October 17, 2019

Return to Form

Rather than blog writing, I have focused more on blogging verbally. I made an effective speech at work about how business partners aren't our friends, unless they make us lots and lots of money. I  even participated in a conversation where all I did was listen. That was interesting but a little boring. 

My blogging hiatus felt like the necessary move to become less cerebral and more present.  I share these experiences with you because they happened when I was alive before the guilt set in that I should blog to appease my girlfriend and my friend, Todd.

My parents met my girlfriend's parents. We first went to an art opening. We saw a live bat in a cage. Did you know that millions of bats live among us? My mom was a little spooked by the bat. I don't know if my dad noticed the bat as he was busy noticing the wine. At dinner my dad mentioned he used to drink grain alcohol in college. He also called a Keurig coffee machine a Hammeker Shlemmer. My girlfriend's parents now understand why I am the way I am.

I texted my girlfriend's dad for his birthday asking if he is going to the club. He said he was going out for martinis and cigars. I called him a “baller.” He was so baller he didn't even respond.

I attended a wedding where I befriended my girlfriend's friend, Maddie's boyfriend, Juan. He and another new friend Brad  and I spent time drinking beers together and making jokes at each other's expense. Brad mentioned he wanted to visit Juan at Chipotle, where he works. He said, “Yes come. Just ask for Juan.”  I imagine when he asks for Juan at Chipotle, the response will be “Which Juan?”

My mom discovered Buzzfeed. She sent me an article on the top reasons why Pittsburgh is a great city. I can always rely on her to send me relevant internet content from three weeks before. She also bought Warby Parker eye glasses. Between the Buzzfeed article and Warby Parkers my mom is a Gchat complaint about her job away from becoming a millennial.

My girlfriend and I spent a weekend in the mountains with my friend Aviv and his fiancee, Moria. We had a snowball fight, and I peed in a lake. After dinner we played a heated game of Monopoly together. Negotiating the sale of Park Place to Aviv in exchange for free rent for two turns, Moria turned irate yelling at Aviv in Hebrew. “Don't do it! No. No. Don't do it!”   I understand why Israelis can't negotiate peace. To top that off my girlfriend was upset that I kept complimenting Moria's cooking. She made good eggs and I enjoyed her salad. I wanted to let her know. Not like the praise helped me obtain Marvin Gardens. 

As my girlfriend spends more time at my place, I'm getting more used to having her things around the house. She, like most Mac users, thinks she can put her Mac Book Pro anywhere. I can't even touch her Mac without asking permission. “Be really careful, okay?”  “I don't want to use it. I want to move it off the ottoman.” I'm tired of the product placement in my house. It's like I'm in an episode of 'New Girl'.

My girlfriend bought another Kate Spade purse. She has four.  The problem is she now has no money to put anything in her purse.

And that will be that.