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August 23, 2001

Chabad’s ‘Cowboy’

Anyone who’s ever watched the annual Chabad Telethon, to be aired live this Sunday from 5 p.m. to midnight on UPN Channel 13, knows that it’s the single most graphic demonstration of this Chassidic group’s ability to rope in big-name Hollywood celebrities.

The show was first broadcast in 1980, when it was co-hosted by Carroll O’Connor and Jan Murray as a fundraiser to replace Chabad headquarters in Westwood after a tragic fire. Since then, a long list of glitterati have shown up each year to sing, dance, tipple a bissle and appeal for funds to help Chabad’s drug rehab center in Los Angeles and other social service projects.

James Caan and Elliot Gould, fixtures from the beginning, have been joined by the likes of Sid Caesar, Bob Hope, Michael Douglas, Whoopi Goldberg, Shelley Winters, Tony Danza, Judd Nelson, Regis Philbin, Steve Allen, Edward James Olmos and Valerie Harper. In 1997, the cast of "Friends" produced a special segment that aired only on the telethon. One-time Chabad fellow traveler Bob Dylan has made four surprise appearances. Former Vice President Al Gore stumped for the cause three times.

In its first year, the telethon netted $1 million. Last year, it topped $6.5 million. The show is so hip, it’s engendered a rash of telethon-watching parties all along the Hollywood circuit as folks gather in living rooms to see who’ll show up next to kick up their heels in a mass hora with Chabad’s West Coast founder and director Rabbi Boruch Shlomo Cunin.

One of the most intriguing figures on the telethon is Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight, a regular for more than a decade. Like many of those who plug the Chabad cause, he’s not Jewish, but what makes his involvement unusual is that it’s so extensive. Not only has he been co-hosting the show for years (along with several other Chabad fundraising events; notably the group’s Israel-based "Children of Chernobyl" effort), but he’s now a friend of the Cunin family. He studies Torah and reads Chassidic literature — having, by his own admission, a bookcase filled with the writings of the late Lubavitcher Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson — and he seeks out Chabad centers whenever he’s on location for a new film.

Two years ago, while shooting the NBC miniseries "Noah" in Melbourne, Australia, Voight gave a call to 20-year-old Tzemach, one of Shlomo Cunin’s 13 children, then studying in a local yeshiva, and asked for help in researching the part. Voight acknowledges that the final film was "controversial" (at one point, Voight somehow morphs into Abraham, and pleads with God to spare Sodom and Gomorrah), and he says that without the information he gained from studying with the Cunins, it would have been a lot worse. "It may not be accurate biblically, in terms of the story, but I think in the end it was pretty good. There are good little lessons in it. I haven’t said this on television, but it was a battle to try and make it a decent portrait."

The 62-year-old actor first met Cunin in 1986, as a return favor for a friend who helped Voight hold a press conference for a Hopi leader at Temple Beth El. Cunin invited him down to Chabad’s drug rehab center in Pico-Robertson. "I walked in and saw a lot of weight lifters, real characters," Voight recalls. "In the back area I see this guy sitting at a table — big beard, with a hat on. He looked like a rabbi. He was in his shirtsleeves, and he was hand-wrestling these guys. They were all lined up and, one after another, he’s putting them down. Then someone told him I was there, so he put on his coat, grabbed me and gave me a hug. I said, ‘this is my kind of guy.’"

Voight’s commitment to the Chabad cause goes way beyond his admiration for Cunin’s arm-wrestling skills. In the mid-1980s, the actor embarked on a period of spiritual seeking. "I made some mistakes in my early life, and had to recover from them," he admits. Voight was brought up Catholic and has no intention of converting to Judaism. But he says that of all the religions he studies, he has a special fondness for Jewish learning and values. "Judaism is an amazing fountain of information. It’s not the only answer, but I have tremendous regard for it."

Voight remembers studying the Bible as a boy in Catholic school, and being particularly taken with Genesis and the stories of the Hebrew prophets. "I think the Bible is helpful in that it describes the lives of people who strive and who fail, and who pick themselves up and continue on. All the great prophets had their difficulties, yet they overcame them."

