May 24, 2019

Kraft’s Sabbath

““Robert!!! Kraft!!!!” Email subject line from Editor-in-Chief.

Back to another age two weeks before, eons ago, when Colin Kaepernick’s lawyer had announced that he could imagine two or three teams signing him to play quarterback again, and the Patriots, Super Bowl champions, were one of them. The EIC, who watches zero football but has a professional interest in prominent Jews, had walked into my office a few days before to ask, “Why doesn’t Kraft sign him?” meaning Kaepernick, and I had to explain why the Patriots don’t really need a QB right now, what with six rings and the guy who got them those six rings repeating often that yes he means it when he says he wants to play until he’s 45, three to four years from now, Gisele’s thoughts on it be damned.

Anyway, EIC felt vindicated by the report. Bob Kraft, he of the Meek Mill, he of prison reform and the cause of Israel, he of the yeshiva, Columbia grad, Pittsburgh empathizer in chief, capital P Philanthropist, he would be the one to, OK, yes, heal the world. Sign the Anthem Kneeler, the Trump antagonist, bring him back into the fold from the wilds of his Sacrifice Everything billboard. The guy can still play, they say. Right the obvious wrong that stifled a professional athlete who happens to express his political views.

That was several outrage cycles ago. A busted-up prostitution and sex-trafficking ring in the sinking karst pools of Florida snared a hundred men, nabbed a number of Chinese madams, and enslaved dozens of unsuspecting Asian women, right here in America, my gawd. On the Twitter video loop of network-affiliate live TV news of the Jupiter, Florida, police, you can hear a reporter ask off-screen, “Is that Robert Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots?” and the uniformed cop answering, “We were just as surprised.” A human-trafficking ring in the Floridian banana pararepublic would be local news at best, but the owner of the New England Patriots is here, and we’re down the bayou from Mar-a-Lago, and so it “goes viral.””

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