September 23, 2004

Judaism Walks With

Leave a Comment / California, United States / Mark Oppenheimer

Rabbi Mark Borovitz’s memoir of how prison Torah study turned an alcoholic grifter and check-kiter into a successful rehabilitator of Jewish cokeheads, gamblers and other addicts is a blustering and grandiose book, marred by clichés and solecisms. And yet, I liked “The Holy Thief: A Con Man’s Journey From Darkness to Light,” very much.

There have been so many bad recovery memoirs cultivating readers’ cynicism that one can forget how amazing the redemption of a human soul is. Something about the blunt, anti-literary voice of Borovitz (or, more probably, his co-writer, Alan Eisenstock) perfectly conveys the hustler, the tough Jew who turns his talent for persuasion to better ends.

Borovitz’s tale has a picaresque quality, taking us from the Cleveland underworld to prison and finally to the chaplaincy at Beit T’Shuvah, the Los Angeles treatment center lauded by President Bush as a faith-based initiative at its best. But what makes the book not just likable but important is how Borovitz forces his readers to confront the reality of Jewish criminals and junkies — not just in the Meyer Lansky 1930s or the boiler rooms of Wall Street but in anonymous suburbs.

Borovitz was raised by good people. He went to shul. His older brother, Neal, in fact, was already a rabbi by the time Mark did his first prison stint.

Jewish law-abidingness was not my only preconception challenged by “The Holy Thief.” One tends not to associate addiction recovery and Jewish spirituality.

Where do Jews go when they get hooked on amphetamines or alcohol? Not to shul but to places with names like Rolling Hills or Hidden Valley, where, of course, most of the residents are surely Christians. What could it mean for Torah to play a role in addiction treatment?

“The Holy Thief” does not quite get to the heart of this question; the book ends with Borovitz getting out of prison, finding work at the then-new and experimental Beit T’Shuvah, marrying its founder and being accepted to study for the rabbinate at the University of Judaism.

To learn more, I visited Beit T’Shuvah on Venice Boulevard. There, Borovitz and his wife, Harriet Rossetto, the social worker who founded the center, gave me a tour of their small campus. It has dormitories for 100, a cafeteria and a shul that every Friday draws 350 people: current residents, alumni and some neighbors who just like Borovitz’s revival-style services.

Rossetto and Borovitz explained their treatment program for Jewish addicts young and old, some poor, others the children of Hollywood moguls. It’s a combination of worship, Torah study, group therapy, individual psychodynamic therapy and traditional Twelve Step recovery on the Alcoholics Anonymous model.

Somehow, this melding of Judaism with Twelve Stepping struck me as even less probable than the notion of Jewish addicts. I think this had something to do with my sense that the Twelve Steps are, like Wicca — goyish.

AA’s founders were openly Christological; when they enjoined their followers to put faith in a higher power, it was clear whom they meant.

“A power greater than ourselves” leaves room for interpretation, and AA’s emphasis on confessional prayer and humiliation before a deity has worked for Jews, Muslims and even Unitarian-style deists. Still, like other quintessentially American self-help or empowerment formulas, like the Rev. Norman Vincent Peale’s power of positive thinking or Stephen Covey’s Mormon-derived habits of highly effective people, AA is clearly rooted in Christianity.

As we sat in Rossetto’s office, I asked the couple, “Am I alone in my perception that the Twelve Steps are, well, Christian?”

Borovitz, tall, burly and 52, stroked his red-and-white beard, sat forward on the sofa and explained patiently that I was mistaken. The Twelve Steps, he said, are closer to Judaism than to the Protestantism from which they derive. After all, Protestantism (in its Baptist and Calvinist strains anyway) places ultimate importance in belief; Judaism, we know, wants belief but insists on action. The mitzvot (good deeds) are primarily concerned with what we do, not what we think.

And although the Twelve Steps, like the Ten Commandments, begin with a requirement of belief, they move to action: make a list of persons harmed, make amends to them, carry the message to others. The 10th step is to take an inventory of one’s failings, and, Borovitz asked, is that not the essence of Judaism, whose holiest day is set aside for confession and atonement?

A version of this review appeared on nextbook.com.

Mark Oppenheimer, the editor of the New Haven Advocate, is the author of “Thirteen and a Day: The Bar and Bat Mitzvah, American Style” (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2005).

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Roll Away Hunger

Leave a Comment / Celebrations/Simchas / Beverly Levitt

Yom Kippur’s break the fast is the most anticipated meal of the year. Of course, it’s because we’re starving; we’ve been fantasizing about that first bite for the last 25 hours.

As soon as the sun goes down and the shofar is blown for the last time, our thoughts invariably turn to: How fast can we get to that buffet table?

But as delicious as our traditional dairy delicacies are, they don’t respect the fact that our stomachs have been on hiatus for over a day.

Instead, consider cold Avocado-Cucumber Soup and Sushi.

Sushi chef Tracy Griffith’s recipes are easy to digest and high in water content — exactly what our bodies need after a day with no sustenance.

Griffith of Rika Restaurant and Diamond Lounge on Sunset believes her signature cuisine is the perfect meal for after a fast. It’s not only easy on our digestive systems, but it’s also a treat to our weary eyes. The talented chef and accomplished artist said, "We eat first with our eyes."

And what’s more inspiring than white rice wrapped in black nori with glistening fish accented by exotic fruits and emerald vegetables? A golden brown challah, ruby-colored wine, a dessert of summer melons colored red, orange and green. This bountiful table of edible art will be a peaceful, harmonious culmination of the most holy day of the year.

Griffith was greatly influenced by Freddie Samuels, her Jewish stepfather whose artistic endeavors included the innovative window displays at Macy’s in New York.

"He has such a high sense of aesthetics. He taught me to appreciate beauty in everything, from how a table should look — set with candles and flowers — to how good food should taste. He loves to cook and owned a wonderful Italian restaurant in New York," she said.

"Lottie [Samuels’ mother] was always cooking this amazing Jewish food — delicious brisket and rugelach. She made us eat until we were sick," Griffith recalled. "And she’d insist we take the rest home. She was so nurturing, always worrying about everybody else — the epitome of the Jewish mother. I loved her."

Combining her talents and background, and buoyed by Samuels, her mother, Nanita ,and her actress sister, Melanie Griffith, Tracy attended the California Sushi Academy in Venice, and became the school’s first female graduate.

While working as a sushi chef at Tsunami in Beverly Hills, Griffith began experimenting with everyday ingredients, creating unusual combinations. She has put her ideas into "Sushi American Style," a cookbook recently published by Clarkson Potter. "I dive into the fusion aspect of sushi, using nontraditional ingredients that are appealing, easy to find and work with," she said.

In the book, Griffith features suggestions, not only for a dairy meal, but also a meat meal, such as the Opal Roll, an inside-out roll made with prime grilled sirloin, red onion, arugula and pink peppercorns served with jalapeno soy sauce.