The star of "Midnight Cowboy," Best Picture of 1969, and "Coming Home," for which he took home his own Best Actor award in 1978, Voight is a gentle, soft-spoken man, who is obviously deeply taken with Judaism, Lubavitcher Chassidism and the Cunin family.

"One of the big things about the Jewish religion is that its fruit is the deed. I think that is portrayed perfectly by Chabad, and that’s why I’m with them."

Voight never met the Lubavitcher Rebbe, whom he calls a "great and extraordinary leader." But Schneerson sent his thanks to Voight through Cunin, along with a request that the actor speak out on the telethon in support of the seven Noahide commandments. (These are basic laws of human morality, supposedly given to the nations of the world by God at the time of Noah as a precursor to the Ten Commandments.)

Voight did so. "They appeal to my own sense of what I feel is a high purpose, which is to try to get everyone to an understanding of what they’re asked to do, what life’s responsibilities are. These very simple seven laws of Noah are good basics."

Hollywood could stand some of that message, Voight believes. "We’re given the idea by our culture that if you have enough money, enough cars, enough women, everything’s taken care of. It’s perfectly all right to be as selfish as you want. There couldn’t be a more poisonous message."

Saying that he’d love to "spend the rest of my life in yeshiva," Voight says he knows that’s unrealistic. "If we look for truth, we can be in a constant state of exuberance. That’s what I find in Chabad. They create an energy of positive thinking and good cheer, and through that, they’re able to do tremendous good work. Those who scoff at them are simply keeping themselves from that energy, and that’s unfortunate."

Chabad’s ‘Cowboy’ Read More »

Voices of the Soul

In a basement aerobics studio in the Westside Jewish Community Center, four girls dance before a wall of mirrors, perfecting the nuances of their twirls and chassés.

Two of them, playing sisters on a train to Auschwitz, sing in Yiddish "Aufin Pripertchik" ("Upon the Hearth"). Two others dance behind them, representing their souls.

Across the street, in a classroom of Shalhevet High School, in a rehearsal just as intense if a little less somber, Robin Saxe Garbose directs another group of girls as they work to maximize the comedic effects of their accents and movements as 80-year-old women.

Garbose has years of professional experience directing New York theater and television in Los Angeles, and demands a high level of commitment and professionalism from the Orthodox teenage girls in Kol Neshama, (the voice of the soul), an independent summer-arts program funded by donations and tuition.

Founded last year, the program has 28 girls, ages 11-16, from as far away as Ohio, New York and Jerusalem.

"Kol Neshama fuses Jewish spirituality and religious observance with artistic excellence," Garbose says.

The girls start their morning with prayer and Torah study, and spend the rest of their day in movement and drama lessons, voice training and rehearsals for the production that will be the climax of the program.

Last year’s inspirational production ("The Wonder of Wonders") exhibited high artistic caliber and raised expectations for this year’s production, "Heaven Sent: An Evening of Miracle Plays."

Garbose commissioned playwrights and composers to create works for "Heaven Sent," a four-act show of drama, comedy, dance and choral and soloist singing, open to women and girls only. Performances will be in memory of Shoshana Greenbaum

"I want to inspire these girls about what an extraordinary thing it is to be a Jewish woman," Garbose says. "She is the embodiment of strength and intelligence and modesty and courage and valor and beauty, both inside and out."

"Heaven Sent" shows at Hollywood’s Ivar Theater, 1605 Ivar Ave., Tuesday, Aug. 28 at 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m., Wednesday, Aug. 29 at 7:30 and Thursday, Aug. 30 at 7:30. $12 (matinee), $18 and $25 (evenings). For tickets, call (310) 772-8221.

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Law and Order

"Judges and officers shall you appoint in all of your cities."

This divine commandment to establish a judicial system serves as the basis of all Western law; a fair system affording protection to each of its citizens and guests.

Though this is a communal responsibility, it is stated in the singular, lecha. Why? Why is God talking to each of us as individuals? What message lies in this portion dealing with judges for us, the non-judge community?

Society needs to feel there is an operative judicial system. Community, as we know it, can only run when there is a feeling of justice.

The difference between anarchy and government is law and order. In anarchy, each does as her or she pleases, even at the expense of others; in government, a definite system is in place to protect the abuse of the innocent. I believe that the difference between the two is more than the presence or lack of deterrents. It is the very respect for justice, or lack of it, which creates society.

