November 16, 2018

Motherhood 101: Bed, Crying & Perspective

On Saturday I did not get out of bed until almost 9 in the evening.  I got up, had a cup of tea, and went straight back to bed.  I didn’t answer my phone except to talk with my son who was with his dad for a couple of days.  I slept, read, prayed, and tried to get a little perspective.

I am a very blessed person.  I am the mother of a remarkable young man who loves me not because he is obligated to, but because he genuinely likes who I am.  I have a wonderful family, friends, and my father watching down on me to make sure I always find my way.  

There are days however where seeing the sun beyond the clouds is difficult. Especially when it is only you who sees the clouds.  I was  worried all day about things completely out of my control. There are times you cannot turn your brain off and stop thinking about a million things at once.

I make a living writing about myself and others.  I get the most satisfaction in writing about my own experiences.  They are often funny, sometimes sad, and occasionally pathetic, but they are my experiences and my real life. I am a better person for sharing because you share in return.

I am blessed to reach a lot of people and when you share something that binds us, I am truly honored.  I love my work, am lucky to get paid to do it, but some days I wonder if I share too much.  The fear passes of course, but Saturday was an emotional day for me and I froze.

Rather than try to pinpoint exactly what was bothering me, or why I was sad, I just stayed in bed and it was rather liberating. I didn’t need an explanation or justification, I simply allowed myself to embrace that sometimes life can be overwhelming and we just need to stop and get some sleep.

I am a single mother who works full time and supports my child on my own. It is my greatest joy and my biggest challenge.  My down time is limited and when you go, go, go you are inevitably going to get tired.  Not take a nap tired, but stay in bed all day and have a good cry tired.

I woke up on Sunday feeling better. I went to yoga, got my nails done, bought myself a bottle of wine, and did not feel bad about doing nothing for an entire day.  It is exhausting to be exhausted and taking a day to cry about nothing and everything is another way to keep the faith.