You might bump into Griffith at a Jewish wedding or bar mitzvah; she’s been catering a lot lately. As is the appeal at Yom Kippur — sushi is healthy, light and easy to make kosher, to say nothing of being delicious.

Avocado-Cucumber Soup

Make this soup the day before Yom Kippur. The flavors will meld and actually taste better the next day. Make sure the vegetables are very fresh and of superb quality.

1 large hothouse cucumber, peeled

1 large avocado, peeled and pitted

1 cup plain low-fat yogurt

2 to 3 tablespoons homemade vegetable stock or water

1Â¼2 teaspoon mild curry powder such as Madras

1Â¼2 teaspoon cumin

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1Â¼8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Salt and freshly ground pepper

1 tablespoon chives, snipped into 1Â¼2-inch pieces

1 package edible flowers (optional)

White truffle oil for garnish (optional)

In a blender puree cucumber, avocado, yogurt, vegetable stock or water, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper until smooth. Season with salt and pepper; refrigerate. Pour into individual bowls; garnish each serving with a few chive sprigs, edible flowers, if desired, and a swirl of truffle oil.

Makes 4 servings.

L’Chaim (To Life) Roll

The day before Yom Kippur, cut whitefish and apple, soak apple in citrus water. Trimmed chives should be soaking in citrus water also. At the break the fast meal, set out ingredients; demonstrate how to make the hand rolls, and then let the guests do their own.

4 ounces ginger-flavored kosher whitefish caviar

1/2 cup crème fraiche

1 cup sushi rice

1Â¼2 pound of smoked whitefish, cut in

1Â¼2 -x-4 inch strips

6 to 8 half-sheets roasted nori

1 green apple, cut into 1Â¼4-inch matchsticks

2 to 3 ounces pickled ginger

1 bunch fresh chives, trimmed to 4 inches

Gently mix the caviar with the crème fraiche.

How to Assemble a Cylinder Hand Roll: Spread 2 tablespoons sushi rice on nori sheet. Place nori vertically on rolling mat. Wet hands; spread about 2 tablespoons sushi rice on nori sheet, leaving a 1-inch border at the top. Lay in 2 strips of whitefish, 3 sticks of apple, a few pieces of pickled ginger and 3 to 4 chive sprigs. Crimp over the bottom edge (not up and over the ingredients) and roll up like a sleeping bag into a cylinder. Dollop a heaping teaspoon of crème fraiche-caviar mixture on top of each roll. Pass a small pitcher of soy sauce to pour into rolls. Serve with cocktail napkins in small fluted or shot glass or lay sideways on a plate.

Makes 6 to 8 hand rolls.

"Watermelon" Sushi

The day before Yom Kippur cut cucumber, combine ahi tuna and spicy mayonnaise, and make Mayonnaise and Dipping Sauce. Keep everything in refrigerator. When you get home from temple you and your guests can assemble this easy, colorful sushi.

1 unpeeled hothouse or English cucumber at least 11Â¼2 inches in diameter

3Â¼4 cup minced sushi-grade Ahi tuna

2 teaspoons spicy mayonnaise

1Â¼2 cup prepared Sushi Rice

1 teaspoon black sesame seeds

1Â¼2 cup Citrus Soy Dipping Sauce

Cut cucumber into 10 to 121Â¼2 inch rounds. Using a 11Â¼2 inch round canapé cutter with a scalloped edge, cut out the center of the cucumber. Reserve centers for garnish. In small glass mixing bowl, mix tuna with mayonnaise. Firmly press 1 teaspoon of rice into each cucumber circle to fill it halfway. Top rice with 1 teaspoon of the spicy tuna. Sprinkle tuna with a few scattered black sesame seeds to resemble watermelon seeds. Serve with Citrus Soy Dipping Sauce.

Makes 10 to 12 pieces.

Sushi Rice With Rice Dressing

From "Sushi American Style" by Griffith (Clarkson Potter, 2004). If you think you’ll make sushi more than once, Griffith emphasizes the importance of purchasing a rice cooker. Makes about 6 cups cooked rice.

3 cups short-grain white sushi rice

3 to 31Â¼2 cups of water

Pour rice into a freestanding wire-mesh sieve. Under cold water gently swish rice around with your fingers until water runs almost clear, about 1 minute. To dry, fan rice up and around sides of colander, exposing it to the air. Let sit until completely dry, about 30 minutes. (This step may be done in the morning before temple so that when you get home you can begin cooking rice immediately)

Cook rice in your rice cooker according to directions for Sushi Rice.With a rice paddle, scoop hot rice from cooker insert and spread out evenly over bottom of a large shallow wooden bowl or a large glass baking dish. Holding paddle perpendicularly over rice, drizzle rice dressing over back of paddle, evenly covering rice’s surface. Fold dressing through the rice until grains are coated and glossy.

Place dressed Sushi Rice back into cooker; cover with a clean, damp kitchen towel to keep in moisture. Click cooker button onto the warmer setting. Sushi rice is easier to handle when it’s warm; it also tastes better.

Rice Dressing

The sweet vinegar dressing used on Sushi Rice is called sushi-zu and is the secret to its glossiness and sticking power.

1Â¼2 cup rice wine vinegar

3 tablespoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

In a small saucepan, stir vinegar, sugar, and salt over low heat until sugar and salt dissolve. Do not let mixture boil. Stir to dissolve. Set aside to cool and store in a screw-top jar. When ready to make sushi, add 1 tablespoon of dressing per every cup of cooked rice. Adjust the sweetness to taste. This dressing may be made be made ahead of time and kept in the refrigerator for weeks.

Makes 1Â¼2 cup.

Spicy Mayonnaise

1Â¼2 cup mayonnaise

1 teaspoon Sriracha (Korean) chili sauce

In a small bowl, mix together ingredients with a fork. For more fire add more chili sauce.

Makes 1Â¼2 cup

Citrus Soy Dipping Sauce

3Â¼4 cup soy sauce

5 tablespoons lemon juice, strained

3 teaspoons orange juice, strained

Combine ingredients in a glass jar. Shake vigorously. Keeps in refrigerator up to 4 weeks.

Makes about 11Â¼2 cups.

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No Wrong Way to End Yom Kippur Fast

Leave a Comment / Celebrations/Simchas / Linda Morel

I grew up in a family that never seemed to do anything right. Our approach to Yom Kippur, for example, was mixed: My father and I observed it; my mother and brother did not. Returning from synagogue at the end of the day, Dad and I were starving, so we grabbed a couple of slices of challah and spread chopped liver on top. Without ceremony, we leaned over a kitchen counter inhaling this snack.

Although the experience was a bonding one, by high school I realized that something was wrong with this picture, that something made me feel uncomfortable. Standing on linoleum, I’d pivot on one of my high heels and contemplate what routine other families followed when they came home from synagogue. How and when did they resume eating?

Years later, when I married into a family more cohesive and observant than my own, I expected the white picket fence of break fasts, yet I didn’t have a clear idea of what that was.

On the first Yom Kippur after our wedding, my husband, David, and I broke the fast at his sister and brother-in-law’s house. Within seconds of our arrival, Scotch and bourbon bottles were cracked open.