The Talmud tells us that the Great Court in Jerusalem suspended hearing capital cases at the end of the second Temple era when murder became rampant. Why? They should have heard the cases faster and carried out at the punishments swifter to keep up the pace.

The answer is the battle was already lost. There was no longer any respect for justice, and theirs’ would just be another nail in the coffin of a rapidly deteriorating sense of order.

Why do you stop at stop signs? You may say that it’s dangerous since another car may be approaching or perhaps a police officer is lying in wait and you can’t afford another traffic violation. But let’s say neither of these was a factor. If the road was clear with no police in the area, would you still stop? I think (and hope), yes.

But why, if there is no threat to your life or your insurance premium? There is a respect for law even when punishment is not a factor. But this effect is only present when there is an aura of an operative justice system in place. A cycle of chaos erupts when people are frustrated and feel there is no longer any sense of law and order, which can lead to more crimes, which leads back to more frustrated people.

That’s why the Torah chose to give the command for the judicial system in the singular, when it is clearly intended as communal. Though the physical set-up and maintenance of a justice system rests upon the community, its respect rests with the individual.

Every one of us needs to have a healthy dose of respect for the law of the land and the advantages of government. This respect extends beyond traffic violations and shoplifting. It is a respect for our country, for our community, for our school and for our home that makes sure we don’t do "that." The "that" may be in speech, such as refraining from cursing. It may be in refraining from littering and ruining our countryside or the "that" may be helping someone unload his or her car. It is the actions of each and every one of us that determines society, and it is the respect that we have for it that will ultimately determine how great a country our blessed land will be.

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Down for the Count

I want to tell you about the "No Mas Date," but first I have to tell you about legendary Panamanian boxer Roberto Duran.

Perhaps you’ve heard of Duran, widely considered one of the 10 best boxers of the 20th century. His nickname was "Manos de Piedra," Spanish for "Hands of Stone." Those brick fists took him from the streets of Panama to the world lightweight championship. He won his first 28 professional fights, 23 by knockout.

What does this have to do with dating? I’m getting to that.

On June 20, 1980, Duran became welterweight champion by beating the supremely gifted Sugar Ray Leonard. In November of that same year, it was time for a rematch. Frustrated by Leonard’s taunts and speed and unable to land many punches, Duran shocked the boxing world by suddenly dropping his hands in the eighth round, apparently unhurt, and saying the two words for which he would become famous, "No mas." No more.

When I told my dad that I had quit dating because of one not-terrible-but-spirit-squelching evening with a not-terrible but colossally boring man, he invoked the famous "No mas" line from Duran’s fight.

Yes, that was it. It wasn’t a knockout or a career-ending injury. I just needed to go back to my corner, let the cutman sew my eye, have someone spray water in my mouth and plod back to my locker room for a rubdown.

Maybe I needed some time off to reassess my strategy, jog for miles behind Burgess Meredith’s car, become lean, mean and motivated.

OK, here’s what happened before my eighth-round forfeit: I met a guy at the wrap party for a sitcom. He was highly recommended by friends. He asked me out. I said yes, based on the widely promulgated theory that you should accept every date because you never know and blah, blah, blah.

I went. We had a drink. He told a lengthy story about his therapist dying. I answered the usual questions about my career and family in sound bites so familiar, I felt like Carol Channing doing "Hello Dolly!" for the millionth time at some dinner theater in Detroit.

At one point, I couldn’t help but notice that this guy was staring at my chest, that is, when he wasn’t glancing down at my legs. He didn’t even have the decency to do it on the sly. It was so disturbing that I had to put a stop to it.

"Dude, would you like me to stand up and turn around slowly so you can get a good look and get it over with?" I asked. Yes, out loud.

He apologized, admitting he had a leering problem. A few minutes later, he exacted revenge by telling me how much I play with my hair. Ding, ding, ding. Round two.

I didn’t want a second drink or another moment of my life spent with "King Leer." He walked me to my car. I shook his hand and before his sweaty palm was out of my grip, I had already made the decision. No mas.

