November 19, 2018

Dating 101 – Bald is Beautiful

Last night I went out with friends for drinks. On my way home I spoke with a man who had emailed me online, and in a moment of unusual spontaneity, I agreed to meet him for a drink at a bar in my neighborhood. I went to the bar, didn’t see him, so I sat at the bar and waited. When he was ten minutes late I decided I was going to wait five more and head home.

 

Just before I hit the fifteen-minute mark he called me and strangely asked if I was okay. I told him I was fine, but had waited fifteen minutes and was going to head home. He then told me he was waiting for me at the bar and had been on time. I felt bad and told I was there too and didn’t see him. He laughed and said he was coming to find me. We stayed on the phone as I looked around.

 

A man from the other side of the bar approached on his phone and laughed when he saw me. He hung up his phone, gave me a hug, and said he was sorry we missed each other. He then told me I was more beautiful than my picture and shared that I had beautiful hair. I looked at the man, smiled, thanked him, and wondered how quickly I could leave without being rude.

 

Over the next 45 minutes of getting to know each other, I found out that his inline photo is 15 years old. I also discovered that he had three patches of hair which he appeared to have grown out, and then carefully wrapped around his head. I am not sure if it was taped, or perhaps glued, but he had fashioned himself a helmet of hair. A helmet of strategically placed hair. Dear Lord.

 

I stared at his hair as it was a great wonder of the world. I listened to him tell me how he couldn’t find a more recent picture of himself, how his wife left him for another man, how he had not been on a date in four years, how he had not spoken to his son in three years, and how he had to medicate after his divorce. I listened, distracted by hair, then politely wrapped up the date.

 

He didn’t seem surprised when I told him I didn’t; think we were a match and declined a second date. I felt bad and almost explained what went wrong on the date, but quickly changed my mind. There will be a woman who finds him handsome, charming in his honesty, and want to be with him. I believe there is someone for everyone, which is what keeps me hopeful and dating.

 

I didn’t find him attractive, or particularly interesting, but someone will. It is not my job to tell anyone what I think unappealing, as what is unappealing to me, might be sexy as hell to someone else. I happen to think bald is beautiful and helmet hair is not, but that’s just me. My dating life continues to be interesting, tragic, and funny. It is also exhausting, but I am keeping the faith.

 

Dating 101: A Week in LA

I sometimes think I shouldn’t write about my bad dating experiences because at some point one cannot read the huge volume of shared information and not assume it must be me who is the problem. While occasionally embarrassing, it is only when I write about what I go through, and other women share what they have gone through, that I realize I am not alone. Dating truly sucks and one can only hope each bad date gets us closer to our last date. We must pray the last date comes when we find love, and not when we give up on dating.

I was contacted by five men this week through online dating. Here is a look into how it went.

Man #1 – “I was married for 30 years. The last 5 were very lonely. When the kids were all grown and out of the house I had the courage to put myself first and leave. I want to be happy for the last part of my life. I am going to laugh and enjoy things. I want to travel, not be told what to do every second of everyday. I want to wear what I want, eat what I want, and meet a woman who is open to a threesome and anal sex. I’ve waited thirty years to be this free. I am not sure I can find what I want in a Jewish woman, but I’d like to, and you seem really terrific.”

Man #2 – “For the record, I am actually 66 not 60. I didn’t want to limit who searched for me. The pics are from when I was 60 though, so I’m not deceiving as much as I am fudging a little bit. Hahahahaha.”

Man #3 – “I’ve read your blog. You are so funny. Wow. You have really had some colorful dates. Time for you to meet a mensch! If it turns out I am your Prince Charming can you get me free advertising with the Jewish Journal? You could be good for business!”

Man #4 – “You are a beautiful woman. Your eyes are stunning. Would love for you to send me a picture in your bathing suit then we can make a plan to go out.”

Man #5 – “I’m so glad you called. What was your name again? So glad you called. Who is this? What is your name? Hello? Have we met yet? Oh man, I’m a little drunk. Who is this?”