"What’s happening?" I whispered to David, as his sister quickly put out nuts, crackers and an assortment of hot and cold dips.

"We always break the fast with cocktails."

"Cocktails?" I asked.

David poured club soda into a glass of Jack Daniels and ice.

"It’s a custom my father started when we were children, and we’ve continued it since his death," he said. "He took Yom Kippur very seriously, but once the holiday was over, he liked to have a drink. Can I get you something?"

"On an empty stomach?"

David suggested I try white wine: "If hard liquor is too strong, then have a glass of Chardonnay."

"Okay," I said. "But pass me the cashews first."

Surprisingly, the wine went down smoothly and didn’t go to my head. Although this scene is not what I’d imagined as a teenager, there was a lot of warmth among the 10 of us gathered around the coffee table. Before long, we helped my sister-in-law take piping hot noodle kugel from the oven and line platters with vegetables and smoked fish.

Since then, I’ve noticed that when it comes to the moment the Yom Kippur fast is actually broken, no two families do it in the same way. That is not to say that different families’ break fast meals do not share common themes. Among Ashkenazi Jews, bagels and lox rule. And, of course, there’s the usual whitefish, sable, herring and sliced tomatoes.

The issue, then, is not the main course, but rather what is the first thing people consume when they arrive home from synagogue? We’re talking about the snacking that goes on before dinner is served.

After observing people in action and listening to their stories, I find many families have developed informal rituals, and the mini-meals they consume fall into one of several categories.

Cocktail Hour: My in-laws are not the only family to break the fast with liquid refreshments. As a matter of fact, it was customary among Eastern and Central European Jews to get their digestive juices going again by sipping brandy or schnapps.

An executive at Reuters in Manhattan claims that as soon as her family comes home from services, they pour brandy into snifters. Drinking slowly, they also nibble slices of challah. After that, they do not partake in an elaborate meal, but rather eat bowls of chicken soup.

Snap Back with Sweets: Many synagogues serve honey cake to congregants once Yom Kippur services conclude. At home, some families gather in their living rooms to dip apples in honey. This not only brings the cycle started at Rosh Hashanah full circle, but a bit of sweetness gives people a burst of energy, sorely needed after abstaining from food and drink for 24 hours.

A Brandeis University administrator claims that no matter how hungry her family gets, they wouldn’t dream of leaving synagogue until the very end. Because they are a 15-minute drive from home, they eat apples in the car to tide themselves over until dinner.

Starting Over: There are some people who think that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and must not be skipped — no matter what. For decades, a Stockbridge, Mass., grandmother has brewed a pot of coffee for friends and family returning from synagogue.

"Nothing cures caffeine-withdrawal headaches like steaming hot coffee," she said, explaining how she sets up a mini buffet of orange juice, muffins, danish and challah drizzled with honey. She encourages guests to take some breakfast foods before sitting down to a more substantial meal.

Other families prefer to drink tea with their pastries, perhaps because it is soothing and easier to digest than coffee. While the caffeine content varies depending on the variety of tea and the length of time it is steeped, there is enough stimulant in tea to revive people without the sudden jolt of nerves that can accompany a cup of coffee. For these reasons, it’s a gentler way to resume eating and drinking.

Noshers: Although some families do not have an official premeal menu, they have fun nibbling in the kitchen. At no other time are people quite as helpful as when those deli packages of smoked fish are opened. Volunteers often sample a little bit of this and that, while rapidly slicing bagels and piling delicacies on platters.

The aroma of yeasty breads and pungent fish fills the air. Guests and children mill about, slipping a scrap or two into their mouths, waiting. A Manhattan hostess often finds herself yelling: "Stop eating — there’ll be nothing left for dinner."

It’s not surprising that people are antsy after forgoing food for 24 hours. In many households, frenzy prevails. If your gatherings could benefit from a calming influence, perhaps this is the year to inaugurate a custom, bridging the gap between the time when your relatives and friends arrive at your home and the moment dinner is served — one that compliments your family’s lifestyle and brings closure to the most meaningful holiday of the year.

Hot Apple Tea

2 cups apple juice

4 cups water

1 cinnamon stick

2 teaspoons honey

5 bags of orange pekoe and pekoe black tea, such as Lipton

1/2 of a Granny Smith apple, peeled and cored

In a medium-sized pot, place apple juice, water, cinnamon and honey. Cover and bring to a slow boil, stirring occasionally. Remove pot from flame. Add tea bags and cover pot. Steep for three minutes. Meanwhile, cut apple into very thin slices and place in teacups. (You’ll have some apple leftover.) Pour Apple Tea into cups and serve immediately, either before dinner with light pastries or later with dessert. Apple slices will float to the surface and look attractive. Leftovers make great iced tea.

Makes eight cups of tea.

Blueberry Muffins

1 cup fresh blueberries

24 paper baking cups

2 muffin tins (12 muffins each)

No-stick spray

2 cups flour

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup white sugar, plus 1 teaspoon

2 tablespoons brown sugar

1 cup 1 percent milk

2 tablespoons corn oil

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice

1/8 teaspoon almond extract

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Rinse blueberries under water. Remove stems. Gently roll around on paper towels to dry. Move to a plate. Sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of white sugar and roll again, coating evenly. Reserve. Place 24 paper baking cups inside muffin tins. Coat each cup with no-stick spray. Preheat oven to 350F. Sift flour, baking powder, 1/2 cup white sugar, and brown sugar into a large mixing bowl. Add milk, oil, egg, vanilla, lemon juice, and almond extract. Mix well. Add cinnamon and nutmeg, mixing well. Add blueberries and gently mix into batter with a wooden or plastic spoon. Spoon batter into paper baking cups until they are half full. Bake for 15 minutes, or until muffins are firm to the touch and a cake tester or toothpick comes clean. Eat while warm or cool completely for future use. Store in a covered container at room temperature. Recipe can be frozen. Serve with tea either before the break fast dinner or as part of the main course.

Makes 24 muffins.

Hot Artichoke Dip

2 14-ounce cans of artichoke hearts, drained in a colander

1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream

1/2 cup reduced-fat mayonnaise

3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Garlic powder to taste

No-stick spray

1/2 cup sesame seeds

Paprika for dusting

Preheat oven to F. One at a time, place each artichoke heart in palm and squeeze excess liquid from them. With fingers, pull bottom part from leaves and separate them. You’ll see what looks like hairs attached to the bottom. With fingers, pull off hairs and discard. With fingers, separate artichoke leaves and place them in a large bowl. Add sour cream, mayonnaise, Parmesan cheese, and garlic powder. With a spoon, mix well. With no-stick spray, coat either two two-cup ramekins (for hors d’oeuvres) or a four-quart casserole (as a side dish). Spoon artichoke mixture inside and smooth until even with a spoon. Sprinkle sesame seeds and paprika on top. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until casserole bubbles and top lightly browns. Serve immediately.

