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June 26, 1997

The Spiritual Tourist

Near Mt. Amir in Israel. Photo from “Skyline” 1990

My neighbors completed an around-the-world trip. It was their dream, the trip of a lifetime. When we gathered to welcome them home, they eagerly described the journey’s highlights — the Sheraton in Bangkok, the Kentucky Fried Chicken in Beijing, a Clint Eastwood film in a Calcutta theater, Budweiser in Holland and Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in Great Britain.

My neighbor, the “accidental tourist!” He travels the world to experience its wonders from behind an inch of hermetically sealed tinted-glass bus window. Bravely, he ventures out of the bus, protected by a huge Nikon camera slung around his neck — his life-support apparatus identifying him as a stranger, and keeping the outside world at bay. He sleeps at the Hilton, breathes filtered air and drinks bottled water. He wants to see the world, but he won’t let it touch him. So afraid of the new, the unfamiliar, the exotic, so afraid that it might shake his safe, secure, narrow world, so afraid of life, he visited all the world’s capitals, and, in every one, he ate at McDonald’s.

In this week’s Torah portion, Moses sends 12 men on a mission, latur et ha’aretz (Numbers 13:16), to scout out, or more literally, “to tour,” the Promised Land. Upon their return, 10 offer the dispiriting report of the land’s fearful impregnability. Tourists they left, and tourists they returned. They saw the land but didn’t let it touch them, didn’t let it change them. They found no bond with this land; they were only visitors, not owners, not inheritors. Fearful and small, they knew that they didn’t belong: They didn’t belong in this place. They didn’t belong to this place. And the place would never belong to them.

Two men, Joshua and Caleb, heard a different commandment from Moses: Alu zeh (Numbers 13:17), “rise up,” or perhaps, “become an oleh.” Don’t go as a tourist; go as an oleh. Do not go in fear. Let the land elevate you; let the experience transform you; let this life moment move you. Go not as visitors, as sightseers, as strangers. This is your home. You are expected. You belong here. Fight for this place. Root yourself here.

The most important gift we give our children is a sense of their place in the world: You belong here. You are not just passing through. The world welcomes you and your unique contribution. You needn’t feel afraid, strange or unfamiliar. You have a right to be here. This world is yours, and, so, you have the responsibility and the power to transform and mend it.

But this courage is easily forgotten. The Israelites are condemned to wander in the desert for 40 years. An apt punishment. People who do not feel they belong are sentenced to a lifetime of aimless, rootless wandering.

At the portion’s end, we are commanded to wear tzitzit, fringes, on the corners of our garments, V’lo tarturu, “so as not to become a tourist” — so as not to shrink back in fear of the world, as if we don’t really belong here, as if we are just visiting, just sightseeing. Le’maan tizkiru, wear your tzitzit and be reminded there is work to be done to transform and mend the world. Be reminded who you are and why you are here. Your sense of belonging is the precious gift of your ancestry. Don’t leave home without it!


Ed Feinstein is the associate rabbi at Valley Beth Shalom. He replaces Rabbi Steven Z. Leder, who is completing a book (along with fulfilling synagogue responsibilities at Wilshire Boulevard Temple).

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Spectator

Elizabeth Rodgers, co-director of the documentary, “Exodus 1947.”

In July 1947, a Chesapeake Bay steamer loaded with 4,500 Holocaust survivors was attacked by the British navy on its way to Palestine. The ship was called Exodus 1947, and its aborted voyage galvanized world opinion in support of the struggle to create a Jewish state.

With their well-researched one-hour documentary, “Exodus 1947,” co-directors Elizabeth Rodgers and Robby Henson have created a compelling chronicle of the dramatic events that surrounded that ill-fated journey. The film — narrated by Morley Safer — combines the recollections of the ship’s crew members and passengers with newsreel footage and other archival material of the period.

We know, of course, how the story ends. Three Jewish refugees were killed and 140 wounded when British warships harshly turned the Exodus away from Palestine, shipping its passengers back to displaced-persons camps in Germany. Many historians argue that the groundswell of sympathy and outrage engendered by that voyage was one factor in the United Nations vote that launched the State of Israel.

“Exodus 1947” makes its screening debut at the Laemmle Sunset 5 Theatres on Saturday, June 28. Funding for the film print was made possible by the Righteous Persons Foundation. Following its run at Laemmle, the film makes its TV debut on KCET, July 6, at 10 p.m.

For Laemmle show times, call (213) 848-3500. For additional information about the film, call (310) 203-1444. n

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Confidence Game

After a raucous six-hour debate, 55 legislators registered their confidence in Netanyahu, 50 voted against, and an unprecedented 15 abstained or absented themselves from the ballot. The government’s paper support is 66 out of 120 Knesset members, plus two far-right sympathizers from Rehavam Ze’evy’s Moledet.