As I said, nothing awful happened. There was just the tedium, the bored, impatient feeling you get when watching some subpar movie on cable you’ve seen 10 times before. The whole ritual seemed to be a confounding waste of time.

Many of us have had that "No Mas Date," the one that leads to a lengthy and sudden dating break. A friend of mine married the first girl he dated after his NMD. This makes sense to me. When you leave the ring, you ain’t going back in without a big purse, a worthy opponent and a deal with HBO. It takes someone pretty special to lure you out of retirement.

People try to fix me up. They tell me to give so-and-so a chance, I might like him, he might grow on me. They want me to stay in the ring, and I say, "No Mas."

On being a "quitter": Let’s go back to the story of Duran and the "sweet science" of boxing, the bloody sport that lends itself so well to life metaphors.

Duran continued to fight, becoming one of only four boxers to hold four different world titles.

Some look back at that historic fight and see a man lacking in valor. Others, however, see a man who understood his own limits and valued himself over his image.

As one sports writer put it, Duran became "one of the most mystifying fighters ever simply by quitting … we must regard that moment as exquisitely existential."

Prudence, caution and the ability to save oneself can be virtues, in dating as much as anything else.

If I don’t see some serious razzle dazzle in a guy, I’ll be satisfied to skip rope and shadow box for awhile.

What’s Duran’s take on "No Mas?"

"I wasn’t feeling up to it," said the fighter in an interview. "I was like, you know what, there is always going to be a rematch. I gave him one; he’ll give me one. So, the hell with it, let’s just go ahead and end it here."

Down for the Count Read More »

Eliot "E.J." Safirstein

Eliot "E.J." Safirstein

Eliot "E.J." Safirstein, an award-winning playwright, died July 31 at the age of 39.

A childhood survivor of cancer, Safirstein wrote the 1988 John Cauble Award-winning short play "Waterworks," which was performed at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. His first television script, a "Family Law" episode titled "Generations," was broadcast on Dec. 11, 2000.

"E.J. was a purist," said Liz Safirstein Leshin, who married Safirstein in July. "He never lowered his standards, and he never gave up."

A funeral was held Aug. 5 in White Plains, N.Y. A memorial service for Safirstein will be held at 2:30 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 16, at Leo Baeck Temple, 1300 N. Sepulveda Blvd., Los Angeles.

Safirstein is survived by his wife, Liz Safirstein Leshin; son, Jack (Sue); sister, Julie Massey; and nephews, Scott and David Massey.

Donations may be sent to the E.J. Safirstein Fund at Vassar College, Box 14, 124 Raymond Ave., Poughkeepsie, N.Y. 12604-0014; the Pediatric Department at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, Office of Susan Hershowitz, Box 139, 1275 York Ave., New York, N.Y. 10021; or the E.J. Safirstein New Play Fund at the University of Washington School of Drama, Box 35390, Seattle, WA 98195.

Eliot "E.J." Safirstein Read More »

World Briefs

Five Settlers Arrested

Israeli police arrested five residents of a settlement near Jerusalem on suspicion of stoning Palestinian cars on a local road. The five were detained after two Palestinians filed complaints about being stoned from a car driven by young Jews. Israel Radio said the five admitted to the allegations.

Study: Regional War Possible

Israeli commandos killed two Palestinians early Wednesday morning who were allegedly planting a bomb in the area of Shavei Shomron, an Israeli settlement in the West Bank city of Nabulus.

Hamas Vows More Bombs

Hamas said it had suicide bombers in Israel awaiting orders to avenge the death of a Palestinian and his two children in the Gaza Strip.

The Israeli army said Samir Abu Zeid, a member of Palestinian Authority Yasser Arafat’s Fatah faction, was killed Sunday by a bomb he was preparing, and not by Israeli fire as the Palestinians claimed. There was no evidence of any shelling at the deceased man’s home, according to an Associated Press reporter.

A conference on transcendental meditation in Israel was canceled after the Interior Ministry refused visas to most of the participants. A ministry official said many of the attendees hailed from countries such as Ukraine and Moldova, where residents have exploited tourist visas in the past to remain in Israel illegally.

