Why Is This Rosh Hashanah Different From All Other Rosh Hashanahs?

I
The holidays are coming early this year –
or if you give up your allegiance to the
Gregorian calendar, they’re coming on
exactly the same day they always come.
So quit complaining that you can
still taste August.

II
It’s our second pandemic Rosh Hashanah –
It’s nice to have new traditions. Once you’ve
done something twice, it’s the same thing
as if it happened at Sinai.

III
This year the apple chicken will be made
out of a mushroom based meat substitute –
It’s better for the chicken and, anyway,
you should focus on the apple part.

IV
We will not blow our shofars this year –
at least not in mixed company. Out of concern
for everyone’s health, we will stand outside
far enough apart, and bend our bodies into
the shape, and wait to do any blowing until
we’re safely back at home with our Zooms.

V
This one’s for the bees – They’ve gone
missing this year so we should be frugal
with our honey. The planet is changing and
they may never come back. Consider agave.
Even date syrup will get the sweet job done.

VI
The challahs will no longer be exclusively round.
Thanks to our extra creative time at home
prepare yourself for a dodecahedron.
Still with raisins, of course, we’re not savages.

VII
The book of life is on Kindle now and
they’re considering electronic signatures.
The trees are rejoicing and, for the right price,
you can pay a guy on the dark web to
get your name in without having to go to shul.

VIII
Some things will stay the same –
The person in the White House
for some reason.
The Rabbi’s sermon will be
I mean barely.
It’s tradition.

Los Angeles poet Rick Lupert created the Poetry Super Highway (an online publication and resource for poets), and hosted the Cobalt Cafe weekly poetry reading for almost 21 years. He’s authored 25 collections of poetry, including “God Wrestler: A Poem for Every Torah Portion“, “I’m a Jew, Are You” (Jewish themed poems) and “Feeding Holy Cats” (Poetry written while a staff member on the first Birthright Israel trip), and most recently “The Tokyo-Van Nuys Express” (Poems written in Japan – Ain’t Got No Press, August 2020) and edited the anthologies “Ekphrastia Gone Wild”, “A Poet’s Haggadah”, and “The Night Goes on All Night.” He writes the daily web comic “Cat and Banana” with fellow Los Angeles poet Brendan Constantine. He’s widely published and reads his poetry wherever they let him.