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Jewish Journal

Connect. Inform. Inspire.

May 11, 2006

Interest Increases as Deadline Nears

Leave a Comment / Family, Finance, Health, Living Well, Seniors, So Cal Medicine /

Susie Tiffany of Beverly Hills suffers from a rare blood disorder and needs monthly infusions of blood components, which her insurance company ultimately declined to cover. She hoped the government’s new prescription drug benefit would help her out because, despite her ZIP code, she’s a low-income senior.

But the possibilities, were baffling: an array of private insurance plans that covered different things, explanations on the Internet that included terms she never had to know before, additional complexities depending on a person’s income and a confusing interplay of state and federal agencies.

However, Tiffany was able to find assistance in her case from Jewish Family Service. A social worker helped get Tiffany’s treatment covered by new state funds intended to help seniors with the transition to the new federal system.

“It’s a good thing that I had a good social worker,” said Tiffany, 65, who lives in a Beverly Hills city subsidized apartment building for low-income seniors.

“There are quite a number of options, and it’s overwhelming,” said Susan Alexman, director of senior services at Jewish Family Service of Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles County, insurance companies have offered 47 different plans for seniors seeking to enroll in the new federally funded benefit. The plan’s May 15 deadline means seniors must sign up without delay or face increased fees for late enrollment.

For some seniors, the financial stakes are high. But while interest is picking up, for most of the past year, social service groups have had few takers when they’ve tried to help.

“It’s strange, but our office has not had any calls on that,” said Deborah Baldwin, public benefits supervisor at Bet Tzedek Legal Services, when asked in March.

At the Fairfax District office of the National Council of Jewish Women, a Democratic congressman’s field staffer set aside four hours over two days in late January to discuss the new Medicare Part D drug plan with seniors. Hardly anyone showed up.

“Just three,” the staffer told The Jewish Journal. “People are putting it off.”

Health care activists, community workers and groups, including Jewish Family Service, have been holding numerous Part D awareness meetings, especially this spring.

“This has been going on for a year and a half,” said Anita Chun, community education coordinator at the Center for Healthcare Rights in Los Angeles. “Now people are paying attention.”

A Part D meeting in March in West Hollywood, put on by Jewish Family Service, attracted about 120 seniors. Attendance also picked up for a March meeting at Temple Isaiah in Rancho Park — after a sparsely attended February session with social workers and experts.

Some seniors said they expect to come out OK under the new system.

“The health program that I belong to enrolled everybody in it beforehand,” said Encino retiree Janet Siskind. Her Blue Shield 65 Plus coverage gets her quarterly refills of the three to four pills she needs. Siskind’s combined prescription fees will increase, but only by about $10 annually.

“I’m in good hands with this,” she said. “It’s something I can afford.”

Siskind’s San Fernando Valley chapter of the Na’amat women’s group held a recent Part D meeting for 25 people.

“We figured, ‘Well, it hasn’t started yet, perhaps it’ll get easier as time goes along,'” she said. “It hasn’t really been explained too thoroughly.”

With so much Part D information online, many seniors are at a disadvantage, because of their discomfort or unfamiliarity with the Internet.

California’s Medi-Cal program, which had covered poor and low-income seniors’ prescription costs, stopped providing service on Jan. 1, when Part D took over. Yet there were startup problems, which included state and federal computers being unable to interact. Many poor seniors were suddenly being asked to pay full price for medications. The reports of hardship prompted Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Legislature in mid-January to push through emergency prescription drug funding for low-income seniors until May 15.

“It makes the state the payer of last resort for the prescriptions that they need,” said Schwarzenegger spokeswoman Julie Soderlund.

But only until May 15, which could force Tiffany, suffering from the blood disorder, to navigate the system again.

“Good old Part D, the insurance policy that was gonna change it all,” she said. “It’s gonna take some time for me to get happy about it.”

David Merritt, project director at the Center for Health Transformation think tank in Washington, D.C., said that despite such glitches, Medicare Part D transition problems nationwide have been relatively low, with Americans not upset over Part D the way they are over high gas prices.

“Anytime you have a massive policy shift from one system to another system, you’re going to run into problems,” he told The Journal. “The vast majority [of seniors] had zero problems enrolling or getting medication.”

But to Jews dependent on Medicare for affordable drugs, “it’s unfair for seniors to be expected to maneuver through this incredibly messy web,” said Rabbi Zoe Klein of Temple Isaiah. “Health trumps every other problem in your life.”

“They’re basically saying they’re confused, and they want someone to walk them through it,” Klein said.

 

Interest Increases as Deadline Nears Read More »

Community Briefs

Leave a Comment / Community /

Sultan Renews Islam Critique — in English

Psychiatrist, writer and activist Dr. Wafa Sultan, a Syrian expatriate and “American-by-choice,” has become one of the most famous Muslim heretics in modern times. And she did it in a thoroughly modern way condeming Islam during two television appearances, the most recent on Feb. 21, on Arab television network al-Jazeera.

In her televised comments, in Arabic, she called the “clash” between Islam and the West “a clash between civilization and backwardness, between the civilized and the primitive, between barbarity and rationality.”

Last week, in Los Angeles, she spoke in a public forum for the first time in English, at an appearance hosted by the conservative-leaning Center for the Study of Popular Culture.

“I have lost hope for Islam and I think it’s the duty of all thinkers to be blunt and straightforward to change the minds of Muslims,” she said confidently, flanked by two bodyguards, to a receptive audience of about 150 at the Luxe Hotel on Sunset Boulevard.

Time magazine counted Sultan, 47, as among the world’s 100 most influential people for pioneering public criticism of Islam by Muslims. That she is a woman makes her voice almost unique in the Muslim world, which she characterizes as routinely suppressing women. This outspokenness has resulted in frequent death threats against Sultan, who lives in a suburb of Los Angeles. Some Muslims reformers, on the other hand, have praised her.

