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Vidui (Final Confession) by Rabbi Laurie Dinnerstein-Kurs

[additional-authors]
January 21, 2015

As I have sat with so many people as they were dying, I never felt comfortable listening to or reading, the traditional, standard Vidui, as it is.

It is so dark, and so filled with gloom, that not one of the patients I have shared the vidui with – I believe- felt comforted, felt “atoned for” or even wanted to complete it. At a time when they need to make peace – with themselves, others, and G-D, reading such a joyless, depressing and wicked review of what may not even describe their life is too burdensome, oppressive, and onerous at such a time.

Is there no room to give praise and thanks for the many good things one was blessed and allowed to have done in a lifetime?

While undoubtedly, we have all sinned to some degree, few people I know identify with being as horrific as inferred by the vidui traditional text. If we are to atone for our sins before we die, we should apologize for, and acknowledge the sins we are aware of, and even of those we are not aware – and take ownership of OUR sins.

It seems to me that for many people, a more genuine and authentic confession would be a more honest accounting of one’s own errors. I believe a more realistic, positive, way of doing it would be appropriate, and would bring comfort and closure.

What follows is my version of a Vidui that I have shared with some patients who requested it – when we had the chance to speak about prayer, meditation, and the vidui, long before it was necessary.

VIDUI

HASHEM, as I am soon to come before you at the final closing of my eyes, I long to repent for any sins, and to apologize for any errors of my ways. 

MY CREATOR, I ask that you forgive my trespasses as a first step in allowing me to improve my soul.

G-D, I am here before you, as I will shortly leave this life for the next. I pray that you will accept my sincere atonement of any wrong deeds, thoughts, or words for which I have been responsible.

LORD, while I lie here contemplating my last breaths, I entreat you to forgive my iniquities, those that I am aware of and for which I repent, and those I am unaware of, and yet regret. I come before you asking your forgiveness, as the thought of my errors weighs heavily upon me and gives me no peace.

CREATOR OF ALL LIFE, as I review my life and concede to having made mistakes, I need to believe in my creator as a forgiving G-D, as the One who acknowledges that we humans make mistakes, and will forgive me.

ELOHIM, my head is bowed, my knees are shaking, and I am before you as a lost sheep looking for my shepherd who gives me security and keeps me on the right path to warrant redemption.

AUTHOR OF LIFE, my spirit is soaring with jubilation as my neshamah (soul) is soon to rejoin others in olam haba (the world that is coming). My spirit and soul will soon no longer be contained in this body, but will sense elation as they return to you, my Creator.

ELOHEYNU, while my body is weakened, my spirit is strengthened. Knowing that when I finally close my eyes here, my neshamah will witness the wonders that are hidden from me here, and will see the beauty that is there.

HOLY ONE, I am saddened to be going on this journey so soon, as you have created wonderful works here, but I welcome with an open heart your decisions, though I do not understand them.

AUTHOR OF LIFE, therefore, may all my iniquities, sins, trespasses, and errors be erased as I am completely prepared to acknowledge all my failures and flaws and apologize for them with all my heart. For any wrongdoings against others, I ask their forgiveness. For any and all transgressions committed against you, I subserviently ask your mercy and compassion.

OH MERCIFUL ONE, while it is true others may have had evil thoughts, and spoken with malice, and acted in ways not according to your will, I hope and pray that I was worthy of your blessings more often than I was worthy of your wrath. I earnestly believe I tried to do as you would prescribe, but confess I also earnestly believe that when I fell short, it was human error for which I atone at this time.

MY HASHEM, who created the world and all that is in it, and who also created mankind with the ability to make choices. I ask in all humility that you accept my words of remorse, regret and sorrow for any deeds or words that I may have chosen that did not bring you glory.

BARUCH HASHEM, may it be your will to find my prayer acceptable in your sight. Amen.

 —  Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs   © 2011

Rabbi Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs: I am from Brooklyn, currently living in NJ.  Having originally learned about Taharah as a yeshiva student, I knew I would participate as soon as the opportunity presented itself.  I have participated in doing Taharot for almost 30 years.  I am currently the  ROSHA of our chevre.  When not doing Taharah, I taught school – up until I retired and went back to school and became a chaplain. I held the Federation position of County (Mercer) Chaplain for 15 years. My/Our 45th anniversary is in three weeks and our two children have blessed us with 10 healthy grandchildren. All is perfect.

 

 

 
[Editor’s Note: I think it helpful to provide some background to what is presented in this entry. The Vidui is a confessional prayer of rabbinic origin, and is often recited by a person very near the end of life, or if that person is incable at that point, by another on their behalf. There are several forms and variations of the Vidui. Generally, the prayer asks for forgiveness, and often for continued life, if that is the will of Hashem, and if not, it asks that any suffering in life and as part of the final illness be accepted as a form of atonement for sins committed, leading to a more lenient judgement of the soul of the person at death. The key to the traditional form of Vidui is regarding death (and suffering) as atonement. For that reason, the more one suffers and repents as part of their death, the more one has atoned – which explains in part the traditional approach. If one does not share that concept, the language of the prayer is certainly far harsher, darker, and more negative in tone, as Rabbi Laurie Dinerstein Kurs says.]  

 


 

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