In ramekins as hors d’oeuvres serves 10-12. In casserole as a side dish, serves six.

Apple Crumb Coffee Cake

No-stick spray

1/2 cup butter

3/4 cup sugar

1 egg, well-beaten

1 tablespoon sour cream

2 cups flour

21/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup milk

1/2 teaspoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 medium-sized apples, peeled, cored, and sliced thin

Crumb Topping:

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup blanched almonds, coarsely ground

6 tablespoons butter

Preheat oven to 350F. Coat a seven-by-11-inch glass baking pan with no-stick spray. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add egg and sour cream, beating well. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium-sized bowl. Pour milk, lemon juice, and vanilla into a pitcher. Add flour mixture alternately with milk mixture, beating well between each addition. Batter will be stiff. Spread batter into prepared baking pan. Cover with sliced apples. Place topping ingredients in a medium-sized bowl. Mix them together with your hands until small lumps form and ingredients are well-incorporated. Sprinkle topping over apples. Bake for 30 minutes, or until topping lightly browns and cake tester inserted in center comes clean. Cool to room temperature. Cover loosely with waxed paper and serve the next day.

Makes 18 squares.

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Does AIPAC Prober Target Jews?

Leave a Comment / Worldwide / Edwin Black

David Szady, the senior FBI counterintelligence official currently heading the controversial investigation of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), is well-known to senior Jewish communal officials, who assert he has targeted Jews in the past.

Now, an investigation reveals that Szady was involved in a well-publicized case involving a Jewish former CIA staff attorney who sued the FBI, the CIA and its top officials for religious discrimination. Although not named in the suit, Szady headed the elite department that former CIA Director George Tenet admitted in 1999 was involved with "insensitive, unprofessional and highly inappropriate" language regarding the case of attorney Adam Ciralsky.

The AIPAC investigation, which CBS broke last month on the eve of the Republican convention, is believed to focus on a Pentagon official suspected of passing a classified draft policy statement on Iran to AIPAC, the pro-Israel lobby, which allegedly then passed it on to Israel.

AIPAC denies any wrongdoing and has called the alleged charges "baseless." But the case cast a spotlight on the venerable lobbying organization and has sent shock waves through the Jewish community.

Jewish communal officials and members of Congress have protested the investigation and the media frenzy around it, calling for an investigation into who leaked the investigation and for what purpose.

Many questions remain unresolved, including who initiated the investigation, believed to have begun two years ago, and why.

Szady was appointed by President Bush in 2001 to head a little-known intelligence interagency unit known as the National Counter Intelligence Policy Board. He returned to the FBI about two years ago, becoming assistant director for counterintelligence.

Jewish communal officials familiar with Szady assert that he has targeted Jews, blocked or slowed their clearances and squeezed minor security violators.

"He’s bad, very bad," declared one senior Jewish organizational executive, who like all those familiar with Szady declined to speak for the record.

According to exclusively obtained documents, Szady was directly involved in the Ciralsky case. He is identified in the documents as the chief of the CIA’s Counterespionage Group, known as CEG, which was later accused of targeting Ciralsky for being Jewish and a supporter of Israel.

Szady would not respond directly to a request for an interview, but FBI spokeswoman Cassandra Chandler said, "David Szady has informed me that he has no anti-Semitic views, has never handled a case or investigation based upon an individual’s ethnicity or religious views and would never do so."

Of the AIPAC investigation in particular, Chandler said: "Investigations are predicated upon information of possible illegal or intelligence activity. The suggestion that the FBI or any FBI official has influenced this investigation based on moral, ethnic or religious bias is simply unfounded, untrue and contrary to the very values the FBI holds highest."

Ciralsky’s problems began as soon as he joined the CIA’s legal staff as a junior member in early December 1996. Within days, CIA security personnel began creating a special file on Ciralsky and his Jewish background, according to the documents.

One Dec. 19, 1996, internal CIA memo on Ciralsky indicated that a CIA supervisor "would like to keep current on developments for damage control purposes."

By Jan. 15, 1997, the agency had created a four-page annotated "Jewish resume" of Ciralsky, which was classified "secret." The resume listed Ciralsky’s teenage trips to Israel in 1987 with the Milwaukee federation and for Passover in 1988, his camp counselor stint at the Milwaukee JCC’s day camp and his minor in Judaic studies at George Washington University. His major in international affairs was not mentioned.

Shortly thereafter, CIA security personnel were asking whether Ciralsky’s nephew might be working with the Israeli government, according to documents. The nephew was only about 5 months old at the time.

By May 1997, Szady, a 32-year veteran of the FBI, had joined the CIA as chief of the CEG within the CIA’s Counterintelligence Center. A presidential directive mandates that an independent FBI official serve as chief of the CIA’s CEG.

Although Szady was not in his post when Ciralsky was hired, shortly after Szady assumed his new position, the CEG appeared determined to terminate Ciralsky.

On June 12, 1997, a memo titled, "Spot Report-Next Steps in the Adam Ciralsky Case," was circulated by Szady’s department, outlining what would be done to force Ciralsky from the agency.

The report and the routing slips were tagged with classifications such as "sensitive," "restricted handling" and "eyes only, no registries," thus ensuring that the documents would not end up in any formal and traceable file.

Although Szady’s name is blocked out, his bureaucratic initials, C/CEG/CIC, on two routing pages, plus the hand-written acknowledgment next to his initials, show he received the "Spot Report" the day it was written, according to sources with personal knowledge of the case.

By September 1997, unable to find any incriminating information on Ciralsky, Szady’s CEG assigned teams of investigators to ramp up the pressure with multiple interrogations, according to documents.

One CEG investigator’s memo on Sept. 12, 1997, suggests questions for interrogators to ask Ciralsky, such as, "What is your family’s relation with Israeli President Ezer Wizman [sic]?" This question was based on the fact that Ciralsky is a distant relative of Ezer Weizman, who was Israel’s president at the time. The Sept. 12, 1997, memo added, "Maybe his family has donated money to Israeli government causes."

The memo also quotes one of Szady’s investigators, saying, "From my experience with rich Jewish friends from college, I would fully expect Adam’s wealthy daddy to support Israeli political/social causes in some form [such as] Israeli Bonds purchased through the United Jewish Appeal."

A week later, Sept. 19, 1997, before a security polygraph had even been administered, Szady’s CEG circulated a secret memo, saying that former CIA Director "Tenet says this guy is outta here, because of lack of candor. Once that’s over, it looks like we’ll be waving goodbye to our friend."

Szady was third on the distribution list to receive that Sept. 19 memo, according to the routing slip and sources.

A handwritten note on the routing slips comments, "Great job — we should have Ciralsky’s report in the security file. This will definitely result in termination by cancellation of contract! Thx."

Ciralsky complained to the CIA’s inspector general, the Office of Equal Employment Opportunity, to senior administration officials and to Malcolm Hoenlein, executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations.

After the outlines of the Ciralsky story broke in 1998, the CIA launched an internal and external review of Szady’s department, the CEG, to determine whether it had engaged in anti-Semitism.

