Windows Vista came out right after my freshman year in college.
During my sophomore year at school, I learned to swear in Spanish with the color and vivacity of a constipated, drunken sailor.
You see, my housemate Carlos had Windows Vista (which he lovingly referred to as “****ing Vista.”)
Every single time I heard a string of expletives come from his room, I'd roll my eyes and think, “Dude. It's just a computer. It can't be that bad.”
Flash forward nearly a decade to me, sitting on the floor, hysterical, ready to throw my computer off the roof of the Glendale Hilton.
I had Windows 8.
Carlos, if you're reading this post, I am so sorry for laughing at you.
While I never had the joy of coping with Vista, Windows 8 (hot corners and all) made me want to impale myself and my computer on the nearest object.*
Even when I was able to turn off the most egregiously awful settings (hot corners. Oh god…the hot corners) my computer was less than semi-functional.
It had McAfee built into the hardware–and this, along with no 'Start' button or menu bar was just too much for me to take.
I had reached my limit. It was me or my computer.
So I did what any semi-competent young adult whose job relies on a functional computer would do. I decided to find all the free software I could and successfully tricked my computer into thinking it was running Windows 7.
After spending many hours and tears (and beers) getting rid of any trace of McAfee security software, installing a pretty solid open source virus/malware program, and finding a fake 'Start button' program, I had my beloved computer back.
My headaches were less intense, my rage was now merely directed at bad drivers in my neighborhood, and I could have more than two tabs open at once without my computer crashing.
And then, albeit a bit too late, Microsoft released Windows 10. The collective swearing had been heard 'round the world and they promised to bring back a user interface that was, uh, usable.
I downloaded it this weekend, hoping it would have some advantage over my cobbled together Frankenstein's monster of an operating system.
So far, it's just about the same.
For people who have zero confidence in their ability to reprogram their computer, this upgrade is akin to going from riding a bicycle with flat tires to driving a lifted monster truck. It might be clunky, but it gets you where you need to go and doesn't require much effort.
A word of advice, though, to those who are waiting for the installation (it's being rolled-out over a few weeks due to high demand):
When it asks you if you want to install with 'Express Settings' DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT. NO. DON'T. SERIOUSLY.
Just because the other settings are called “Advanced” does not mean they are complicated.
By choosing the express settings, you are allowing Microsoft to have access to lots of personal information, and make their programs your default music, search engine, photo viewing, etc. programs.
You do not want this. It will make you angry. The whole point of upgrading to Windows 10 is to be less angry.
So please, please heed my advice and manually adjust the settings. You do not need to be very computer literate to do this, and it takes about 5 minutes.
For those of you who did what I did (and essentially gutted Windows 8), if you're happy with how your computer is running, I don't see any reason to upgrade to Windows 10 right now.
If you have another take on Windows 10 (or a Windows 8 horror story), please share in the comments.
*Anecdotally, someone very close to me actually DID kill their computer with their bare hands because of Windows 8, and then promptly found a 'new' used laptop with Windows 7.
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