December 15, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 2 Recap

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Our Housewives options are Beverly Hills and Atlanta, and quite frankly neither one is good. Atlanta is crawling through the gutter and while this is only the 2nd episode of the new season for Beverly Hills, they are on a straight trajectory to the gutter so it is only a matter of time before we get there. I’m watching, blogging, and cocktailing. Lord give me strength because the gutter is closer than we think.

We start with Kim going to help Brandi unpack in new house. By help of course I mean sit on the bed and gossip. She is not there 2 minutes before the scripted gossiping begins. The fake friendships on all of these shows crack me up. The entire moving scene is a transparent attempt to make Brandi the funny one but she is more defensive with a shot of insecurity than funny. I’m sure she'll turn it around though.

Sidebar: There is a lot of talk on social media that I have somehow “turned on Brandi”. This is a blog about reality TV and pop culture, not about my personal relationships. I am watching the same show you are and in episode one Brandi wasn’t funny, this week she is trying, and soon enough she will get into a groove and be the Brandi we all love. Until then I’m just calling like I see it. No bashing here so move on.

Over to Vanderpump, I am distracted by her lip injections. She tells us all about how serendipity it was for her to find a housekeeper walking along the road in Beverly Hills. Hilarious. She is ordering custom clothing, reminding us how rich and fabulous she is. The truth is that no matter what you think about Lisa Vanderpump she is indeed rich and fabulous. She is a genuine real housewife of Beverly Hills.

Cut to Kyle talking about how her husband likes to fly in private planes. What is that smell? I believe it is Eau de Pretention. You’re rich, we get it, no need to scream. We go back and forth between Lisa and Kyle and now and last season. Ugh. I’m bored. Lisa doesn’t trust anyone and Kyle can’t stand to miss any gossip. Lisa wants nothing to do with Brandi and Kyle says Brandi contributed to Adrienne’s divorce.

Kyle is telling us how she didn’t have money when she got married, but seasons ago she spoke of how rich and successful she was as a child. Pick a side. She is worried about her youngest daughter being changed by wealth in ways their older kids weren't. A valid concern but maybe fly commercial so she doesn’t get the wrong idea about money. We are 17 minutes in and nothing interesting has happened.

Time to hang with Lisa Rinna and her agent. Dear Lord. All these women have a gay sidekick, some more fabulous than others of course. Lisa is hilarious. She wants us to think she is something she isn’t. She wants us to think she is Harry Hamlin. She is talking about her illustrious career, then talks about her adult diaper endorsement. I just decided I love her. She is a fame whore in the best possible way.

Vanderpump is going jewelry shopping with Mohammed’s fiancé. Poor girl had nobody to shoot with her? She is pulling a power card so good for her. She got a new on-camera friend. The jewelry is gorgeous, the pink sapphire is perfection and it is fun to watch Lisa this week. She is bitching a lot about Brandi and tooting her own horn on her friendship skills, but still fun. She is also blowing a bit of smoke.

Cut to Yolanda greeting David in the kitchen in lingerie making dinner. He is cute, she is fabulous, but it is rehearsed to me. The truth is I don’t care if they're faking it. I am Canadian, Foster is a god, and I like them as a couple. I also happen to like Yolanda’s view of marriage and what a woman’s roll is in ensuring her man is happy. I wish we saw more of her life of luxury than her fighting with the girls.

Brandi is visiting Kim to once again make her the funny one. Not there yet. Brandi lets us know she made out with her 23 year old mover. I love Brandi but it would appear she sometimes forgets she has young children and this is being filmed. She is also talking about her husband cheating on her. Ugh. She is going on and on about her ex boyfriend JR, who also cheated on her. The madness continues.

Kim and Brandi are going to dress up in disguise and stalk JR to see if he is with the woman he cheated on Brandi with. Really? Who cares if he is with her? Brandi dating JR is gross and makes her just like the women we despise on her behalf. I find it highly unlikely this was Kim’s idea. It is sad Brandi is trying so hard because she doesn’t need too. She is funny without all the badly scripted bullshit.

Brandi is getting ready for her meeting with Adrienne. I LOVE that she has proper hangers and none of the plastic crap the other ladies do. Bravo! Brandi’s new BFF is a hairdresser, yet she is not having a good hair day. Jumping to Yolanda, she wants us to know she is fat. Bless her. She takes her fat ass horseback rising and I feel for the poor horse that has to carry her 100 pounds. Animal cruelty!

Kim is riding with Yolanda and honestly, I just can’t. She is painfully sweet and painfully uninteresting. Back to Brandi, she calls Kyle to gossip a bit about Adrienne. Kyle is thrilled to be in the loop and Brandi is shaking she is so nervous about the meeting. They're meeting at Rive Gauche, which is in my neighborhood. I have never been met in the courtyard by a hostess in 15 years. Hilarious. Whatever.

The meeting is on. Brandi jumps in and tells Adrienne they don’t need to be friends, but she'd like things to be civil. She apologizes for what she said about Adrienne and her kids, then throws Lisa under the bus, which makes her apology shady. For Brandi to say she was taking on some of Lisa’s feelings about Adrienne makes it seem like she is more interested in camera time than actually apologizing.

Now I really sound like a Brandi basher and I’m not! I promise. I just think the apology including Lisa diminishes the apology. Adrienne assures Brandi she doesn't hate her and welcomes the apology. Good for her. Next week we will meet Eileen Davidson, which should be interesting. Hopefully. I’m waiting to be entertained, waiting for Brandi to get her funny back, and keeping it real.