Those who withheld their votes included Meridor; former Science Minister Benny Begin; Uzi Landau, the Likud chairman of the Knesset Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee; and the entire Gesher faction, a subgroup within Likud that is led by Foreign Minister David Levy. The Third Way Party, a centrist partner in Netanyahu’s ruling coalition, also declined to register confidence in the prime minister’s leadership.

Netanyahu’s troubles are far from over. He was unable to announce a scheduled Cabinet reshuffle at the end of Tuesday’s debate. Ariel Sharon, his choice for the finance portfolio, was demanding additional powers inherited from his present post as national infrastructure minister, as well as a seat in the inner peace-process team that currently is limited to Netanyahu, Levy and Defense Minister Yitzhak Mordechai.

Levy was threatening to resign from the government if Sharon were given the finance post. Another minister, Moshe Katzav, who was slated for promotion to national infrastructure from tourism, told reporters that he would not accept the loss of any functions exercised in the post by Sharon.

The Knesset was thrown into turmoil when Justice Minister Tzachi Hanegbi rose to defend the government’s record. He also delivered a vicious personal attack on new Labor leader Ehud Barak, dubbing him “Ehud Barach” (Hebrew for “Ehud ran away”) and citing a press report that Barak, as chief of staff of the armed forces, was present during a training exercise five years ago in which six elite soldiers died. The affair is being investigated by State Comptroller Justice Miriam Ben-Porat. Barak has always insisted that his task as army commander was not to carry a stretcher but to ensure that everything was being done by his subordinates to save them.

Netanyahu acknowledged afterward that the gist of the speech had been cleared with him in advance. He retorted that no one from the affronted opposition had protested when he and his family were the subject of personal abuse. In a television interview afterward, Barak said that Hanegbi had always been a “hooligan,” and that the man who sent him to defend the government was little better.

Either way, Hanegbi’s speech boomeranged. Former Gen. Ze’evy, who could not be further removed politically from center-left Labor, begged the justice minister to retract his assault on Barak, the most decorated war hero in Israeli military history. It was, Ze’evy argued, an insult not only to a former chief of staff but to the honor of the army as a whole. Third Way Knesset members also urged Netanyahu to repudiate his justice minister, but neither responded.

The lesson of Tuesday’s debate is that the government is ready to fight dirty in order to stay in power. On the other side, Barak’s maiden speech as Labor leader was hard-hitting, combative and to the point. He warned Israelis that Netanyahu’s diplomacy was leading them to an unnecessary war. Many would die, yet, in the end, Israel would have to negotiate with the same Arab leaders.

Barak rejected out of hand any idea of joining a national-unity administration, led by Netanyahu. His aim was to bring down the government — if not now, then later.

“The countdown has begun,” he said. “The writing is on the wall. Only the blind cannot read it.”

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The Facts

Where does a parent — a Jewish mother — begin a frank consideration of her daughter’s sexuality? As the Zen master says, you have to start from where you are, and then let it flow.

I am a single mom, and as a single mom, my sex life is pretty much on display. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve known single mothers who crawl out of the window at midnight to visit their lovers, but I’m not good at taking off the screens. I have secrets from my daughter, but they happen during the daylight.

Because I’m a single mom, in some ways it is easier for me to discuss the facts of life with my daughter. My mother left this particular job to my father, and, finally, just the other day, he got around to asking if there’s anything I’d like to know about men.

Avoidance just doesn’t work with Samantha and me. We’re not obsessed with the mechanics of sexuality (she gets too much of this from reality-based TV, see further on) but, rather, with its operational flow. Samantha looks at my life, a virtual relationship laboratory right in her own home. She sees me dating, making my own mistakes, frisky in perfume one minute, wearing my heart on my sleeve the next. She notices when a guy comes by, bringing flowers, and she’s right there when the flowers stop. Recently, when I was on the phone with a guy for a full hour, she came in to give me a hug. The lesson my mother could never teach me — that the heart is a sexual organ — my daughter already knows.

Sometimes, I feel I’m a failure in this department, but it’s as much history’s fault as my own. Sadly, the “sexual liberation” that I’d hoped to bequeath to my daughter doesn’t mean much in today’s terms. For my generation, the “Fear of Flying” crowd, liberation means the freedom to participate in one’s own sex life, to enjoy passion and fantasy, to understand lust as a natural hunger, as related to but distinct from love. See, it still casts a romantic glow.

I was hardly a libertine; I wanted then what I want now: a stable partner with a great imagination. I’m a ’60s Gal, electrified by the right to be alive during lovemaking, to choose my partners (rather than to be commanded by them), to own a wakeful body, and to never fake satisfaction just to be polite. The other side of the equation, the part I try to stress to Samantha, is that I believe in self-protection, taking responsibility for bad choices and learning from my mistakes. No matter what has happened since — no matter how naïve we were about the fragility of males, no matter that even great sex sometimes pales next to good companionship — I still regard the women’s movement as the purest time of my life, when the battle was waged for a full definition of female adulthood, a battle only yet partially won.