U.S. Opposes Mideast Observers

While the international observer force in the West Bank city of Hebron suspended its patrols after complaining to police over alleged abuse by Jewish residents of the town, the U.N. council discussed a resolution that would call for an international observer force to monitor the situation in the West Bank and Gaza Strip. The U.S., which has a veto on the council, opposes the Arab- and Muslim-backed resolution.

Police Testify at Inquiry

An Israeli commission looking into the killing of 13 Israeli Arabs by police during riots in Northern Israel last October began hearing testimony from senior police officers.

One witness agreed with a commission member’s assessment that a former commander deviated from his orders when he responded to the rioting.

Katsav vs. U.N. Forum

Israeli President Moshe Katsav sent a letter to 64 heads of state urging them to prevent the upcoming U.N. conference on racism from turning into a tool for condemnation of Israel. Katsav’s letter comes after proposals to denigrate Zionism as racism and condemn Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians have provoked considerable discussion in preforum meetings. The Bush administration has not yet decided whether U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell will attend.

Conductor: I Want to Go Back

A Jewish conductor who created controversy in Israel when he played an encore last month by Richard Wagner, Hitler’s favorite composer, said he would like to perform again in the Jewish State.

An Israeli parliamentary committee has recommended that Daniel Barenboim be banned from conducting in Israel because of his actions at the July 7 performance of the Israel Festival.

Barak Gets Rich Questions

A U.S. congressional committee sent former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak a list of questions they want answered about his role in President Clinton’s controversial pardon of philanthropist Marc Rich. According to White House notes of conversations between Clinton and Barak, obtained by the House of Representatives’ Government Reform Committee, the two leaders discussed the pardon on three occasions.

Rabbi’s Jury Selection Launched

Jury selection began Monday in the New Jersey trial of a rabbi who allegedly arranged his wife’s death. Fred Neulander could face the death penalty if he is convicted in the 1994 murder of his wife, Carol.

Orthodox Rabbi Dies at 88

Thousands of mourners turned out last Friday for the funeral of Rabbi Avrohom Pam. One of the most respected leaders of fervently Orthodox Jews in America, Pam died early last Friday morning at the age of 88.

Faith-Based Leader Quits

The head of President Bush’s effort to open government programs to religious groups is resigning after seven controversial months. John Dilulio Jr., director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, will leave as soon as a transition team can be put into place, the White House said. Some Jewish groups back the Bush administration initiative, but most oppose it because they are concerned that an expanded partnership between the government and faith-based institutions could infringe on religious liberties.

Chagall Held Hostage for Peace

A group claiming responsibility for the recent theft of a Chagall painting from the Jewish Museum in New York says it will not return the painting until there is Middle East peace, according to The New York Times.

Authorities say the letter received from the “International Committee for Art and Peace” is not a hoax because it has information about “Study for ‘Over Vitebsk'” that could only come from someone who has the painting in his possession.

The painting was discovered missing the morning after a June 7 reception at the museum.

World Briefs Read More »

Your Letters

Shoshana Greenbaum

I mourn with Alan and Shifra Hayman on the untimely loss of their beloved daughter, Shoshana, a sweet person with whom I have had the pleasure of being friends with since I was a little boy growing up in the San Fernando Valley.

While many of us in the frum community are outraged by another loss of life by our so-called Arab bretheren, we must realize that nothing has changed. If the Jew does not understand the real cause of the Arab-Jewish conflict, he will indeed, G-d forbid, give them the opportunity for which they so long — to liquidate the Jewish State.

Brian Goldenfeld, Woodland Hills


Kudos for Hertzberg

The article which outlined the $10 million that the state approved for Jewish organizations omitted one big reason for this success — Speaker Bob Hertzberg (“We’re in the Money,” Aug. 17). During his nearly 17 months as speaker, Hertzberg has kept his eye on the policy ball.

Without his help, the Jewish organizations would not be nearly as successful during the last two budget cycles. The Jewish community owes Bob Hertzberg a great deal of thanks.

Howard Welinsky, Board Member JPAC


Alzheimer’s Help

Thank you for running your informative and insightful piece on Alzheimer’s (“The Search for an Alzheimer’s Cure,” Aug. 3).