So….. I will be spending the weekend at home. I will indulge in a cocktail or two, maybe try a new recipe for something yummy, and enjoy the company of Fiddles the cat. There is always the possibility I will be contacted for a date, or perhaps I will reach out to a man for a date. There is also the possibility I will win the lottery or meet the man of my dreams in the booze aisle. Anything can happen so I am going to buy a lottery ticket, go to Shabbat services at Nashuva, and pick up some vodka on my way home. By vodka of course I mean vodka and tequila.

I am hoping for the best and fighting the urge to throw in the towel. It would be easy to get another cat and call it a day because dating is hard, but love is grand and sex matters, so we must remember good things come those who wait. I have been waiting a long time, but there is enough good sprinkled in with the bad to keep me hopeful. Dating requires hope, and vodka, so I am keeping a sense of humor and keeping the faith.

Dating 101: The Trump Test

I cannot date a man who thinks Donald Trump is a good president. I simply cannot do it. I have tried, but at the end of the day it doesn’t work for me. Hands that voted for Trump do not deserve to touch my breasts. My boobs are fabulous, and Trump is a shmuck. Not happening. I can tell you I love this country. I am an immigrant who is living the American dream. My son was born here and I am blessed to call America home. My disgust for the president is about the man who is currently in the position, not the country. Donald Trump is truly dangerous.

This is not about my political views however. It is about my dating life. I am looking for my bashert. I believe he is out there and while some days I believe it more strongly than others, there is always hope. Remaining hopeful is the biggest struggle with dating because if you give up hope, you give up. I am currently dating online and in my profile I have written the following: Important to note that if there is anything about the current president that you are not offended by, we won’t be a match. It matters to me, so I put it out there.

Today I received an email from a man in Woodland Hills. He sent me the following note: what are you talking about? Trump is for Israel and Obama nor Hillary are. Trump moved US embassy to Israel on its 70th anniversary. Trump is for the Constitution. Hillary is not. How can you be against a president that recognizing enforcing the freedoms of the Constitution? Oy vey. Stupid is exhausting and I don’t have the time or patience to deal with someone this stupid. Does he think the US just put an embassy in Israel? I can’t.

I am trying to break old patterns when it comes to dating. I want to be happy and I am smart enough to know that I don’t know what my person will look like, or what he does for a living. I am looking for kindness, honesty, laughter, loyalty, and great sex. That’s my list and I am not willing to compromise on any of it. The Trump test is frankly pathetic, but necessary. I can’t respect a man who respects this president, and I’d rather be alone than with a Trump supporter. It is a blanket statement, but I am sticking to it.

I am writing this blog while I watch the new dating show The Proposal, which proves that my dating life is not that bad. The thirst is real and the desperation of some women is suffocating. It is also hilarious. At the end of the day it is a crap shoot and finding love can take a long time, but love and luck go together, so I hope I am lucky. The only thing I know for sure is that the man I fall in love with will not be a Trump supporter. To the charming man who wrote me today from Woodland Hills, I wish you well because life must be hard when you are so stupid. Bless your heart. I am laughing, hopeful, and keeping the faith.

Congressional Results: Two new Jews, but no rabbi

WASHINGTON (JTA)–The U.S. House of Representatives is getting two new Jewish members, but Tuesday night’s Democratic tide was not strong enough to sink several favorites of Jewish GOPers or to send Congress its first rabbi, Jewish Latina or Chinese Jew.

The 111th U.S. Congress is slated to have 13 Jewish senators and 31 members of the House of Representatives, with with the two first-time victories of Democrats Jared Polis of Colorado and John Adler of New Jersey.

But one of the most hotly contested Senate races, pitting two Jewish candidates against each other in Minnesota, may not be decided for days.

Republican incumbent Norm Coleman led Democratic challenger Al Franken by fewer than 700 votes in the Senate race in Minnesota. The slim margin of less than one-half of 1 percent will trigger an automatic recount in the race, in which independent Dean Barkley received 15 percent of the vote. Exit polling data showed Barkley pulling votes equally from the Democrat and Republican.