As a result of that review, Tenet conceded in a letter to Abraham Foxman, the Anti-Defamation League’s (ADL) national director, that "some of the language used by some of the investigators in this case was insensitive, unprofessional and highly inappropriate."

After the review, the CIA hired the ADL to conduct "sensitivity training" within the ranks of Szady’s CEG.

Foxman said, "The sensitivity training in the CIA was not directed at one individual. It was directed at a situation. There was a concern in the agency at that time, that the world was changing and the agency itself needed its staff to be sensitive to diversity."

After he left the CIA in 1998, when his contract was not renewed, Ciralsky filed a lawsuit against the CIA, the FBI and others, alleging that he was "unjustly singled out for investigation and subsequently interrogated, harassed, surveilled and terminated from employment with the CIA solely because he is a Jew and he practices the Jewish religion," according to the complaint.

Ciralsky’s case was not isolated within the intelligence community, according to senior officials at Jewish organizations who declined to speak for the record. One Jewish official stated that he knew of as many as 10 other CIA employees who had been harassed or pressured because of their Jewish background, but they were afraid to come forward.

Postings on the CIA’s internal Jewish-only bulletin board — the agency allows various ethnic groups within its ranks to share company tidbits — reflect that numerous employees feel anti-Semitism is rampant. One such posting in 2000, obtained from sources, asks, "Does anyone know how one would go about informing the D/CI [director of central intelligence] directly that some incidents of anti-Semitism are tolerated?"

Despite Szady’s direct involvement in the Ciralsky case, Szady was decorated twice by the CIA for distinguished service, once with its Seal Medallion and once with the Donovan Award.

One Jewish communal official said of Szady, "He has never stopped looking for Mr. X," the elusive individual some FBI officials hypothesized worked with Jonathan Pollard, who was sentenced in 1987 for spying for Israel.

At least one senior Jewish official cautioned against concluding too much. "Szady might just be overzealous. I know Jews who have been to his house, and they assure they saw no evidence of prejudice."

On Szady’s link to the Ciralsky case, American Jewish Congress Chairman Jack Rosen said, "The FBI, in recent years, has been criticized for many things, and if the story is true, I would urge that an outside and independent individual or group come in to investigate."

Ciralsky, now a TV network newsman, declined to comment on his case. His lawsuit has been caught up in pretrial legal limbo, hampered by a series of preliminary motions, according to attorneys familiar with the case.

Does AIPAC Prober Target Jews? Read More »

Israelis Sue Over Sept. 11 Arrests

Leave a Comment / Worldwide / Uriel Heilman, JTA

Paul Kurzberg, an Israeli from Pardess Hanna, was in the office of his New Jersey moving company on Sept. 11, 2001, when the first plane hit the World Trade Center.

Like many Israeli movers in the New York area, Kurzberg, who was in his late 20s, was not legally authorized to work in the United States. But on Sept. 11, that thought was distant from his mind as he and his friends piled into a company van after the second plane hit the World Trade Center to find a better vantage point to photograph the historic terrorist attack.

It proved to be a critical mistake.

Caught in a traffic jam near the George Washington Bridge, which connects northern New Jersey to Manhattan, the Israelis hailed a police officer to ask directions to Brooklyn. Police pulled the five Israelis from the vehicle, drew their guns and ordered the men to lie on the ground, according to the Israelis’ account.

It was the beginning of a nearly two-month ordeal, the Israelis said, that landed them first in a local jail and then in solitary confinement in a Brooklyn prison, subjected them to physical and verbal abuse and ended in their deportation to Israel.

Now, four of the Israelis are suing, demanding justice and compensation in a lawsuit filed Monday against U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, FBI Director Robert Mueller, the director of the Federal Bureau of Prisons and a host of wardens, police officers and corrections officers involved in their arrest and imprisonment.

"The infamous arrest of these young Israelis on Sept. 11 has been used by anti-Semites worldwide as ‘proof’ of Israel’s involvement in the World Trade Center attack," said Nitsana Darshan-Leitner, the Israeli lawyer representing the four Israeli plaintiffs.

"Our clients are seeking compensation for the harm they suffered in the Metropolitan Detention Center by prison officials," she said. "In addition, the lawsuit will serve as an important public forum to debunk the lie that Israel or the Mossad was behind the Sept. 11 attacks."

The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Brooklyn, alleges that the Israelis were arrested without probable cause, subjected to harsh and unreasonable conditions, penalized for trying to observe Jewish traditions, denied the opportunity to post bond, despite the fact that they posed no danger or threat of flight, and were held far longer than necessary.

Charles Miller, a Justice Department spokesman, declined to comment, saying, "Our response would be filed in court." A Bureau of Prisons spokesman also did not respond to a request for comment.

"I was in the hole for a month or so," Kurzberg, 30, said in an telephone interview from Israel. "To be in solitary for one month, you start thinking about lots of things, especially because you know you didn’t do nothing and why did they put you here."

Kurzberg’s comrades, including his brother, Silvan, Yaron Shmuel and Omer Gavriel Marmari, also are part of the suit.

The fifth Israeli imprisoned has expressed interest in the lawsuit but, as of its filing, hadn’t yet joined it, Darshan-Leitner said.

The group’s American lawyer, Robert Tolchin, a New York litigator, said the four waited to sue until now, shortly before the expiration of the three-year statute of limitations, because the political environment in the United States only recently began to support such lawsuits. Until now, he said, "the climate for litigation was not conducive."

The plaintiffs are not seeking a specific sum in damages.

Among their allegations, the Israelis claim they were denied use of prayer books for Yom Kippur, were harassed by guards who blamed them for the World Trade Center attack and were not given kosher food.

One says he had his eyeglasses taken away and could not see properly for two months. Another said he was thrown into a cell with an Algerian Muslim. The plaintiffs also spent more than a month in solitary confinement.

The way they were treated is not what America stands for," Tolchin said. "These people were arrested for things that people don’t generally get arrested for. Their only violation was that they were working with improper immigration status.

Tolchin said the case likely could take years to make its way through the courts. In a similar case filed in 2002 by a group of Muslims, a judge has yet to rule on a motion by the defense to dismiss the case. Only if the judge doesn’t throw out the suit can the Muslim plaintiffs begin to make their case.

Israelis Sue Over Sept. 11 Arrests Read More »

Madonna, Marla Do Tashlich in Tel Aviv

Leave a Comment / Worldwide / Dina Kraft

Pop diva Madonna was among the praying, swaying and singing masses of kabbalah enthusiasts who made the pilgrimage to Israel for the High Holidays, seeking spiritual transformation through a brand of Jewish mysticism.

The "Material Girl" was celebrated by an Israeli public hungry for a touch of celebrity after four years of intifada that has scared away visitors of all stripes — famous and anonymous alike.

"I think it’s the best PR we can have," Tourism Minister Gideon Ezra said of her visit, as part of a program sponsored by the Los Angeles-based kabbalah Centre.