The daughter of devout Muslims, Sultan first began to question Islam as a medical student at the University of Aleppo, where she witnessed members of the radical Muslim Brotherhood political group shoot dead her professor while shouting “Allah is great.” She and her husband immigrated to the United States in 1989. She describes her mission as educating the world about what she calls the dangers of Islam and fostering an intellectual rebellion among “oppressed” and “brainwashed” Muslims.

“There is no moderate Islam at all because Islam is different from any other religion,” Sultan said. “They believe the Quran is the absolute word of God and we’re not supposed to play with it or change it.”

In addition, she said, in Islam religion and politics are intertwined, making state enforcement of Islam a religious goal among devout Muslims in any country. Islam, she said, “shouldn’t be classified as just a religion but a policy which applies its teachings violently.”

Sultan didn’t reserve her criticism for Islam alone. She faulted President George W. Bush for referring to Islam as a religion of peace. She said that America has the responsibility and right to lead the ideological change that needs to occur among Muslims, to liberate them, but through “books — not only tanks.”

“We don’t only need [Donald] Rumsfeld, but we need Dr. Phil and Oprah,” she remarked, to applause and laughter.

She’s working on her third book, “The Escaped Prisoner: When God Is a Monster,” which, she said, will examine the ideology of Islam from a scientific perspective.

Tammy Bruce, feminist and conservative radio host on KABC, moderated the question-and-answer period at the May 3 event. The subject of Israel and its future in West Bank came up in a question.

“The problem is not the land,” she said, “it’s deeply rooted in the hatred [of the Jews] in the Islamic teachings.” — Orit Arfa, Contributing Writer

A Diplomatic Birthday Party

A who’s who of the Los Angeles Jewish world gathered at the Beverly Hills Hotel for the Israeli consulate general’s annual Yom Ha’Atzmaut celebration on May 3 sponsored by Nathan Shapell. Those in attendance in the crowd of about 700 included the heads of many Jewish organizations, rabbis, lay leaders, elected officials, diplomats and prominent local Israelis.

“In 58 years, Israel has become an economic powerhouse, ranking first in the world in investment in research and development, second in the quality of its institutions of higher education, and third in entrepreneurship,” Consul General Ehud Danoch said.

His remarks lauded Israel, which he praised as the only democracy in the Middle East. Danoch also alluded to Israel’s political uncertainties and the continued threats of terrorist violence, saying, “With all of this we have not yet achieved our dream of peace and the developments of the past year present many challenges.”

Other speakers included Los Angeles County Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky and an Israel Defense Forces (IDF) soldier, who was saluted with enthusiastic applause for his commitment to “fight for his homeland” in the face of terror.

The IDF air force musical troupe provided entertainment, performing classic Israeli favorites, which got Israelis — and some Americans — in the crowd singing along.

But people in the buoyant crowd were so busy greeting and conversing, like at a reunion — or haggling over politics — so irrepressibly that the most popular word at the event wasn’t “Israel” but

“shhhhhhh!” — OA

Click below to read Wafa Sultan’s criticism of Islamic extremism:

http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=15533

Community Briefs Read More »

Mellow Israel Fest Draws 42,000

Leave a Comment / Community /

Maybe it was the relatively cool weather on Sunday. Or maybe it was the stepped-up participation of The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles. But more people than ever attended this year’s Israel Independence Day Festival at Woodley Park in Van Nuys. Organizers put the crowd estimate at about 42,000, a couple of thousand more than last year.

It also helped that organizers did outreach to the Russian community. And that they inked Mashina, a band of aging but still rockin’ Israeli heartthrobs, which headlined a full day of music. As usual, there were activities for children, a long line of kosher food concessions and booths representing dozens of Jewish and Israeli organizations.

Last year’s event was notable for its orange-tinted crowd — the color symbolized solidarity with Gaza’s Jewish settlers, who faced a pending eviction by the Israeli government (see story on page 11). This year, post-eviction, the political posturing was more diffuse and not especially apparent.

“The outstanding thing was that everything went very smooth — no problems,” said Yoram Gutman, the festival’s executive director.

Mellow Israel Fest Draws 42,000 Read More »

Mom: Resist

Leave a Comment / Community, Worldwide /

When stuck with a rebellious child, gluttonous and thieving, the Torah has a tidy solution: Kill him. Or her.

For those of you excited by this opportunity to practice a new mitzvah, be mindful that the Talmud (Sanhedrin 71a) adds, “The case of the wayward and rebellious child never was and never will be.”

In other words, the rabbis couldn’t find a single, relevant example of a parent acting on this advice. They also concluded that, in the future, they never expected or wanted to see this sort of reaction by parents either.

In this way, the tradition both recognizes the impulse to do violence, and then brings us to our senses and to our obligations.

Still, it’s tempting sometimes, isn’t it?

I used to teach classes to parents of children in elementary school. The moms would arrive at my office like butterflies, wearing bright colors and alighting gracefully in their chairs. They talked a lot and shared stories of their week. We laughed and had fun.

When I started teaching classes for parents of preteens and teenagers, it felt as though the lighting had changed in the room. The moms wore darker clothes and darker expressions. Their mouths were tense little lines. They raised their hands to speak and didn’t speak much.

They were beaten up and humiliated, like an NBA team defeated by a high school squad — a sure sign of a mom at her wit’s end because of a sharp-tongued daughter.

“What happened to my sweet child? Someone took her in the night! This new child, the changeling, doesn’t like me and isn’t too likable herself. In fact, she acts like a bitch. She reminds me of the girls I didn’t like in middle school. Why is she so uncooperative, so rude, so dismissive?”

Sheepishly, they reported the insults hurled by their daughters.