In my fantasies, I’d hoped my daughter’s generation would take up the fight. But woman plans, and God laughs.

One day, when she was in fourth grade, Samantha came home from school with the report that Magic Johnson got AIDS from unprotected sex. All her life, we had been talking about sexuality, body parts, where babies come from and the rest. But nothing like this. Looking at my little girl, my heart sank, and I still think of that moment as the true “fall from grace.” Her news (she said it just this way, “Magic Johnson got AIDS from unprotected sex”) meant that Samantha, along with every little girl and boy in America, was learning about sex not as joyful, loving, free and natural (if strained with emotional complications), but as a health crisis, tainted, diseased, stained. I flew the flag for sexual freedom at half-staff.

Even today, so many years after accommodating to our new, darker era, I still well up in a protective rage on behalf of our young girls. The bad news broke too soon. Samantha didn’t yet know what love means, what physical ecstasy evokes. Before she could develop her own unique metaphor — a fantasy of bliss or a vision of herself locked in a “From Here to Eternity” love embrace on a pristine beach –she was already thinking mechanically, clinically, of sex as “safe” or “unsafe.”

She knows too much about the wrong things, and not only about AIDS. She has been warned against child abusers, sexual disease and sexual harassment in a wide variety of forms. A macabre sideshow of twisted sexual images come to her from “Jerry Springer,” MTV, Angelyne, Michael Jackson’s androgyny. She’ll never be allowed a moment’s purity, naivete or nonchalance. I grieve for her imagination’s prematurely lost virginity.

I’d be less than forthright if I said that being a Jewish parent provides security, or spiritual advantage, in this regard. Like every parent, I worry about my child’s friends and her values, and I seek to insulate her from the dangers of the cruel world. Where Jewish tradition helps is: 1) in providing a long list of women who survived their own child’s teen-age years, and 2) in offering stories that encourage independent thinking, even in the midst of chaotic times.

Increasingly these days, I use both parts of that heritage: I think of my own mother, scared to death throughout my adolescence, while I felt certain I could take care of myself. And I

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Letters Clarifying Remarks

I am very grateful for Ari Noonan’s coverage of the inter-denominational town meeting that took place at UCLA Hillel last month (“Setting a Conciliatory Tone,” June 20). I feel a need, however, to fill out Mr. Noonan’s description of my remarks that evening.

As the article makes clear, I am an unapologetic proponent of inter-denominational respect and cooperation, and I stressed that theme at the Hillel forum. I also emphasized though, that it is my own belief that Orthodoxy in fact represents the most accurate expression of Judaism, and that I would never advise my congregants that non-Orthodox expressions are equally acceptable personal options. I asserted further, that both of my colleagues on the panel would feel the same way about their own movements. All three of us had chosen our respective movements because we believed that they were more valid than the others are. I then suggested that this reality is the framework for our pursuit of finding our common ground and working together on common problems — a process that will benefit all of klal yisrael.

I admire my friend Ari Noonan’s enthusiasm for the “good news” on inter-denominational relations. And I’m proud to be a part of that good news. The realities within which we must operate must also be clear if our endeavor will in fact bring success and blessing.

Rabbi Yosef Kanefsky

B’nai David-Judea Congregation

Los Angeles


Amplifying Comments

Not at all surprising, because he is a most articulate professional journalist, who objectively does his research and then writes very accurate pieces, Ari Noonan provides all of his readers some thought-provoking comments regarding diversity and pluralism in the Jewish community, and the difficulty some ultra-traditionalists have in coping with this reality (“Trying to Get Along,” May 30). Thus, in the midst of their discomfort, they have chosen to lash out with anger and rage, attacking those of us with whom they disagree rather than entering into a dialogue which might lead to a calming of some very emotionally stormy seas.

Since I am the unidentified Reform rabbi, whose recent experience is the subject of Ari’s initial report, there are three things that need to be amplified:

1. The Orthodox rabbi with whom I shared a public platform began his tirade against progressive Judaism by telling the audience that his only worship time in a liberal congregation was when he attended a Sunday morning service at Cleveland’s Temple when Rabbi Abba Hillel Silver officiated — that had to be at least 40 years ago! My colleague was unwilling to acknowledge the extent to which Reform Judaism has embraced ritual and ceremony since then.

2. Not only did he denounce me but he declared that “all non-Orthodox Jews are deviants and heathens.” That remark leaves little room for discussion and little chance for us to gain harmony and peace.

