Understanding Love

Of all the verses in the Bible, the verse “Love your neighbor as yourself, I am God” (Lev. 19:18) is among the most popular. But what does the verse mean? One wit suggested it should be understood as “Love your neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood.” Rabbi Akiba, the second-century Talmudic giant, argued that “Love your neighbor …” is the foundation stone upon which the entire Torah depends. In his estimation, love is an inseparable ingredient when building and maintaining relationships in a God-based community.

Allow me to offer a different definition of love based on the context of this week’s Torah portion. The verse immediately before chapter 19:18 instructs us, “Rebuke your neighbor.” In other words, love, as expressed by the Bible, is not uncon-ditional. The implication of these two verses when understood together teaches the importance of being able to criticize those whom we love, precisely because we love them.

When motivated by the desire to build up and improve our fellow human being, we fulfill the second half of this popular lofty verse, which states, “I am God” (Lev. 19:18). By asserting honest, loving criticism, God’s will is further imprinted on earth.

Being Jewish is not accepting everything about everyone. Whether to a neighbor, spouse, child or workmate, offering criticism is difficult to do at times, but is both necessary and morally responsible. True friendship and love is predicated on one’s ability not only to receive love but to comment constructively and at times, even to rebuke one’s loved ones.

The Hebrew verb ahav (love) is not merely the description of an emotion. More broadly understood, it is an action. The verb requires the Hebrew preposition le, meaning “to” or “for.” Hence, love must be actively expressed to or for someone. Love is about what we do, not merely what we feel. In essence, love is legislated, precisely because it is not only understood exclusively as a feeling. Acting lovingly and pursuing love is transformed into something ordained by God. When actions are predicated on love, both the emotional and physical components of love combine into a powerful spiritual force that can transform one’s very being.

In “A Little Book on Love,” author and philosopher Jacob Needleman comments, “We must live together: it is that to which love drives us.” Needleman is right. And that is precisely why our tradition begins with one’s neighbor. Rather than stress universal love, the wisdom of the Bible directs our energy and focuses it on something far more tangible. It is easy to involve oneself in social action and global issues, as lofty and as important as those pursuits may be. But it is far more difficult, and infinitely more challenging, to live and value our neighbors, our family members, our associates at the office, or others we encounter daily. This week’s Torah portion teaches us to love our neighbor first, then go out and save the world.

Love has never been absent from the soul of the Jew. Judaism, contrary to popular non-Jewish critique, is not a steely cold, mechanical legal system. Love as a disciplined emotion, which manifests itself into holy action, has always defined our religion. It is through our love for God, and our desire to follow and understand God’s laws, that we are commanded to love our neighbor. Yes, commanded, even at times, when love means having to say things that are difficult but necessary. Shabbat Shalom.

Michael J. Gotlieb is rabbi at Kehillat Ma’arav in Santa Monica.