“Mom, the reason you’re so strict is because you have a lot of personal problems. And everyone we know knows this about you. And they talk about it all the time.”

“The reason you won’t let me go to the mall with my friends is that you weren’t very popular when you were in middle school and you want me to be an outcast, too.”

Why would they talk like this?

Aside from dangling then withdrawing the carrot of a more permanent solution, the Talmud tells us: “Every parent has an obligation to teach his or her child how to swim.”

Our children don’t belong to us. Our job is to raise our children to leave us. This means that after all that SAT prep, when they finally do get into college, we want them to stay there without phoning twice a day because they are not crazy about their roommate or because they can’t get the course they want. And we don’t want them coming home after one semester with a stomachache, or because the food is better at home or the bed in the dorm isn’t Tempur-Pedic.

I talk to parents about normal child development. When children are small, they beg you to come into their room and stay there as long as possible, especially at night. When they are teenagers, they get angry if you even look in their room, or enter without permission, especially at night. When they were small, they embarrassed you by screaming in the supermarket; now you embarrass them by singing, ever, or being too friendly, to anyone. They act this way because they are making space to grow away from you, to form their own identity.

As they should.

Don’t look to teenage girls to remind you of your worthiness, dignity or charm: Both their hormones and their spirit tell them that this is the time to begin to separate from parents.

Mitzrayim, the Hebrew word for Egypt, means “straits,” or “narrow places.” For mothers of girls, the preteen and early teen years are your Mitzrayim. Eventually, when they turn 16 or 17, you’ll get to the Promised Land: Your old friend will be waiting, but now she’ll be a fine young woman. She’ll be nice to you again and you’ll be proud of her and she’ll be proud of you.

But until then, what to do? In my classes, I say to the parents over and over in every way I can think of: Don’t take eye-rolling as an insult. Think of it this way: At least they are listening. Don’t take any of this personally. Although they may be taller than you are and are certainly more quick-witted, they aren’t doing this to hurt you. What they are doing is not only normal, but necessary.

What about the Fifth Commandment, you ask, honoring parents? When children are young, Jewish law states that we must teach them to be respectful and kind, thoughtful and compassionate.

When you’ve got teenagers, honoring mother and father means doing it yourself. Honor yourself. Treat yourself with dignity. Even if your teenager makes you feel like dirt. Don’t join the attack. The rabbis tell us that we will be called to task in the world to come for every legitimate pleasure available to us of which we did not partake. Admire, nurture and delight yourself. Don’t look to the eye roller to do it.

How to celebrate Mother’s Day in Egypt?

For part of the answer, it’s appropriate to look to your partners in parenting.

Dads and significant others, you are on call today. Say to this beleaguered mom: “You look beautiful.”

Calling this normal-looking person beautiful helps counteract the propaganda of a culture that tells your daughters they need to look perfect.

Then tell her again, in private, and be specific. She works round-the-clock and she’s tired and cranky and hard on herself. Mother’s Day is the right time to remind her in detail how amazing you think she is.

And Moms, you should talk to other moms. Remember Mommy and Me? When you got to check in with fellow travelers about the proper color and consistency of baby poop, and how to manage sleep deprivation and no sex. Remember how you calmed each other down and laughed and commiserated? There aren’t many support groups for mothers of teenagers so mothers are alone, scared and ashamed — and unaware that it is just as bad next door. This Mother’s Day, find a private spot and call a friend who has a teenage daughter. Kvetch, laugh, remind each other that everything with children is just a stage. Take the long view. And have a pleasant Mother’s Day.

Wendy Mogel is a clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles. She is the author of the best-selling parenting book, “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teaching to Raise Self-Reliant Children” (Penguin, 2001). She is currently writing a book for parents of adolescents, “The Blessing of a B Minus.”

 

Mom: Resist Read More »

My Mother’s Mostly Beautiful Heart

Leave a Comment / Books, Personal Voice /

“Overall, she has a mostly beautiful heart” is what the cardiologist, my brother’s friend, says as we quietly stare at the beating organ on the computer screen. We’re waiting for other images, the not-so-beautiful parts, from the lab after her emergency angioplasty.

“Her beautiful heart,” my father repeats, as though the doctor had answered the enigma he was pondering.

He leans against the wall, massaging his head: “That’s why I married her. That’s what I saw from the first.”

My mother always tells their love story as a fairy-tale: He was gorgeous but into her petite, black-haired, green-eyed friend. Eventually though, my mother sparked his interest. They talked all night. And he kissed her. And her toes lit up and the bells went off. That was it. They were married in six weeks, 56 years ago. I wonder if that’s what my father is remembering. How one night, one kiss, became life.

A few minutes later the slides upload. In one, the artery’s a thread in two places, in the other, it looks normal. He says it all fast and I only hear parts.

“Ninety percent blockage … the stent worked … no clots for now.”

“Tick. Tick. Tick,” my brother says slowly, pointing to the breeches.

He’s in civilian clothes, a green Nike jacket, not his usual white one when he walks these halls.

“Bad situation, blessed timing,” I say quickly.

My father blinks behind his giant glasses. The lenses magnify the glimpses of primal fear I see, but most would miss. At 80, he’s still handsome, one of those stoic, solid-as-a-rock guys.

He’s half of AlandFlorence: one word.

He being here and she being there makes him feel out of control, isolates him. I walk over and stand close. He’s not used to being his own name in public. He’s witnessed this plenty though: Their gang of friends is dwindling quickly, especially this year. They’re the lone holdouts where one or the other isn’t dead or incapacitated — but they’ve closed ranks, conspiring not to let us all know how hard it is, or what’s going on.

“After the last funeral,” my mother mentioned matter-of-factly just the other day, “the book club had to merge with the film club and we alternate months.”