We would like your readers to be aware of the variety of services the Alzheimer’s Association of Los Angeles provides. They include a helpline for information and referral; caregiver education; enrollment of people in Safe-Return, a wanderer’s I.D. program which assists in the timely return of individuals with Alzheimer’s disease; support groups throughout the L.A. area; family consultants; and advocacy on behalf of these individuals and their family members at the city, county, state, and federal levels.

People interested in learning more about or becoming involved with the Alzheimer’s Association of Los Angeles are encouraged to call our office at (800) 663-1967, or contact us through our Web site at www.alz.org.

We look forward to a world without Alzheimer’s disease, and until then, the best quality of life for people and their families.

Peter Braun, Executive Director, Alzheimer’s Association of Los Angeles


J.D. Smith

Once again J.D. Smith inflicts on us his self-obsessed maunderings about romance (“SJM Seeks Perfect Woman,” Aug. 17). One could, if one were charitable, think of them as ironical musings on the problems of finding a mate in Los Angeles. Leaving aside that issue, I thought, as I almost always do when I read Smith’s column, that this appears in a newspaper supposedly devoted to the Jewish community. Given that premise, what, if anything, does Smith’s column have to do with the Jews?

Chaim Sisman, Los Angeles


Israeli Solidarity

In a letter last week, Peace Now and several other left-wing organizations condemned The Jewish Federation’s Israel Solidarity Rally (“Letters,” Aug. 10).

For shame. Instead of condemning The Jewish Federation, Peace Now should be apologizing for the incredible danger they have exposed Israel to.

Nathan D. Wirtschafter, Valley Village


Thank you for printing David Myers’ explanation of his hesitation to support the solidarity rally for Israel (“Rally Later,” July 27).

His piece succinctly articulated his reservations. Reading his opinion crystallized my own thinking.

David E. S. Stein, Redondo Beach


Corrections

In the Aug. 10 Solange Says, Jewish Family Service of Santa Monica was reported to be run by Vista Del Mar and Family Services. Jewish Family Service of Santa Monica is part of Jewish Family Service of Los Angeles.

Your Letters Read More »

Mea Culpas

Even for a journalist who tries to keep an open mind, it’s hard to watch the world media equate the conflict between the Palestinians and Israelis as a level playing field, tit for tat. They bomb, we retaliate; a war between equals, or worse, a war between unequals with Israel as the aggressor and the Palestinians as the victims.

As someone who has believed in the peace process for longer than the seven years I lived in Israel, it was hard to watch it crumble like a house of cards, and it’s even harder to believe that it might really be over.

While Foreign Minister Shimon Peres and Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat make plans to meet next week in Berlin to broker a cease-fire — a far cry from peace agreements — most people look on skeptically, to say the least. On the right, people decry further negotiations with a corrupt regime and demand action. On the dwindling left, people are afraid to believe that something will come out of the next meeting, and yet, we cannot help but hope.

Over the past 11 months since the Al Aqsa Intifada began, peaceniks in Israel and abroad have been renouncing their ways, changing sides, pounding their hearts in regret for their evil ways as if they were standing before God on the High Holy Days recounting their sins. Even former Prime Minister Ehud Barak, criticizing Peres this week for continuing to negotiate, said: "Whoever thinks Arafat is still a partner is either suffering from self-delusion or fantasy."

These mea culpas have generated unabashed glee from the right, who are quick to say, "I told you so."

The ones who haven’t recounted their belief in peace now find that they are the ones on the fringe, taking the place of the far right-wingers who advocate transfer, reconquest, or the strong hand of military retaliation — ideas that suddenly don’t sound so insane after all.

So, where does that leave those of us who believed in an Israeli and a Palestinian state, who dreamt of both the Zionist dream and the Palestinian right to exist, but are dismayed by this last year of violence? The answer is not clear.

It’s hard to join the ranks of the right wing, the ones who have said all along, "The Arabs will never be happy until they push all the Jews into the sea." It’s hard to join them because the question still remains: What next?

Only time will tell. Perhaps this next round of talks just might prove effective, though I won’t hold my breath. Perhaps the solution does lie in a strong military action, though I don’t look forward to that. Whatever it comes to, I do not regret my past positions.

To paraphrase Tennyson: "’Tis better to have believed in peace, than never to have negotiated at all."

