I Don’t Want to Date a Republican!

As a lifelong Democrat, I never thought I would be in this place.  I never thought I would have to confront this dreaded unforeseen fear – the terror that is for me, dating a Republican.  I don’t even know very many Republicans.  But it turns out, I’m not alone.  Outside of Washington D.C., the entire country is pretty segregated when it comes to political parties.  According to dating website, ” title=”20% of the population identifies as liberal while 40% is willing to
identify as conservative” target=”_blank”> 20% of the population identifies as liberal while 40% is willing to identify as conservative.  I tell him this is a direct result of the vitriol that Fox News and Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck have injected into our discourse and he shouldn’t buy into their demonizing of the left.  But for my boyfriend, “liberal” means big government inefficiency.  I’m normally a calm person, but when he said this, I was close to flipping out.  How could he buy into all that?  He’s a smart person, he reads reputable news sources.  And yet, I continually find myself mad at him for buying into conservative propaganda.

Everyone always points to Mary Matalin and James Carville as shining examples of a couple with different political beliefs and a stable marriage.  But honestly, have you seen them bicker on tv?  I love watching them but I don’t want to fight like that in my home.  I want my home to be a place of tranquility and calm and little social justice fighters playing pin your favorite president on the blue donkey.

Another burgeoning concern is that I’m starting to feel like I always have to watch what I say.  Yes, I know there are many intelligent Republicans out there and if the party was made up of just David Frums and Christopher Buckleys or even Mitt Romneys, they’d be a reasonable moderate party that I have an intellectual disagreement with and there wouldn’t be anything to make fun of.  But for now, there are a lot of crazy extremist kooks running the Republican party and when you get into Santorum territory and Palin country, I want the freedom to openly mock and deride in a forum where I don’t have to worry about offending someone.  Is that so wrong?  I’m sick of back-peddling every time I accidentally call them teabaggers.

Months ago, we got to talking about Ron Paul, or rather, my boyfriend got to telling me all about him.  Although, we don’t disagree that much on social issues, we disagree quite a bit about how influential social issues should be when it comes to casting a ballot, so we started to really get into it.  At one point, I said that certain individual rights and liberties should be the most important issue and I was disappointed in my boyfriend because he was willing to forgo those liberties in order to “make a buck.”  He was offended.  Admittedly, I went too far and I believe he is compassionate for those less fortunate and I know he doesn’t think he’s sacrificing civil rights for money.  But I was making an impassioned argument and this is how liberals talk when we’re amongst friends.  To stay in my relationship, I must resolve myself somewhat to being more careful in my language now when talking about fiscal conservatives but in so doing, is that the best decision for a healthy relationship?  No one wants to have to walk on eggshells around their partner.

Last week, I went over to my boyfriend’s to watch the HBO docudrama Game Change about Palin’s Vice Presidential bid over some wine and take-out.  When it was over, I felt bad for John McCain, but outraged at all the doltish hicks who were venerating this ignorant backwards woman who reveled in her lack of knowledge.  My boyfriend on the other hand, said he felt bad for her. 

How can you feel bad for her?  I was shocked.  Why is it always the Republican party that nominates idiots?  Joe the Plumber, Christine O’Donnell.  Democrats would never allow someone who didn’t understand what the “fed” was to run for city councilman let alone the Vice-Presidency.

How much do you really know about what the Fed does?  He shot back.

I almost lost it.  In that moment, he was impugning my knowledge and at the same time defending Sarah Palin.  I was livid.  How can I build my life with someone who defends Sarah Palin and thinks “liberal” is a dirty word?  We went back and forth for a while with me spouting off economic knowledge and him keeping my rhetoric in check.  But I went to bed angry that night. 

I know we’re not supposed to try to change our significant others, but I can’t help but hope that I might be able to make a tried and true blue Democrat out of him.  It’s worked somewhat so far, as I’ve been able to convince him that John Kerry really was a war hero and that Mitt Romney has backtracked on climate change.  And maybe I am better off calling them teapartyers and aside from adjusting interest rates I don’t really know that much about the Fed.  Congress recently passed the first Bi-partisan piece of legislation in years so if they can do it, surely two people who love each other and share many of the same values can find common ground as well.  Now, if I could only get him to start watching Bill Maher with me…

Tamara Shayne Kagel is a writer living in Santa Monica, CA. To find out more about her, visit” title=”@tamaraskagel.” target=”_blank”>@tamaraskagel. © Copyright 2012.