We just came from the waiting room. I brought hand-carved turkey sandwiches, chicken soup and pineapple. It’s a family trait, I think, this quixotic, quasi-mystical belief that the marriage of will and wholesome food can in some way beat back the forces of time, illness, and human loss.

My father says he isn’t hungry.

“You have to eat,” I say, handing him half like an order. He eats slowly, not like him. He is shaky.

Now it’s almost midnight. She’s getting unhooked and we’ll make a pilgrimage with her gurney across the low-lit buildings to the ICU.

My mother is groggy, but OK. I stay and my brother takes my father home.

In the morning, I bring my mother a bagel and egg white omelet and she’s ravenous. A good sign.

I tell her something about a rabbi I study with, and all that I’ve learned.

She asks if I have talked to him about her: “I was wondering because, you know, we’ve had some very difficult periods.”

She wants to hear that the rabbi said she’s right and I’m wrong. It doesn’t quite matter about what, just in principle. But there’s something below that. I think she wants me to say what’s on my mind even if she doesn’t like it, in case something bad happens.

I keep my response general and light. I say that she’s done great with her life. As far as those things that went south between us, none of that matters, I tell her. I will do my best to understand her wants, and to protect her if she can’t protect herself.

Although edited for complexity, this is the truth.

I get home and my boyfriend, Stuart, checks in. I tell him I just came from the hospital, say that this is the thing about love — mortality, the sense that love is filled with 1,000 risks of loss.

But he’s on his way to work. There’s road noise and wild winds on the 101, and it’s hard to hear. He doesn’t do well with deep conversations on the fly.

He responds with his marathon runner’s optimism: “She’s strong, looks 65 — of course she’ll pull through.” Then he tells me: “Just so you know, I bought two bottles of the Coppola your brother likes for Friday night.”

When we hang up, I think about Stuart. The one I get to love. And I know even though he’s smart and handsome and other things I’m drawn to, it’s his beautiful heart — that’s why I’ve chosen him.

By noon, my father calls, sounds like himself again: The enzymes are great, there’s no actual damage to the heart muscles, they’ve unhooked her.

“Mommy took a walk,” he says, the relief palpable.

Later that night in the ICU, the monitors are blinking everywhere. She’s trying to nap but can’t.

I swore to myself that I wouldn’t reveal a recent conversation with Stuart, but I have a deep-down fear I might not get a chance to — that she’ll die without knowing that Stuart loves me, enough to tell his brother that I’m “The One.”

I’ve almost become superstitious that she’s been waiting all this time for me to find someone to love again, and now that I have, she’s going to vanish suddenly.

So I say it fast: “Stuart talked about engagement rings. Don’t say anything to anyone, we’re not engaged yet. Period.”

“Please God” she says, waving her hand to scatter the air and ward off the evil eye.

My father is snoring in the chair, exhausted from everything.

“He is such a good husband,” she says, “the things he has done for me this year.” From the wince in her face, I know they’re not pretty things.

I’m remembering a conversation I had with my parents at a restaurant some time back.

We were talking about soul mates. It was before Stuart. I was dating and it was weird and hard and dispiriting. I couldn’t seem to figure out how love or even dating worked.

“Maybe it’s not so good to be with your soul mate,” I said. “Maybe it’s better to have more of an earthy, functional connection. Like you and daddy. Maybe it’s the secret.”

My mother looked up: “I always thought of your father as my soul mate.”

The words surprised me. I did not think of my mother as soulful or deep. I didn’t think my parents suited to each other on that level.

“I always thought you two were more pragmatic than that — a function of pure will mixed with passion.”

“Yes, I know,” she said, going back to her hamburger, “that’s what you thought.”

research4writers@aol.com

 

My Mother’s Mostly Beautiful Heart Read More »

Mother and Daughter Authors Are Klass Act

Leave a Comment / Books, Worldwide /

Sheila Solomon Klass and Dr. in Perri Klass — mother and daughter co-authors — don’t finish each other’s sentences, but they do elaborate on them in Talmudic style, layering on comments, memories, opinions and their own interpretations of the same story.

In a kitchen table interview in Sheila’s Washington Heights, N.Y., apartment, the two women talk candidly about their lives and careers — sometimes describing the other and waiting for a correction to be lobbed back — and their new book, “Every Mother Is a Daughter: The Neverending Quest for Success, Inner Peace and a Really Clean Kitchen” (Ballantine).

Perri, 48, is a pediatrician and writer, and Sheila, 78, is an author and teacher of writing. Between them, they’ve written more than 25 books, although this is their first collaboration. The book is told in alternating voices and reads like their live conversation. They share ideas about home, children, writing, relationships and the way their lives overlap and echo. There’s nothing thorny or strained between them, even as they disagree. The book is funny, thoughtful and smart — full of love but avoiding the pitfalls of sentimentality.

“In some ways we spend our lives telling stories about our mothers,” Perri writes, determined to give her mother her say in print.

Among their similarities, Perri points out that both have three children, long marriages to academic men and work that allows time for writing “around the edges.”

“She started out in a completely different place. She invented the whole thing. I was just copying,” the daughter says.

“Perri gives me too much credit,” her mother replies. “I don’t feel I invented this kind of life. I stumbled upon myself.”

Perri is one of the best-known pediatrician-writers in the United States. She gained national attention as a medical student in 1984 when she began contributing to the “Hers” column of The New York Times and published a much-discussed essay in The New York Times Magazine on being pregnant while attending Harvard Medical School. Since then, she has published widely in magazines, ranging from Parenting to Esquire to Knitter’s Magazine (she’s also a serious knitter) and has written nine books of fiction and nonfiction. In addition to her work at a neighborhood health center in Boston, she directs Reach Out and Read, a national program that trains doctors and nurses to stress the importance of reading.