The world’s best-known student of kabbalah, Madonna — along with her husband, film director Guy Ritchie — was among some 2,000 devotees who descended upon Israel from 22 countries, hoping to absorb the strength of what they say are extra-powerful energies emanating from the Holy Land during the period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

"We want to create peace in the world. We want to put an end to chaos and suffering. But most of all we want to put an end to hatred for no reason," Madonna told an audience at a benefit Sunday for a children’s foundation run by the Kabbalah Centre.

The center, which prides itself on bringing the tenets of Jewish mysticism to people of all backgrounds and religions, has been criticized by traditional Jews who claim it has watered down kabbalah into a distorted, New Age form of its true teachings.

"The Kabbalah Centre has nothing behind it," said Jonathan Rosenblum, director of Am Echad, an Orthodox media resource organization in Jerusalem. "This is proof that at least some of the people can be fooled some of the time."

Last Friday, though, hundreds of kabbalah enthusiasts clambered on the rocks by the Tel Aviv beach front for a tashlich service.

Closing their eyes and clutching white prayer books, they gathered in small groups and recited prayers.

"This is for everyone in the whole world," said one group in unison as they tossed bread crumbs representing sins into the sea.

"This is about letting go," said Kenya Berryman-Jones, a 56-year-old homemaker from Greensboro, N.C., who has been studying kabbalah for about six months.

She said she has incorporated teachings of kabbalah into her practice of Christianity: "I am learning about my true self, how to become a better person, how to share and give and not look for anything in return."

"People wanted to come to Israel to make a difference," said Miri Citron, 46, from Fairfield, Conn. She said that the force of the gathering’s energy could have healing powers for the world.

She said that all the attention focused on celebrities like Madonna tends to overshadow the fact that, like many others, they are seeking personal transformation.

The most famous personality participating in the tashlich ceremony was Marla Maples, a model and actress best known for her famous ex-husband, real estate magnate Donald Trump.

For Maples, who has been studying kabbalah for seven years, coming to Israel was an important step in her spiritual journey.

"Israel is the heartbeat of the world," she said, holding a bottle of kabbalah mineral water, marketed by the Kabbalah Centre for its spiritual properties. "Because there is so much unrest in the Middle East, we felt that it would be useful for us to come here and mediate for peace."

She said incorporating kabbalah teachings in her life has made a real change.

"It’s helped me live without so much chaos, it’s helped me deal with anger," she said. She added that, if celebrities wish to address their own spiritual lives, they are "as deserving as anyone else."

The former beauty queen from Georgia said she did not sleep at all Tuesday night. Instead, she and friends drove to northern Israel and spent the night on a spiritual pilgrimage that began with a visit to the graves of rabbinical sages in Safed and ended watching the sunrise in the hills.

Kabbalah followers believe that visiting graves of holy men can have transformative powers.

Boaz Huss, who lectures at Ben-Gurion University’s Jewish thought department, is an expert on kabbalah. He says the Kabbalah Centre represents "an innovative postmodern interpretation of kabbalah" and that the interest in its teachings reflects a broader trend of people searching alternative cultures for spiritual answers.

According to Huss, Madonna, who has adopted Esther as her Hebrew name, is playing a key role.

"The link is Madonna," he said. "[She is] one of the most influential and significant artists of the postmodern era. She shapes and is still shaping a lot of our culture and this integration [with kabbalah] is very interesting."

That kabbalah centers also draw many Israelis should not come as a surprise, he said.

"It is natural in Israel" that Israelis "will go back to something somehow connected to Jewish tradition," Huss said.

Madonna, Marla Do Tashlich in Tel Aviv Read More »

Some Gaza Settlers Weigh Kibbutz Move

Pullout Plan Sparks Clash on Legitimacy

Leave a Comment / Worldwide / Leslie Susser

As Prime Minister Ariel Sharon powers ahead with plans for disengagement from the Gaza Strip, charges are flying between proponents and naysayers determined to gain monopolies on legitimacy, each side accusing the other of trampling democratic norms.

The settlers claim Sharon does not have a popular majority for his plan and accuse him of "behaving like a dictator." Sharon retorts that the settler claims are a deliberate ploy to justify undemocratic, violent resistance.

To settle the legitimacy question and take the sting out of the settler campaign, some pundits and politicians are suggesting a national referendum on the evacuation issue.

Sharon says no. He argues that these proposals are a ruse to hold up, and ultimately sink, his plan, which also includes evacuating some West Bank settlements.

The arguments over legitimacy and the referendum proposal will almost certainly dominate public discourse in Israel in the coming months.

In a front-page editorial, Amnon Dankner, editor of the mass circulation Ma’ariv newspaper, compared the current situation with that in the months leading up to the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin nine years ago. Dankner implied that Rabin had ridden roughshod over democratic norms and so provoked the settlers’ anger and violence that led to his assassination, and that Sharon was now doing the same thing.

The Rabin government, Dankner wrote, had only achieved a majority for the Oslo accords by "buying" the vote of right-wing Knesset member Alex Goldfarb, making him a deputy minister and providing him with the Mitsubishi sedan that came with the position. This, wrote Dankner, was "democracy only in name, not in spirit, not true democracy." And, he continued, "it’s obvious how this pushed the settlers into a corner, and how it lit the fires of incitement and murder."

Now, according to Dankner, Sharon is doing something similar: He has ignored party votes against his plan and fired right-wing ministers simply to obtain a Cabinet majority for it.

"The prime minister," Dankner wrote, "is pushing the disengagement plan with a blunt, crude and ugly trampling of democratic values and majority decision," and, like Rabin, would be partly to blame for the consequences.

In Dankner’s view, the way to avoid this would be to reinforce the legitimacy of the prime minister’s policy by holding a national referendum — a vote he is virtually certain to win. Although Dankner was criticized for implying that Rabin was largely to blame for his own assassination, several pundits and politicians agreed with his demand for a referendum.

The most outspoken of them was Finance Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. He argued that the Gaza pullout plan is tearing the nation apart, and that a referendum would help reduce tension and preserve unity.

He proposed expedited Knesset passage of a referendum law, which would be required to even hold a referendum. Then should a referendum be held, he supports putting just one simple question to the voters: "Are you for or against the gradual evacuation process approved by the government?"

But as simple as it seems, Netanyahu’s proposal highlights the complexity of the issue. He speaks of expedited passage of a referendum law, but legal experts say it could take months, if not years.

First, there is the general question of what circumstances could lead to invocation of a referendum. Then, there is the matter of the referendum question. Sharon would never accept Netanyahu’s formulation; the prime minister wants to carry out the evacuation process in one fell swoop, rather than in stages.

Moreover, legislators could haggle for months over whether the referendum would need a simple majority or a plurality of 60 percent or more. Opponents of Sharon’s plan could delay things further by challenging the legislation to create a referendum in the courts.

Sharon’s allies suspect that Netanyahu’s proposal is merely intended to embarrass the prime minister by putting him in a no-win situation. If he accepts Netanyahu’s proposal, passing the legislation will take so long it will sink the evacuation plan; if he doesn’t, he will appear undemocratic, afraid to put his plan to the nation for approval.

