May 21, 2019

Yes, James Bond WOULD Carry His Baby in a Sling

“Responding to a Piers Morgan tweet is always a bad idea, because it’s exactly what he wants. The man spends his entire life spurting all manner of convictionless takes up into the atmosphere, purely because he gets to gleefully slurp up all the negative energy they create, like a donkey trying to get the last drop of custard from the trough.

But sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sometimes the deafening crack of Piers Morgan’s brittle masculinity is too loud for even the most stoic among us to ignore. And so it was yesterday, when Morgan tweeted a picture of Daniel Craig carrying his newborn baby in a sling, hooting: “Oh 007.. not you as well?!!! #papoose #emasculatedBond” in accompaniment.”

Now, there’s quite a lot to unpack here. It’s probably best for everyone if I just did a numbered list of my grievances.

1. James Bond is an alcoholic rapist in a girdle. Maybe let’s not use him as a role model for our parenting ideals, eh?

2. Also, that isn’t James Bond, Piers. That’s Daniel Craig, an actor who plays James Bond in some films. This misunderstanding of the basic concept of fiction is nothing less than tragic. If you ever see Piers Morgan on the street, yelling at a car because it won’t change into a Transformer, please don’t be scared. Give him a hot drink, put a blanket around his shoulders and call his carer, Susanna Reid.

3. James Bond would totally wear a baby sling.”

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