Sheila is the kind of ardent New Yorker who prefers subways to taxis and wanders the streets with confidence — she’s still dazzled by the city where she’s spent most of her life. For more than 40 years she has taught writing at the Borough of Manhattan Community College, and she has written 16 novels, including several for young readers and a memoir of her time living in Trinidad, where Perri was born. Her other children are also writers: her son a screenwriter, and her younger daughter a poet, songwriter and English professor.

The book is in many ways a paean to husband and father Morton Klass, an anthropologist who specialized in religion and died suddenly in 2001. Perri says that she so missed hearing his voice and thought that this project would be a way for them to look at their memories from different perspectives. After his death, Perri and Sheila traveled to Trinidad, where they had previously lived in a small wooden hut on stilts while Morton did research for his dissertation — this was a return trip they had hoped to do with him.

While Perri grew up in suburban New Jersey with familial support for all of her pursuits, Sheila grew up very poor in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, in the 1920s, in an unhappy Orthodox home. In order to attend Brooklyn College, she ran away from home and took a live-in baby-sitting job. Sheila never wanted a life like her mother’s, although she later realized that “she who gives you life is never wholly separated from you.”

Perri doesn’t seem so much like a younger version of Sheila, but there’s a direct lifeline between them. It’s perhaps in their habits of home, kitchen and thrift that mother and daughter differ most, and playfully spar. Sheila never leaves a teacup in her sink, perfectly refolds the newspaper whenever she or anyone else puts it down, lives frugally and gets her assignments in early. Perri misses deadlines regularly and spends much of what she makes. Her home is chaotic and, unlike her mother, who served breakfast every morning at a set table, she tries to remind her kids to grab a handful of nuts on their way out of the house. While Perri isn’t allowed to wash a dish in Sheila’s home, Sheila makes sure to wash Perri’s sink full of dishes whenever she visits, in spite of her daughter’s protests. It’s motherly prerogative.

“When I think about strength, I think about my mother,” Perri says. “My mother has always been very reliable in a way that I don’t think I am. I sometimes come home and I say I’m too tired to even think about dinner. Never in my whole life did my mother, who worked all day and had dinner on the table every night, say she was too tired.”

“Only because I didn’t know I was allowed,” Sheila remarks.

The book ends in India, another return trip for the intrepid pair. Perri makes the plans, adding a few luxuries her mother would ordinarily eschew. The final scene is one of mother-daughter mischief, as they view the Taj Mahal at night.

Perri is about to become a New Yorker. She and her husband, a professor of history, are joining the New York University faculty. Along with an appointment at the medical school, she’ll also teach in the journalism school.

As for Sheila, who has some trouble with her vision and hearing, she’s grateful every day for the gifts of her life. Moving back to Manhattan after her kids left home was like returning from exile. She offers her own mantra: “Let it be known that she never took a cab of her own free will.”

For Journal readers who will be in the New York region, there will be a Mother’s Day event, celebrating mothers and daughters, co-sponsored by The Jewish Week and the UJA-Federation of New York. It will feature a conversation with Dr. Perri Klass and Sheila Solomon Klass – moderated by Sandee Brawarsky and hosted by JCC Mid-Westchester. The dialogue will be followed by a book signing and light refreshments. It takes place Monday, May 15, from 7:30 to 9 p.m., JCC Mid-Westchester, 999 Wilmot Road, Scarsdale. The event is free but reservations are required. Contact Tia Disick, (212) 921-7822 x237, or tia@jewishweek.org

Sandee Brawarsky is book critic for The Jewish Week.

 

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Comforting Mothers Without Mothers

Leave a Comment / Family, Living Well, Womans Voice /

“My childhood skidded to a stop on a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of my 15th year, with my mother’s first mammogram results,” writes Hope Edelman in her moving new book, “Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become” (Harper Collins). For Edelman, her mother’s illness and subsequent death from cancer two years later in 1981 were the beginning of a journey of loss, self-exploration and eventual emotional redemption that has spanned nearly a quarter-century and spawned three well-received books on the subject.

“I wanted to find ways to help women cope, and even thrive in the absence of a mother,” says Edelman from her home in Topanga Canyon.

A native New Yorker who graduated from the Northwestern School of Journalism, Edelman first explored “mother loss” while studying creative nonfiction writing at the prestigious Iowa Writers’ Workshop in the late 1980s. She discovered that, other than a few pieces of clinical work gathering dust in university archives, women seeking guidance and reassurance had few resources.

Her first book, “Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss,” published in 1994, fused her own experiences with research and with excerpts from interviews with hundreds of women. She received thousands of letters from women who heard their voices expressed in her pages. The book became a New York Times best seller that sparked dialogue and helped pave the way for a more open discourse on the subject.

In the midst of this success, her own life was about to change dramatically — a seismic shift that would inspire her next major book project.

Edelman was living in New York in 1996 when she began dating Uzi Eliyahou, an Israeli high-tech executive based in Los Angeles. Seven months into their whirlwind long-distance relationship, she discovered she was pregnant. Within the year, she was married, living in Los Angeles and the mother of Maya, now 8 (Eden, 4, followed a few years later).

Through this experience, Edelman became convinced that as a motherless daughter, she faced a unique and different set of challenges that she wanted to share with both laypeople and medical professionals.

She was motivated in part by a disturbing interaction with the first gynecologist she saw after becoming pregnant. When faced with Edelman’s particular concerns about coping, as a pregnant woman, with the loss of her own mother, the doctor just wasn’t interested.

“Let me know when you get it figured out,” he told her.

She later heard similar tales of insensitivity from other women.

Edelman hoped that in her book she could help doctors and psychologists develop empathy for the experience of the motherless mother.

“As with most of the women I interviewed, the big question that arose was, ‘How will I know how to be a mother?'” Edelman says.