Sharon confidant, Ehud Olmert, argues that the very raising of the referendum idea by Netanyahu implies that Sharon’s evacuation plan does not have full legitimacy and requires the further imprimatur of the people. But, says Olmert, Israel’s trade and industry minister, all the prime minister needs in accordance with the Israeli system is approval from the Cabinet and the Knesset — and he is assured of the support of both.

Sharon says the referendum proposal is a transparent attempt by his opponents to gain time. His confidants go further. They say the settlers are bandying the referendum idea about, knowing full well that Sharon will reject it, in an effort to delegitimize the evacuation process and legitimize the use of force against it.

Tough right-wing statements and actions suggest swelling undercurrents of violence. Netanyahu’s father, Bentzion, along with other family members, recently signed a petition describing the planned evacuation as a "crime against humanity" and urging soldiers "to listen to the voice of their national and human conscience" and refuse to carry out evacuation orders.

Netanyahu’s brother-in-law, Hagi Ben Artzi, a settler, noted that "only the Nazis had transferred Jews" and intimated that there would be violent and even armed opposition.

Baruch Marzel, a former member of the late Rabbi Meir Kahane’s now-banned Kach organization, has set up a new radical right-wing group called the Jewish National Front, dedicated to resisting evacuation.

Another former Kach member, Rabbi Yosef Dahan, has said that, if asked, he would be willing to carry out a "Pulsa da-Nura," a religious curse condemning Sharon to death. Extremists performed Pulsa da-Nura ceremonies against Rabin in the weeks leading up to his assassination in 1995.

In this volatile situation, settler leaders admit to playing a canny double game. On the one hand, they are trying to win the hearts and minds of mainstream Israelis just in case there is a referendum. To this end, they are consciously toning down settler rhetoric.

At a huge settler demonstration in Jerusalem Sept. 12, they took pains to silence extremists and take down banners that went too far. But at the same time, they admit to turning the flames of incipient violence "on and off" and allowing the threat of civil war to hover uneasily in the air.

As the showdown over evacuation approaches, both the prime minister and the settlers are acting within brittle parameters of legitimacy and perceived legitimacy and resorting to on-the-edge brinkmanship. In both cases, it is a dangerous game that could get out of hand.

Pullout Plan Sparks Clash on Legitimacy Read More »

Redemption

Leave a Comment / Personal Voice / Jewish Journal

Sixteen years ago, Mark Borovitz was in prison for the second time. A Cleveland native, he began selling stolen goods for the Cleveland mob out of his high school locker, then graduated to con games and hustles. In prison, he came under the influence of Rabbi Mel Silverman and began a return to faith that culminated, after his release, in his earning a rabbinical degree. Today, Borovitz is rabbi of Beit T’Shuvah in Culver City, the first Jewish residential recovery center that uses Torah, the 12 steps and psychotherapy.Following are a series of excerpts from “The Holy Thief” by Borovitz and Alan Eisenstock (Morrow, 2004).

This book is my t’shuvah. It is my return.

For 30 years, I lived a life of illusion. I was a magician of sorts. I specialized in cheap tricks, quick hits and sleight of hand, especially when it came to writing checks.

I got my audience’s attention, then lured them into wanting to hand me their trust. I got them to believe in small miracles, if just for a moment, which was all I needed. And then I struck.

I know I cannot give everything back to everyone I have harmed. Even if I could, I know it would never be enough, because I have stolen a part of people’s souls. I know also that I cannot undo what I have done. I stand humbly here before you, any of you who have been my victims, and offer you a piece of my soul to take as your own.

In the end, there is no amount of money, no degree of apology, no amount of prayer that can repair the damage I have done to those souls. I can only attempt to repair my own soul, fill in the holes that have pierced my being and return my refurbished soul into the world as evidence of the value and power of t’shuvah, of repentance.

Forgive me, oh Lord, for I have sinned. And sinned. And sinned … I am redemption’s son….

I was a thief. Every thief uses a weapon, usually a gun or a knife. My weapon of choice was a checkbook.

Someone once told me that as long as you have a check, you’ll never go broke. It’s true. I discovered this early on, when I first forged my mother’s signature on a check and watched the bank teller count out five crisp $10 bills right in front of me. I smiled, she smiled, and I walked away.

Forging checks was a lot easier and more lucrative than stealing a wad of ones from my mother’s purse.

I began to devise more elaborate scams. The simplest, of course, was writing a check from my account and bouncing it. Sometimes I’d make it good, sometimes I wouldn’t.

I meant to make it good. I just wouldn’t get around to it, or I’d forget about it, or I’d be too drunk to move or too pissed off to bother.

Other times, I’d open an account in a bank in another city or even another state and a second account in a bank in Cleveland. I’d put a $100 in each account. Then I’d write a check for a large amount, say $2,500, from the out-of-town account and deposit it in the city account. The next day, I’d write a check for cash out of the city account for $2,000.

Back then, it took two weeks for a check to clear from an out-of-city bank. I’d get to know the people at the banks in Cleveland, get them to recognize me. I’d —— — with the guy tellers about sports and flirt with the female tellers.

They never checked picture IDs; never wrote down license numbers; and they had no problem cashing my $2,000 check. This was called a float. Also known as check-kiting or splitting. All fancy names for stealing.

I was living a dream. Nothing was real. I was a character in my own life, a gangster, a high roller with a bulging billfold. Nothing made sense, so I’d drink to shut out the real world.

I didn’t want to have to deal with reality. Even when reality reared its ugly head at me time and time again. Like when I’d get fired from job after job, because I was drinking, coming in late, —— — off. Or when I’d beat someone in my family.

I didn’t care. One time the mail came, and there was a credit card addressed to my brother, Neal, who was away at college. I took the credit card, activated it and started banging out cash. I didn’t care if I was running up a mountain of debt and that my mother was the one who would get stuck. Did not care.

I wasn’t the good Jewish boy she thought I was. That was a myth. That was her dream, not mine.

I couldn’t stand the thought of winding up stuck in a Jewish suburb with a dead-end job, a nagging wife who belonged to the synagogue sisterhood and a house full of screaming little kids. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t going to end up being an ice cream maven like my cousin, even though he invited me to be his partner. Ben, Jerry and Mark? Never.

My mother found out about my drinking the hard way. One New Year’s Eve, when I was drunk out of my head, I borrowed my aunt Nettie’s car and drove it into a tree. I walked away with a couple of bruises and scratches. The car was totaled, and my mother was beside herself.

She found out about my check-writing a few weeks later, when the bank called her and told her that her account was overdrawn by several hundred dollars. She didn’t understand.

My mother balanced her checkbook meticulously every month. She knew what she had to the penny.

Her hands quivering on the steering wheel, she drove to the bank. A bank officer sat her down in his office and pulled out a stack of checks, all of them made out to cash, all bad, all forged by me.