3. A woman spoke to him, indicating that she had been raised in a small Illinois Reform congregation, that she had moved here, that she and her husband and their children belong to a Reform synagogue in Los Angeles, that they observe the laws of kashrut, they observe Shabbat and all holidays and festivals, regularly study Tanach and perform mitzvot. She asked: “Rabbi, do you respect me?” He replied: “Because of everything that you’ve just said, there is so much pain in my heart concerning your situation that there is no room in my heart for either respect or love for you.”

I just wonder how this particular rabbi and those who agree with him define the term “klal yisrael.

Rabbi Allen I. Freehling, Ph.D. D.D.

University Synagogue

Los Angeles

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‘Mules’ Carries Emotion

From left: Saundra Quarterman, Gail Grate and Bahni Turpin of Mules by Winsome Pinnock. Photo by Jay Thompson

‘Mules’ Carries Emotion

British playwright Winsome Pinnock wrote “Mules” — about women hired to smuggle drugs on (or in) their persons — after extensive research in various prisons.

The result is a play, the last in the Taper’s New Theatre for Now series (it closes June 29), that is starkly realistic and gritty but also uneven. The characters are sharply, colorfully drawn and brilliantly portrayed in multiple roles by Saundra Quarterman, Gail Grate and Bahni Turpin. Yet the protagonists are, in the end, generic: poor women who turn to dope smuggling to escape poverty.

The action takes place on Christopher Barreca’s appropriately bleak set, essentially a bare platform; the short scenes, punctuated by hip-hop music, are energetically, stylistically directed by Lisa Peterson.

Quarterman is riveting as Bridie, the enigmatic, elegant shark of a drug boss, who preys on the down-and-out. Allie (Grate) is the lonely, vulnerable runaway who is transformed into a strident scofflaw.

In a parallel story, we encounter Lou (Turpin) and Lyla (Grate), two sisters working at a pathetic little stand in the Jamaican slums until Bridie comes calling. Predictably, all end up paying dearly for their stab at the good life.

“Mules” seems disjointed at times, like sketches in search of a play; nevertheless, the piece is not without its share of powerful moments, such as the sisters’ tragic, ironic final scene. Lyla and Lou are back in Jamaica, toiling in a ganja field; their squalor seems all the bleaker after their fleeting taste of glamour. — Naomi Pfefferman, Senior Writer


Wanted: Local Poets

Ink-stained wretches take note: More than $48,000 in prizes will be awarded this year in the North American Open Poetry Contest, an annual literary competition that is open to everyone and is free. Poets from the Los Angeles area, particularly beginners, are welcome to try to win their share of 250 prizes. The contest is sponsored by the 15-year-old U.S. National Library of Poetry — the largest poetry organization in the world.

“Any poet, whether previously published or not, can be a winner,” said contest director Howard Ely. “Poets from the Los Angeles area have successfully competed in past competitions.”

Every poem that is entered also has a chance to be published in a hard-bound anthology.

To enter, send one original poem, any subject and any style, to: The National Library of Poetry, Suite 1992, 1 Poetry Plaza, Owings Mills, Md. 21117-6282, or via e-mail to www.poetry.com. Poems should be no more than 20 lines. Be sure that the poet’s name and address appear at the top of the page. Entries must be postmarked or sent via the Internet by July 15. — Diane Arieff Zaga, Arts Editor


Later at LACMA

In order to better accommodate the schedules of working adults, families and summer tourists, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art has announced a new schedule, which will take effect on Tuesday, July 1. While the new hours have been described as a summer schedule, the change is likely to be extended into the fall, according to LACMA staffer Angela Dickson.

The new schedule is as follows: open from noon to 8 p.m., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday; open from noon to 9 p.m., Friday; open from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m., Saturday and Sunday; closed on Wednesday.

During the extended hours, LACMA’s Plaza Cafe and museum shop will be open, and special programming — such as lectures, concerts, family tours and entertainment — will be scheduled. Parking in the lot at Spaulding and Wilshire will be free after 6 p.m. Museum admission will be free to all visitors on the second Tuesday of every month. Film matinees, which have been screened on Wednesdays, will now be shown on Tuesdays. Call (213) 857-6000 for more information, or visit the museum’s web site at http://www.lacma.org. –D.Z.

‘Mules’ Carries Emotion Read More »

The Good Lieutenant

“When I started this work two years ago, I was like a young child,” says Cheli. “Now, many times I feel like an old woman.”

Cheli is a lieutenant in the Israeli army’s Nachal Brigade, and when one of the young soldiers in her unit is killed, she goes to his parents, tells them how their son died, and tries to bring some comfort.

“Every family reacts differently; I knock on the door, and I never know what they will say,” she says. “Sometimes, they yell at me; sometimes, they don’t want to see me; sometimes, they will tell me, ‘It’s better you shouldn’t have children; they will only be killed in the army.'”

