this administration,” said Harper, who while not Jewish has played Rhoda Morgenstern on television and Golda Meir on the stage. “I was very attracted to not just the candidate but the message of the Democratic Party. So it was easy for me to say yes. I want people to vote and to end the terrible, failed policies.”

The nonprofit Jewish Alliance for Change has raised money to broadcast the three short spots on cable networks in four Florida markets — North Miami, West Palm Beach, Hollywood and Fort Lauderdale. It also may air them in Ohio if it has enough money.


Ain’t Funny – Vice President. from Alma Har'el on Vimeo.


Ain’t Funny – Fear Tactics. Vote for Obama-Biden from Alma Har'el on Vimeo.


Ain’t Funny – Our Grandchildren. Vote for Obama-Biden from Alma Har'el on Vimeo.

They can be seen in context at www.aintfunny.org and www.Jews4Change.com There is a two-minute fourth spot available on the Internet only.

Supporters can also contribute to buy airtime themselves in any television market they desire through a partnership between Ain’t Funny and a new organization, SaysMe.TV. Information is available at the Ain’t Funny Web site.

“We decided the most effective way to use the resources we have is to remove the air of fear some older voters have about Obama,” said Doni Remba, Jewish Alliance for Change’s executive director. “If they hear it from people they’ve watched and loved and who have entertained them their whole lives, they have an emotional bond of trust with them.”

The Republican campaign has argued that Obama is soft on terrorism. And although Obama has repeatedly expressed strong support for Israel, Republicans have suggested, for instance, that Obama might be less confrontational than McCain toward Iran, which threatens Israel with a “second Holocaust.”

“It’s reprehensible how often they throw that term around,” said Boaz Yakin, Ain’t Funny’s co-producer-director, along with his wife, Alma Har’el. “I think the callous and cynical way those fears are exploited is detrimental to a democratic and open process. I dislike and resent fear mongering and character assassination going on with Obama.”

Yakin is a New York-born Jewish director (“Fresh,” “Remember the Titans”), who drew on his experience attending Orthodox schools for his movie, “A Price Above Rubies,” set within Brooklyn’s Chasidic community. His wife is an Israeli-born music video director. Earlier in the campaign, they produced an “Israelis for Obama” video.

“And I’m not minimizing the potential for terrible things to happen to Jews,” Yakin said. “I’m an extreme Zionist; I don’t take Israel’s safety lightly, and I don’t take Jewish people’s safety lightly.

“A huge difference between us and Sarah Silverman’s thing,” Yakin said, referring to comedian Silverman’s YouTube short, “The Great Schlep,” “was that her work was getting young people motivated to talk to parents and grandparents. Ours directly addresses people that she was encouraging young people to go talk to. We felt that generation wasn’t being spoken to directly.”

Jewish Alliance for Change, founded in February, encourages Jewish involvement in the electoral process, as well as traditional Democratic domestic policies. Its Web site states it supports “diplomatic initiatives for a secure and peaceful Israel” and seeks to “promote better understanding of the policies advocated by Sen. Obama.”

Remba became acquainted with Obama while doing graduate studies at the University of Chicago in the early 1990s. The American-born Remba lived in Israel for many years and was a translator for Prime Minister Menachem Begin and Foreign Minister Moshe Dayan.

“First and foremost, we’re an issues-advocacy organization,” Remba said. “Our main focus is on agenda and issues, and we think Obama is the better person to further the agenda this country needs and that Israel needs for security.”

Comedy icons back Obama with ‘Ain’t Funny’ TV spots [VIDEOS] Read More »

Joe the Plumber speaks, reporters act like America is listening

I’m baffled. Why—oh why—are we supposed to care about the sage wisdom from the mouth of Joe the unlicensed plumber?

Yesterday real-life Mr. Clean said Barack Obama would turn the United States into a socialist nation and would bring about the “death of Israel.” And the media lapped it up. Associated Press filed a wire story picked up around the world, including in Israel:

The Ohio plumber, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher, agreed with a Jewish McCain supporter who asked him during an election rally in Ohio if he believed “a vote for Obama is a vote for the death of Israel.”

“I’ll go ahead and agree with you on that,” Wurzelbacher told the man, retired Florida lawyer Stan Chapman who was visiting Ohio.

Wurzelbacher, who also said he believed Obama would make America a socialist nation, was joined at the rally by Rob Portman, a former Ohio congressman and budget director under President Bush, who said he disagreed with Chapman’s assessment of Obama’s foreign policy.

Shortly after Wurzelbacher’s statement was made, the McCain campaign issued a statement saying “while he’s clearly his own man, so far Joe has offered some penetrating and clear analysis that cuts to the core of many of the concerns that people have with Barack Obama’s statements and policies.”