Mea Culpas Read More »

White Wedding

The Riemer family is something of a rarity in the Jewish world of post-Communist Central Europe.

Not only are Daniel Riemer and his wife Magda both Jewish, but both of their 20-something daughters, Zuzana and Sandra, have found Jewish men to marry.

This is no easy feat in a part of the world where intermarriage is the norm and where tiny, far-flung Jewish communities still suffer the effects of the Holocaust and Communist-era repression.

Zuzana Riemer’s wedding on Aug. 5 made local Jewish history. It was the first full-scale, traditional Jewish wedding for a member of Kosice’s Jewish community in 60 years.

"The message is that they’ve broken the ice," said Rabbi Hershel Gluck, a London-based Chasidic rabbi who officiated at the wedding. "In a place where for decades people have been battered — by the Holocaust, by communism, by internal squabbling and other difficulties of the post-Communist period — it says that positive and constructive things can happen here, too."

But the family’s nachas is bittersweet.

Both daughters are marrying foreign Jews and will be moving, or already have, to places far from Kosice, a city of 250,000 in the far eastern tip of Slovakia. Zuzana Riemer is moving to Los Angeles; Sandra Riemer made aliyah five years ago.

Not only are they leaving family and friends behind, but they also are moving away from a Jewish community struggling for survival.

"The most important thing is that they’re happy," their father says with a shrug.

The quest for a Jewish spouse is a universal preoccupation among Jews wherever they live.

But the challenge is particularly great in parts of Europe, where individual Jewish communities — such as Kosice’s — may be only a few hundred or even a few dozen individuals. There are only about 3,000 Jews, most of them middle-aged or older, in all of Slovakia.

"It’s not easy for young Jews to meet and marry in Europe," says Gadi Gronich, program director for Yachad, which is affiliated with the European Council of Jewish Communities and is described as Europe’s largest Jewish singles network.

With more than 3,000 Jewish singles in more than two dozen countries on its mailing list, Yachad organizes singles weekends, parties, trips and other events that generally attract 75 to 100 people from across Europe. Gronich says the events have resulted in at least 50 marriages.

Other communal and private organizations also aim to help Jewish singles meet and match.

"Except for the United Kingdom and France, we are speaking in Europe about small- and medium-size communities, so the chance to meet new people is very low," Gronich says.

Shawn Landres, a 29-year-old Los Angeles-born scholar of anthropology and religious studies, has a particularly incisive take on the issue.

He is working on a doctorate in religious studies at the University of California at Santa Barbara, writing about "intimacy and memory among Generation X Jews in Los Angeles" — that is, an analysis of the L.A. Jewish singles scene.

He is also the new husband of Zuzana Riemer.

The couple met in 1998 at a winter sports gathering in the Tatra mountains, organized by the Union of Jewish Students for young Jews from several central European countries. At the time, Landres — who also is a research student in anthropology at Oxford University — was doing fieldwork in Slovakia, and actively looking for a bride.

"To me, marrying a Jew was a given. There was no question about it," he says. "The problem came in finding someone whose values and world view were even remotely similar to mine — and I did not meet anyone like this in the United States."

The couple’s Orthodox wedding was the first traditional Jewish wedding held in Kosice since the Holocaust. The pair had a civil wedding in Los Angeles last fall, but decided it was important to have a religious ceremony in Kosice to make a statement, even though neither is strictly observant.

"I don’t know if we inspired anyone to greater observance by doing the wedding this way, but we felt that it was important to show people the beauty of the ceremony and of Judaism," Landres said.

Both wearing white, the couple stood under a red, blue and gold velvet chupah in the Jewish community courtyard, flanked by the looming wall of a partially ruined synagogue.

Zuzana wore a floor-length gown in honor of her grandmother, who had not had the chance to wear a wedding dress. Her grandparents wed in haste during World War II, just one day before a mass deportation of unmarried women from Kosice.

The wedding was officiated by Gluck, who for more than 20 years has traveled widely in Europe to promote Jewish revival in small, far-flung communities.

He was aided by scholar Jonathan Webber, Landres’ doctoral adviser at Oxford, who carefully explained each step of the ceremony to guests, many of whom had little knowledge of traditional Jewish rites.