How does Cheli react? “First, I don’t say anything — whatever you say is the wrong thing. I look in their eyes; I touch their hands. Then they see that I wear the same green brigade beret that their son did; they start talking about him; slowly, we make a connection.”

The last few months have been particularly difficult. In February, when two Israeli helicopters collided and 73 soldiers were killed, 30 were “her” boys from the Nachal Brigade.

Then there was the case of Sharon Edry, a soldier who hitched a ride in a car with men later identified as terrorists; he disappeared.

For eight months, nothing was heard of him until his mutilated body was found. During that time, Cheli saw his family almost daily.

“I became part of the family; I became their own child,” she says.

Cheli, who lives in Moshav Hemed, near Tel Aviv, joined the army at age 18 and volunteered for her present assignment. Why?

“I felt that here were people who deserved everything because they had lost everything,” she says. “I can’t bring back their son, but maybe I can make it easier for them, maybe I can make them smile for a moment.”

The most important thing for the family is that their son will not be forgotten. “They will set aside a memorial room or some memento — it is important that people pay attention to this when they visit Israel,” says Cheli.

How does she cope with the emotional and mental stress of her job?

“There are about 40 officers in the army who do the same job, and we are like a support group,” she says. “We meet every two weeks with a shrink and tell him what we are feeling. You know that you’re not the only one with these experiences.”

One effect of her work has been that it has drawn Cheli closer to her own parents and brother. “You realize how short life can be,” she says.

Cheli was in Los Angeles recently during an official visit by Israel Defense Minister Yitzhak Mordechai, and thereby hangs another story.

Shortly before Israel’s Memorial Day, Mordechai had met with the army’s 40 or so bereavement officers to thank them for their difficult work. Cheli spoke about her experiences at the meeting, and Mordechai was impressed by her words, as well as by impromptu letters he had been receiving from “her” families, who praised her sensitivity and dedication.

In recognition of her performance, Mordechai invited Cheli to join his entourage for the trip to Los Angeles, and later to Paris.

After visiting Universal Studios and Disneyland, Cheli bubbled over like any young woman in her early 20s on her first big trip abroad.

“I can’t believe I’m here and having fun,” she says, happily.

The Good Lieutenant Read More »

Getting Their Kicks In

Ali Taylor gives a knee to Amir Perets at the Krav Maga National Training Center in West Los Angeles.

Getting Their Kicks In

Krav maga is going national. The scrappy, Israeli self-defense system is reaching the American mainstream at an almost incongruously lavish, new National Training Center. Located on the bottom floor of a sleek office building at 11500 Olympic Blvd. in West Los Angeles, the center is complete with lockers, showers and state-of-the-art equipment favored by the Los Angeles Police Department.

Krav maga (“contact combat” in Hebrew) is the official fighting system of the Israel Defense Forces. It was created by Imi Lichtenfeld, an IDF chief instructor for hand-to-hand combat, who drew upon his experiences with Nazi youth gangs in Czechoslovakia.

Krav maga is down-and-dirty street fighting — practical, no-nonsense, simple to learn, banking on the body’s natural fighting instincts. You don’t have to don a ghi, the white uniform worn by Asian martial artists; nor do you bow or perform fancy rituals. You deflect blows and punch back at the same time. There are no rules.

In 1981, a cocky martial arts student from the San Fernando Valley, Darren R. Levine, was invited to study krav maga for a summer in Israel. He was 21, skeptical, and arrived with an attitude. But by the end of the program, he was so impressed that he vowed to bring krav maga back to Los Angeles.

Levine began by teaching students at Heschel Day School (his mother was the principal) as well as at a tiny adult class, consisting mostly of his friends. Over the years, he became a fifth-degree black belt, the highest-ranking instructor outside Israel.

Interest in krav maga grew. Dozens of law enforcement agencies wanted to learn it, from the FBI to the Beverly Hills Police Department to the California Highway Patrol. When the LAPD set up an advisory committee of martial arts experts, post-Christopher Commission, Levine was slotted a seat. By the mid-1990s, the regular courses at the University of Judaism were so packed that students overflowed out of the classrooms and onto the courtyard.

“We were bursting at the seams,” said Michael Margolin, a third-degree black belt who, with Levine and two other partners, decided to kick krav maga up a notch. They raised $320,000 from private investors and opened the 6,000-square-foot National Training Center on Feb. 15.

Since then, some 500 participants have already signed up, not only for krav maga but also for fitness training, body sculpting, yoga and other disciplines that complement the self-defense instruction.

Walk through the center’s training rooms, and a variety of scenarios unfold. In a rape-prevention class, women in business suits and high heels were shouting aggressively and viciously fighting off an “attacker” — actually an instructor in a padded suit.

“We don’t want the women coming to class just in their workout clothes, because we want to simulate the kinds of situations in which they could be attacked,” said Margolin, who is working toward a USC psychology doctorate and hopes to incorporate group therapy and empowerment training for rape survivors.