Other issues that loom large for soon-to-be or new mothers include the fear of dying young, the anxiety of losing a loved one and the desire to give their children an emotional security they did not have themselves.

“I’m about to reach the same age my mother was when she died,” Edelman says. “And that looms large.”

In the course of her research, Edelman discovered that becoming a mother often brought the pain of her mother’s passing into the forefront, but that the process of pregnancy, birth and childrearing can be healing. Even so, there’s a multigenerational effect to account for.

Since most women keep photographs of their late mothers prominently displayed in their homes, the pictures spark curiosity, and discussion.

“We talk about my mother often and openly,” Edelman says.

Another unexpected result of motherhood has been reconnection with faith.

“My mother was the center of Jewish identity in our house,” Edelman says. “When she died, our family’s connection to Judaism loosened.”

According to Edelman, the mother typically serves as “kinkeeper,” the one who brings friends and family together for holiday meals and rituals.

“When a Jewish woman loses her mother, she loses the most important role model for how to sustain a Jewish home.” Edelman says. “You are suddenly without the person who is primarily responsible for cooking Shabbat dinner or preparing the seder. We became religious orphans when my mother died.”

It was her older daughter, Maya, named for Edelman’s mother, who helped bring the family back into the Jewish fold. Edelman and her husband enrolled Maya in school at Chabad of Topanga. Maya soon came home bursting with knowledge about all of the holidays. “She wants to observe all the holidays,” says Edelman. “It’s a connection I only recently made,” she added, explaining that the process of Jewish ritual and community has helped heal the wounds of her mother’s premature passing.

Edelman is pursuing a variety of writing projects, but doesn’t want to overlook a main theme of her work: the importance of spending meaningful time with your family.

“There were far too many 14-hour days in the past three years,” Edelman says. “I’m enjoying spending more time with my husband and children.”

Hope Edelman regularly holds one-day Motherless Daughters writing workshops For more information, visit Comforting Mothers Without Mothers Read More »

Olmert Sworn in as Israel’s New PM

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Exactly four months after assuming Israel’s top office amid tragedy, Ehud Olmert has been confirmed as prime minister, and hopes to lead the Jewish state to security, if not peace.

Olmert was sworn in last week, along with his Cabinet, after the Knesset approved the coalition government he formed to push through a plan for withdrawing from swathes of the West Bank and setting Israel’s borders, unilaterally if necessary, in the absence of peace talks with the Palestinians.

In his address to fellow lawmakers, Olmert had fond words for Ariel Sharon, the former prime minister struck down and left in a coma by a stroke Jan. 4. But Olmert soon made clear he intended to be no less of a statesman, following up on last year’s pullout from the Gaza Strip and northern West Bank with even more sweeping moves in the West Bank.

“Even when everything around him was stormy and turbulent, Arik remained in the eye of the storm, quiet and confident, his hand holding the wheel steady and focused,” Olmert said. “The disengagement from the Gaza Strip and Northern Samaria was an essential first step in this direction, but the main part is still ahead.”

He continued, “Partition of the land for the purpose of guaranteeing a Jewish majority is the lifeline of Zionism. I know how hard it is, especially for the settlers and those faithful to Eretz Yisrael, but I am convinced, with all my heart, that it is necessary and that we must do it with dialogue, internal reconciliation and broad consensus.”

Israeli media reports said Olmert’s plan to evacuate some 60,000 settlers from isolated West Bank communities while annexing major settlement blocs could get under way within two years.

The prime minister extended an olive branch to the Palestinian Authority — he is expected to meet in late May with P.A. President Mahmoud Abbas — but with the Palestinian Authority’s Hamas-led government refusing to renounce terrorism, few expect a peace accord.

“The State of Israel is prepared to wait for this necessary change in the Palestinian Authority,” Olmert said. “That said, we will not wait forever. The State of Israel does not want to, nor can it, suspend the fateful decisions regarding its future until the Palestinian Authority succeeds in implementing the commitments it undertook in the past.”

With its three partner factions, Olmert’s centrist Kadima Party controls 67 of the Knesset’s 120 seats, a narrow majority that will be tested by the prospect of another pullout.

Among the 49 lawmakers who voted against the government were both the right-wing Likud Party, which leads the political opposition, and Israeli Arab factions — an unusual alliance suggesting that Olmert will be criticized as being both too soft and too tough on the Palestinians.

But he received unequivocal support from Likud leader Benjamin Netanyahu for tough words on arch-foe Iran and its nuclear program.

“The pursuit by this rogue and terror-sponsoring regime of nuclear weapons is currently the most dangerous global development, and the international community must do its utmost to stop it,” Olmert said. “The State of Israel, which the evil leaders in Tehran have turned into a target for annihilation, is not helpless and has the ability to defend itself against any threat.”

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Nation & World Briefs

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Investor Buys Israeli Company

American tycoon Warren Buffett invested $4 billion in an Israeli manufacturing firm. In what Israeli media hailed as the “deal of the decade,” Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway corporation bought an 80 percent interest in Iscar, an international metalworks consortium based in Tefen, Israel, over the weekend. The purchase propelled the Wertheimer family, which founded Iscar, to the top of the list of Israel’s richest people. It was also a tax windfall for the new Olmert government. Buffett, known as one of the world’s top investors, was quoted as saying he may seek further investment opportunities in the Jewish state.

Israel Saves Abbas?

Israel reportedly saved Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas from a Hamas assassination plot. Britain’s Sunday Times reported that Abbas recently canceled a trip to the Gaza Strip after being notified by Israel that he and an allied leader of his Fatah faction, Mohammed Dahlan, could be targeted by the radical Islamic group for assassination. Israel and the Palestinian Authority had no immediate comment. There have been mounting tensions in the West Bank and Gaza since Hamas ousted Fatah in January elections. Earlier this month, Palestinian Authority officials said a tunnel had been discovered under Abbas’ official residence in Gaza, but offered no explanation. The Palestinian Authority president is based in the West Bank city of Ramallah.