The recount comes after the two candidates spent more than $30 million, mostly attacking each other. Coleman using Franken’s background as a writer and performer for “Saturday Night Live” against him by highlighting jokes that were insensitive to women, while Franken charged that his GOP opponent was too close to big-money “special interests.”

Some had speculated that the Franken-Coleman race could be the key in determining whether Democrats would acquire a 60-member, filibuster-proof majority in the Senate. But with Democrats holding a 56-40 advantage in the Senate but Republicans ahead Wednesday morning in three other Senate races not yet official, that does not look to be the case.

In the only other Senate race matching two Jewish candidates, Democrat Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey won his fifth term, defeating the former Republican congressman, Dick Zimmer.

The number of Jewish senators will stay at 13–nine Democrats, two independents who caucus with the Democrats, one

Republican and one to be determined in Minnesota.

Meanwhile, in the House of Representatives, Polis of Colorado and Adler of New Jersey will bring the total number of Jewish legislators to 31.

They will be part of the most Democratic Congress since Bill Clinton’s first term as president in 1993, when Democrats controlled 258 seats. As of Wednesday morning, the Democrats had a 251-173 margin, with 11 seats still to be decided.

Polis, 33, will make history as the first openly gay, non-incumbent male elected to Congress. He will represent Colorado’s heavily Democratic 2nd Congressional District, which includes Boulder and other Denver suburbs.

The Democrat is a multimillionaire Internet entrepreneur who founded the Internet site for his parents’ Blue Mountain Arts greeting card company and donated more than $5 million to his own campaign.

During the campaign, Polis emphasized his background as a champion of public education–he is a founder of two Colorado charter schools and a six-year member of the state Board of Education.

The other newcomer is from southern New Jersey. Adler, 49, of Cherry Hill, will move into the seat of retiring Republican and stalwart Israel-backer Jim Saxton. Adler, a 16-year veteran of the state Senate, squeezed by Medford Mayor Chris Myers in the state’s 3rd Congressional District, which includes Ocean and Burlington counties, with 51.6 percent of the vote.

Adler’s signature achievement in state government was legislation banning smoking in indoor public places; he painted his GOP opponent as a “George W. Bush apologist” during the campaign.

Another Jewish candidate in New Jersey fell short. The “blind rabbi,” Dennis Shulman, was unsuccessful in his attempt to knock off three-term incumbent Republican Rep. Scott Garrett in the state’s 5th Congressional District, falling by a count of 56-42 percent.

“We did not win the election, but we were right” on issues, including education, health care, the environment and the Iraq war, Shulman said in his concession speech in Paramus, N.J.

The race had become heated in its closing weeks. Shulman, who had received a great deal of national attention for his unique personal story and got the endorsement of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, had called Garrett “too conservative” for their Bergen County-area district. He also accused Garrett of taking an improper tax break. Garrett denied any wrongdoing and called Shulman “too extreme for New Jersey” in a television advertisement.

Israel became an issue in the campaign when Garrett called on Shulman to “renounce” the endorsement he received from the left-leaning, pro-Israel group J Street. Shulman defended the endorsement, saying he backs the new group’s desire to see the United States play a more active role in promoting Israel-Palestinian negotiations. Garrett had received the endorsement of the New Jersey-based, pro-Israel political action committee NORPAC.

In Alaska, it appears that Jewish Democrat Ethan Berkowitz will go down to defeat in his challenge to the 18-term Republican incumbent, Rep. Don Young. Young, who is under investigation in the same bribery scandal for which fellow Republican Alaskan, Sen. Ted Stevens, was convicted last week, led by about 17,000 votes on Wednesday, although the race had not officially been called and Berkowitz had not conceded.

In another Republican stronghold with a small Jewish population, Jewish Democrat Gary Trauner was unsuccessful in his second attempt at Wyoming’s seat on Capitol Hill. After losing by a little more than 1,000 votes in 2006, Trauner was soundly beaten, by 53-43 percent, by former state treasurer Cynthia Lummis in the race to replace the retiring Republican, Barbara Cubin.