In another room, members of agencies such as the Santa Monica Police Department were learning arrest techniques and how to fight thugs with a gun. They credit krav maga with saving their skins: “Our entire…department is krav maga-trained,” as Brian Arnspiger, the Burbank P.D. detective in charge of officer training, told the Los Angeles Times. “In the past year, we’ve had five incidents in which officers used krav maga successfully…. [Suspects were in jail] before they knew what hit ’em.” — Naomi Pfefferman, Senior Writer

For more information about the Krav Maga National Training Center, call (310) 966-1300.



Camaguay’s Jewish community received a Hanukiah during Federation’s recent mission to the Cuban town.

Mission to Cuba

In the late 1950s, prior to Fidel Castro’s rise to power, the Jewish population of Cuba numbered about 15,000. As of a few weeks ago, when a group of about 30 Angelenos from the Jewish Federation Council visited the island nation, the count had dwindled to about 1,600, with approximately 90 percent intermarried.

Still, reports Ronald Silverman, the Beverly Hills attorney who chaired the mission, the Jewish population is increasing despite the extraordinarily hard conditions that have followed the withdrawal of Russian support. The nation is “in a virtual economic free fall,” Silverman said. “The people are hungry and desperate and have little hope.” (It is amazing the “disconnection between the people’s suffering and the continuing reverence for Castro,” Silverman said.)

The Jewish community, mostly concentrated in Havana, is in need of spiritual as well as material support, he said.

The most touching experience, according to Silverman and others on the mission, was dining out with a group of Havana Jews in a local restaurant. The Cubans devoured helping after helping of chicken, continuing to eat long after their American guests had put down their forks. “It’s a big luxury to have chicken,” one woman said, since most Cubans have meat only every three or four months.

The Los Angeles contingent, which included Federation President Herb Gelfand, United Jewish Fund Director Bill Bernstein and mission coordinator and Major Gifts Director David Sacks, immediately raised $10,000 to supply chicken to Cuban Jews for the next month. The group also made plans to raise $30,000 to establish a chicken cooperative to be run by the Cuban Jewish community, with help from the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee.

One woman on the mission was so touched by the poverty of the Cuban Jews that she literally gave away all her clothes except for those on her back.

The guests visited three Havana synagogues and a kosher butcher, and left behind medical supplies. They were also present at the dedication of a home in the town of Camaguay that, with American-Jewish aid, is being turned into a synagogue to serve the community’s 75 Jewish families.

This was the first visit to the Cuban Jewish community by the Federation, and, already, Sacks reports, there is a waiting list of 100 people who want to go on the next mission. — Ruth Stroud, Staff Writer



Levy to Lead CCAR

Rabbi Richard Levy wants to change perceptions about Reform Jews’ level of observance.

“To a lot of people, being Reform means being nonobservant. It’s very harmful to Reform Jews who are serious, who are very active in the synagogue and in the home,” he said.

And now he’ll have the chance to change those perceptions. Levy was elected this week as president of the Central Conference of American Rabbis, the Reform movement’s rabbinical organization, at the group’s annual convention, in Miami.

Levy is only the third non-pulpit rabbi to head the 108-year-old, 1,800-member body, the oldest rabbinic organization of any denomination.

“One of my hopes is to end the dichotomy between the mitzvot of social justice and the mitzvot of observance and learning,” said Levy, executive director of the Los Angeles Hillel Council since 1975.

His primary means of achieving his goal will be through developing and passing what he calls the “New Pittsburgh Platform” at the organization’s convention in that city in 1999. It will be a formal update of the CCAR’s first major platform, passed in Pittsburgh in 1885.

The movement has often favored a commitment to social justice rather than ritual mitzvot, Levy said, because many rabbis thought these commandments were “bound to another time.”

“This remains the image of a lot of people, even though we have subsequently tried to say that it is not the case,” he said. “There is more Hebrew in congregations, often quite close to traditional congregations…. Overall, the level of observance is very different from what it was earlier in the century.

“On the eve of the new century, I hope that the New Pittsburgh Platform will very forcefully embrace mitzvot and encourage people that we need to respond to the commandments of the Torah. All Jews stood at Sinai. Our responses are different, but we all need to respond.”

Levy, in fact, identifies himself as belonging to the Reform movement’s “traditional wing” and is offended by stereotypes and jokes of “the very Reform Jew.”

“It doesn’t encourage other Jews to move beyond what they are doing already,” he said.