Olmert to Address Congress

Ehud Olmert will address both houses of the U.S. Congress. The rare joint session, scheduled for May 24, will cap Olmert’s first visit to the United States as Israeli prime minister. He will also meet with President Bush. Olmert is seeking U.S. backing for his plans to unilaterally withdraw from portions of the West Bank.

Police, Settlers Clash in West Bank

Israeli police scuffled with settlers holed up inside a disputed property in Hebron. Paramilitary police on Sunday broke into a three-story home near the Avraham Avinu neighborhood of the West Bank city to enforce a High Court eviction order against two settler families inside. The settlers, who moved in last month, say they bought the property from its Palestinian owners. Palestinians dispute this claim. Before the eviction was completed, settlers and police scuffled near the building. Seventeen policemen and soldiers were injured and 19 settlers arrested.

Nun Who Fought Anti-Semitism Dies

Sister Rose Thering, a nun who campaigned against anti-Semitism in the Catholic Church, died Saturday at 85. Thering examined how Catholic educational materials contained anti-Semitic passages for her doctoral dissertation, which she completed in 1957. The Vatican used her work when it issued its landmark 1965 declaration that absolved Jews of collective responsibility for the death of Jesus. She was the subject of a 2005 film, “Sister Rose’s Passion,” that was nominated for an Academy Award in the short documentary category.

Sweden Offers Hamas Visa

Sweden broke with E.U. policy by granting a visa to a Palestinian Authority Cabinet minister from Hamas. Minister for Refugees Atef Adwan was given a visa to attend a weekend conference in Sweden, the first time an E.U. member state has allowed entry to a member of the Hamas-led Palestinian Authority since the terrorist group took power in March. Israeli officials were infuriated. France and Belgium had refused visa applications from other Hamas officials after E.U. leaders decided last month that there would be no dialogue with Hamas until it recognizes Israel and gives up terrorism. The Swedish visa will allow Adwan to travel freely in 15 European countries, and comes shortly after Sweden refused to take part in an international military exercise because Israel was participating.

Republican Chair Booed at AJCommittee Event

The chairman of the Republican Party was booed at an American Jewish Committee (AJCommittee) event over comments on Iraq. Ken Mehlman, who is Jewish, said Iraq posed less of a challenge now than under Saddam Hussein. Mehlman was otherwise politely received when he spoke recently at the AJCommittee’s 100th anniversary celebrations in Washington, and he got warm applause when he said the Bush administration would not tolerate an Iranian nuclear bomb and always would stand by Israel. The room burst into applause, however, when AJCommittee board member Edith Everett asked Mehlman to “take a message” to President Bush to stop linking Israel and Iran.

“It does not help Israel and it does not help American Jews to appear to be stimulators of any action against Iran,” Everett said. She added that “it’s easy to understand why Iran is not worried about us” because Iraq is consuming so many U.S. resources. Mehlman replied by acknowledging that Iraq was a “challenge,” but claimed it’s “less of a challenge than when Saddam Hussein was in power.” The room filled with boos and hisses.

Albright: Lobby Paper ‘Highly Overstated’

A paper alleging that a powerful pro-Israel lobby controls U.S. Middle East policy is “highly overstated,” Madeleine Albright said. The former U.S. secretary of state is launching a new book about U.S. failures in Middle East policy. Appearing at a Council of Foreign Relations event in New York City last week, Albright was asked about the paper written by two foreign policy academics, John Mearsheimer of the University of Chicago and Stephen Walt of Harvard University.

The paper was “highly overstated,” she said. “It’s very easy to get on this tack all of a sudden that it’s some kind of an overly powerful Jewish lobby. There are other lobbies that are very strong, and Washington is full of lobbyists. So I would not, in fact, stress that as much as I would stress the fact that the U.S. does have an indissoluble relationship with Israel that is based on history and culture.”

Annan Wants Full U.N. Membership for Israel

Kofi Annan said he wants to see Israel’s unqualified membership in the United Nations. Addressing the American Jewish Committee’s 100th anniversary dinner last week, the U.N. secretary-general noted Israel’s recent membership in the Western Europeans and Others Group, which granted Israel access to certain U.N. bodies that previously had been closed to it because of Muslim opposition. “I hope that within my lifetime, just as in this country, where Jews are accepted without question as full citizens by all their fellow citizens, so Israel will be accepted without question as a member by the whole family of nations,” Annan said to applause.

Senate Slashes Egypt Aid

The U.S. Senate slashed 10 percent of domestic assistance to Egypt. The $47 million cut passed last week in a little-noticed voice vote on an amendment to a foreign operations appropriation that allocated $35 million to famine assistance in Africa and $12 million for disaster relief in the United States, Guatemala and Pakistan. The total was drawn from the domestic aid package to Egypt. A number of legislators want to cut assistance to Egypt because of its failure to introduce promised democratic reforms. The Bush administration opposes the cuts, noting Egypt’s role in the Israeli-Palestinian peace process, and a Bush ally in the U.S. House of Representatives said he would restore the assistance when the foreign operations bill goes to conference.

“Egypt is a strategic ally. We shouldn’t be doing something like this right now,” Rep. Jim Kolbe (R-Ariz), chairman of the foreign operations subcommittee, told National Journal. Egypt gets $1.3 billion in military aid and just under $500 million in domestic assistance stemming from its 1978 peace accord with Israel.

Merkel: German Jews a ‘Joy’

Germany’s growing Jewish community is a source of “great joy,” Chancellor Angela Merkel said. “We are able to note with great joy that Jewish schools are thriving, synagogues are being built and, as of next fall, rabbis will be ordained,” Merkel said last week, addressing the American Jewish Committee’s 100th anniversary celebrations in Washington.

