I was caught in the cruel cogs of a heartless machine. I was stripped of my humanity and dignity. I was without representation or recourse.
I was in traffic court.
Berlitz won\’t help. You can\’t listen to tapes in the car. And the Foreign Service programs ignore it completely.
It\’s a \”romance\” language, but the subjunctive is the least of your problems.
Let me introduce you to Enlightened Teresa.
Romantic relationships are confusing. So we search for guidance in many places, including the cinema. We look to movies because they\’re a contemporary cultural experience shared with our closest companions. And we\’re too lazy to read.
I must admit, I have a soft spot for the man I\’ll call \”Pizza Guy.\”\n\nHe writes me almost weekly to report his trials and tribulations in the helter-skelter world of food distribution and to comment on my columns. Sure, his first letter was a little frightening, what with psychotic penmanship and \”screen play ideas\” doodled in the margins. Still, he takes the time to write, and I can\’t help but be flattered by his missives.
I\’ve noticed certain oft-used combinations of words that are not at all what they seem. They are linguistic red flags, harbingers of doom, subtle clues that a big, fat lie is on the way. I\’ve learned to be weary of such phrases, translating them for myself as I nod, wincing.
Luckily for Cameron, zillions of people loved themovie despite his fixation on sinking. In terms of money made, thefilm shattered records, which is even better than breakingthem.
I\’m not mental. Really. I\’m not manic-depressive,hypomanic, borderline schizophrenic or psychotic. I don\’t hear voicesor imagine I\’m being followed by Marie Osmond. I don\’t have tics or acompulsive need to wash my hands or avoid cracks in thesidewalk.
Like a lot of people, I could just use someone totalk to. That\’s all. I figure it can\’t hurt.
After all, my family is like a Who\’s Who of mentalillness.
When you\’re still \”flying solo\” and your 35thbirthday comes a-knocking, suddenly, the pitifully comic titlescrowding the self-help shelves of your bookstore seem less like jokebooks and more like required reading.
More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.