All three major institutions of the Reform movement — CCAR, Hebrew Union College and the Union of American Hebrew Congregations — have new professional leadership, Levy said, adding that “a major priority of all three is to increase Jewish literacy of Reform Jews.” And that is another major step toward changing perceptions. — William Yelles, Contributing Writer


Getting Their Kicks In Read More »

Dear Deborah

Dear Deborah,

I am a 35-year-old, reasonably happily married mother (of a small child) who is having an affair. I ran into “Ron,” a college sweetheart, after not seeing him for 14 years. It turned out that he had moved to my neighborhood. Soon after that meeting, a year ago, we kept bumping into each other and talking. Once, he stopped by to see my house, and boom, without thinking, planning or anything, we fell into a passion unlike anything either of us has ever had.

He also has children and cares about his wife, but neither of us ever felt much passion for our spouses. We chose them because of their good qualities, their patience and their loyalty. In college, Ron and I broke up after a short, stormy relationship because we fought as passionately as we loved. Then it was summer, and I think we both decided that it wouldn’t be worth the problems of different religions, et al.

Anyway, I know I have to end it. I feel horrible about myself, the lies, and the disloyalty to my husband; and, yet, the thought of giving up Ron, with whom I speak daily and see about once every two weeks, feels like I’d be giving up oxygen. I have no one to speak to about this, and I am wondering if you could offer any advice. Thank you.

Guilty Mistress

Dear Guilty Mistress,

Ask yourself how you felt before the affair. Was it so awful? You describe a good enough marriage in which you made certain choices, one of which was not passion-based. Why were you so susceptible to an affair at this point? What is going on in your own life regarding your marriage, work, self-esteem, spiritual pursuits, friendships and other areas?

Since you feel “horrible” and “disloyal,” it is fair to assume that you fell into something you consider morally repugnant. And in order to have done so, you had to have fallen out of touch with your true self.

So when you do give up the affair, and the air gets a little thin, ask yourself how else you might find the oxygen to sustain you? Perhaps it is the need to work harder at what’s missing in your marriage. Or perhaps, as many new parents tend to do, you have simply put your marriage on the back burner and stopped listening to yourself. Or are there other areas of your life that are in need of attention?

Take this time of loss and pain to reflect upon your life and learn what you need to learn to make it better. Passion, in this case, is heroin. It provides the feelings that seem so lacking in your life. So see Ron as an addiction you must break, and then sit in your empty, oxygen-leeched psyche and experience the pain you must live through to arrive at some new solutions. Good luck.

Son and Lovers

Dear Deborah,

I have a dating problem as it relates to my 10-year-old son. I’ve been in two relationships, a year or so each. As things became serious, I introduced and eventually involved my son with the boyfriends. Since his father is absent, he became very attached to both of them, mourning their losses greatly. I’ve reassured him that he is not the cause of the breakup, but once it ended for me, I was unable or unwilling to arrange any contact, because either they didn’t want to or I didn’t think it would be in my son’s best interest.

My problem is twofold: Whenever my son is feeling sad or experiences an ending or loss of any kind, he brings up my ex-boyfriends and asks why he cannot see them. Second, I’ve been currently dating someone very special for close to a year. I’m worried that introducing them could cause more scar, especially since I think this could be the one. And, yet, that’s what I thought the last two times.

Burned Twice

Dear B.T.,

How “absent” is the boy’s father? Is he alive? Is he not involved with his son at all? Were you ever married to him? I fail to understand, from the information at hand, whether or not he is mourning the loss of his father and grabbing on to any available man for fathering. If his father is present and spends regular time with him, why is he so needy of other men? Does your son behave this way with other friends or relatives?

Discuss the concept of dating with your child, explaining that it is a way of getting to know people, but that it doesn’t guarantee you’ll end up married to them. Your son needs to understand that these men, until the wedding date is set, must be considered temporary boyfriends. Limit the interaction between son and boyfriend until boyfriend becomes fiancé; this way, the child won’t become too attached.

Also, you may be confusing him by the amount or kind of affection you show your boyfriend; your son may interpret this as “mommy-daddy” behavior, so if warranted, curtail that.

Finally, your son is treating the boyfriend exactly as you are in your own mind when you decide “this is the one.” Perhaps you both need to be more realistic about what these men actually mean to you.

Nuclear Neighbors

Dear Deborah,

We are elderly and haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since our neighbors moved in and began fighting. They scream obscenities, and, occasionally, we hear horrible crashing or slamming noises late at night, early in the morning, at any time…with their windows open. We do not approve of such language, and we also are disturbed by the “Shriers” (yellers). We don’t want to talk to them, offend them and become target practice for these meshugenahs. Any suggestions?

Sleepless in Tarzana

Dear Sleepless,

If you fear a direct approach, write a note and let them know that their fights are audible and their language is offensive. Ask them to shut their windows and keep it down. Sign it “Concerned Neighbors.”

And, of course, do call the police during their next round if you suspect violence…. You may be calling attention to spousal abuse. But even if there is no physical abuse, police at the front door might provide enough of a jolt to begin quelling the yelling.