And in Alabama, Jewish Democrat Josh Segall ran a strong race but fell short, losing 53-47 percent to three-term incumbent Republican Mike Rogers. Segall was the rare candidate who stressed his areas of agreement with President Bush, but Rogers attacked the Democrat for being “too liberal” for the Montgomery-area district.

Meanwhile, all six Jewish freshman in the House will return to Washington in January for a second term.

Democrats Steve Kagen in Wisconsin, Paul Hodes in New Hampshire, Ron Klein in Florida, John Yarmuth in Kentucky, Gabrielle Giffords in Arizona and Steve Cohen in Tennessee all won re-election on Tuesday.

Kagen had the smallest margin of victory – about six points in a rematch of his 2006 race with Republican John Gard – while all the others won at least 55 percent of the vote. That included Giffords, whose race against Arizona Senate president Tim Bee matched the two former elementary and middle school classmates.

All other Jewish incumbents also won their races. And at least one non-Jewish House member with a lot of fans in the Jewish and pro-Israel community will return to Capitol Hill.

Rep. Mark Kirk, a Republican representing Illinois’ 10th Congressional District, which includes Chicago’s heavily Jewish North Shore area, won 55 percent of the vote in his rematch with Democrat Dan Seals. The four-term incumbent, who supports abortion rights, is a close ally of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. A member of the House Foreign Affairs appropriations subcommittee, Kirk earlier this year introduced legislation backed by AIPAC that would have punished those selling refined gasoline to Iran.

The race was one of the most expensive House campaigns in the country, with the two candidates spending $6.8 million between them.

A number of other Jewish candidates were defeated on Tuesday as they attempted to enter the House for a first term. In Arizona’s 3rd Congressional District, Democrat Bob Lord was seen by pundits as having a chance to knock off seven-term GOP incumbent John Shadegg in the Phoenix suburbs, but the Republican triumphed by a 54-42 margin.

In Colorado’s 6th District, Democrat Hank Eng fell short in attempting to become the first Jewish Chinese-American in Congress. He received 40 percent of the vote in his race against Colorado Secretary of State Mike Coffman for a seat that has been held by a Republican since it was created in 1980.

In the Miami suburbs, Democrat Annette Taddeo failed to become the first Jewish Latina in Congress. The Colombian-born businesswoman lost to Cuban-born Republican Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, a 19-year incumbent who has been a strong advocate for Israel as the ranking minority member on the House Foreign Affairs Committee.

On the other side of the aisle, four Jewish Republican longshots all lost their races against well-known incumbents. In a matchup between two Jewish women in the Philadelphia-area’s 13th Congressional District, Democrat Allyson Schwartz easily defeated Republican Marina Kats, 63 percent to 34 percent. In New York’s 5th District, including parts of Queens and Nassau County, Republican Liz Berney received 28 percent of the vote in her race against Jewish Democrat Gary Ackerman.

Also, Republican Steve Greenberg lost by 20 points to Democrat Melissa Bean in Illinois’ 8th District, outside of Chicago, and Nick Gerber lost to Ellen Tauscher in California’s 10th District by a 34-point margin.

Another Jewish Republican lost an open seat on Staten Island that had been in GOP hands since 1983. Former state Assemblyman Bob Straniere, unpopular with the local Republican Party establishment but the victor in a primary, was routed by Democratic City Councilman Michael McMahon, 61 percent to 33 percent. The seat came open when Vito Fosella decided to leave Congress after his arrest earlier this year on drunk driving charges and the subsequent revelation that the married congressman had a girlfriend and child living in the Washington area.

There were Jewish Democratic longshots who were defeated as well.

In New Jersey’s 4th District, Jewish Democrat and history professor Joshua Zeitz received one-third of the vote in his quest to knock off the 28-year Republican incumbent, Rep. Christopher Smith.

In California’s 45th District, which includes Palm Springs, former state Assemblywoman Julie Bornstein lost to Republican Mary Bono Mack by a 56-44 margin. And in Virginia’s 10th District, outside of Washington, health policy expert Judy Feder lost her second consecutive challenge to the 14-term incumbent Republican, Rep. Frank Wolf, in Virginia’s 10th District, garnering 38 percent of the vote compared to Wolf’s 60 percent.