Germany’s Jewish community, which Merkel estimated at 200,000, is the only one outside Israel undergoing substantial growth, mainly because of immigration from the former Soviet Union. Merkel also said her country would not tolerate a nuclear weapon for Iran.

Briefs Courtesy Jewish Telegraphic Agency

 

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Drug Plan Proving Bitter Pill for Seniors

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After sorting through piles of brochures, Millie Topper thought she had finally found the right Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit plan to pay for the high blood pressure medications she wanted.

But once the 77-year-old resident of Silver Spring, Md., crunched the numbers, she realized she couldn’t afford the plan’s heavy deductibles and monthly premiums. Grudgingly, she signed up instead for a plan that forces her to take a generic drug in lieu of the brand name she prefers.

“I don’t know which way to turn,” Topper said.

Her friends, she said, complain that “you’d have to be a rocket scientist to figure out the Medicare drug benefit.”

It’s a familiar story for Jewish officials who staff the community’s elderly help lines, where phones have been ringing off the hook in advance of the May 15 deadline to enroll in a prescription benefit plan. The benefit, which took effect Jan. 1, has been financially detrimental to some Jewish seniors and helpful to others — but bewildering to almost all.

“I haven’t heard anybody say, ‘Boy that’s terrific,'” said Beth Hess, director of aging and disability services for the Jewish Social Services Agency. “Nobody’s dancing on the ceiling with enthusiasm for this.”

Its consequences are important for a Jewish community with disproportionately large numbers of seniors. A recent survey recorded 19 percent of U.S. Jews as seniors, as opposed to 12 percent in the general population.

The benefit is the fruit of the Medicare Prescription Drug Improvement and Modernization Act of 2003, which for the first time covers all Medicare beneficiaries. The government turned to private enterprise to handle the massive new entitlement, against the backdrop of escalating drug costs. Incentives were offered to private companies to administer the benefit at the lowest possible cost. The idea was to encourage profit-driven companies to compete against one another to enlist seniors, causing prices to drop.

Under the rules of Medicare’s new prescription drug plan, known as Part D, beneficiaries must choose a plan offered by a private insurer. Each Part D plan — and there are dozens in each state — has its own “formulary,” a restrictive list of drugs, pharmacies, monthly premiums, co-payments and yearly deductibles.

Finding the best and most affordable plan has Jewish seniors grousing about the maze of options. The jargon has added to the confusion.

“I didn’t even know what ‘formulary’ meant,” Topper said.

For those enrollees who stand to benefit from the new system, the immense confusion triggered by the transition has overshadowed the more affordable costs. With many seniors on multiple prescription drugs at once — along with the ever-present prospect of needing new medications, finding the right formulary has become a tall order.

One way of searching for plans is by accessing the “plan finder” on the Medicare.gov Web site, a process many experts say can be confusing for anyone, let alone seniors who may not be computer savvy.

Some seniors pore over each individual formulary brochure they receive in the mail. But most chafe at sifting through the formularies or using the Internet to find the best plan. Many Jewish seniors have turned to their children and grandchildren for help

“What’s most impressive is how active children are in trying to help their parents, regardless of how much money they have,” Hess said. “Active adult children are making it a lot easier on Jewish seniors.”

William Peirez, president of B’nai B’rith International’s MetroNorth region, enrolled his 87-year-old mother in an AARP plan. Peirez is angry about the new system, which he says is far too complicated.

“An 80-year-old can not figure this out,” he said. “It doesn’t make sense. It’s too difficult for me, and I’m 62 and a lawyer.”

Jewish leaders and policy analysts agree that some of the biggest losers from the benefit are the indigent on Medicaid, including a number of Jews.

“There is this stereotype that all Jews have money,” said Rachel Goldberg, director of senior advocacy at B’nai B’rith International. “We forget that while the average income for Jews is slightly higher, we still do have older Jews living in poverty.”

At the beginning of the year, all 6 million Americans who qualify for both Medicaid and Medicare were automatically enrolled in random private plans under the new benefit.

Prior to the switch, Medicaid recipients, who are in the lowest income bracket, had received their drugs without cost. Now they are saddled with more restricted options and face co-payment costs of a few dollars each time they request a prescription.

“Many are paying more than they used to, and simply cannot afford it,” Goldberg said. “What sounds like coffee money to middle-class people, if you’re living hand-to-mouth, can [determine] whether or not you make your electric bill.”

Goldberg and other Jewish leaders are also highlighting lower-middle and low-income seniors who come close but do not qualify for Medicaid. This group has the most to gain from the benefit but also the most to lose, they said. Many seniors lack assistance in paying for their drugs, though there are subsidies for people who pass an assets test. But poorer seniors are less likely to have access to advisers and the best information to find the right plan. Without help, many feel powerless and are avoiding the benefit altogether, experts said.

Another lightning rod for confusion and concern is gaps in the benefit structure, called “doughnut holes.” If drug costs — including out-of-pocket costs and Medicare’s portion — exceed $2,250, Medicare pays nothing, while the beneficiary must cover 100 percent, until costs reach $5,100. Then Medicare defrays 95 percent of costs.

Many Jewish seniors don’t know whether it’s worth spending the extra money in monthly premiums to receive a plan that will fill in all or part of the gap.

Jews who are better off financially and already receiving their drugs through separate plans are unsure whether they would fare better or worse under Part D. Opting into the benefit may result in worse or more costly coverage and lead to the termination of former plans — but seniors also want to avoid late fees incurred if they enroll after the May 15 deadline.

Seniors “are resigned to struggling with a very complicated situation, where what’s right for them can change over time,” said David Gamse, executive director of Jewish Council for the Aging.

 

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