My mother recognized my handwriting. She lowered her head and in the bank officer’s cubicle, she began to cry. He lowered the blinds.

Eventually, I paid her back. My mother didn’t know how to react to me. When she saw me, she turned cold. She couldn’t help herself. She felt pummeled with emotion.

What I had done was beyond the scope of her imagination. It was as if I was a stranger living in her house. She did not recognize the man I had become. She did not know who I was.

I can understand that.

I didn’t know who I was either.

I knew that I couldn’t climb out of the pit alone. I needed somebody who would help me up, who would wrestle with me, who would wrestle with my soul. Someone who would force me to face the lies I was telling myself.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel said that one of the great passions of human beings is our ability to deceive ourselves.

I was a master at deceiving myself. I had a gift for it. I could deny the obvious even when it was shoved right in my face.

Mel Silverman was the one who made me wrestle my own soul, and he made me wrestle with him. He made me confront all the — — in my life, and he made me see that my life wasn’t all —-. He was a master wrestler himself because he was tenacious and he was kind, and once he saw that this time I wasn’t going to give up, he never let me go.

I know there were guys in prison, inmates, who were suspicious of me. I can understand their doubts. There are a lot of con men in prison. Lot of guys trying to figure ways to get plum assignments.

They saw being a religious newborn as a way out. I heard rumblings that I wasn’t for real. They called it hiding behind God’s cloak. "Borovitz is using this religion thing. It’s just another one of his hustles."

I couldn’t do anything about what they were thinking. I found myself more and more alone. I did my job, hung out with the Jewish guys, tried to keep my focus. I got very charged, very energized. I wanted to learn.

That became my action and my fight. I fought to replace my self-deception with self-discovery. That’s what it was all about for me. Hearing the music of my soul. Hearing the music.

I could hear God speaking to me. I’m serious. Dead serious. In the Torah, God speaks. How do we know? We just know.

So there I was in prison doing my time for crimes I had committed, and I knew that this was not a moral problem. It was a spiritual problem. I knew that this was deep in my soul, not in my psyche, in my soul.

I began to work on my soul. I started the search for my essence. I had to learn to listen to my soul instead of listening to my mind and to the —— — I could sell myself.

I knew this was no overnight thing. I knew that I wasn’t going to just hear some truth and it would be "Abracadbra! Wow! I’m changed! I’m a new man!" I knew that nobody was going to slap me on the forehead and yell, "Heal!" and that would be that.

It doesn’t work like that. It is a life process. It began for me in prison, and it continues to this day and will continue all my days, a constant and messy and difficult wrestling. And I have to keep a constant awareness. I have to always be on high alert. We all do. Both internally, our unconscious or subconscious, and externally, our deeds….

I left prison for the last time on my birthday, Nov. 1, 1988. I was 37 years old. I had served almost two years of my four-years, four-months sentence….

It took me a while to find Beit T’Shuvah. A 45-minute bus ride deposited me downtown, and a short, meandering walk brought me to Lake Street.

There it was. In the middle of the block. A large house looming in front of me, partially hidden by an immense, swaying palm tree. A rickety air-conditioning unit protruded from the left side like a giant nose. The main entrance was off to the right, up a few stairs, at the back of a wide porch. Heavy metal — Metallica or Guns N’ Roses — roared out of an open second-floor window.

The house was a wreck. The roof was splotched, and shingles lay scattered over its peak like a bad toupee. The porch steps creaked as I climbed them. The screen in the front door was torn, and the paint on the walls was peeling away.

I walked in, and the first sound I heard was Harriet’s deep, melodic voice. I followed it down a hallway and found her in her office, talking on the phone. I waited until she finished her call, then I knocked on the open door. She turned to me, and her mouth dropped open like a puppet’s.

I said, "I’m here to help."

She looked at me blankly.

"Remember? You said I should come see you when I get out. I’m out."

She started to say something, stopped, tried again. "Nobody’s ever -"

And then I blurted out: "I need a job."

She hesitated. "Well, I could use someone to run the thrift shop. It’s a mess."

"I’ll take it."

"I can only pay you minimum wage. Five-sixty an hour."

"I’ll take it."

"I can’t afford to pay you full-time. It’ll have to be part-time for a while."

"I’ll take it."

She smiled. "You said that, didn’t you?"

I stepped all the way into her office. I looked out her window. Or tried to. It was entirely smudged in dirt. Looked as if it were smeared with chocolate.

"This place," I said, "is a dump."

"I know," Harriet said.

"I kind of like it…."

I began losing myself in the study of Torah. I read the English translations, commentaries, related books, anything I could get my hands on. I struggled to find meaning in the vastness of the text, in the textures of the story.

My study inspired and baffled me. Some of what I read spoke to my soul, and some of it infuriated me.

I wrote and called Mel Silverman. He did his best to teach me in his letters and over the phone. It was hard working with Mel this way, from a distance.

The study of Torah doesn’t work so well as a correspondence course. And the more I studied, the more questions, contradictions and insights burned inside me. I wanted more.

At the suggestion of a friend, Harriet and I went to Hillel at UCLA one morning to hear a teacher named Jonathan Omerman.

As soon as Jonathan spoke, I fell in love with him. He had a quiet, gentle manner. He was British and spoke with an intoxicating lilt. While his speech was soft, his thoughts were full of fire. He was dynamic, intelligent, and original. I was riveted.

I went over to Jonathan afterward, and I introduced myself. I briefly told him my story. I saw his eyes fill up with sympathy and interest.

I asked Jonathan if he would teach me, one-on-one. He agreed. We began meeting at his house. I would continue studying with Jonathan every week for the next five years.

Jonathan changed the way I looked at life. He made religion personal. All of my studying started to click.

I began to relate to God and Judaism in a way I had never envisioned. I saw my whole life – my past, my present, my losses, my loves, my failings, my successes, my sins, my good deeds, my rage, my empathy, all of it, all of me – as part of a whole. And I saw that all of these things, the good and the bad, were validated. As I worked with Jonathan, I felt an energy shift. An awakening.

One of Jonathan’s lessons that resonated with me concerned the difference between essential pain and voluntary suffering. When you stub your toe, you experience pain, real pain, and that pain lasts however long it lasts. Depending on who you are, the bitching about the pain lasts a lot longer. The bitching about it is voluntary suffering.

As long as we allow voluntary suffering to exist, we remain victims. We don’t allow ourselves to experience the essential pain in proper measure and then move on.

I certainly knew all about voluntary suffering. I’d been suffering that way since the day my father died. It was time now for me to let go. Time to take the next step. I was no longer going to be a victim….

Excerpted with permission.

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Jewish Journal

The Circuit

Roll Away Hunger

No Wrong Way to End Yom Kippur Fast

Does AIPAC Prober Target Jews?

Israelis Sue Over Sept. 11 Arrests

Madonna, Marla Do Tashlich in Tel Aviv

Some Gaza Settlers Weigh Kibbutz Move

Pullout Plan Sparks Clash on Legitimacy

Redemption

Jewish Journal