Penetrating and clear analysis … are you kidding me? I’m sorry, but when did ol’ Joe become an expert on domestic and foreign policy? I really thought he would disappear after it was revealed that he isn’t a licensed plumber and he isn’t even close to making the kind of money that would be more heavily taxed by an Obama administration. Somehow he’s become the populist voice of a floundering campaign.

Joe the Plumber speaks, reporters act like America is listening Read More »

Israel Supreme Court OKs Museum of Tolerance Jerusalem project

JERUSALEM — The Israeli Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that the Simon Wiesenthal Center can build its long-planned Center for Human Dignity-Museum of Tolerance on a contested site in the middle of Jerusalem.

The decision came eight years after the initial announcement that famed architect Frank O. Gehry would design the landmark museum, and four years after a ground-breaking ceremony attended by Israeli and California dignitaries.

In the meantime, the estimated cost of the project has escalated from $120 million to $250 million. The Center already has raised $115 million for the project, according to Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder and dean of the Wiesenthal Center.

He said construction would resume immediately and praised the court’s ruling, adding, “All citizens of Israel, Jews and non-Jews, are the real beneficiaries of this decision.”

Hier estimated that the museum would open in about three-and-a-half years.

Following Gehry’s design, the new complex will consist of a general museum and a children’s museum, a theater, conference center, library, gallery and lecture halls, with the mission to promote civility and respect among different segments of the Jewish community and between people of all faiths.

The museum site, adjoining Independence Park, served as Jerusalem’s main Muslim cemetery until 1948. Muslim authorities appealed to Israel’s Supreme Court that museum construction would desecrate the cemetery, which allegedly contained the bones of Muslims killed during the Crusades of the 12th and 13th centuries.

Attorneys for the Wiesenthal Center countered that the site housed a four-story underground garage for three decades, and before that the old Palace Hotel, and that Muslim religious authorities had ruled earlier that the location had lost its sacred character.

In an 85-page decision, a three-judge panel of the Supreme Court agreed with the Wiesenthal Center argument.

Other objections had been raised by some Israeli politicians and initially by Yad Vashem, Israel’s Memorial Holocaust Authority. Hier assured Yad Vashem that the new museum would not deal with the history of the Holocaust.

Throughout the lengthy proceedings, the project had the unstinting support of Ehud Olmert as mayor of Jerusalem and later prime minister of Israel.

The Supreme Court decision drew immediate objections from Gershon Baskin, a longtime Israeli opponent of the project because of its Muslim cemetery connection.

Baskin, co-CEO of the Israel/Palestine Center for Research and Information, called for letters of protest from all “Jerusalemnites, rabbis, Israelis, Palestinians, Jews and citizens of the world.”

ALTTEXT
Artist’s rendering of the project

Israel Supreme Court OKs Museum of Tolerance Jerusalem project Read More »

Elizabeth Dole’s Godless ad is a shameful attack

From CNN.com:

The already-contentious North Carolina Senate race took a brutal turn Wednesday after incumbent Sen. Elizabeth Dole released a television ad suggesting challenger Kay Hagan is “Godless.”

“A leader of the Godless Americans PAC recently held a secret fundraiser for Kay Hagan,” the 30-second ad says before showing clips from members of the group declaring God and Jesus do not exist.

“Godless Americans and Kay Hagan. She hid from cameras. Took godless money,” the ad’s narrator also says. “What did Kay Hagan promise in return?”

The ad ends with an unidentified female voice declaring, “There is no God.”

The Dole campaign says it’s basing its charge on Hagan’s attendance at a fundraiser that was in the home of an advisor to the Godless Americans’ political action committee, a group that promotes rights for atheists.

The implied message, of course, is that atheists have no rights and if you are a politician who pretends they do, godly American will come after you. Well, I’m a God-fearing American and I find this attack despicable. Kind of reminds me of the presidential battle between Jefferson and Adams. No wonder some atheists feel the need to be a bit militant, or at least better organized.

The ad, courtesy of Christianity Today’s politics blog, is after the jump:

Elizabeth Dole’s Godless ad is a shameful attack Read More »

I love you, Grandma, so I tell you lies

I never lie. I never, ever lie. Except I lie to my grandmother. I lie to her all the time. The things I tell her are almost exclusively lies.

In one moment, this almost universal wrong became a right. And somewhere deep in the Valley at an elder care facility, in a room painted a hue that should be called “Trying Desperately to be Chipper,” my family made the tacit agreement that a series of untruths was truly the best way to usher grandma into the next life. This place is the last stop for our matriarch, who is 91 and often forgets the names of her relatives and eats only tapioca pudding. The Ten Commandments say not to lie, but here in God’s waiting room, with CNN on mute and various flowers wilting, we decide in an instant to make an exception.

Grandma tries to make conversation, but she’s fading and she tends to ask the same questions again and again. With my cousins, my aunt and my new husband sitting around her room, she looked at the Mr. and asked, “Are you Jewish?”

There was some uncomfortable shifting around. There was a brief silence. Without discussion, we all nodded. Yes.

