Nanny & Me

“Ana,” a Catholic Latina nanny working for a Jewish family
in Studio City, was afraid to ask her employers whether she could buy a holiday
gift for their young son. She was torn between wanting to give the child a
present and worrying about insulting the family. Like many foreigners, Ana (not
her real name) was unsure of proper holiday protocol.

“It’s hard for these women to know where to draw the line,”
said Davina Klein, who teaches a class at Adat Ari El in North Hollywood for Latina
nannies working for Jewish families. “They don’t want to ask questions because
they don’t want to rock the boat. I think that comes from a different
mentality.”

The working relationship between Jewish families and Latina
women who care for their children often presents a unique communication gap —
and it’s not just the language.

Nannies or maids care for just under 10 percent of Jewish
children ages 5 and under — some 2,400 children — according to a 1997 survey of
The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles service area (which does not
include the San Fernando Valley, Long Beach or East Los Angeles), said Pini
Herman of Phillips & Herman Demographic Research. Herman estimated that
more than 90 percent of the women who work as caregivers for this group of
children are Latina. While many speak fluent English, cultural differences and
stereotyping between Jews and Latinos often create conflict in their
employer-employee relationships.

Klein, a young Jewish mother with Cuban roots and a
doctorate in educational psychology, teaches “Me & My Nanny,” a pilot
program at Adat Ari El’s early education center. The 12-week, one-hour class is
like a Spanish version of “Mommy & Me,” only with Latina nannies and Jewish
toddlers. In the first half of the class, Klein leads the nannies and children
in playtime, art, singing and Jewish holiday celebrations. In the second
half-hour, she holds a discussion in Spanish where the nannies get to ask
questions and compare experiences. Topics vary from week to week, focusing on
toddler development, fostering self-esteem, setting limits, toilet training,
sleeping, eating and playing. The goal of the class is the bridge the cultural
gap.

An expert in early education and the Latino culture, Klein
said that some of the most common issues between Latina caregivers and their
employers revolve around setting limits, eating, sleeping and gender roles.

“Americans in general have an idea that kids should be
independent, while the Latino culture is much more nurturing,” she said, adding
that many Latino families sleep in the same bed, rather than encouraging a
child to sleep by himself. This closeness, she said, fosters security. Along
the same lines, the Latino culture favors holding and comforting a child
whenever he or she cries, while many Americans view the ability to self-soothe
as an important step in becoming more independent.

Gender roles are more skewed for Latinos. The idea that
little boys shouldn’t cry and the concept of hitting a child as punishment are
widely accepted. Rina Gonzalez, a 35-year-old nanny from Valley Village, has
worked for a Jewish family for the last seven years and has noticed the
difference in mentality.

“Instead of spanking,” Gonzalez said, “[Jewish families] let
the child use more words. [In Guatemala] we tend not to let them express
themselves.”

When one 34-year-old Jewish mother from Santa Monica was
hiring a Latina nanny to care for her then-infant son, she had certain concerns
because of her childhood experiences with housekeepers and nannies.  As a
result, she was very specific in instructing her employee to limit her son’s
intake at mealtimes.

Esther Matalon, the owner of Nana’s World, an agency for
caregivers in Sherman Oaks, said that 50 percent to 60 percent of her clients
are Jewish and that many of the women she employs are Latina. As a Sephardic
Jew from Chile, Matalon feels that many Americans are uninformed about the
Latino culture.

“People are so ignorant here,” she said. “When they say
‘Latin,’ they think it only means Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras.”
Many of her nannies come from the “European countries” within South America,
including countries like Argentina, Chile, Spain and Portugal. These women, she
says, are often highly educated. As a result, many clients are happily
surprised.

On the other end of the spectrum, many nannies have
predisposed beliefs about Jews. Sandy Algaze, owner of Family Matters, an
agency in West Los Angeles, said that 60 percent to 70 percent of her clients
are Jewish. While many of the caregivers embrace Jewish customs, Algaze admits
that some request to not be placed with a Jewish family.

“This is a very prejudiced business where people are quite
honest about who don’t want to work for,” Algaze said. “I think there are some
stereotypes that Jewish people are more demanding. They know exactly how they
want the children to be raised and they’re very into education. They’ll set a
certain agenda of what they expect of the nannies.”

Matalon has had similar experiences with her own business.
“Some of these women hate Jewish people,” she said, explaining that she’s
gotten complaints of poor sleeping quarters, low pay and leftover food.

“If [someone is] good enough to take care of your family,
they’re supposed to be good enough to live a normal life with you and not get
treated like [they are] three steps down,” Matalon said.

Still, many nannies have great relationships with their
Jewish employers.

Annemarie Raizman, a mother of three, has nothing but
positive feedback about her nanny, Gonzalez.

“She feels like part of the family,” said the former teacher
from Valley Village. Because she worked with a Jewish family before the Raizmans,
the family was impressed with her knowledge of their traditions.

“She knows the Shabbat prayers and my son is teaching her
Hebrew right now,” Raizman said. “She’s very open to [learning about Judaism]
and enjoys doing that with my kids because it’s part of who they are.”

Rhea Turteltaub of Encino has had a similar experience with
Silvia Virula, who has worked for her for almost five years.

“I’ve learned a great deal from her and she tells she learns
from me,” said the mother of two, who works at UCLA. In fact, the Turteltaubs
have attended Virula’s family celebrations, including her daughter’s Quinceanera
(Sweet 15) party. Virula, who is affectionately called “Bibi” by Turteltaub’s
young sons, has embraced the Jewish holidays and songs.

Gonzalez and Virula spend time together each week at the “Me
& My Nanny” class.

While both the nannies and parents involved rave about the
new class, Matalon is skeptical that sooner or later the nannies might compare
notes regarding pay and opt to leave for higher-paying gigs. Still, it’s hard
to put a price tag on what, for many, can deepen from an employer-employee
relationship to a family relationship.

After discussing Jewish holidays and the concept of
gift-giving in class, Ana decided to give the child she cares for a holiday
present during Chanukah. In addition, the idea of open communication with the
parents is a little less intimidating.

Cultural barriers aside, some parents still feel that
actions speak louder than words. Turteltaub notes that Virula was the least
proficient in English of the nannies she interviewed to take care of her
newborn four years ago. “No one else came close to [Silvia] in the amount of
love they had in their eyes when holding our son,” she said.

For information about the “Me & My Nanny” class at Adat Ari
El’s Rose Engel Early Education Center, call (818) 766-6379.