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Why Rachel Steinman Is Talking About Mental Health

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February 19, 2020

When she was 16 years old, Rachel Steinman’s maternal grandfather died by suicide by jumping from his Wilshire Boulevard high rise. While Steinman, a Studio City resident, remembers the word “depression” being mentioned, mental health was never really discussed in her family. At the time — during the late ’80s — that was pretty standard. Today, however, Steinman is talking. As a presenter for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), she is talking openly about her family members’ struggles with mental illness. And through her podcast, “Dear  Family,” she is talking to others about the subject of mental health.

“My goal is to inspire others to reach out for help if they need it,” she said, “to find love and compassion for themselves and their family members who are dealing with mental health, and obviously to eradicate suicide.”

Steinman, 49, didn’t originally set out to be a mental health advocate. The Los Angeles native began her career as a teacher. She received her master’s degree in education from UCLA and worked at several local schools, including Sinai Akiba Academy. For several years, she stepped away from teaching to be a stay-at-home mom to her two children. Then, when she was 40, her grandfather’s third wife died. Steinman went through their apartment and discovered her late grandfather’s manuscript.

“My grandfather was a successful business owner,” she said. “He had kids, grandkids, a wife who loved him. For 24 years, I wondered why would someone do something like that who had everything?” The ghost-written manuscript titled “The Survivor,” helped pull back the curtains.

“In all my research, I was realizing the need to rid that stigma and shame surrounding mental illness, especially with the increase in anxiety in our kids. Just having the language and having these discussions [are] so important.” — Rachel Steinman 

“He had survived his father’s suicide, his brother’s suicide, his [first] wife’s suicide,” Steinman revealed. “My mom’s mother died by suicide. My mom has bipolar [disorder] but she wasn’t diagnosed until her 60s. I looked at my grandfather’s manuscript and decided I [didn’t] want to pass this generational trauma on to my daughters.”

Steinman also has a brother who has been diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) but who wasn’t diagnosed until well into adulthood. In high school, she said, he was the golden boy. But he also was constantly getting in trouble. “It had to do with his ADHD,” she said. In law school, he began self-medicating with crystal meth and “ended up living out of his car until his car was repossessed and he was homeless.”

Steinman presenting at a local high school

In sum, Steinman said, “I had a lot of family trauma.” Fortunately, her brother has been clean and sober for many years. He owns a successful custom motorcycle shop and cafe in Brooklyn, N.Y., where he hosts regular AA meetings. And Steinman’s mother is receiving treatment for bipolar disorder.

The manuscript answered a lot of questions for Steinman but there were missing pieces she was eager to fill in. Doing research, she eventually penned what she calls a braided memoir that alternates between her story and her grandfather’s. That book has not yet found a publisher. Steinman, however, found a calling. 

“In all my research, I was realizing the need to rid that stigma and shame surrounding mental illness, especially with the increase in anxiety in our kids,” she said. “Let’s be honest. Teen pregnancy is down. Drunk driving is down. But anxiety and suicide is through the roof. Just having the language and having these discussions [are] so important.”

As Steinman started talking more openly about mental health and writing about the subject — she penned a popular essay titled “Anthony Bourdain and My Grandfather” (celebrity chef Bourdain died by suicide in 2018) — she was invited to be a guest on several podcasts. She loved the intimacy of the medium and last year she launched “Dear Family.”

“I wanted it to feel like you were eavesdropping on a family conversation or two best friends who feel like family,” she said. Guests on the weekly podcast have included actors, writers, business people and mental health experts.

“It can be a hard conversation when I approach someone I have in mind,” Steinman said. “I have definitely been turned down by people who weren’t ready to be so public or who wanted to keep it private completely.”

She also began the volunteer NAMI gig last year, speaking mainly to students at area high schools and teaching them about the signs of mental illness and where they can turn for support.

“The greatest thing of all is that my mom and I are closer than we have ever been,” Steinman said. “We are able to talk about things so openly. My mom is my hero now. She is the ultimate survivor. She is still battling every day. It’s not something that goes away.”

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