“Of course he’s Jewish, Grammy,” I said. What was she going to do? Leap out of bed and Google him? This first lie felt so right. I shot a look to my husband.

“I’m Jewish,” he added, and we all looked at each other, a team of liars, all realizing at once that this was the thing to do. We were all smiling, because it was kind of funny, my Catholic blond of a husband’s sudden conversion. Plus, smiling is kind of like crossing your fingers. If anyone was checking, we could say we were only joking with grandma.

As is her custom lately, she asked the question about half a dozen more times and got the same answer. I married a Jew, I married a Jew, I married a Jew. This news never failed to delight her.

“How are Buddy’s grades?” Grandma asked. Buddy is my 15-year-old cousin, a great kid, excellent drummer, adequate wrestler, but perhaps not the best student, which is the only thing that concerns my grandma. That woman wants your G.P.A. even when she is almost R.I.P.

There was another moment of quiet. The smell of chicken wafted in from the kitchen next door. A few TVs were blaring in the facility, a cozy house turned hospice for six oldsters, most of who can’t get out of bed. The phrase “no heroic measures” was whispered last time we were at the hospital with Grandma, and she seemed depressed and didn’t want to eat or drink much. When one is at the end of days, does one really need to know one’s grandson isn’t going to Harvard, but more likely Cal State Northridge, like my dad, if he’s lucky?

My aunt piped up. “Straight A’s, mom. He’s getting straight A’s.”

Grandma looked around the room, her cloudy eyes widening, thrilled.

She didn’t know it, and we hadn’t planned it, but suddenly grandma was in a nonstop, ad hoc, Make-a-Wish Foundation of the mind, where Shaq didn’t need to show up and no one had to acquire a pony or two tickets to Disneyworld. Every secret wish in her heart was coming true through the magic of untruths.

“I’m going with Aunt Julie to temple,” I offer during one visit. “I love services.” Well, I kind of do, but let’s face it, I never drive out to the Valley to go to services on a Friday night, but I would if we were living in an alternative universe, or if I didn’t have two jobs, or if I wasn’t really fidgety. Conceptually, this wasn’t a complete mendacity.

There are also your garden-variety lies; lies you might tell your own grandmother, who still has all of her faculties and isn’t knock, knock knocking you-know-where. We don’t just tell Grandma exotic tales; we also involve ourselves with the basics, you know, of the “you look great in that” strain.

The nurses ask that we pick up some all-cotton shirts for Grandma that button up the front, so she won’t be sitting around in the heat wearing synthetic fibers, and so the staff can easily change her top. My husband and I travel to Wal-Mart and scour the racks for something that fits this description. The only suitable garment we find is a striped oxford that screams substitute teaching or temping more than convalescing. We’re running late, the striped shirt seems superior to the pink surfer motif hoodie that was our backup plan, so we buy three.

My aunt wrestles grandma into her new white button-down with red stripes and we all coo at how great she looks. There is something unsettling about a wheezing nonagenarian dressed like a small-market morning news anchor, but that’s not how we put it.

“You look so adorable, Grandma” we say, in various ways, riffing on the subject for a good 15 minutes.

In a way, it’s not a total fabrication. Grandma has a certain glow. Her hair, now that it’s un-coiffed, is doing kind of a soft, wavy, old-fashioned almost Veronica Lake thing. Her happiness at seeing us, her quiet gratitude as my aunt spoon feeds her pudding or does her fingernails in opaque white, the way she remembers my husband’s name every time she meets him, even though he’s new to the family, there’s beauty in all of this. Not so much in the shirt, you see, and there again is where lying is something we all wear well.

When everything hurts you, your swollen leg, your creaky joints, your lungs and most everything else, when you’re sitting propped up in a button-down shirt you wouldn’t have chosen in a room that you didn’t decorate, when you’re lonely and scared, the truth isn’t always beautiful, a salve, or something that sets you free.

When everything hurts you, what you don’t know can’t.

Teresa Strasser is the co-host of “The Adam Carolla Show,” mornings on 97.1 FM. She also co-hosts “TV Watercooler” on the TV Guide Network, airing Monday nights at 8 p.m.

I love you, Grandma, so I tell you lies Read More »

Jewish numbers expected to swell in Congress

I’ve mentioned it before: Jews dominate American politics.

That’s not a tipping of the hat to conspiracy theorists or anti-Semites or one of these. There is nothing wrong with Jewish—or Mormon—over representation in the U.S. capitol. That’s just the way things are.

Jewish lawmakers broke records two years ago when 30 were elected to the House and 13 to the Senate. Thirteen—that’s six-and-half times the proportion of Jews in the general population. And this year Jewish representation looks to be on the up and up.

JTA has a breakdown of some of the more interesting “Jewish races,” including the fight between Minnesota incumbent Norman Coleman and his co-religionist, Al Franken (pictured).

Jewish numbers expected to swell in Congress Read More »