July 20, 2019

Parenting Guilt 101

“Back in the old days, parents didn’t feel guilty about anything. It didn’t matter what you did – give your kid Big Macs for breakfast, chainsmoke in the car with them, semi-deliberately plant the seed of any number of harrowingly irreparable lifelong neuroses deep in their hearts – because, hey, they’re just kids.

How different things are now. To be a parent in 2019 is to walk a flaming tightrope of neverending shame and judgement and guilt. You’re constantly reminded that every decision you ever make will have far-reaching and disastrous consequences for you, your child and the world at large. But does any of it hold water? Welcome to the definitive ranking of parental shame, 2019 edition.

Single Use Plastics (tat edition)

An awful lot is made about the amount of straws and carrier bags that we as a society unnecessarily churn through every year. However, to my mind, not enough space is dedicated to the real villain of the single-use plastic world: the Bullshit Plastic Crap That Gets Sellotaped To The Front Of Children’s Magazines. You know what I mean. You’re dragging your screaming toddler around a supermarket, and the only way to shut them up is to buy them a magazine that has a cheap plastic Octonaut toy gummed to the front cover. Not only will your child never actually read the magazine itself, but the Octonaut will break after three seconds and end up in the bin, destined to choke a sea creature to death three months from now. These magazines are the worst thing about being a parent, and you should feel terrible about yourself for buying them.”

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JJ Editor's Daily Picks

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"Magali Trejo-Martinez, a 22-year-old living in Salem, Oregon, recently went on a date that was rather uninspiring. “I had dinner, had a couple margaritas, and then went home,” is how she recapped the evening. This outcome wasn’t entirely..."

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