"We are celebrating a marriage in the way marriages were celebrated in this part of the world for hundreds of years," Gluck said. "Thank God we are here again, celebrating a marriage like this in Slovakia."

Still, Zuzana Riemer’s move to the United States means that the critical mass needed for Jewish survival in Kosice and Slovakia as a whole will be that much harder to achieve.

Landres doesn’t see it quite that way.

"I don’t feel as if I’m stealing Zuzana from the Slovak Jewish community, because I maintain close ties here and we plan to visit a lot," he says.

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A Dangerous Beast

The rituals are familiar by now. The sudden bulletins; the footage of chaos and shock and devastation; the anxious wait for the casualty list; the statements of condemnation; the statements of justification; the insane competition over who gets the "credit;" the haunting search for the tiniest bits of remains; the funerals; and the reprisal. And here, the community rallies, new missions are announced, once again we’re told that "now more than ever" our solidarity is needed, we hunker down. And then the wait begins again, for though the other shoe has dropped, there is another, and another. This conflict is no two-legged monster, it is a damned centipede and we are nowhere near its end. Not for nothing is this called "terrorism."

It is terrible, of course, but is it simple? Most of us believe approximately as follows: Barak offered them the moon, they said no, and opted for violence. If they were to stop the violence, there would be no reprisals. End of story.

But no matter, not any more. Events overtake and overwhelm. King George and Jaffa, a corner just about everyone who has been to Israel knows. Animals. Where is the one among them who will have the decency to say that these horrid actions disgrace the cause they seek to promote, as well as the faith on which they allegedly rest?

Well then, what to do? Let us stipulate that they are, indeed, animals, that it is Israel’s sorry fate to be locked in a deathly battle with wild beasts. Let us further acknowledge that Israel does not have the means to slay all the beasts. Does this mean the beasts have won? Hardly. One can swallow hard, go on with life as best one can, and hope and pray for some external force that will interrupt the deadly cycle.

Or, one can search for ways to tame the beast. One such way: Hit back hard enough and perhaps, out of sheer self-interest rather than decency, let alone generosity, the enemy will think twice before reverting to his traditional role. The trouble is, that way has been tried, over and over again, and has so far been found miserably wanting. The far right insists that Israel’s power has not been adequately employed, that Israel’s hitting back has been far from "hard enough."

But short of uprooting the population of the West Bank and Gaza, loading them onto trucks and dumping all 2 million of them in, say, the Sinai Desert, it is impossible to specify what the targets or the strategic aims of an "all-out" offensive might be.

Well, then, what of rewards? Bribe the wild beast into domesticity. The Palestinians have yet to experience the benefits of domesticity. This owes in part to the apparent corruption of its own leadership, as well as to Israel’s failure to confront the settlement issue more boldly. A freeze on settlement construction, withdrawal from the Gaza settlements, a serious national reckoning with the Hebron area settlements — these would not, had they been done in timely fashion, have necessarily been seen as concessions. Still, in the current political context, such steps, to say nothing of a focus on joint enterprises and such, are simply not thinkable. Perhaps they are thinkable; but they are not do-able.

Rational persuasion? By definition, a wild beast is not susceptible to rational persuasion.

So no, it isn’t easy to come up with a useful approach, which doubtless accounts for the silence of the doves, who are for the most part these days reduced to warning against what ought not be done rather than recommendations for action. The trouble is that without a proactive peace strategy, we are left with "solidarity," which, however appealing an idea, is rather thin as a strategy. Hunker down long enough, and your limbs stiffen, it becomes exceedingly difficult to move deftly into a new position.

None of this is meant to relieve the other side of its responsibility for the crisis, for the murders and for the evil it so enthusiastically encourages. But the issue before us is, or at the least should be, less the assignment of responsibility, more the devising of a way out of the crisis. Israel’s burden is not to figure out how to make concessions to the Palestinians; it is to figure out how, if at all, it may know peace. And the one pretty solid guarantee we have is that hunkering down and calling for solidarity will not get you there.

If now is not quite the time to renew the effort, then at least let us not trap ourselves into the sterile belief that such efforts are inevitably wasted. Believe that, and "abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

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