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“I have never tried psychedelic drugs, but I imagine the experience is a lot like drinking a Starbucks Frappuccino. Strange sensations, unnatural colors, increased heart rate, heightened emotions, paranoia: It’s all there in that plastic cup, the three or four times a year the brand introduces one of its Instagrammable, limited-time offer frapps.
What a grande strange trip the latest iteration is, then. Fifty years after Woodstock, the Tie-Dye Frappuccino is here to remind you that the idealism of the 1960s is dead.
[Who makes the best cookies-and-cream ice cream in the U.S.? We scooped up 15 top brands to find out.]
This is the dawning of the age of Frappquarius: a pale yellow drink with streaks of green and pink throughout, and a whipped cream topping sprinkled with pink, purple and blue. The colors come from natural sources — beet, turmeric and spirulina — which is a pretty hippie recipe, Starbucks. Press materials don’t identify the flavor, but I’d describe it as artificial banana and disenchantment, with a touch of peach. It looks like a Grateful Dead T-shirt that took a few spins through a Vitamix with some Laffy Taffy and magic markers, but only for the first three minutes after it’s handed to you. After that, all the colors settle to the bottom, and it evens out to a pale shade of yellow with a layer of pink-gray sludge at the bottom. It coats your mouth and tongue with a viscous film of sugar and has an aftertaste that lingers like sour milk.”
JJ Editor's Picks
"There is nothing like the threat of nuclear Armageddon for focusing minds. That, at least, was true for Nato over the decades from its foundation in 1949. During the Cold War the alliance had a common purpose (collective defence), a common space..."
"Democrats are too “woke” for their own good, or so goes the argument. “Today’s progressivism is more or less a secular form of religion with its own high standards,” Matt Lewis, a conservative columnist, wrote this spring. “Eventually,” he..."
"To secure a stable climate for future generations, humanity will need to permanently bury gigatons of carbon dioxide. There is already too much in the atmosphere — 415 parts per million, when scientists say 350 ppm is the upper bound of safety..."
"Romantic love – seeking it, glorifying it, dishing it – is a human obsession. My English barmaid mother called it a ‘funny five minutes’ never to be trusted and basically dangerous for women. The feminist author Marilyn Yalom saw a mysterious..."
"Friday’s jobs report must have been adapted from a comic book — because everyone’s calling it a “blockbuster” (and Martin Scorsese hasn’t shown any interest in it). In November, America’s unemployment rate hit a half-century low, as U.S...."
"I know I won’t be the first to say it, seeing as how Barbra Streisand already sent you a star of David necklace, but on behalf of the Jews who weren’t famous enough to be invited to your recent bat mitzvah, take it from me: Welcome to the tribe..."
"Many countries would dissolve into chaos and disarray if dealt the same cards Israel has in 2019. The United States, for all its well-deserved democratic admiration, is being torn at the seams ever since President Donald Trump’s election in 2016..."
"Recent national surveys project that 53% of children will own a smartphone by age 11. While the reality of a child being able to utilize the features of a smartphone has provided many new benefits to both them and their parents, the harm of..."