All letters to Dear Deborah require a name, address and telephone number for purposes of verification. Names will, of course, be withheld upon request. Our readers should know that when names are used in a letter, they are fictitious.

Dear Deborah welcomes your letters. Responses can be given only in the newspaper. Send letters to Deborah Berger-Reiss, 1800 S. Robertson Blvd., Ste. 927, Los Angeles, CA 90035. You can also send E-mail: deborahb@primenet.com


Deborah Berger-Reiss is a West Los Angeles psychotherapist.

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The Birds

Rabbi Baruch Finkelstein has an unhappy revelation for his fellow Modern Orthodox Jews: Your teen-agers are dating, fooling around, perhaps having sex. They are no different from non-Orthodox Jewish teens.

“The Orthodox community has been ignoring this,” says Finkelstein, 38, who teaches Torah and Talmud at Shalhevet High School. “They dismiss the topic as ‘forbidden.’ But we have to talk about it, and openly. We have to deal with the reality of what kids are doing today.”

Finkelstein and his wife, Michal, a registered nurse and midwife, have a solution that some may consider controversial. They are applying for a $20,000 grant to develop a unique, six-month sex-education curriculum — one that combines explicit clinical information with Jewish thought — for Jewish day schools, from Reform through Modern Orthodox.

In the meantime, Michal has been teaching a sex-education class over the past two years at Shalhevet. The focus, so far, has been on the 12th-grade girls (the Finkelsteins will write the boys’ curriculum later). The experience has been eye-opening for the couple, who have also co-authored a book on pregnancy and childbirth for observant Jews.

While teaching her course, Michal learned that the girls were confused. On the one hand, parents and teachers were stressing to them “abstinence before marriage.” On the other, they had been hanging around in coed groups since they were 12 or 13. Maybe a boy had come by a girl’s locker, precipitating a case of nerves. Maybe he had called on the telephone or invited her to his bar mitzvah.

All the while, the girls were seeing the sexualized images of young women in movies, in glamour magazines, on billboards and on “Beverly Hills 90210.”

“They are told, ‘Don’t touch.’ But they want to touch,” Michal Finkelstein says, acknowledging these are delicate issues, but crucial. “They feel uncomfortable in their bodies. They feel they don’t yet ‘fit’ the new womanly shape.”

Michal, 37, attempted to address the confusion during her program last year. She began by emphasizing that the class was strictly confidential and that she was not going to force her Orthodox point of view on the young women. Rather, she wanted to hear what they were feeling.

Most of the girls, she discovered, had only “peripheral” relationships with boys, though some weren’t sure they wanted to wait until their wedding night to lose their virginity. Michal told them that she wanted to give them the knowledge they needed to make good decisions in the world.

First, she explained the nitty-gritty of how a woman works. Amid the diagrams and the talk of PMS, yeast infections, breast self-exams, AIDS and menstruation, the girls’ questions were frank. Where is my uterus? Where is my clitoris? What is the physiology of orgasm? And why do I feel this way about boys?

“We discuss masturbation as normal, nothing to feel guilty about, and the girls wanted to hear they’re not the only ones thinking about it, lying awake at night,” Michal says. “I legitimize awakening sexual feelings; that it’s important to feel attracted to certain boys more than others; that it’s crucial you have sexual chemistry with any potential partner in life.”

When the girls asked, as they often did, “How will I know if he’s the one?” Michal reiterated the importance of physical attraction.

She also stressed how the sexual union between husband and wife is holy in Judaism. And how having sex can make the emotional havoc of breaking up with a boyfriend even more difficult.

The class went on to discuss date rape, childbirth and birth control; Michal brought in various contraceptives and displayed them on the classroom table.

The students queried the midwife about how pregnancy feels; how one makes a Jewish home; and how the sheitl -wearing Michal balances her career with six children. They also wanted to learn how to tell the mensches from the jerks.

To this end, there was a workshop and role-playing about how to judge character and develop trust in a relationship: What happens when boy meets girl and how to deal with guys in coed college dormitories were among topics discussed. After one student recounted how she was stood up on a date, the class role-played that too.

Through it all, and in a nonjudgmental manner, Michal Finkelstein presented the Jewish point of view about love, sex and commitment. She brought in psalms and segments of the Gemara, and took the girls to the mikvah. She presented biblical heroines such as Devorah as alternative role-models to the “Friends” or “Baywatch” babes.

So far, the Shalhevet parents have been thrilled with the program. And Dr. Jerry Friedman, Shalhevet’s president and educational adviser, believes that the curriculum is a must for Jewish schools.

“Our mandate is not only to prepare students with good Jewish and general studies, but to prepare them for the outside world,” he says. “We have to be pragmatic and give young people what they’re going to need out there. We can’t stick our heads in the sand.”

The Birds Read More »